It was a fine, nice evening in Gastown, Vancouver, and unbeknownst to the rest of the ignorant world, a group of largely known heroes were dining at a restaurant way out of their league. That all started out when the smasher's leader had decided to make a field trip to Vancouver. Sticking to his idea, he successfully got the smashers to the big city. And now the lot of them were bunched together inside of a restaurant called "The Spaghetti Factory." But enough of that, let me take you on your soon to be journey through this small part of their unimportant lives. A glimpse into the most obscure of situations. Let us begin…
When our fine hero, Falco Lombardi, walked into the old fashioned restaurant he was filled with a sense of nostalgia. The fine, oaken walls gave off a welcoming feel, and the sound of laughter could be heard from within. Falco took note of a group of jolly old folk, whom were dining at the same time as him. They seemed like nice people, cheery seniors, having a good time. Moving on from the old people, the hero continued to the tables with his class, guided by a friendly waiter. They were brought through many a nice décor, tramcars lit up, barrels stacked to the ceiling. But after a nice jaunt through the restaurant, accompanied by comments from the waiter, they had set our group down at a lovely group of tables situated somewhere in the back of the restaurant.
After arriving at our tables, our group settled into nice orderly groups of friends. Our main hero, however, decided to sit away from his peer group, and sat down with seating guests being Zelda and Kirby.
`So what do you think of the décor, Zelda my dear? The hero`s baritone voice rang out, demanding all but none of Zelda`s attention.
``I myself think it is rather fine, they did a top notch job." Zelda now has an English accent, so imagine her tender voice ringing out in such a manner.
"Hmm, quite fine. But what`s this? It appears as if you are dressed in a skirt?"Falco`s voice had a tone of surprise in it, not used to seeing the woman dressed in such fine attire. A look of utter bemusement was etched in his fine, stubbly face.
"Ah yes, while you were distracted with your third person monologue, I snuck off to the lavatory to get changed. I thought such a fancy occasion would merit some form of formal clothing." Zelda`s Brit accent rang out in such an octave of pristine beauty, that Falco thought it rivalled that of even Queen Elizabeth`s.
"Ah, yes. Quite. Some good thinking on your part, dear lady. Wait! Looks as if they are handing out menus, time for us two to order." The hero of the story pointed this out with an obvious tone of superiority, quite pleased with himself for pointing out the obvious.
"A herp-a durp-a, you forgot about me!"Kirby rang out with such a screech that even white cats with blue eyes cringed in fear of the owner.
"Sorry Kirby, but I do not feel like writing for three people in dialogue, now if you excuse me, I have to order." The hero Falco pointed out, quite irritated at the fact that he was too lazy to design dialogue for three. Kirby`s comment behind him, he looked on to the advancing waitress. She looked a touch off, but Falco couldn`t put his finger on it…
"Why hello striking hero, what would you like for dinner? We have five courses of spaghetti, all listed o this convenient menu!" She handed Falco a menu, on which there were many crude drawings of spaghetti, all of them labelled. The hero chose the drawing with smoke coming off of the dish, interpreting that as a spicy dish, our dashing fellow was quite fond of spicy things.
"Is that all sir? Oh wait; this is the only thing you get! LoLoLoLoL…" Her condescending laughs out loud could be heard fading off into the distance, as the waitress entered the kitchen to prepare. Falco's face turned a shade of bright red, as he silently fumed over the staff. Falco viewed himself as quite the important fellow, and didn't take kindly to adults looking down on him.
"Cheer up old boy; it can only get worse from here!" Zelda's reassuring tone of voice did quite the opposite. Our hero fell downcast, mentally preparing himself for a night of troubles. He sat still for awhile, gracing Zelda with the perks of actual conversation, but then the waitresses came out with the food. Everyone ceased there chattering and started salivating at the oncoming meal. It certainly looked delicious!
"Here you are, little boy~~~!" The same waitress from before accosted Falco with a plate of appealing spaghetti. She sang out at him, in such a sing-song irate voice, that Falco is mere moments from snapping. But try as he might, his diplomacy dyke groans, and the jerk held within escapes in such an explosion of rage, all present quiet down.
"RAAAAAAAAGGGGGGEEEEEEE!" Falco screams, his voice a perfect example of the mentally unstable. "Now you look here, Waitress! I am absolutely fed up with your service! I am a respectable, smart teenage man, and deserve respect! RARGH! Now you apologize this instant before I call my lawyer!" Falco reaches into his coat pocket, pulling out a rectangular, cellular device, but to his surprise, he pulls out a banana instead.
Across the table, Ganondorf breaks out into song…
Doo de doo de doo! Ring Ring Ring Ring Ring! Banana Phone! Cellular, Modular, Bananular, BANANA PHONE! I have this feeling… It's so appealing… Makes me want to say it beats the rest! It's the best! BANANA PHO-urk…!
Ganondorf's outbreak of song is disrupted by my shoe, which hit him squarely in the face. Quite pleased with my action, I look back at the waitress, who at this point had lost all respect for me. She broke out laughing, and then…
Everybody in the story laughed. Really. Fucking. Hard.
So visibly irked at this, our mistreated hero sits down, defeated by the laughter of his once friends. He silently eats as everyone slowly loses interest in him. After everyone moves on from his misfortune of embarrassment at the hands of a rude waitress, Falco gets up and retrieves his shoe from Ganondorf's area.
"Why did you do it, dear friend? I still had a shred of dignity left, but you ruined it!" Falco's exasperated disparities rang out at Ganondorf, hoping to breach the thick man's skull.
"I love Lucy." Ganondorf pointed out with a tone of such confidence that one could only believe that Ganondorf truly loved this Lucy.
"Of course you do… Of course…" Falco just gave up any premise of conversation with the crazy fellow. Falco slipped on his show and walked off; he had to use the facilities.
After telling Master Hand where he was, he ventured towards the back end of the restaurant, ready to wallow in his defeat on the ceramic throne. He turned the corner and reached the door, it clearly read "Men's", so he pulled it open and walked in.
What greeted him wasn't exactly what he was expecting though; he was greeted by a man-sized cat with silver fur. The cat bore an orange and white striped scarf, and had big green eyes. The kitty stared at our hero, a look of despair plastered on his furry face.
"So you've come too laugh at Michael too? Can't I die in peace?" Michael started sobbing manically, he was clearly troubled by something, and Falco being a softie for cats just wanted to help him.
"Aww, come on, Mike! Things can't be that bad, can they? You're an up and coming cat! You have years to look forward to!" Falco tried to reassure Mike, not wanting the cat to get suicidal.
"You don't even know me! All my life has been a lie, nothing but me whining about how bad it is! I expect so much from my friends and give nothing in return! I rejected the one person who truly loves me, all because of selfish reasons! And now I have Liver Cancer! Why can't the authors leave me alone?" *Sob sob, cry, tears, and other generic crying stuff* Michael cried out, he was quite sick of fans writing fiction about his life.
"Well don't worry, buddy! Just remember that it is called FanFiction for a reason! Nothing here will come true! You have no worries at all" Falco pointed out, actually getting sick of his whiny meows.
"*Sniff* You're right. I should quit whining here and get back to my comic. I'm not needed here." Michael admitted, getting over his fanfictionous problems. With a wave of farewell from Falco, and a click of three heels from Michael, the cat was gone.
"Well that was weird, and also I don't have to go to the bathroom anymore?" Falco wondered on this for a second until he gave up and retreated back to the tables.
Upon returning, Falco figured out that dessert had shown up and all of his peers had resorted to animalistic desires of stuffing their faces with the ice-cream that was dessert. Falco sat back down on his seat and picked up his spoon and ate in a much more formal manner. Taking small scoops of ice-cream, enjoying the pistachio flavoured confection.
After he finished, Master Hand told her students that it was time to go. They thanked their waitresses, (all but Falco) and departed out the door. Little did the group of students know, though, Kirby and Diddy had been kidnapped by a senior citizen. And now, for a short while… We switch off to Master Hand for a narrative bit…
"That was a fine evening, wasn't it Rob?" Master Hand asked him, because in my mind Master Hand refers to smashers by first name.
"It certainly was mister. Quite enjoyable on all parts… But what's this? Kirby and Diddy have disappeared! Whatever will we do?" Rob then proceeded to flip out as Master Hand formulated a plan.
"I have it," Master Hand exclaimed "I will hunt down the children myself!"
Then some other parent agreed and Master Hand set off on adventure.
Travelling through Gas Town, Master Hand saw all kind of sorts. Weirdoes with cap guns, chasing folks around. Strange fellows dressed in trench coats, sleeping on the streets. Master Hand made a mental note to lecture his smashers upon returning. But then, out of the blue, he heard a childish scream from an alleyway. Using his fatherly senses, he identified it as Kirby and set after him.
He turned the corner and saw them tied up in the alley, hung from a fire escape staircase. Beneath them, a vat of acidic goo that I can't think of naming right now boiled, eagerly awaiting the two kids. Just then the villain behind the crime accosted Master Hand.
"HAHAHAHAHAHA! I AM EVIL! WHAT WILL YOU DO, MASTER? YOUR STUDENTS OUR SUSPENDED ABOVE MYSTERY ACID, AWAITING THEIR DOOM! AND THE ONLY WAY TO SAVE THEM IS WITH THIS SWITCH!" The villain produced a big GREEN switch out of his pocket, because he has pockets now, and flaunted it in front of Master Hand.
"Well there is only one thing I can do now, Villain…" Master Hand pointed out.
"And what be that, Maaassster?" The Villain asked, using his first name as an insult to his status.
"It's simple…" Master Hand said again, but this time, he held her hand (body) into the air and screamed…
"STRIFE!"
And with that cool battle music erupted from hidden speakers and a battle menu popped up. Master Hand and the Villain assumed cool battle poses and equipped their Strife Specibi. Master Hand was Rulerkind, while the Villain was ½ swordkind. Their respective weapons taken out of the Strife Specibi, they assumed battle.
Master Hand Lv. 20 Villain Lv. 3
1)Aggress 4)Armamentalize 1)Aggress
2)Lecture 5)Flee 2)Spoil evil plan
3)Auto-parry 3)Flee
Master Hand chose Aggress, and continued to smack Villain with a ruler. The Villain flees, but drops the GREEN switch in the process!
Master Hand… A winner is you!
Exp gained… 12
Spoils… GREEN switch
"Ignore us, much!" Kirby screams out, almost ready to be dissolved by the vat.
"Ohh! You two, I have to rescue you!" Master Hand calls out her GREEN switch from his Sylladex and presses it, making the vat disappear. He then continues to free them from the rope by cutting it with a ruler. The two grateful children drop down, standing up and thanking Master Hand.
"And with that, children, we head off!" The three disappeared out of the alleyway, teleporting to the bus. With Master Hand's side done, lets head back to our awesome hero…
"So as I was saying…" Falco is interrupted by Master Hand's teleportation into the bus, forever leaving readers to wonder what indeed he was saying.
"I am back with the kids!" Master Hand exclaims. Holding up Kirby and Diddy like trophies. Then Rob makes a funny remark and…
Everybody in the story laughed. Really. Fucking. Hard.
The End!