This takes place 18 years into Matt & Kitty's relationship
It was a glorious summer night in Kansas, the kind of night that lifts a person's spirits right up. The dancing breeze carried a sweet fragrance and a full moon, the brightest seen in decades, covered the earth with a golden glow. Matt Dillon rode through that brilliant glow staring straight ahead, the light of the moon not penetrating the darkness of his soul. For 21 days, through scorching sun and pounding rain, he'd tracked a bank robber who'd shot three people - spotting him, losing him, spotting him again. Finally he spied his prey making camp. He drew his gun and quietly approached. The man heard and turned. Seeing the robber face-to-face, Matt's heart sank like a stone. The description said brown hair, broad nose and large dark eyes, all true. The detail left untold was age. The robber was boy, maybe 15, probably younger.
The teen looked up, eyes wide with fear.
Matt spoke gently, as if calming a skittish colt, "Easy now. You can get through this. No one died, no murder charges, just robbery. Give me your gun."
The boy acted rashly. Scared, but having the cockiness of youth, he drew his gun and started firing. With no other choice Matt fired back and the boy fell. Matt hurried to the body lying in the dust. He scanned the boyish features, and saw dead eyes staring into nothingness. With heavy sadness he gently closed the boy's large eyes and remembered his own youthful wildness. A teenager skirting the law, but somehow luck or fate or something else had turned him towards one road, and not the other.
Letting out a long slow breath he looked around. It was his duty to find the stolen money, but he was seeking something else not knowing what it was. He found a bulging bag nearby. Inside he saw a note on top of stacks of cash
Dear Ma,
I know ya worry bout me caus I been actin crazy since pa passed. Please dont worry none. I am all rite. I jus cant cum home no more. I am sendin this money so you an my little sisters wont be hungry agin. I love ya Ma. I love ya.
Your son,
Charlie
Matt stared at the note. He had to get it to the boy's mother, even though it meant telling her her son was dead. If she had the note, she'd know that Charlie loved her. She'd be able to hold those words in her hands and heart.
He searched Charlie's things for his mother's name or a clue to where she lived, but found nothing. With no way to deliver Charlie's words, Matt considered burying the note with the boy. Instead he tucked it in a pocket.
He dug a grave and lifted the limp body. His heart ached at how light it was. His eyes grew moist as he set it in the hole. The boy he'd killed was young enough to be his son. He covered the youthful body with dirt, removed his hat and quietly said words he'd heard from preachers.
"You got him Matt. I knew you would."
Startled, Matt looked up and saw the Hays City sheriff.
Matt's voice was flat. "Yes, the money's over there. Take care of it. I'm going home." Silently he added, "home to Kitty." He needed her.
Wearily he rode off. The words, young enough to be my son, echoed in his head. He'd always wanted a son or daughter to love and bring up right, but since putting on a badge, believed it couldn't be. A lawman's life was too risky to allow those things. He thought of Kitty, the woman he loved. She longed for home and family, yet recently when Will Stambridge came along and offered her those very things, she'd sent him packing. Real love came first, she'd said. Love meant more to her than anything, and she'd settle for nothing less. Yes she wanted home and family but not with any other man.
They'd had long talks, and reaffirmed their love. He assured her that when he took the badge off, things would change. They'd have that home and family that she - that they wanted. Not yet. He couldn't walk away from the job just yet.
She said she understood.
"Matt, I know that job is yours to do right now. Truly, I see that, but there is one thing I want to ask of you."
"I'll try Kitty. Whatever it is."
"Whenever you get a telegram my heart sinks, because it means you'll be leaving no matter what we've planned. I know most times you have to go, but haven't there been times you could have sent a deputy?"
Matt searched her eyes for anger and found none. Finally he spoke with bitter guilt, "I once sent Chester to do my job. Remember that? He was beaten to a pulp and almost died."
She put a hand on his. It happened long, long ago, when Matt was a very young marshal. She spoke gently, "Of course I remember. I love Chester too, and was overjoyed when he recovered.
Silence filled the air. Kitty tried again, "Matt, I know you can't put others in danger instead of yourself. You wouldn't be the man I love if you did, and I'd never ask you to do that. I'm not thinking of those times, or the times you have to pick up a prisoner, testify at a trial or check on a town. There are hundreds of reasons you have to go yourself. I am talking about the occasional times when it's something routine like serving papers. A deputy could do that couldn't he?"
Matt didn't respond, so she continued. She needed him see her side. "Matt, I know most times you have no choice. I've seen so many times when you get home tired and hoping for rest, but head right back out because you have to. But Matt, haven't there been a few times when you've had a choice?"
A minute passed and he reluctantly nodded. "There have been times Kitty. Not many, like you said, but now and then. I'm not sure why I go. I guess I just don't think about it."
"Matt, please think now and try to answer why."
He took a breath, "I guess sometimes I like the open space, time and quiet to think and breathe." He added softly, "Maybe a time or two that drew me more than a crowded sociable."
He looked at her expecting anger, but she smiled lovingly, "Matt, I know those time are few and far between. Most times you have to go, but when you add the few times you have a choice to the many times you don't, it makes a big difference to me. Can't you see?"
He nodded, "I do, and I promise I'll stop and think, and do better in that way. I never mean to hurt you."
"I know Cowboy, and I'll try to do better reining in my disappointment when I know you have to go."
They'd held each other close, and spent a night of lovemaking and love.
The next afternoon the telegram arrived sending him after the bank robber who'd wounded three people. He had to go, but was sorry to have to leave just then. True to her word Kitty had tried to hide her disappointment. It was a valiant, but not totally successful attempt.
Now as he rode towards Dodge, Matt pictured the look on her face when he left. It was full of contradictions. He knew she realized he to go because he wore the badge. Maybe how much longer he'd be wearing it was what was on her mind.
Plodding along, he reached the edge of Dodge and neared a patch of trees called "Sweetheart Grove," a place young lovers went to be alone under the moonlight. Matt paused. He and Kitty had spent happy hours there, when their love was young and new. He swallowed hard, it was something else the he'd boy shot would never have.
He was moving on without a prying glance but stopped, perhaps needing a small reminder of what love was like when it was new. He could make out a couple in a buggy. The man's back was towards him, the woman in the shadows. She leaned towards her companion. Matt froze. There was something too familiar about the way she moved. She leaned forward, her red hair glistened in the moonlight. It was Kitty, and he could tell by the angle of her head that she was smiling. She met her companion's lips briefly, then again with a lingering kiss.
Matt's heart lurched. He'd understood with Stambridge. Kitty was angry, hurt and vulnerable when Will Stambridge came along, yet she'd turned him down. How could this be happening? Maybe she decided that she couldn't be with a lawman any longer. Maybe the love they declared just weeks before had somehow died.
Part of him wanted to burst in and demand an explanation, but that wasn't his way. He couldn't demand that Kitty explain herself. He continued his weary ride.
TBC