Summary: As Valentines Day approaches, two of the Chosen prepare to reveal their feelings to each other. But when your advisors in love are Matt and Tai, then things are never going to go quite as smoothly as you might have liked. Daiken, eventual Taito.
Author's notes: Yes, this is in both the angst and the comedy section. It starts off light but does get darker in later chapters. Or whenever Ken feels the need to turn angsty. It's in response to a V. day challenge, in which a pairing exchange gifts - that obviously happens a few chapters down the line ^_^. I've never been good at comedy, so consider yourself warned. If you haven't caught on quite yet that this is yaoi, then I suggest re-reading the summary.
Reviews will be welcomed warmly ^_^
Flawed Thorns, part one.
Tai is one of those people who are just brilliant to have as a friend. Whenever I need help with soccer, I go to Tai. Whenever I'm feeling down about my place amongst the other digi-destined or just generally angsty about the responsibilities of leadership, Tai's number is on speed dial. Right next to Ken's, in fact. School, sports, digimon – Tai always seems to know the answers to everything. He's pretty cool like that.
So it shouldn't have surprised anyone who I turned to when it was icky, romance type problems that plagued my mind.
"Five blocks north, second side street on the right, twenty third floor. Surely you can remember the correct flat number?"
That's Matt for you, always a bundle of laughs.
"Come on Matt, I promise not to take up too much of your time. Besides, this is the kind of thing that Tai would just so completely suck at. And I don't go to him about *everything*, you know."
Only Matt could manage to look seriously put out even with flour in his hair and a frilly pink apron tied neatly around his neck. Yep, Matt had definitely been the right person to come to.
"Five minutes, Daisuke. Not a second more. And if you even attempt to stick your hand in the oven before my cake is done, you can say goodbye to those precious goggles of yours."
And so that was how I came to be sitting cross legged in the middle of Matt's kitchen floor, mournfully gazing up at the goggles that had been placed on top of a cupboard three minutes into my allotted 'time' with Matt Ishida, god to all those with hormones and goggle stealer. At least he'd found a couple of cookies for me to nibble on while he pranced around the kitchen, muttering darkly about how this was the third time this week he'd tried to cook this damned cake, and yet again it had been ruined by a goggled freak.
Quite frankly, I think it was ruined more from the fact he'd tried to cook the thing three times. Even Tai's mother would start fresh, instead of simply saving the burnt/flat/atomically decomposed piece of 'food' and attempting to rectify it by sticking it back in the oven later in the week. But Matt has always been a little strange.
"I could draw you a map, if you like." Matt interrupts what I had thought to be a scintillating conversation about the latest scores in the African soccer league. "I know you're not aware of this, but Tai actually happens to be a big soccer fan. As is, strangely enough, that best friend of yours. I'm sure Ken would just love to hear about the goal that the, the Daffmiester made."
"It's Dioufmeister." I'm truly hurt that Matt hasn't been listening – how can anyone NOT want to hear about Diouf, the fabulous Senegal striker? "Besides. I can't talk to Ken about this." And after I made sure his biscuits tasted nice for him, as well.
"Dai, he's your best friend. You can talk to him about anything. Even soccer. Especially soccer. And if he, God forbid, doesn't want to hear about Doof, then I do have Tai's number. In fact, why don't I ring him for you now?" Through narrow eyes, I watch Matt almost desperately make for the lounge. I'm starting to get the feeling that Matt doesn't quite appreciate my company.
"I'm gay." Well, that didn't come out quite how I'd planned. Matt freezes in his tracks, before turning on his heels and studying me with quiet eyes. I've always hated the way he does that, silently weighing a person up simply through his gaze, somehow managing to know a hell of a lot more than he should with just that one, drawn out glance.
Sometimes, I forget he's only a few of years older than me.
He doesn't throw me out, which I suppose is a good thing – by my calculations, I've been here for at least six and a half minutes now, and Matt is nothing if not punctual. Well, irritatingly perfect, perhaps, but I'm not really in a position to debate the finer points of his 'faults' about now. I need his help too much.
"Did you realise that before or after you fell in love with Ken?" And ok, anyone with half a brain cell could of connected the rather obvious dots I'd left there, but I still gape incredulously up at him. With a sigh, Matt drops himself down beside me, crossing his legs in an unintended reflection of my own position. "You and Ken have been through a lot, Daisuke. And I know you care deeply for each other. But are you sure you're not mistaking your own feelings for a friend as something more? It's easy enough to do."
"Who said it was Ken I was interested in?" Even I'm willing to admit it's a fairly feeble response, and Matt simply raises an eyebrow in reply.
"If it *is* Ken," there isn't even a flicker of doubt in Matt's voice. "Then you need to make sure any possible move you make is worth it, Daisuke. And I mean, really worth it. Because if you lose him because you couldn't control your hormones, then you'll never forgive yourself. Worse, he might never forgive you."
And THAT, ladies and gentlemen, is why most people don't have a heart-to-heart with Matt Ishida without a stiff drink and a bottle of anti-depressants near by. In all honesty though, that was why I had sought him out in the first place. It's not courage I lack this time, I don't fear approaching Ken or making a fool out of myself, I do that on a frequent enough basis that I think I've developed immunity. Tai would tell me to go for it, to throw myself at Ken, confess all and simply deal if things went wrong. Basically, he'd tell me things I've told myself hundreds of times.
So courage isn't the problem. It's the fact that he's the best friend I've ever had, that is. And friendship is Matt's deal, his area of expertise.
Besides. I can't imagine sitting with Tai on his kitchen floor spilling my guts about something so mushy with a plate of chocolate chip cookies between us.
"He's too important to lose, Matt." He looks surprised at my answer, and for a minute I want to hit him for thinking that I'm shallow enough to not consider Ken's friendship the most important thing in the world. But then I remember the cookies, and the fact he really does make the best ones this side of … well … cookieville. These are good cookies, I tell you. Speaking of cookies … "And if I thought that he would hate me if I admitted my feelings, I wouldn't do it, ever," I conclude, chewing thoughtfully. Matt's expression has melted to one of indifference, and I've got no idea what he's thinking. Not that anyone ever seems to be able to do so, in the first place. He's very good at hiding his emotions, Matt. He'd make a pretty cool Borg, come to think of it. All it would take would be a bit or re-wiring of his guitar, perfecting that glare of his, a cat-suit …
Yeah. I think Matt could pull of a damn good Borg. Jun would go nuts, if it wasn't for the fact it's way too late for that.
"Ken won't hate you, Daisuke. Not unless you handle this *very* badly." I think Matt is beginning to realise why I came to him for advice, not Tai. "But even with the best intentions, if he doesn't return your feelings, then it will never be the same. You'll both pretend that everything is all right, continue on the façade of friendship, but it'll be different, Daisuke."
Suddenly, I'm not quite so sure this is still about Ken and me. Matt's sympathetic smile has twisted slightly, and his eyes are clouded over, as though his mind is elsewhere. Or that he can't handle these heart-to-hearts himself, and has hit the anti-depressants a bit too hard.
Since Matt would most likely kill me if I brought either suggestion up, I, rather difficultly, remain quiet. He snaps out of it rather quickly, which is good. That being momentarily high on anti-depressants obviously makes you hungry isn't quite so, as he snags the last biscuit, and doesn't even offer me half.
Ken would have. And it always comes back to Ken.
I can't imagine having it any other way.
"Why do you think you're in love with Ken, Daisuke?" Matt finally asks, and it's a question I'm far more familiar with, having asked myself it a dozen times in the last hour alone.
"Because he's Ken." It's the perfect answer, but I elaborate for Matt's sake, regardless. "He's the most caring and giving person I know, not to mention the most intelligent to boot. And yet, he never talks down to anyone or makes you feel bad about yourself, instead he has this strange way of making everything you say and do seem just as important and clever as everything he does." I shake my head, still in wonder over my best friend's ability to make *me* of all people feel like his equal. "At the same time, there is just so much he doesn't know, Matt, things that the rest of us all take for granted. Things like real friendship and family, being yourself and not giving a damn what the rest of the world thinks of you. They're all things I want to help him with."
"He sounds-"
"I'm not finished yet!" Man, how dare Matt interrupt my 'Ken is an imperfect god and how can I not worship him' speech?! "He has the most devilish sense of humour, although he's terrified to let it out. And when he smiles, truly smiles?" I'm sure I've got stars or something equally embarrassing shinning in my eyes about now, "It's then that you realise that there is nothing you wouldn't do to make sure he smiles again, even if you have to dedicate your whole life to achieving that one goal. Hell, you're about ready to invent a time travelling machine just so you can go back into the past and prevent all the horrible things that happened to stop him from smiling in the first place!"
"A time machine?" The idea seems to amuse Matt more than anything, although he does turn serious a moment later. "I think that's the most romantic thing I've ever heard. Insane, yes. But no less romantic."
"Yeah, well. It's not going well so far, Izzy says that none of the specs I've presented him with would get me to the other side of his room, let alone back in time." I'm completely oblivious to the look of stunned disbelief that takes over Matt's face. "But I'm working on it. Hey, maybe I could include the latest plans for it in a card, and give it to him for Valentines!"
Well, I thought it was a good idea. Matt however looks to be choking on that last biscuit. Karma, baby.
After waiting several minutes for Matt to calm down, and freak'n hell, karma can overdo it, sometimes, I wait for his advice. Matt, being perfect, is sure to perfect advice as a result. It makes sense, really.
"You really love him, don't you?"
"Yep." Why the heck does Matt still seem taken back by that?
"And you don't want to ruin your friendship?"
"Yep." You're doing a brilliant job with the recap, Matt. Now tell me what I'm supposed to do.
"Then let it be, Daisuke. Chances are, Ken's not ready for a relationship as it is. You're his crutch, even if you approach this delicately, he might let himself be talked into a relationship simply because he doesn't want to lose *you*."
Maybe Tai would have been the better person to have gone to, after all. Of course, Ken couldn't possibly want to be in a relationship with me because he actually wanted to. That's obviously too revolutionary an idea for Matt to wrap his blond head around.
"Oh, fuck. Dai, I didn't mean it like that." So now he realises that he's just ripped my heart out, huh? True, he's looking almost hopelessly apologetic, but this is not something that can be easily forgiven. "If it's any consolation, Tai would have said the same thing." Can't see you anymore, Matt, you've practically buried yourself in that hole of yours. And I'm about ready to fill the rest of it up with cement.
"And why exactly would Tai think that it would be stupid of me to try and have a 'normal' –" stress on the 'normal', as I'm not sure that Mr Doom and Gloom knows the meaning of the word, "- relationship with the person I care for the most in the world?"
"Experience."
Huh?
Matt sighs then, that irritant sigh that most adults use when they're tired of dealing with someone who they deem too young to understand what they're going on about. Usually that particular sigh is enough to throw me into a full sulk, but I'm kinda feeling too young to understand what the hell Matt's going on about anyway. I have a feeling it's got to do with the twisted triangle (and Ken would so jump in now and point out that triangles compose of straight lines and therefore cannot be classified as twisted) that cropped up between Matt, Sora and Tai a couple of years ago, after which they all decided to be friends, because anything more than that was too complicated. Ken thinks that Matt and Tai came to that conclusion, anyway – that Sora wasn't worth ruining their friendship over. Must have sucked to have been Sora.
Just like it sucks to be me.
"Ken isn't Sora, Matt." That surprises him, although I'm not sure if it's because I've hit the mark or missed it so completely that the arrow's inbeded in some poor Eggmon's butt. "He's not as fragile as people seem to think he is, and I'd like to think I know him well enough to evaluate if he can handle being in a relationship with me, or, if he decides that I'm nowhere near as good looking and cool as I think I am, that he'd be able to deal with NOT dating me, as well." Matt's looking pretty confused, and I'm not sure even I understand quite what I'm trying to say. "Ok. Take two. Ken's cool. I'm cool. If he doesn't return my feelings, we'll both be cool."
"Um, take three?"
I'm starting to get the feeling that Matt doesn't date as much as the rumour mill suggests. Or that he's simply dense. Or, if that vaguely amused smile that is creeping onto his lips is a sign, that he's toying with me.
"Listen, Daisuke. You're right, you know Ken better than anyone. And chances are he won't flip or accuse you of not valuing your friendship enough to keep your feelings to yourself and maintain status-quo." This would be a hell of a more convincing speech if Matt weren't frowning doubtfully throughout the whole thing. "But sometimes you don't know someone as well as you think you do."
"Experience?" I echo the word he had spoken only moments before. I don't say 'lack of backbone?' or 'wimpiness?" even though they're more appropriate words, because Matt, bless his morbid, blond little heart, is really trying to help. That he's so giving the wrong advice doesn't matter.
Nor does it mean that I'm not listening to every single word he says.
"Experience," he replies with a grin, and I wonder if Tai's notion of romance has been as screwed up by the whole Sora thing as Matt's has. Not that I'm drawing imaginary conclusions by dumping this all on her doorstep, of course. It's just that Matt and Tai are too cool to have possibly done anything wrong.
"Matt, I understand what you've been getting at." So that's a bit of a stretch. I understand some of it, which makes me rather proud. "But I feel like I have to try, even if it's so subtly that he never finds out I made a move on him in the first place. I guess I just need to know."
If he makes just one quip about subtly not being my middle name …
"I suppose." He's still not certain, damn it. And I need his help for this, because subtly is so *not* my middle name.
Remind me to go throw myself off the nearest cliff, later.
"I've never done something like this before, Matt. And it's too important to screw up." Come on, he must hear the not so silent plea, right? He might be blond but he's not deaf!
"I'm hardly an expert when it comes to this kind of thing, Daisuke. Sora would be much better – you know, her being the holder of the crest of love and all." Yeah, yeah. I get the hint. "Hell, even T.K would probably be able to give you better advice." He says it with enough self-depreciation to catch my interest, because regardless of the different crests, Matt is supposed to be the guru when it comes to these things, how can he not be considering his sex god status? "And you do know that the whole Valentines Day thing is kinda … tacky?"
Most people I know consider it romantic. But then, most people I know don't get flooded with gaudy cards and proclamations of love each year from total strangers, either. But because Matt is so close to being won over, I just nod charmingly, smiling as politely as one can with a canary in their mouth. Even though I'm sure he spots a few, stray feathers, he sighs again, although this is a good sigh, one that is full of resignation.
"Thanks, Matt! I swear, you won't regret this!"
A snort.
"And by the way, his name is Diouf. Not Doof, you doofhead. Heh. Dioufhead."
"I could still change my mind, Daisuke."
Now would be a good time to shut up, I think.
End Part One
In the next chapter, Ken seeks some advice of his own. From Tai.
Yeah, he's pretty much screwed.
Don't forget to review *grin*