Long Lost, But Never Forgotten
Disclaimer: As always, I do not own anything.
Summary: On the anniversary of the destruction of the 456s, Jack and Ianto make a very special visit to a very important grave. Ianto/Jack. Forty-seventh in the "Immortal Janto" series. Be warned, this is a definite tear-jerker.
Dedication: To Debbie Brown, a beloved art teacher and a wonderful, inspiring woman. She will forever be in my heart and will always be missed by all who were blessed to have been her student.
To set the scene, this story takes place in 2036.
I apologize for taking so long in getting this up. Thanksgiving week was crazy for me. (Word to the wise, grocery stores are HELL to work in around the holidays.)
On top of that, a little over a week ago, one of my favorite teachers from high school passed away from pancreatic cancer (after fighting it for a year). She was much beloved and was close to my high school class, in particular. She was my homeroom teacher and advisor for all four years of high school, as well as my art teacher in both middle school and high school. I learned so much from her, not just art history and the theory of drawing and different art techniques, but also important life lessons.
I don't know why I'm writing so many tear-jerkers as of late, but this is something that I felt had to be written, especially considering that this is Jack and Ianto we're talking about.
As I've been saying a lot, as of late, go check out Jorkins' website, which is dedicated to Ianto Jones. The link is on my profile. I think you should all check the website out and join it. The more, the merrier.
Anyway, enough of me prattling along, here's the latest installment of the "Immortal Janto" series for your enjoyment purposes.
Ianto trailed behind Jack by a number of paces. He didn't want to interfere with Jack's personal thoughts and mourning, especially not today of all days. Jack wanted to be alone right now and he deserved that dignity, especially after everything that he had been through.
As the day had approached, he had been acutely aware of the fact that Jack would periodically get more withdrawn into his own thoughts for longer periods of time. It happened every year at this time of day, in the early afternoon, as children were out and about, enjoying the weather, being carefree and happy, and, every year, on this day, in particular, Jack always made a point of going out to visit the grave – Stephen's grave.
When Ianto had first found out that Jack had sacrificed his own grandson in order to save the children of Earth, he had been caught in a myriad of emotions – confusion, understanding, rage, pain, regret, anger, hatred, betrayal, to name a few. He had been so upset that he couldn't have been there to help Jack mourn but, seeing as he had been a cold corpse at the time, there was little that he could have done to prevent the death of precious little Stephen. The boy was so young and had had his whole life ahead of him. The Doctor had let Ianto see some of the boy's childhood and he had fallen so in love with Stephen – Jack's grandson (and his step-grandson of a fashion, Ianto realized all too belatedly).
That realization had stung him even more, shattered a heart that was already broke from the hurt of separation.
He had once – and only once – approached Alice and Stephen, when Stephen was only six. They had been in the park and he was careful to avoid giving Alice any information that would direct her back to Jack. He just wanted to meet her and Stephen. They were almost like family to him, though they weren't blood-kin. It had both warmed his heart and saddened him to watch Stephen kicking around the football. Ianto knew how much both meant to Jack, even if Jack never out-right said it.
It was a part of Ianto's job to know. He did know everything.
Still, he stayed behind as Jack stood at Stephen's grave. Jack's back was to him, a vain attempt to hide the emotion that was no doubt crossing his face. Ianto saw the way that his shoulders were slumped and knew that Jack had succumbed to his tears.
Everything in Ianto screamed out for him to approach Jack and to give him the comfort that Ianto's instincts so longed for him to give, but Ianto had to reign those desires in.
This was something that he could not do. Jack would always mourn Stephen's death, just as he mourned the death of everyone close to him. Ianto was acutely aware of that pain because it was fresh in his mind as well.
Wilfred had died not that long ago, succumbing to old age after living a very long and very full life. The elderly man had lived to see his beloved granddaughter become a bright and shining star and fall in love (and marry) with the one person who needed her and loved her more than anything else in the universe. He had seen the two wonderful children that Donna's marriage had produced. He had become a surrogate grandfather to Ianto (and Jack, Martha, Mickey, and Rhys, by extension of Donna's adopted), as well as an adopted great-grandfather to Annabelle and something similar to Theo and Anwen. Wilfred had handled all the weird that had come with the Doctor and the odd family that had formed around the TARDIS and had extended to the remnants of Torchwood Three.
Ianto missed the old man dearly.
And Wilfred's death had accent the even fresher pain at the death of Ianto's father. Stuart had passed not long after Donna's grandfather. He had been the victim of a heart attack. Ianto had been devastated at his father's death and Annabelle had been nearly inconsolable. The girl loved both her grandfather and adopted great-grandfather so much.
Footsteps crunched on fallen leaves, drawing Ianto out of his thoughts. He turned and tensed ever so slightly.
Alice, aged significantly in the twenty-seven years since her son's death, walked towards the grave. She stopped short, recognizing the man standing over the headstone. Ianto's heart clenched.
Slowly, he approached her. Alice turned to look at him, her eyes wide, and he didn't know if she recognized him at all, not that he minded.
"Are you with him?"
Ianto understood her anger and her refusal to speak her father's name. He nodded, affirming her question.
"I am."
Alice made an indignant noise, her pain and anger towards her father laced with the sorrow at the memory of her son's death. Ianto didn't fault her those emotions, but he also felt guilt.
"Figures he would be here today."
"Alice, you can't blame Jack for mourning." Ianto began and he saw the surprise that crossed her face as she realized that he knew exactly who she was. "He had to make a terrible choice, all those years ago. I know you hate him for it, but don't blame him."
"Blame him? He killed my son! He killed his own grandson!"
Ianto nodded. "I know, but if you're going to blame someone, don't blame Jack. Blame me."
"What?"
He looked at his hands briefly, before returning his eyes to meet her level gaze. "It was my fault that Jack had to use Stephen to save the planet and to save the children." Tears pricked at the corners of his eyes. "I've lived with this guilt for a very long time. You have a right to know that it isn't your father you should place the blame solely on."
"I don't understand."
"Do you know the reason why Jack used Stephen? Why he didn't stop to consider the ramifications of what he was doing?" Alice was silent and Ianto continued, "The day before, he went to confront the 456s and they released the virus in the Thames House. He died there – and so did I."
"But you're standing right here."
Ianto saw the confusion in her eyes. He ran a hand through his hair. Of all the places to have to explain this to Alice, the cemetery, not far from her son's grave, was not the top of his list. But here they were and he couldn't change it now.
Alice deserved to know the truth.
"I died that day in the Thames House, died telling Jack that I loved him, despite all the shit that we had been through together – Torchwood, both in London and in Cardiff, the 456s, a Cyberwomen who had once been someone I loved dearly and would have married, cannibals, rogue Time Agents, his deranged brother from the future, everything. I died, not hearing the three words that I wanted to hear, and wouldn't hear for a very long time because immortality is a heavy burden to bear, especially when it's passed on to you and the person who passed it onto you can't know that you're not really dead, not for a very long time because the future of the planet depends on it." Ianto drew a deep breath, keenly aware that he was rambling. "But that's beside the point. Jack believed that I was dead, that I was not coming back, and that colored his decision. I was an idiot that day. I followed Jack into a place that, had I been thinking logically, I would not have gone and, as a result of that, I died and Jack was hurt beyond repair."
Alice understood and her understanding quickly turned to anger – anger that was directed solely at Ianto.
"You were why he did what he did?"
Oh yes, Alice came by her deep emotions honestly. Ianto saw the Jack in her.
He nodded. "Yes."
Her eyes flicked back to the slumped form of Jack. She saw his grief, Ianto knew – saw and knew that depth of pain.
"Is he happy now? Now that you're back?"
That question was out of left field, but Ianto knew that it came from a good place.
"For five years in Earth time, Jack believed that I was dead – even through the horrors of Miracle Day and the recovery years directly after. He believed that I was dead because, in the end, the planet depended on it. I wish that I could have changed it. I really do, but a good friend of ours prevented me from stopping Jack. The Doctor told me that the timelines were fixed and that Stephen couldn't be saved." Tears slipped out of his eyes and slid down his cheek.
"Why couldn't your Doctor save my son?"
"Because the Doctor knows, better than any of us, what it's like to lose something that can never be replaced." He had hoped that he would never have to tell Alice this, but he had to do it, for her better understanding. "He had to destroy his entire race, his entire planet, before their war completely and utterly decimated the universe as we know it. In all of time and space, he is the last of the pure-blooded Time Lord, though there are three who carry the Time Lord genetics within them and one who inherited enough immortality to make her an equivalent of a Time Lord."
"I don't understand."
Ianto gave her a steady look, a knowing look, a look of a parent who has to watch their child suffer with no way of relieving that suffering.
"Our daughter inherited immortality and now Jack and I have to live with the fact that she will bear the same pain that we have of watching our loved ones grow old and die."
"Your daughter?"
Ianto nodded.
"Immortality can be a blessing and it can be a burden."
Alice was silent and she nodded, after moments of silence.
"Thank you."
"For what?"
"For telling me. I – I needed to hear that."
Ianto nodded. "If it makes you feel any better, Jack founded a charity in Stephen's name and honor to help the children who are affected by alien attacks on the planet. Stephen died, saving the children of the Earth, and the children will be helped by him for many more years to come."
She nodded, overcome with emotions.
Ianto gave her a little nod of farewell and moved to flank Jack. Whether or not Alice approached Jack was entirely up to her now. The ball was in her court, to borrow that metaphor.
From behind him, she asked, "I didn't get your name."
He turned to look at her.
"Who I am is of no importance, Alice."
"You are, to him." Well, she was right.
"My name is Ianto – Ianto Jones."
Alice gave him a nod. "Keep an eye out for him, Ianto Jones. Promise me that you'll protect him. Him, and that daughter of yours."
"I will. I promise I will."
"Good."
They didn't share any more words and Alice stayed away as Ianto moved alongside Jack. He wrapped an arm around his husband and let Jack fold himself into his embrace. Today was always a hard day for Jack, but, maybe, one day, Alice would approach Jack and clear the air between them.
When they left, Ianto knew that Alice was still watching them, though he doubted that Jack knew that she was there. She stayed around because she deserved to be at her son's grave, especially today of all days.
That was the laws of the universe.
Okay, a real tear-jerker! I know, I know, this was the last thing that you wanted right now, but it's been bugging me for the last few weeks.
Anyway, let me know what you thought of this story. Is there anything that I can improve upon?
Also, I will post the next story as soon as I possibly can and it will not be a tear-jerker like this one. I don't think that I can handle it. (This was emotional for me to write!)