Cracks In the Mirror
Vivian VanDam
Chapter one
I yawned opening my eyes. I stared at the ceiling, listening the thumping of the fan. I watched it go around, and round. My fingers itched, my skull buzzed with stress. I wanted to write but I couldn't. All my writing supplies was packed away with everything else…sweat dripped down my forehead and into my eye. Taking a sharp breath of air through my teeth, I sat up. The window was open, the fan was going, still the summer heat was killing me. Our main air conditioner was on the fritz. I rubbed at my sweaty skin. I looked at my reflection from the full-bodied mirror that hung on my door. Steel blue eyes stared back at me, I looked a bit too thin. Since my parent put me on those 'happy pills' I've been eating less and less…no matter how hungry I was, food just tasted off putting to me. The doctors called it a 'side effect' I call it bull shit.
Getting up from my bed, I looked to my alarm clock. I managed to get up before my alarm, it was supposed to ring at seven, and I was up at six…apparently another side effect of the pills was insomnia. I hadn't minded it. I loved the silence in the early morning hours. Right before the crack of dawn, the entire world seemed at peace. I got up and went to the window, I stared at the rising sun. Red and orange blazed through the purple clouds of night. I gave a soft sigh. In a few hours, girls would be running out wearing skimpy clothing that showed way too much skin…it revolted me. I couldn't stand it when women showed off too much skin. It was distasteful.
I ran my hand through my hair, the plush black carpet tickled the bottom of my feet. I managed to look over to my desk. A desk that I had spent many sleepless nights sitting there, writing in my black diary. I couldn't help but smile, hearing my half-brother Liu's voice.
"Diaries are for girls!" My mother came back.
"No, boys can have one too. It helps with the thinking process." I smiled, I loved my mother. I truly, truly did…there wasn't a day I wouldn't fight for her, or my half-brother. The only person I didn't care for, was my step-father. Liu's biological father. Every time I thought of him, I felt the depression start to sink in. That black book held my deepest thoughts, all my insecurities, and the moments I wanted to lie down and die…thought's that would make my mother and step-father put me back into the hospital.
It wasn't my fault that I was this way. It never had been…I heard all those doctors talk about me behind my back. Telling them, that I was too 'broken' to fix. The only way that I could be almost 'normal' is if I take a handful of pills every morning, and every night. Pills that leave a horrible taste in my mouth, which no amount of water, or anything could get rid of…
I'm a fucked-up basket case, pretending to be happy so my mother can live her 'happily ever after'. It's almost laughable. Doesn't she see me every time I come home from school? How depressed I am? I hate it here…I fucking hate it here… Gritting my teeth I stare out the window.
We're leaving this hellhole to go somewhere else, somewhere that I'll be beaten up at too…there's no where I can go that doesn't have bullies. If I hadn't stood up for Liu no one else would…Leaning forward I stared out on my street, the lights started shutting off. One by one as the sun rose over on the horizon. I lowered my head, shaking it slowly.
This isn't fair, why do I have to take all this medication? Wasn't I perfecting the way I was? I looked back up, normally the light against my face would make me feel good…today, just wasn't one of those days. I closed the window with a loud bang, and pulled the blackout curtains down. This wasn't going to be one of those 'good days'. Today, even the medication wouldn't help. The depression was right around the corner, a monster I've long since gave up fighting. I allow it to take over; there would be times where I would just allow it to chokehold me, pulling me down into the bleakness that was life.
Those bastards will get what's coming to them. I won't allow them to take over me nor Liu ever again. I sighed shaking my head.
"Then why don't you just smile, be happy? Your happiness will stun them into silence. You're beautiful smile…" A whisper. It was soft, masculine and coming from the closet. It took me a second to turn around to look at myself in the mirror. I raised a brow.
"Alright, that's it. No more late-night horror movies for me." I went to the closet, yanking it open.
"See Jeffery? There's no one there." I gave a soft laugh to myself.
Maybe I need those crazy pills after all. Closing the door, I scratched the back of my sweaty neck. My hair touched my shoulders. Girls at my school were crazy about how soft it was.
Lifting my tank top up and over my head, I gave myself a once over. I wasn't a bad looking guy. But I wasn't anything exciting. Running my fingers down my chest, feeling my collar bones, and my toned pecs. I could see my ribs, they weren't dominant. But they were there. I ran my fingers over my abs. I had a six pack from constantly doing sit ups at night, right before bed. I had achieved my body from running track in school. I was a 'healthy' teenager.
Define…'healthy'. I gave a small tilt of my head, looking at myself again. My body was toned, with just the right amount of muscle. I looked good for someone who popped crazy pills…
The moment I turn to walk out of my room, the hall light flicked on.
Mom must be up. Pulling my door open, I headed to the first place I needed to go. To the bathroom. Our house was like any other. Nothing special about it. Really, just a two-story home, three bedrooms, two baths…
"Is that you Jeff?" My mom's voice called from her bedroom. I stopped midstride to turn to her.
"Yeah." I replied, poking my head into her room, I saw her back to me. She was fighting with the zipper of her dress.
"Can you please help me with this damn thing? Your father went downstairs and I need help." Tilting my head slightly, I shrugged.
You mean step-father. We had gotten into so many fights about that. I just couldn't call him by his name. It was Father. Or Dad. He was Liu's not mine.
I watched her slim arms try to reach back and grab at the zipper. Her dress was black, and a little too small. I could almost see her little butt cheeks. My face flushed and I looked away from my mom. I couldn't look at her like that. She was the only one who tried to help me when I had my breakdowns.
"Jeffery?" Her voice snapped me out of my day dream. She turned around and wrapped me in a bear hug. She was always the huggee one. I wrapped my arms around her and hugged her back. I closed my eyes and took in a deep breath. She always wore the same perfume. No matter what day it was, even when she was off work. It was always the same. Lavender and chamomile. Even when she had given birth to Liu, she had smelt the same.
I thought she was going to die, losing all that blood. I couldn't help but watch as she bled. The river that flowed surprised me. Even though the doctor told me that was completely normal for a woman to bleed that much. I wanted to watch it again. Not the birth part. But the blood.
"Why don't you? There's a knife downstairs, use it." Knitting my brows together at the whispering voice. It wasn't…normal…
I held onto my mother a moment or two longer than normal. She pulled away from me, her bright blue eyes stared at me in wonderment. They were watered over as if she was about to cry on me. I didn't understand those kinds of emotions. I had always felt either nothing, or too much at one go. She was thinking about something, I could tell…deep within those beautiful sapphire eyes, I knew what she was going to say.
"I'm so proud of you Jeff, you're a big boy now. Eighteen…I know you didn't want to leave, and I'm sorry about moving. But your father was very persistent. Saying that it would be good for us, for you…if we got away from all this…bully drama." She was trying to tell me, for the umpteenth time, it was a win for the bullies, and the school system…I held onto her shoulders, looking down at her.
"No, mom. It's not a good thing for me, or you. You're leaving your real estate behind. And he wants to move us half ass across the world, for what reason?" I asked. My mom looked up at me, being a head shorter she looked just as defeated.
"Mom, your leaving everything you fought for behind. Why? Because that bastard wants you too." I gave her a small, little shake. She placed her hands-on top of mine, a sigh came from her beautiful red lips.
"Jeff…I know sweetheart, that you feel defeated. I know you think this is wrong, but this isn't…and I can get a job, anywhere." She tried giving me that smile, and I shook my head. I pulled away from her.
"No. No…you don't understand anything mom. You don't know what they did to me…or…or…" I started to shiver lightly.
"Wrap your fingers around her skinny fucking throat!" I felt the anger diminish. I stared at my mother, unable to move.
"Jeff?" She touched my chest gently.
"Jeff sweetie? Hello?" She tried considering my eyes, and for a moment. A single flash before my eyes, I saw myself standing above her. Knife in hand, laughing…watching the blood splatter above her on the walls and upon my naked body. I took a sharp breath in, stepping back from her.
"Have you taken your medicine today?" She asked me, the sharp anger that stabbed my heart surprised me.
"I didn't take it yet woman!" I snapped, the moment of hurt crossed her beautiful heart shaped face. Rising my hands, I took in a deep breath.
"No. I haven't taken my medicine yet mom…and no, you don't understand a damned thing that goes on. Not here." I placed my finger to my head.
"Or here…" I placed it to my chest, right above my heart.
"Nor you dared to try. You think, doping me up and leaving the place I grew up. My friends, and everyone I know…would help." Covering my face, I shook my head slowly.
"You and him know Jack shit…"
"Jeffery…" She started, I raised my hand.
"I need to use the bathroom. Next time, ask Step-Jackass to help you." My anger started to dwindle, and I was left with the emptiness within my chest. I looked at her, at her thin body. I stood taller than before, she looked hurt…maybe even a little angry at my outburst.
"I don't know what you saw in him…" She turned away from me, crossing her arms. I couldn't help but stare daggers into her.
"Why don't you stop all this pain Jeffery?" The whispering voice entered my left ear, the buzzing within my skull made me scratch my head. I turned away from her, slamming her bedroom door shut. I went across the hall to bathroom, I started banging my fist against the door.
"Hey! Come on bro, I need to piss!" I shouted, the shower turned off. I heard him moving around in there, the door opened and I was pelted with steam. He had another towel on his brown hair, rubbing as hard he could to dry it.
"You ready for our last day at school?" Liu asked, I looked at my brother. His hair was roughly the same length as mine, and instead of bright blue eyes, he had green. He was walking passed me, he was built a little better than me, but not once has he teased me. I watched as he turned to go into his bedroom. He stopped before leaning against the frame, he gave me a once over.
"God Jeff, are you feeling alright? You look worse for wear." His eyes roamed over me, and I had to look away from him.
"Tell him you're fine." I opened my mouth to speak.
"I'm fine." I replied, I gave him a smile.
"Tell him it was just a rough night." Rubbing the back of my head I started to chuckle.
"Just a rough night in the heat is all. It also sucks that I can't write anything right now." I gave a shrug. Liu played baseball while I ran. We pretty much looked the same…almost looked the same. He had lighter hair then I did.
"Yeah I guess I'm ready for school. I'm going to miss all our friends though. Aren't you?" I asked, he gave me another look.
"I'm going to miss a few people, I know I'm going to miss Jane the most though." He gave a light laugh, shaking his head.
"She's one hot babe." He was about to go back into his room to change, when I gave him a look.
Jane was the grey eyed, raven colored hair girl who lived two doors down. She reminded me of a woodland nymph…she was also moving, she didn't know where though. She bounced from home to home due to being in foster care. Luckily, she had been able to stay within the neighborhood. She and Liu had rather close the last few weeks. Too close.
I saw her first…I blew a raspberry, Liu punched my arm. It took a moment for the anger to subside.
"What the hell dude?!" I snapped, he gave me a look. A look that I knew all too well. The look of fear, not for me. But of me. I stared at him for a moment longer. I felt the urge to reach out and strangle him, just like I did with my mother. I took a step back and into the bathroom, letting out an unsteady laugh.
"Look, I know you had a thing for her the last two years, I wouldn't do that to you my dude. I see how you look at her. I wouldn't do that to you." His eyes gave me a feeling of comfort. He placed his hand to my shoulder, he was the only one I had trusted.
"Do you? Do you trust him?" The whispering voice asked.
Shut up! I snapped. I had to force that smile on my face again, something I grew used to doing. I placed my hand on top of his. He was the only one I could trust in this rancid family. I felt something like love for him. A strange feeling I'm not used to having…I looked at him, and felt a familiarity deep within me.
"If someone ever hurt you, I'd snap…" It came from my lips faster than I could catch it. He had a knowing smile.
"I know dude, but right now what you need is a shower. You smell rancid." He started to laugh. I kept my hand on top of his.
"I mean it Liu. If those fuckers come at us again, they're going to regret it." I saw him look at me, and his smile faded, his laugh died in his throat. He only nodded at me.
"I know…" He started to pull away from me. I didn't want him to go. He was the only balance I had left.
"Remember, I'm here too Jeff. I won't let anyone hurt you too…" I tried shaking the voice away, yet it still buzzed deep within my skull.
"I won't let anyone else take you away from me. That medicine can only do so much." It was laughing, mocking at my hope.
I'm not going to listen to you anymore! I gave Liu a soft smile, a smile that felt real.
"I…" I tried and he shook his head.
"You'll be fine, I promise. We, will be fine." He placed his hand on top of my head, I gave him another look. I felt the tears within my eyes.
"No, you don't know that…you don't understand Liu…there's something seriously fucked up with me…" I reached out to him and he gave me a softer smile then before. His ruffled my hair.
"Jeff…no matter what's wrong with you, I'll love you big bro." He gave a cheesy grin. He wouldn't understand…he never would.
"That's because he doesn't love you. He never has. He never will. Only I, can love you." Closing my eyes, I stepped away closing the door behind me.
Peeling my soaked boxers off my skin, I turned the shower on. Stepping into the cold water, I started to sink deeper into the darkness. A gentle sob came from my throat, I refused to allow it to cross my lips. Bringing my knees to my chest, I wrapped my arms around my legs. I buried my face into my knees and cried.
"No one, will ever love you like I love you. You should take care of them Jeffery. Get rid of them for me." I started to tear at my hair.
"Shut up…shut up…" I whispered.
"Please…just shut up…"
…
I reached into my pocket, producing my iPod. Putting my headphones over my ears I played the very first band that popped into my head. Black Veil Brides. The only band I had felt that I could listen too without feeling judged. The band had touched my heart in a way that only my brother had ever done.
The blazing summer sun made me recoil. I hated the summer with an undying passion. I loved the winter and fall. There was too much to do, and so little time. So many people I had to say goodbye too, and many I just want to spit in their faces. My fingertips started to tingle, my hands itched.
"You need to end their lives. Kill them. It's so much easier than you think." Pulling out my headphone, I scratched the inside of my ear. It didn't make sense. None of this did.
I took my meds. Why am I still hearing voices? Shaking my head, I looked to Liu he was standing beside me listening to his own music. He was happy and smiling, the sun hit his face in a certain way that made his green eyes glisten. I gently tapped his shoulder, he pulled one out and looked at me.
"What's up?" He questioned. I didn't quite know how to ask him if he had said anything so…
"Hey, did you say anything to me?" I asked, he shook his head.
"Nope. Why?" He asked, I shrugged plugging my headphone back in. I didn't want to push it. If he didn't say anything then he didn't say anything.
"Stop ignoring me." I took a deep breath in, trying hard to ignore the whispering voice.
"They don't love you. They'll forget you when you leave Jeffery." That one hurt, it knew where to hit you where it hurt. And it hit hard.
"Do you think it was them?" Liu asked. Having my music low enough to hear him, I just looked at him.
"No, and if it was they wouldn't be walking around. I told you already, I'm going to take care of them if they ever step up to us again. It's ridiculous that the school won't do anything to help." I sighed shaking my head slowly. It was true. The school saw nothing in what those boys were doing to us, and took no action. Calling it, 'friendly banter'.
Bull shit…the anger was coming back, this time worse than before.
I thought that medication was supposed to work, make me happy or some shit. I guess that doesn't work with crazy. I looked up to the bright blue skies, I wanted to jot down everything I was hearing…it would make me feel a little better.
"Are you sure about that?" It laughed, it was laughing at me. I stopped mid walk to look at the oncoming traffic. They never paid any attention to us pedestrians. I started putting my foot out when Liu's hand grabbed my shirt and gave a yank.
"I think not. Not today big bro." There was a chill in my blood as I watched the cars zoom by.
"Hey guys!" My head moved from the traffic to the bright grey eyes, flowing black hair and that perfect white smile. She stopped in front of me, her eyes were bouncing and lively. Her face was perfectly symmetrical. Her pale white skin had a tinge of pink on her cheeks, it was the only sign that she was warm. Jane, always wore black dresses. No matter where she was or where she was going. Not once, has she worn any other color. Her favorite boots were lace up and stopped at her knees, she was always tiny and short. She was stronger than she looked, he saw her take down two men in one kick. She had to have done some serious self-defense. She was waving and smiling. I was smiling back. She was the only other person who gave the voices a stillness. A silence…that I know of.
"Hey babe!" Liu laughed, she was watching us both. And my heart kept skipping, I looked away from her for a moment.
"Hey Jane." I waved, normally her smile was brilliant…this time, something seemed…off. I happened to give her another look, she turned to Liu.
"Hey boo, can you get us a coke from the vending machine? I need to talk to Jeff for a hot minute." She gave another smile, I felt…I felt like she was hiding something. Liu nodded taking the five-dollar bill from Jane. He would bend over backwards for his friends, then again who wouldn't? Jane reached over and took my hand, it was the first time she ever took hold of my hand. Normally she would hug me and that would be it. My eyes bounced from her pale hand, to her face. Her eyes seemed to grow darker, her plump lips were thin. My hand was slick with sweat, yet she held on. There was something really bugging her…I wanted to know what it was.
"What's wrong Jane?" I asked, I started feeling protective around my friend and my brother; she shifted slightly holding my hand. She gave it look before slowly letting go. It took me a minute before I realized she wearing her red bandanna around her wrist. I gave her a once over before I narrowed my eyes.
"Jane, again? I thought we talked about this!" I wanted to jump down her throat. I wanted to…I wanted to…
"Do it Jeff, punch her right in the face for betraying you. Make. Her. Pay." I watched her eyes become cloudy.
"It wasn't my fault…it…it was Trevor…he…he…" She leaned heavier against herself, crawling back inside her shell. I wanted to pry it out of her.
"Trevor did what?!" I felt the anger boil over. I was going to wrap my fingers around the sick fucker's fat fucking neck…
"Wouldn't you love to see what the inside of a human looks like?" I tried shaking my head. I wanted to knock the voice off, but I couldn't. The angrier I grew the louder it got.
"He…he hit me…called me a skank…he…he cheated on me with my best friend Jeff." Her eyes were wide, filled with tears. I reached out, took her into my arms and held her as tight as I could.
"He did what?!" Liu's voice could shatter glass, he dropped the cokes on the ground, one breaking open spewing cold soda over the concreate. The sound of Liu's voice made me jump, I was about to strike out when I felt Jane's arms hold me tighter than before.
"I'm sorry Jeff and Liu. I didn't mean too. He just made me feel so worthless…like I was nothing more than a piece of ass for him, he made me feel…so disgusting…" She pulled away from me, and curled into herself. I wanted to reach out and hold her, to tell her everything was okay, that I would help her feel better.
"How, when I'm the only thing that can make you feel good?" It laughed, the buzzing within my skull made me cringe. How was I going to help her, when I couldn't even help myself…?
"Point him in my direction and I'll fucking kick his ass!" Liu shouted, his green eyes were flared with anger. I raised my hand to touch Jane and she pulled away from me, the fear within her eyes was obvious. I felt my heart rage with fire.
"Kill, kill, kill…" I tried shaking the voice away, but all I got was a louder buzzing within my skull.
"Why…why did he hurt you…?" I whispered, Jane started shaking her head slowly.
"You know I'm a snoop. I went through his phone, and found something about a girl named Dawhn. He was fucking around with her, I confronted him and he flipped out on me!" She trembled as if she was cold…even if the sun was screaming down on us. I had the sudden urge, not to go to school. I wanted to stay and try to make my friend feel better.
"Why don't we play hooky?" I looked at Jane and Liu. Her swollen eyes seemed to light up, and she finally smiled a real smile.
"That sounds amazing!" Liu looked at the two remaining sodas.
"Uh…" Jane gave another light smile before she giggled.
"It's alright, we can always buy more. The only thing money can't buy, is real friends like you two." She gave me a look and Liu the same one. For once I felt…I felt like I had done something right, and the voice had no say so in it. As much as it wanted to perk up and speak, I didn't allow it.
"That does sound amazing." She ran her hand through her hair, she finally looked at me again.
"Oh, and Jeff. There's someone I want you to meet." I shot her another look, one of surprise.
"What? You know I'm not a social butterfly like you. I hate people." I scoffed.
This part about me is true. I hate people, and everything they stand for. They're vile creatures. I shuddered lightly. She started shaking her head.
"No Jeffie, you don't understand. She's an amazing friend of mine, she was there last night when I…" She gave a glance to her wrist. And I nodded lightly.
"I think you might like her, like really like her!" She gave a bright smile, and I followed along.
"Fine, fine…" I raised my hands in defeat. She screamed, wrapping her arms around my neck and hugged me tightly.
She can be so bipolar sometimes…
"I promise Jeffrey you'll love her!" She pulled away, giving my cheek a quick peck.
"Thanks guys, for hearing me out. Please, don't go off and kill Trevor." Though she still had tears on her cheeks, she still had a smile on her lips, she gave us a wave.
"I'll see you guys in about ten minutes. Normal spot?" She asked, I nodded. She turned away from us and jogged down the street. Liu gave me a questioning look.
"Are we really skipping today?" He asked, I nodded.
"I just can't go into school this mad. It wouldn't be a good idea…" I dropped my arms at my side, staring after her. Liu gave me a look.
"Are you alright dude? You've been really whacked out all day." I looked at him with my eyes, without turning my head.
"Lights on and nobody's home day?" He asked, I gave a light shrug.
"Damn bro…what did those doctors give you? It must be some strong shit…" He started to lightly step away from me. I just looked ahead of me again, Jane disappeared.
"I wouldn't have minded hearing one of your awesome short stories, I'm sorry you can't write." He gave me a sad look, with that sad fucking smile….
"Wipe it off his face, rip his entire face off his fucking skull!" Taking a deep breath in, I let it out slowly. Keeping my mind focused.
…
I sat on the beach, watching my brother run off the pier and cannonball into the water. It was small times like this that made me feel almost normal. I gave a small smile before laying back on the blanket, I grabbed my iPod and plugged my headphones in. Closing my eyes, I tuned out everything else around me and listened to Epic Score. It made ignoring the blood thirsty voice, that much easier. I, Jeffery Woods was not a blood thirsty killer. Never will be. I wasn't like that. I didn't crave blood, it did.
"Jeffery, it will get easier after the first kill. I promise." It whispered.
"Shut the fuck up, please?" I whispered. I wanted to follow the rabbit and go down into my wonderland. I still couldn't stop myself from thinking about Trevor, hitting Jane and cheating on her. It made me pissed off, I never once believed in hitting a woman. No matter what. Even in self-defense. I kept my eyes closed, listening to the battle music. I could hear Liu splashing around, laughing. A real smile plastered against my face. The beach was the only place, I could ever feel…feel normal. Sand was kicked against my chest, I sat up and was about rip Liu a new one. It was Jane standing beside me, her hands on her hips. She had on a two-piece bikini, black like always. I saw she had her belly button pierced, a large sunhat on with glasses.
"Hey sleepyhead, this is the girl I wanted you to meet." A waft of Delilah took me off guard. It wasn't Jane's normal perfume. And I loved it. As I looked around her, my eyes caught another. Her bright seafoam blue eyes caught mine. Her face was bright red from the sun, she looked just about as comfortable in the black one piece, as I would if I stood naked in a room full of people. Her one piece had a skirt bottom. I blinked a few times, she had a small neck, a large bust, and rather large hips with shapely legs. She was a pear-shaped girl.
"Alorya this is my best friend Jeff, and Jeff this is my other best friend Alorya." She was smiling, Alorya kept watching me with those bright, quizzical eyes. I almost felt intimidated by her, she was a strong woman. At least that was the feeling she was giving off. I took a deep breath in and smiled at her. She kept a straight face, staring at me. She seemed shy. Yet I held out my sweaty hand, after a hesitant moment she took it.
"Nice to meet you…" She had a thick southern accent. My mouth went dry, and my stomach turned to water. She had her ash-blonde hair tied up in a bun. Just by looking at her, there was something else she had to offer. Slowly she let my hand go, her eyes averted to the ground she was standing on. There was something about her that looked rather familiar.
"Alorya was in our psychology class last year, she was the one in the back." She finally offered a soft smile, and my breath was taken away. She had the most beautiful smile I had ever seen in my life. As I gazed upon her soft white face, the anger dissolved into nothing. The voice, went silent. Not even a whisper. The voice, was gone. Jane was speaking, but I didn't listen to her. Alorya kept looking back and forth between me and Jane. She seemed to have a spark in her eye, a star I had never seen before. My heart skipped when I saw that small tattoo she had on her wrist. It was a bunny rabbit with a noose around its neck. I recognized it immediately.
"You read 'Rabbit Doubt' too?!" I felt excited. My sudden outburst shocked the poor girl, she just looked at me and nodded.
"Yeah I do. I love anime." She replied, Jane fell silent as she looked between us with a bright smile. She was wiping sweat off her face when she started stepping away.
"Alright, it's too hot. I'm going to jump in the water and bug Liu. You guys sit here and chit chat if you want." She gave a wave.
"Cya!" And off she went. I was left with the prettiest girl I had ever seen, she grabbed her bag pulled out a blanket and tossed it beside me. When she sat down, she pulled out a notebook and pen. She didn't hesitate to start writing right there. I kept giving her looks, she glanced at me from the side, her smile was sweet and soft. The moment I looked at Jane, I felt a realization she was skin and bones…her bikini showing off more then I liked…I felt somewhat repulsed. She was still my best friend, and I cared for her dearly, but not like I had before…when I opened my eyes and saw what she had looked like. Body image meant nothing to me, I just didn't want to have someone who I could break in two if I ever decided to 'be' with them. My fingers twitched at the sudden itchiness. Alorya looked at me, full face. Sun rays touched her ash-blonde hair, creating a soft halo effect.
"Would you like a note book to write in? I have plenty." Her softness surprised me, considering I had never seen a southerner with a soft voice. The ends of my hair fell over my shoulders, she seemed to have a light blush creeping across her cheeks.
"I'm sorry?" I asked as if I didn't hear her.
I heard her alright, I just want to hear her again. She pushed back a stain a hair away from her face, her painted toes digging into the warm sand.
"Would you like a notebook? You get the same twinge I do if I don't write for long periods of time." She gave another soft smile, and I smiled back. She nodded to her beach bag, I couldn't help but follow up with a question.
"Do you have a pen I could use as well?" She had another smile slip to her lips.
"Of course. I never leave home without notebooks and pens." She reached into her large bag and produced a leather-bound journal and a metal gel pen. I felt my eyes widen.
"I use the exact same brand of pen!" I reached forward taking the items gently. I didn't want to spook her by snatching them from my excitement. She giggled and I almost felt my heart melt into place.
"We had the same writing class as well. I remember seeing you with your nose in a black diary all the time. Seeing you not have it…it's rather odd." She leaned back lightly, I couldn't help but allow my eyes to roam over her body. She was shy, but seemed comfortable around me. Her face saddened for a moment.
"You're moving out of town, right?" She asked, I gave a nod. Sitting cross legged I turned to look at her. Her eyes stared out into the water, a few stay clouds covered the sun for a moment before passing by. The breeze carried a soft scent of the ocean and her perfume.
"That's kind of sad…" She sighed gently. I wanted to rip that sadness off her face, and make her smile again.
"Why do you say that?" I couldn't help but have a smile across my own lips.
"Because I always thought you were cute…but you were always with Jane, I assumed that you two were an item." She shrugged her toned shoulders. I gave her a look and it made her laugh.
"I did!" She sat back up.
"As close as you two were, I was surprised when she mentioned 'best-friend' and not 'boyfriend.' It was kind of a 'oh shit moment'." She was laughing again, her laugh made me relax more. My shoulders became slumped and I leaned forward a little more.
"So, how old are you Alorya?" I asked, she gave a light shrug.
"I'm eighteen." She looked at me.
"You?" I wanted to laugh.
"Jane wanted you to meet me, and she hasn't said a word about me?" I raised my brows, and she shook her head no.
"Nope. Not a thing. Just that she wanted me to meet you. Scary thing is, I've seen you around, we have some classes together. I'm just too damn shy to say anything." Her cheeks were flushing again, and I reached over, gently patting her knee.
"It's alright. I'm not shy, I just hate people." That got her to laugh. Her laugh made me smile. Jane and Liu were shouting at each other about something, and again I promptly ignored them.
"I'm going to be sad to see you go." She sighed softly. My jaw dropped slightly, this beautiful girl was telling me she was going to be sad? I couldn't help but scoff.
"You don't even know me, why are you going to be sad?" I questioned, she shot me a look. Her seafoam eyes turned to a green. She looked away from me.
"You don't believe me?" She asked. My words failed to save me this time.
"I…well…. uh…uhm…" I couldn't put a sentence together.
"Well you see…" She raised her hand.
"I get that a lot. Being an ugly girl, a lot of people look away from me and look to beautiful girls like Jane." She shrugged.
"I people watch. I saw how you, and your brother looked at her. I would look at her like that too if I was a guy." She laid her notebook out on her thighs, pen in hand her eyes watched the tide come in. She sighed gently.
"I wish there were some guy who would look at me like that…" Her voice trailed off as she started to write. I felt sorry for her.
She doesn't realize how beautiful she is…does she? I reached over I gently placed my hand on top of hers. She shot me a look, I watched her face flush. I couldn't help but smile at her.
"You know, not everyone is smart to see what beautiful eyes you have." She pulled her hand away from mine shaking her head slowly.
"Don't start saying stuff like that because I want to hear it. I want people to say that kind of stuff when they mean it." Her eyes stared me down, gave me chills.
I liked it.
I liked how she looked at me. It wasn't just her looking at me, it was like she was seeing me for who I was. I gave her another look as well.
"Who said I didn't mean it?" I retorted. She lifted her chin.
"Because I just said, 'I wish someone would' and you did. Don't contradict me!" She had a smile on her lips as she snapped back. I placed my hands on my hips, shaking my head.
"Well fine! I won't pay you a compliment!" We looked at each other and laughed.
My day seemed to melt away as I laughed with her. She fell back onto her blanket holding her stomach, laughing harder. She had tears in her eyes, and I had tears in mine. We gave each other another look before busting a gut laughing again. This time harder than before.