I WON'T SAY I'M IN LOVE
Disclaimer: I don't own anything Yu-Gi-Oh related nor this song. I only own the plot.
Anzu's in love but she can never say it out loud. The burden is overwhelming and, for a few precious moments, time stops to let her contemplate her feelings. Takes place after the whole Dartz saga but before they have to leave for Egypt. Let's just pretend that they have a little break in between.
I sit, restlessly, in my seat, eagerly awaiting for class to end and lunch period to begin. Usually, I would not be so quick to show enthusiasm for class to finish but today is unique. Today, Yuugi is sick so his other self is filling in for him. For some reason, only I can tell the difference between Yuugi and his other self. I think this would be a good opportunity to get to know him better, outside the dangerous battles and duel monsters tournaments.
I sneak a look at him and, immediately, my heart starts pounding. A soft blush fills my cheeks as my breath quickens. This always happens whenever I look at him. It has been getting worse every time. My feelings for the unnamed Pharaoh go beyond friendship and brotherly love. It is something I have never felt for anyone before. It drives me crazy, I can't even think straight sometimes. But whatever it is I feel, I know I must keep it to myself. He is merely a spirit, no matter how human he seems. He is not of this world, can never be of this world. And yet, I cannot forget the way my stomach tumbles when he smiles at me, the way my spine tingles whenever he calls my name. I cannot forget all the times he has been there for me, for the rest of us. He may be Yuugi's "darkness," but he bears a light strong enough to make me feel safe and pure.
I gaze at him again but this time, his eyes catches mine. I quickly turn away and try to hide the ache in my heart. I wonder what this means, why it sometimes hurts so much to just look at him.
The teacher drones on and on. I try to concentrate on what he is saying but fail, miserably, as I can still feel the Pharaoh's gaze on me. I shake my head. This is not like me. I have to focus. I just got back to school and I am already slacking off! But it is no use. Everything the teacher says goes in one ear and out the other, for my thoughts gravitate towards the Pharaoh. If only I can just talk to him, tell him what's going on.
I sigh. If only time could just stop for a second so I can regain my bearings.
Suddenly, I don't hear the teacher talking anymore. I don't even hear the wind rustling outside the open window. The air is filled with a heavy stillness. I look around. The teacher is frozen, his mouth curved into some word he never did get to finish saying. I see Jounouchi, leaning his head against his palm, his eyes half closed, like he was in the middle of blinking. I glance at Honda, paused in the middle of writing something. I take a look at the clock, its hands frozen. With a gulp, I look at the Pharaoh. It seems this has affected him, too. I walk towards his desk, calling his name, hoping he would respond.
I am rewarded, instead, with silence.
I stroke his cheek, marveling at the softness of his skin. How can it be that this gentle face can house such intense expressions? His eyes, his beautiful crimson eyes, usually sharpened into a glare are now softened to a curious gaze. My heart quickens again at being at such close proximity to him.
If there's a prize for rotten judgment
I guess I've already won that
He is only a spirit, I remind myself. These feelings must pass. I sigh as I wonder why I just couldn't have made normal friends. Why did I have to attach myself to a 3000 year old spirit who resides in a puzzle?
No man is worth the aggravation
That's ancient history, been there, done that!
I am Anzu Mazaki. I used to be able to cut a man twice my size down to the level of dirt. I used to be so independent, single-handedly protecting Yuugi from all the bullies, never once giving a second thought to my own safety. And now, just a single glance at a mere spirit and my knees start to buckle. These feelings have got to stop.
"Who d'ya think you're kiddin'?" I turn around, seeking the source of the voice.
"Who's there?" I demand.
"He's the Earth and heaven to you," the voice responds.
"What are you talking about?"
"Try to keep it hidden," undaunted, the voice continues.
"Who are you?" I growl.
"Honey, we can see right through you."
"Who is 'we'?"
"Girl, ya can't conceal it."
"STOP!"
"We know how ya feel and--"
"NO!"
"--who you're thinking of!"
I cover my head with my hands. Oh, God, I'm going crazy. I'm hearing voices in my head and they seem to know more about my feelings for the Pharaoh than I do. I take a lingering, longing look at him. Could it really be….? I shake my head, vigorously.
"No chance, no way," I say aloud. To the voice or to myself, I do not know. I place my hand on top of the Pharaoh's, reveling in his warmth.
"I won't say it, no, no," I smile softly at him.
"You swoon, you sigh," the voice replies, mocking me. I quickly take my hand away.
"Why deny it, uh-oh." I look around, despite knowing that I'll probably never know where this voice is coming from.
"It's too cliché," I challenge. I look back at the Pharaoh and, immediately, my breath hitches in my throat. Even just sitting in a classroom, doing something so mundane and routine, he is beautiful.
"I won't say I'm in love," I almost whisper.
I thought my heart had learned its lesson
It feels so good when you start out
I've watched enough movies and read enough books to know that this is only the beginning. I'm only attracted to him because he's different. As time goes on, he would probably feel the same attraction towards me. But this is different from movies and fairy tales, for this story won't have a happy ending. The fact remains that he is just a lost spirit, temporarily borrowing my friend's body until he can return to wherever or whenever he belongs.
My head is screaming get a grip, girl
Unless you're dying to cry your heart out.
I need to stop this foolishness. I don't love him. I can't love him. It will only turn to heartache in the end. I glare at the Pharaoh, as if it were all his fault. It is all his fault. Right?
"You keep on denying--" I groan, as the voice continue to taunt me.
"SHUT UP!" I shout.
"--who you are and how you're feeling."
"Please, stop!" I look at the Pharaoh, hoping he does not awaken to hear this. Butterflies form in my stomach, as, somewhere in the deep recesses of my heart, I long to have him know how I feel.
"Baby, we're not buying!" it exclaims, as if reading my thoughts.
"It's not true…"
"Hon, we saw ya hit the ceiling."
"I don't love him like that!"
"Face it like a grown-up."
"There is nothing to face!"
"When ya gonna own up--"
"I beg your pardon?!"
"--that ya got, got, got it bad?"
"No chance, no way," I say, harshly. How dare this voice, who doesn't know a thing about me, infer something so… so… I stare at his lips, so full and inviting, I could just… NO.
"I won't say it, no, no." A smile tugs at my lips as I wonder what it would feel like to--
"Give up, give in," the voice interrupts. My smile quickly turns into a frown.
"Check the grin you're in love." I gasp in surprise. Did it really just read my thoughts?
"This scene won't play," I coolly reply. I have enough sense to know my place. And it isn't with the Pharaoh. Not in that way.
"I won't say I'm in love."
"You're doin' flips read our lips," the voice mocks. I angrily place my hands on my hips.
"You're in love."
"You're way off base," I retort, walking around the Pharaoh's desk.
"I won't say it," I pace around restlessly, wishing this would just end already.
"Get off my case," I continue. In my haste, I stumble over someone's backpack on the floor. I quickly catch myself but, as luck would have it, I happen to use the Pharaoh's desk to settle myself, bringing myself dangerously close to him.
"I won't say it," I breathe. I look again at his lips. I feel myself being inexplicably drawn closer and closer to him. I close my eyes and brush my lips against his.
Oh, how soft they are! I pull away and kiss his cheek. Tears fill up my eyes as the realization hits me that I am in love with him, despite everything he is, despite everything I am. I love him. Shakily, I pull myself to my feet and walk back towards my desk.
"Girl, don't be proud," the voice says, softly. A soft breeze from the window tickles my face. The magic is soon to be over.
"It's okay, you're in love."
"Oh, at least out loud," I reply, wiping the tears from my eyes. I sit back in my seat and hide my face with my hair, "I won't say I'm in love."
Hey! Wow, long time no story, right? I apologize for the long absence but it was finals week for summer school. Hopefully, I'll have more time to write. In the meantime, please enjoy this fic!