Before I could bury myself into too deep of a depression in this thought, however, I realised that the car was slowing down slightly. My foot was easing off the pedal; an unconscious bodily response to Bella's dismay at my driving prowess. Unlike most of my unconscious bodily responses, this one made me smile.
I pulled up the drive and bounded up the stairs, yelling a haphazard 'hey' to Alice and Jasper as I passed them on the way into my bedroom. As I entered my room, I closed the door and yanked my shirt off simultaneously- I had been away from Bella for around a half hour. While I realised that I probably ought to allow her some level of privacy, I couldn't stand the gnawing anxiety and emptiness that came with her absence. I caught a glimpse of my cold, stone-like torso in the mirror and thought again -although admittedly my thoughts never really strayed from her- of Bella, and the enigma of her thoughts.
Occasionally I caught her staring at my chest. Initially, I had thought she was simply trying to escape the intensity of my gaze, but it didn't seem like mere evasion when her eyes became hungry, slightly unfocused when she followed the contours of my body with her eyes…
I, after all, was very familiar with that expression; I was sure she had seen it reflected upon my own face at least a dozen times in the past few days. It was becoming exceedingly difficult to ignore just how physically appealing she was- in a very human way- now that I saw how beautiful her soul was. I stared at my bare torso and wondered what Bella would think if she saw it. Previously I had found my physical appeal to humans to be frivolous and annoying. I remember that in my human life when my biceps rounded out from their wiry state to their slightly swollen and subtly bulging nature in my adolescence, the attention that I received from women was downright predatory. Now, however, the thought that Bella might enjoy the broadness of my shoulders, and the smooth muscular planes of my abdomen made my non-existent pulse quicken. Yet, I had indulged my vanity for a moment too long; my imagination turned Bella's gasps of excitement to screams of pain when the monster inside of me dismissed her beautiful, fragile body, and ripped it to shreds with its inhuman brute strength. Never would Bella and I be entirely free to enjoy a normal relationship. No, that was impossible.
Pulling myself out of my reverie, I quickly finished changing. Stupidly, despite the fact that she wouldn't even be aware of my presence when I reached her, I wanted to wear clothes that would please her. I selected black jeans, a soft button down and formal shoes. 'Wonder if he wants to go for a drive…it's been a while'. I felt a pang of guilt when I heard Jaspers thoughts coupled with his crestfallen face as I reached the last stair on the staircase and he realised that I wouldn't be staying at home tonight. But, Bella came first.
While I've been writing for a while, this is my first time publishing! Let me know if you've enjoyed this chapter, please review! I'd love to hear your thoughts.