Note! I'm really proud of this one, because it's very character reflective, and I absolutely love that. Plus I'm kind of partial to more painful, angst character studies instead of happy ones. Happiness bores me in stories (sometimes). There's nowhere to go. And, well, I may have created a new term in this story. Excitement! If it's been in another story or used somewhere else, I haven't found it yet. See if you can find it.
Disclaimer! I am not George Lucas and I do not own Star Wars no matter how much I wish (the ironic part is that you wish on a star...get it? Bad joke, I know. The story is better.)
Han Solo hates nightmares.
Very seldom does Han wake up and remember his dreams. He remembers his nightmares without fail, but it's very rare that he remembers his dreams. He envies Leia and her ability to remember each of her dreams in detail. How she can describe the colors and the smells and the noise to the point where he himself can imagine it. He can't do it, and he hates it. He would love to be able to wake up every morning and describe his vivid dreams to her, but he can't because he never remembers him.
And he most certainly can not let her picture his nightmares.
She reminds him quite frequently that he can tell her about his nightmares, that she wants to hear them. She tells him that she wants to help in any way that she can, and would gladly listen to his nightmares if it made him feel better. When she does this, begs him to let her in and suffer with him, he closes up. He avoids her eyes, tells her he loves her, and goes to get ready for the day. If she asks him about it, he says nothing, but rather finds something to occupy himself with so that he won't have to answer her questions.
He doesn't want to tell her his nightmares.
Three main nightmares are what plague Han's dreams. The frequency doesn't matter-they come and go and torture him appropriately, as all nightmares do. The best of the nightmares is the torture at Cloud City. His muscles jerk with every new prodding, but he no longer screams because his dreams won't let him. Instead he just feels and jerks and wishes that the pain stops. Han thinks he jerks about in his sleep when he has this dream, because Leia has woken him a handful of times to ask what was wrong (he never tells her).
The next of the mind-scars typically involves war and his three angels. Han hates these dreams for the mere sake that his three-beautiful, wonderful, perfect-children are present in one of his nightmares. He hates the idea of them in danger, in pain, in trouble. There is a fine line between causing meaningless trouble-pranks-and war. He hates it when he sees naive Anakin, with his horror-stricken blue eyes, glancing anxiously around for the next predator. He hates seeing amiable Jacen, the most compassionate person-child-he has ever met, trying to guard all the animals he can and not knowing where to hide himself. He hates seeing tiny Jaina, with her frightening mechanical abilities, covered his bits of blood and flesh where grease typically exists. Han hates the nightmares of his children and war-even more so because he knows that one day, they will fight.
The worst of the dreams seem to happen the most. He is encased in blackness, and he cannot move. He can't touch or feel or breathe. But he can hear. Usually he hears someone screaming in pain, someone close to him. Luke or Chewie screaming are the easy ones, the ones where the worst nightmare isn't as bad. When Leia screams, those nightmares are bad. He wants to move to help her but he can't. He can't do anything. He can't call to her, can't reach her, can't reassure her. He hates those. Once or twice he's even heard one of the kids screaming, and those are just as painful as the ones with Leia, sometimes worse. The worst of the worst, however, is when there is nothing. Just silence. He feels like he can move in these dreams, when there is silence, because his subconscious knows that he cannot move towards anything, especially when he paralyzes himself with fear. All he can think in these silent dreams is "they're dead, they're dead, they're dead" and that is quite the nightmare in itself.
Han Solo hates dreaming.
So... did you like it? Like it or not, review please?