"Smile. You're prettier that way."
Erin looked up from her paperwork to see Agent Morgan standing in front of her, a smarmy grin on his face. Sighing, she slipped her reading glasses off her face and set them aside before steepling her fingers and staring at him. A tense silence filled her office as his grin faltered and he sat down heavily, gulping a little as he tried to put on a brave face.
"Why are you here?" she bit out, feeling an oncoming headache begin to throb dully at the base of her skull. She had a good idea what he was doing, but she wanted him to say so for himself.
"Um, Hotch wanted me to turn in the last few reports from the case we just wrapped up. He had to leave early for his long weekend with Beth. I, I can come back if that would work better for you."
She enjoyed watching the younger man squirm a little and she cocked her head to the side as she thought about what to say next. "No, please, stay, Agent Morgan. I am sure we are about to have a very enlightening conversation. Would you like some water? You appear to be parched."
He nodded and she got up from her desk to walk over to the space where she used to keep her alcohol. In its place, now, was the most expensive of bottled waters. Shaking her head a little at the notion of having given up one expensive habit for another, she plucked out two bottles and handed one to the now sweating man before sitting back down.
Cracking the seal, she removed the cap and took a long sip, her eyes never leaving Agent Morgan. Helen peeked into her office and she shook her head slightly. Helen smiled and nodded, closing the door, shutting them off from the outside world. "So, what would you like to talk about, Ma'am?"
His voice was small, apprehensive, and totally different from how she was accustomed to hearing him. "Who do you normally tell to smile, Agent Morgan?"
The question seemed to catch him off guard and he frowned a little before taking a long drag off his bottle. "A lot of people. Why?"
"Name them for me, if you would be so kind."
He nodded and set the bottle on her desk. Without it in his hands, he seemed lost a little, and finally he settled on folding his arms across his chest as he stretched out. She recognized the position, he was trying to make himself look comfortable and in charge, while in reality, he was far from that. She did something similar herself when in uncomfortable situations. "Well, there's Penelope, and Jayje, and Emily. Um, I think I told Seaver to smile a time or two when she was still with us. And my barista, but she hardly ever needs to be reminded to smile, she just does in naturally."
He paused and she nodded. "I'm sure there are others."
"Well, yes. When I flirt with my mail lady, I always tease her about her smile. Or the cashier at my grocery store."
"Interesting." He had just confirmed what she thought to be true, and she wondered if he even recognized what he was doing. Maybe it really was something so internalized that no one saw it for what it was. And it bothered her that she knew what it meant. "And do you notice a pattern there, Agent Morgan?"
He let out a deep breath, his brow furrowing as he thought. "Not really, no. Would you care to enlighten me?"
"First, another question for you." She took a sip of water, hoping that he would catch on without her having to explain to him why he was being sexist. "Have you ever told Agent Hotchner or Agent Rossi to smile when they're looking serious, or are deeply in thought?"
Agent Morgan seemed taken aback by her question as he shook his head. "No, I can't say that I have. I mean, I may have mentioned in passing to Rossi that Hotch seems more at ease now that he's with Beth. But I've never told one of them to smile."
"And have you ever told your mechanic, or your plumber? Do you ever go up to random men in a store and tell them how much more handsome they'd look with a smile on their face?" Again, he shook his head, and she smiled wryly. "I thought not. So, why would you presume to tell a woman to smile, that it would make her look prettier?"
To her shock and shame, she began to tear up a little, and she broke eye contact with him to stare at her desk. "I guess I never thought about that, Erin." His voice was kind and open, and she nodded a little.
"Most people never do stop and think about it. It's just assumed that women are ornaments, fixtures to prettify a room with. Not living, breathing, people with real emotions who sometimes have a bad day, or a headache, or are angry with something or someone." She looked up at him, sure her eyes were already puffing up from trying to hold in her tears. "Sometimes, all a woman wants is acknowledgement that her feelings matter, that she doesn't need to always be on or be pretty to matter."
And then the first damn tear began to course its way down her cheek. Furious with herself for cracking, she wiped away that tear, only to have another join it, and then another. From the corner of her eye, she caught Derek getting up and coming to her side, kneeling down next to her. "I'm sorry."
"You don't have to be, really. Everyone does it, no one thinks of the implications. I guess, I just hoped that you, that you were different." The tender admission hurt to say, since it gave him an opening to hurt her. "I'm sorry, I just am running a little on empty these days. The little things are getting to me."
"You don't need to apologize, Erin." He picked up her hand and held it tightly. "For what it's worth, I'm sorry for not thinking before I spoke." She squeezed his hand a little as she nodded, the headache growing worse, as she knew it would. It always did when she cried.
"And I accept your apology." She used her free hand to massage the base of her neck, trying to relieve the tension that was there. Derek noticed the move and also reached up, his large hand surprisingly gentle as he rubbed at the worrisome knot. "Thank you."
"You're welcome. Now, why are you upset?"
He sounded genuinely interested and she looked up at him. "There are numerous things that are pulling at my brain today. Budget concerns, concerns about your team, and wondering if I'll ever be able to fully trust anyone."
She must have revealed too much about herself, for he ran his hand up her neck to cup her cheek, using his thumb to rub away her tears. "I take it you and Rossi broke up."
Erin nodded. "Yes, we did. Fate seems to want me alone. Maybe it was time I paid attention to her nudges." She pulled away from his touch, not wanting to seem like she was imposing on him, like he had to listen to her, comfort her. She didn't need a man, or anyone, really, to do that for her.
"Or maybe the universe is just telling you to wait for the right one." She felt her breath catch in her throat as he smiled at her. Surely, he didn't mean himself, surely she was seeing things where there were none.
"I don't think there ever will be a right one for me. But thank you for asking after me."
He leaned in and then tweaked her nose. "I will try to remember to do that from now on, rather than asking for a smile. Now, I do have a question for you. Would you like to go out to lunch with me? I sort of want to make up for my rude behavior."
Erin surprised herself by nodding, a soft smile crossing her lips. "I would very much like that, Derek. I'll meet you in the lobby in an hour?"
"Sounds perfect to me." He stood and then rested his hand on her shoulder, leaving it there long enough so that she looked up at him. "And just so you know, you're pretty no matter if you smile or not."
Her heart lurched a little as she blushed. "Thank you." He grinned at her, seeming more at ease now. "I'll see you in a little bit."
"It's a date, Erin." A date. Her first date with anyone in a month. An offer of hope, and one that she was grateful for, given the way she had lit into Derek earlier. She watched him amble over to the doorway, before turning to look at her once more. "And I hope you like Chinese. I know this great little place just a few blocks away."
"Sound wonderful." Her smile grew with pleasure as she imagined the afternoon ahead of her. "Now go, I have get some work accomplished before we leave." He nodded and left the room and she bent down to focus on her work. Suddenly, it looked like it was going to be a very wonderful day indeed.