We were on the bus. It seems like she always needs me to do these kinds of things. Go to the mall after five pm. Go the library, but that's usually and all-day thing. I think the library is more of a thing for me though and she knows it. Either way, here we are. On the bus, going to the grocery store because Jazmine wants to make hamburgers. Meat-filled hamburgers.
Her parents aren't home again. They seem to leave her alone a lot. Not that it's any of my business, but it's hard to not see her disappointed look when she's explaining that again they left for a vacation to spend time with each other. It seems like spending time with each other really is more about trying to fix a marriage that hasn't been working for years rather than going on vacation. But again, not my business.
So, when she called and asked if I would go to the grocery store with her, I didn't really think about it. Hell, I didn't even let her finish the sentence. I just said yes. Because really, I look forward to those calls and texts. Still using her mother's phone to text. I look forward to her overly cheerful voice, hiding the sadness that permeates her being that no one seems to see but me, asking me to do anything with her.
Then there are those few moments that I was reading or searching online to finish a paper when she called and asked if I could hang out with her, when I didn't respond right away because my complete attention wasn't on her. Those few moments where I could hear her loneliness coming through the phone and almost hurting me. Those few seconds in which she waited for a response and I took too long, and she almost hung up, embarrassed that she might have crossed the line. That maybe this time I would tell her to find another best friend.
"You know what it's ok. I'm fine. I can go to the park myself. I'm going to be an adult at some point and my parents already treat me like one leaving me alone so much and I should be doing things by myself by now" she said when we were thirteen.
"Jazmine, shut up" I told her. "I was just focusing on my research on communism during the first world war. My paper's due tomorrow and you know it. Just give me fifteen minutes to finish this up and I'll walk over to your house so we can go to the park" I berated her. I could almost hear her breathe a sigh of relief that time. Like walking two blocks down to the park with me meant so much to her.
"Ok Huey. My parents are gone again and this time they'll be gone for a week so I've been antsy and just need to go for a walk to…". I knew she was going to keep going and cut her off, "Jazmine I said to give me fifteen minutes to finish and then you can tell me about it ok. I just need to finish and then you can have my undivided attention". She was quiet for a few seconds. Crap, I hurt her feelings again. I used to do that a lot when we first met. But back then, I feel it was intentional, a way to make her grow up. Now, I just feel weak and pathetic when I do it to her. What do I do now that I hurt her feelings? I'm not good at this kind of stuff. Do I say I'm sorry? No. Not like me and people only say that when they really don't mean it. Do I go to her? She's right across the street. No. That's just too much. What do I do?
And then there it was. Her laughter. That laugh that made me stop breathing for a second too long. "Ok Huey, I'll see you in fifteen" and hung up.
That was one year ago and since then we both finished eighth grade and have been hanging out with each other now that it's summer more than with anybody else. Not that anyone needs to know or should even care, but Jazmine is the only person I feel I can be around and know she doesn't expect anything from me. She doesn't expect me to be grand or amazing. She doesn't expect me to explore the inner workings of the world for their entertainment. She just, wants me to be there.
So, when she calls and I hear her sigh before she even gets a word out, I say ok. She stopped being surprised some time ago. We even have a routine. She calls, I pick up, she's quiet for a few seconds, I say, "where to" and she smiles. I know she smiles. Then she tells me where she wants to escape to today, I put down my book, put on my shoes, and walk over to her front door. Grandad and Riley stopped asking me where I was going some time ago to. They just know.
Today, she just had to have hamburgers. God, if there is one, why must meat eaters exist? I don't mind knowing they're there as long as they don't force me to smell grilled ground beef or any other kind of meat.
She's quiet today. Normally she's quiet when her parents get in an argument but she told me they left a week ago to the Bahamas. So that can't be it. "Why are you quiet?" I ask. She looks up and stares at me. "What?" she says like she's in a daze. "Jazmine, what's wrong?" I ask tiredly. "You're being quiet and that must mean something's up." She looks away and I realize I had stopped breathing. Why do her eyes do that to me? "It's just that in a few weeks we're starting high school and I just want things to settle down". She not knowingly uses that soft voice when she thinks she's whining. "It's just my parents are still arguing a lot and the trips aren't helping. Hell, even going to family therapy didn't help but we tried that and all that came out of it was me knowing it's not my fault and they have to figure things out and keep me out of their arguments". She's still looking away. What color is that green anyways? Emerald or dark jade? I stop myself before I go deeper into that rabbit hole. Being on public transit is not a good time to daze off.
I hear the doors open and see two men. My instincts kick in. Two men at this time, pass the normal time to get off of work, using public transit, dressed in office attire and asking the driver where the next stop is. I don't trust them. I can see Ruckus judging and sneering at their dark complexion. Jazmine ask what they're saying since she can't hear because of how low they're speaking. She's one of the few people that knows I can lip read. I tell her they're asking how to get to downtown the fastest way possible. Ruckus told them he'll take them there, but they have to sit in the back of the bus or he'll kick them off. My anger flares. When will Ruckus stop doing this to our brothers, which ever shade of color we are? I can feel the pressure of his judgement on those two.
I feel a small hand squeeze my left hand and I look down to see Jazmine's reassuring warmth touching my hard, cold hand. Her small fingers slide between my fingers and she tells me to calm down. And I do. This is just what we do. We're best friends.
I look up to see the two men walking to towards us. They sit two rows in front of us, on the other side of the bus. The one closest to the isle looks back at us, then whispers to his companion if he should ask. "Ask us what? I don't like being talked about by strangers" I say. They both look at like at me like a young black man speaking up is too surprising to anyone to fathom, even to other black men. "I'm sorry man, I just didn't know if you could help us out" he says in his Brooklyn accent. I look over at the other guy and can see him eyeing Jazmine. I feel her squeeze my hand again and look at her and she gives me that smile. She mouths "don't Huey" and looks over at the men and she answers for us "sure mister, what we can we help you with". Always so proper. Tom and Sarah did some good for her.
The one that asked us looks over at her and says "were looking for the downtown shelter and can't seem to find the fastest way to get there". I look and can feel my eyebrow raise. "And exactly why do you need that information since you both don't look like you need assistance from that place" I respond.
I know who runs that facility. Sweet old man Mr. Willis. He's been running the shelter for years and lets Jazmine and I help organize the food pantry when we have time. Jazmine says he gives her the same grandfather-like feeling grandad gives her and for that I will help out Mr. Willis whenever I can. That and I'll derail any men that are trying to shut down the shelter, including these two, one that seems to be irritating me the more he stares at Jazmine.
"We're trying to meet a Mr. James Willis to discuss donations our legal offices want to give to the shelter" he says and smiles at me. "Here let me give you my" but is cut off by his friend who I noticed had taken his wallet out during the conversation and pulled out a white card. He says "here's my card so you can see we're speaking the truth" getting up and ignoring me and his friend completely and handing it to Jazmine.
"I don't think I asked you for your information, but my best friend did so I suggest you address it to him" she says, closing her eyes to keep from getting a headache. She told me once that idiotism and unwarranted flirtation give her headaches. The man looks at her like she's the first woman, mind you a 14-year-old girl, to not accept his advances.
That's my Jazmine. I can feel my hallmark smirk coming on and look at the one that actually acknowledged me and respond "we don't need to know who you are and will not help you but we can tell you that the office is open weekdays until five pm. It's too late now to see Mr. Willis so I suggest that you go see him on Monday".
The man that was looking at me blinks a few times and then smiles and if possible, looks even more tired. "I'm sorry if my friend here offended your friend". I interrupt saying "my 14-year-old friend and I, yes he was bothering her". He looks at his friend and his friend looks out the window embarrassed. "Look man, we can see you both care deeply about Mr. Willis, if not you wouldn't be so protective of him so just tell him that we'll be going to see him next week on Monday, in the morning. He's a good man for everything he does for his community and we just want to help out financially if we can." He looks at his friend "common Max, it's time we get back to the office to report our attempt to locate Mr. Willis." They pulled the string to get off, and got off on the next exit. I was glad I didn't give them any more information than that. They never even looked to see what stop they were getting off on. Didn't trust them one bit.
As soon as they're off I look to my left to see how she's doing. Jazmine. She's looking right at me. I think they're forest green in the evening. "I think we did the right thing and we'll just let Mr. Willis know tomorrow. I didn't feel right about those two men" she says. "I didn't either" I respond.
Then she does the unspeakable, she leans her face into my chest. The top of her soft blond afro tickling my chin. "Thank you for being my best friend Huey". I stopped breathing. Is that how it will feel when I leave Woodcrest and go off to college to study history and law? When I can finally start being heard on campus and start lobbying for better treatment of inmates and a law system that doesn't judge on the basis your skin color or the funds in your account but on the basis of the crime? Is this what accomplishment and happiness feels like?
"This is your stop mulato!" I hear Rucks yell from the front of the bus. We both jump and get up just as fast from out seats. "I hate when he calls me that" I hear her say as we're walking to the front of the bus. I stop suddenly at the front and can hear, more than feel, Jazmine walk into my back. "Ruckus, if you ever call her that again, I promise a repeat of the theater incident" I say as I deadlock on his good eye. "Why you little" he starts saying and I see his eyes bulging. And before anyone moves, there's the soft voice behind me that says "Ruckus you ever call me that again and I will tell my father that you are emotionally abusive and you'll need to go counselling for the rest of your life. Also, anything you say from here on I will make sure to remember". That's what my best friend says over my shoulder.
I can see the veins popping out and sweat coming off of Ruckus's forehead and can see his hands shaking, holding on to the steering wheel of the bus with all the might the hateful man still has left. But before I can continue explaining exactly what will happen if he continues calling Jazmine anything she doesn't like, I feel the warm hand grab onto my left hand and pull me out of the bus onto the sidewalk in front of EDW Groceries. I feel the cold air hit my skin and then hear the bus burn tire as it takes off on its miserable way.
I feel the warmth leave my hand and look up to see Jazmine standing in front of me. "That was awkward from start to finish, but thank you for standing up for me Huey" she says. Her hair is a little wavy isn't it? It used to be a beautiful golden afro, and now with it getting longer, it became straighter, but still that same fullness of the afro. Goes perfectly with her personality. "Huey what are you looking at?" she says. I blink. "Nothing, let's just go get your hamburger meat you meat eater" I respond as I'm walking away from the sidewalk into the grocery parking lot.
"Actually, Huey, I want to try veggie hamburger meat tonight". I stopped in my tracks and look back. "What? Why?" I say. "Because you haven't had dinner and since my parents aren't home I know I'll be eating alone so I thought that maybe you could stay for dinner and I know you don't eat meat so I found this recipe for veggie burgers and we could watch movies and hang out if you want to that is" she says in five seconds, too fast for a person with normal hearing to catch all of it. "Ok" I say. "Ok? Really?" she says and I can see her forest green eyes light up.
"Yes Jazzy, let's go because I'm hungry and you don't cook half bad" I say as I'm dragging her into the store and ignore the very strong thump my heart does when I call her by her nickname. I look back as she follows me, holding her hand going to the veggie section I know like the back of my hand and see her blushing. So, I let go of her hand. Am I blushing? I feel hot.
"There's the veggie section!" Jazmine says and runs off to the section in the corner of the store. I can't help but smile watching her dash off. My best friend makes me smile sometimes.