a/n: this was written a long time ago when I first started fanfiction years ago. It was previously published on the hpff site, but I decided to add it on here where all my fans and friends are. To my Delena fans: if you don't watch Harry I understand and I understand if I don't see any of your names in the reviews I totally understand. To my HP fans: this is a little different than my Severus/Lily fics, but still in the HP category. Hope you all find something enjoyable in it! Happy Reading.
p.s. I will be deleting my hpff account once all fanfictions are on here.
Leave Me Breathless
-originally written in 2006…updated and reposted in 2011
Original Author's Notes:
all of this belongs to JK...with the exception of my plot. Thanks to the wonderful woman that opened all of our minds and hearts. the song is Breathless by the Corrs
"Go On, Go On
Leave Me Breathless
Come On"
*Ginny's Pov*
I knew that it was stupid to be out by the lake this late in the winter season, but I didn't think about that. I was freezing, but I didn't really notice. The wind was cold and chilled me to my bones, but there was no one there to stop me, no one there to comfort me. And at the moment I just didn't care if I stood there forever and froze in that spot. A frozen statue to remind him of what he had done, because nothing could have been colder than what Harry had just done. I watched the sun set over the water, setting it to frozen diamonds, and I tried to forget. The flashbacks came at me like a nightmare, a bad dream that would never go away. I wasn't sure what made me colder, the harsh sting of the wind on my tear stained face or the pain caused by my memories. I hugged myself as his stupid face appeared in my thoughts, as I remembered the way his green eyes sparkled with tears. I'm glad that he cried, it meant that he at least felt some level of the pain I did. I hated that I wished that he was here, that I craved his touch even now, and that if I listened hard enough I could hear his voice.
"The Daylights Fading Slowly
The Time Here Is Standing Still
I'm Waiting For You Only."
_Flashback_
I was sitting in the Common Room thinking about him. I remembered when he'd kissed me last- one of the best nights of my life, and I remembered him breaking up with me-one of the worst. The portrait hole opened slowly, almost ominously as if waiting to make an entrance for him, as if the Fat Lady knew that I was sitting there watching. He walked in alone. For once. Ron and Hermione must have been off somewhere "busy". I decided to take advantage of this chance, and even as my heart beat out of my chest, even as I felt like the walls were closing in on me I forced myself to move. I stood, closing my book and forcing myself to smile.
"Harry?" I called his name softly but he still jumped, looking up like he hadn't even known I was there. Typical.
"Oh, hi Gin." he smiled, slightly nervous. "What you doing?"
"Nothing." I looked away, already losing whatever strength I'd built up in my mind. Moments like these were so hard and uncomfortable. I wished he would just hold me or kiss me, hell even smile. Something. Anything. Instead of just standing there. He always seemed to be wherever I was, no matter if it was in a random corridor or across from me in the Great Hall. Or in my damn dreams, he even managed to haunt me in class. I chickened out right then and there, this had to end. I couldn't be around him anymore, not without actually being with him. "I guess it's almost time to head down for dinner." I turned to go, but something inside me wanted to stay, forced me to walk just slow enough.
"The slightest touch and I feel weak
I cannot lie
From you I cannot hide
And I'm losing my will to try
Cant hide it, Cant fight it."
"No, Ginny...wait." he came up behind me and wrapped his hand around my wrist, holding me in place, in the moment. This was the defining second, the second he could fix everything or ruin it forever.
"Yes?" I turned and gently pulled my hand out for his. I couldn't take him touching me without...
My thoughts went somewhere I couldn't hand right now, and I forced myself to shut it down. Those images would do nothing but cloud my mind and make me forget how much he had hurt me. I looked up at him, hoping that he couldn't see how desperate that I was- hoping that he could and that it would make him give in to me. Oh, I just wanted him to kiss me, at least one more time.
"So go on
Go on, Come on
Leave me breathless"
"I am sorry. You know that right?" he was staring into my eyes intently, searching for forgiveness. Searching for some sign that she didn't completely hate him. Well, I hated it when he did that, but then again, equally loved it. It meant he cared, it meant that he hurt just like I did and that what we had gone through had actually meant something to him. That I had meant something to him.
"Of course." I waited...and waited, but he didn't say anything. My heart didn't fall, I wouldn't let it. Honestly, what more could I have expected from him but another apology. It was over between us and I had to learn how to accept it. I turned again, and then stopped myself. I couldn't take this any longer, and I definitely wasn't going to have the last word. "No wait..."
"Yes?" he looked shocked that I was upset, surprised that my tone was anything less than forgiving, more than passive.
"Tempt me, Tease me
Until I can't deny this loving feeling
Make me long for your kiss."
"What do you mean you're sorry? You turned me back into a blubbering girl whose only thoughts are for the guy that could never love her back." I stepped forward, advancing on him with a confidence I didn't know I had. We were inches apart and my voice rose a little higher. "Dammit Harry. I loved you. I thought that you loved me too!"
"I did." he answered quietly, trying to counteract my high voice. "I mean, I do. You just don't understand that we can't be together. I'm doing this to protect you."
"Go on, Go on
Come on
Leave me breathless."
"Protect me from who? Voldemort? I don't think so." She was yelling now, and she was glad. All her frustration and anger had been building up for so long. It was time to let it all out. "The real reason is you want to protect me from yourself!"
"That's not fair." he still wasn't yelling and that pissed me off. If he did it would have another thing to be angry about.
"Harry, the only thing that isn't fair, is that whenever I try to let you go, I can't." I let my voice lower back down. He moved closer and shifted to hug me, but my instincts had me turning away. There was no way I'd be able to handle that, handle being close to him. "No Harry. I can't, not unless you want me back."
"Of course I want you back," I gave in, the desperation just too much for me to care anymore. I craved his touch too much. As his arms encircle me I let my defenses down, allowing myself to trust, to believe. As he pulled back, he crushed my hopes with the distant look in his eyes. "but I can't have you. I'm sorry. One day you'll find someone that will make you a thousand times happier than I ever could I'm the Chosen One, there was a death wish on me before I was even born. I won't put you through the probability of losing me."
"You're a coward, and you're afraid. You won't love me because you're afraid I won't be able to handle if you die. If every man thought that, no one would ever get married. No one would ever be happy. You will die one day, it could be tomorrow, it could be next week or in fifty years from now, but you're so scared that you won't even try. You're the one that's hurting me Harry, and that's what I'll always remember even if you live to be a hundred." I ran past him, out of the Common Room and onto the snow covered grounds.
_End Flashback_
"And if there's no tomorrow
All we have is here and now
I'm happy just to have you
Your all the love I need."
"Gin?" I heard his voice and turned. I hadn't been imagining it after all.
My eyes stung from the wind, from the crying and I roughly brushed the traitorous tears away."Go away Harry! You've said all you had to say."
"Please listen to me." I shook my head and turned my back to him. I couldn't bare to look at him, I just couldn't stand it. If he wanted to be out of my life, than he was going to learn just what that meant. "Please." he moved in front of me, his hands wrapping around my upper arms. I leaned into the warmth, craving the fire and heat of the castle.
"There's nothing left to say." I looked up at him. "You can't have me? You want me to move on? I can fix that ." I turned and walked away, knowing that he would chase after me, and not sure if I wanted him to or not. Why did he have to be so stubborn?
"What do you mean?" he reached for my arm but I stepped out of reach, the jealousy in his eyes.
Now that, made me mad. He didn't have the right to be jealous, he didn't have the privilege of hating anyone that looked at me that way, because he had ceased to care. "When everyone found out that we broke up-" I paused and weighed my words carefully. "let's just say I won't be sitting in the Common Room alone anymore."
I saw the flash of pain in his eyes, the pure raw anger, but he fought the passion down, pushed the intense emotion away. He wouldn't let himself feel, and that is what killed me most of all. I didn't want to say it, didn't want to think it- but him being so afraid of feeling, of loving anyone-, it meant he might as well have been dead already. "I still love you, we just can't be together. You're too valuable to lose. I don't know what I'd do if I lost you to."
"Stop with the Voldemort crap!" I shouted, hating that he could use the war to explain everything away. "It didn't stop Bill and Fleur from getting married! It hasn't stopped Ron and Hermione from falling in love! The only thing it's stopping is you Harry Potter. You're letting him win, and the battle hasn't even begun yet."
"You have to understand-"
"I don't want to understand! I don't have to understand." I felt the tears coming back now, cursing them as they fell from my face. "I just want you back."
"That's why I followed you out here." His voice had gone quiet, but he didn't stop looking at me. He moved closer, flinching slightly when I pulled away. I wouldn't go through having my hopes crushed again, I wouldn't let myself believe him for one more second, yet still my heart pounded once more in anticipation as I prayed he had come to his senses after all these months...
"Somehow its like a dream
Although I'm not asleep
I never want to wake up
Don't loose it, Don't leave me."
"If you're willing to take the risk. Ginny I guess I can too. My mother had me, my father died trying to protect her. They both loved me and raised me, knowing that I would die one day. You're right, that it could be tomorrow, or a week or fifty years, and it could easily be you that leaves me instead of the other way around. I can't live without you, I tried and it's just not working. I want to be with you, for as long as we have, however long that will be. I do love you."
He stepped forward and framed my face with his remarkably warm hands. Time seemed to stand still for a moment, and then he kissed me. I stepped back in surprise and he broke the kiss, giving me a moment to adjust to the new situation. I realized then that I hadn't said anything back, but the words wouldn't come to me. I felt as if all my breath had been sucked out of my body, and when it didn't come back, when it was still impossible to speak, I watched his eyes darken. He had taken my silence took in the wrong way, quietly apologized and tried to push past me to leave. I grabbed his arm quickly, finally finding my voice. "Don't."
"So go on, Go on.
Come on
Leave me breathless
Tempt me, Tease me
Until I can't deny this loving feeling
Make me long for your kiss."
He smiled and met my gaze, with his soul piercing emerald eyes. The moon was rising slowly as the sun was almost at it's even in the sky. A perfect moment of even light, of frozen time. A defining moment could be whenever, but this one was magical.
"And I can't lie, From you I cannot hide
And I've lost my will to try
Can't hide it, cant fight it
So go on, Go on
Come on
Leave me breathless."
He stepped into me and this when his arms went around me, this time I kissed back. With all the love. With all the pent up frustration. With all the passion I felt. I vaguely felt my arms go around his neck as I pulled him closer. I knew in that moment that I never wanting to let go. And that he would never ask me to again. We didn't need any more words, and we probably couldn't have spoken even if we'd wanted to. One of his hands went to my neck, cradling my head, and holding me close. His lips pressed roughly against mine, the passion he'd been ignoring finally taking him over.
I'd never been kissed like this, not even when we were together. He never allowed himself to lose control with me, always afraid that if we took the next step, made any real connection it would hurt more when he left. It had probably been the right decision at time, but now there was nothing holding us back, nothing that could tear us apart, and I was ready to belong to him forever. There would never be anyone after Harry Potter. There never could be anyone after Harry Potter.
He pulled back from the kiss, taking in my swollen lips, my heavy breathing as I fought to stay standing, my tangled mess of hair as his fingers and the wind ruined the braid I'd done that morning. He smiled then, took my hand and pulled me back to the castle. I didn't want to stop kissing him, but we couldn't very well stay out there in the cold all night either. Once we were inside the warmth of the stone walls, the desire took over again and he pushed me against the wall.
"I can't wait." He mumbled, his fingers already fighting with the buttons of my school shirt.
I shook my head, looking around at the empty corridor. There was no one in sight now, but dinner would be over soon, and I couldn't risk being spotted. "There."
I pointed to a door, praying that it wouldn't be locked. Harry nodded and pulled me toward it, turning the knob with ease. There were too many damn classrooms in this castle, and as soon as we were sure we were alone, he pressed me against the door and tore the rest of my buttons open. They fell to the floor, making small ticking noises as they settled against the stone. "I'm sorry." He said, his lips already back on mine.
It was like being with someone completely different, and I realized that this was the real Harry. Brave, and blunt and passionate. He'd been hiding from me, trying to protect me from the reality of his lust. I hadn't need protecting, in fact I reveled in the wildness of the moment. This was the Harry that I needed, and as he kissed me, as he held me up and joined us as one, I knew that this was the Harry that I loved. We moved together like we were made to fit, like we'd done this a thousand times. I could feel a intense pressure building inside me, and as it released, as the world around us faded to nothing, I was left...breathless.