"Katniss. Katniss, are you there?"
I started, my hand flickering to my left temple. "Yes, mother, I'm here."
"I miss you."
I gave a wary glance around the house, looking for Peeta. "Stop. I don't want to hear it. You abandoned me and Prim when dad died. You abandoned me when she died. Don't tell me you miss me," I mumbled, my chest constricting in pain at the memory."
I heard a long sigh on the other side of the line, and then someone talking. "Look, Katniss, I have to go. Tell Peeta and the kids I said hello, all right?" Then I heard a click, a signal that she hung up.
Good. I wouldn't have answered anyway.
It's been 32 years since the Capitol's defeat. The memory of the events of that day tore my conscience, always trying to figure out how I could have made it different. How I could have saved my sister from becoming a human torch. How I could've been there with her when the parachutes blew.
My son poked his head out of his room, pacing over to me when he saw my expression. "Mom, are you okay?"
I blinked, forcing my thoughts away. I forced a small smile. "Yes, I am. Please go get your sister. We need to start eating."
"Dad too?" he asked.
"No, just your sister," I answered.
He ran up the stairs, me following suit. He opened his sister's door and told her it was time for dinner.
I was still outside of the room Peeta and I shared when she emerged from the door.
"How is dad?" she asked slowly, carefully.
"Better than this morning, Iris," I replied, waiting for her to go downstairs.
She understood and nodded, hurrying downstairs where Greasy Sae's Wild Turkey Stew was waiting.
This morning Peeta had another flashback. We'd been walking the streets of the rebuilt District 12 when a mutt approached us, a rare skull in hand. I felt his hand tighten on mine and I turned to face him in time to watch his pupils dilate to cover his blue irises. Just like I did 30 years ago, I missed him full on the mouth and clenched his hands, attempting to bring him back to me. "Stay with me."
"Always," he said before he let go of my hand and sprinted in the direction of the Victor's Village.
I was jolted back to the present by the sudden absence of something to lean on. Luckily, the two times I'd been in the Hunger Games always kept me on my toes.
"Come to check on me?" a voice asked while I was steadying myself.
My head snapped up to meet the eyes of the boy with the bread - blue and untouched by Tracker Jacker venom. "Yes," I admitted, raking my eyes over his body, checking for any signs of abuse.
Peeta smiled. "Good. Now Katniss, please take these off of me so we can go downstairs and eat?"
I reached for the key in my pack pocket and stopped, a suspicious look on my face. "Are you sure you're up for it?" I asked.
"As sure as I will ever be," he answered truthfully and held his wrists out to me. I studied his expression for some time, checking for any signs of madness. I saw none. Peeta was always in his best mood after one of his episodes.
Beetee said it was his euphoria after being in such a dark state.
I took the key out of my pocket and shoved it in the keyhole on the cuffs, grateful he had managed to get these on while he was mad. "If you say so."
Peeta rubbed his wrists, wincing when he opened a wound. I trotted to the restroom, getting bandages and sterilizer. He met me at the door and I quickly dressed his wounds, ignoring the piercing gaze he had on my face.
"You know, if we should be worried about anyone, it should be you. I heard you screaming this morning," he said.
"Just another nightmare, " I muttered dryly, taping the bandage in place.
"You've been having a lot of those lately," he said.
I finally looked at him. "Well I can't help it, you know? Why didn't you wake me?"
"By the time I came back upstairs from outside, you had stopped."
"Why were you outside?" I asked.
"Matzo asked me why you always have an empty look in your eyes," he stated, looking down. A single tear rolled from his cheek.
I wiped it away, knowing even its taste. "I'm trying Peeta, I really am." My voice broke.
"I know you are, he said softly, running his finger through my hair.
"You kids coming down or not?" Greasy Sae called from downstairs, making Peeta and I jump in anticipation.
"Coming," Peeta called back, snatching my hand and leading me down the stairwell.
"Try to control it," I told him.
"Try to show that gorgeous smile of yours," he retorted, squeezing my hand assuringly.
We stopped at the bottom of the stairs when Haymitch rolled up to us in his wheelchair, his breath surprisingly not reeking of alcohol. "It's about time! I thought you two might have been making another one of them up there," he teased pointing his chin to Sage and Mat.
Peeta chuckled, lightly kicking one of the wheels on Haymitch's transportation. "I'm glad you still have life in you, Haymitch. Now if you don't mind, I'd like to go share a meal with you and my family."
"And Greasy Sae," Mat commented, his eyes flicking to the kitchen.
"And Greasy Sae," Peeta said, a little louder. I heard a hearty chuckle from the woman serving our food - the woman in this room I've known the longest.
My stomach twisted as I thought of the days in The Hob. The happy times I had with Gale, the time we purchased Prim's goat. Prim. Gale. I felt sick as I remembered that the last either of us spoke to each other was the day of my assassination of Coin.
We never got a goodbye.
I forced myself to forget about him all the time, he'd married Johanna and had a son. Haymitch kept me up to date with Gale's life in district two.
The thing is, I couldn't forget about my hunter.
My best friend.
The boy who I found in the woods by chance; the man that kept my family alive when I couldn't.
Peeta nudged me out of my trance, and we all made our way to the table, Wild Turkey in its broth awaiting us.
I'd gone hunting earlier with Sage - luckily she's pretty handy with a bow and arrow because I'd been training her to hunt since she was little in the unfortunate case that I was not to wake up.
Fortunate, I corrected myself.
I ate in silence, listening asHaymitch and Peeta conversed about the districts, the Capitol. Paylor. Watching as my kids bothered each other. The 4 year age difference certainly didn't help.
The fact that Sage was 16 and too mature for her age made it even worse. Her personality reminded me of my little sister's - unplaced in such a young body.
"What do you think about that, Katniss?" Peeta asked me cheerfully.
I closed my eyes. "What do I think about what?"
"President Paylor is getting married today! They are broadcasting it," Haymitch said, his eyes narrowing.
"That is great. How old is she, 60?" I asked indifferently, swirling my spoon around the yellow liquid.
"you can be over 60 and not be married," Haymitch said bitterly, dropping his spoon.
My kids chuckled at his comment, always amused by what he has to say. He flashed a toothy grin at them, and they laughed even louder.
"Sage, will you pass me the spoon?" Peeta asked, reaching his hand out to our daughter.
She grabbed the pot and spoon full of stew and carefully handed it to Peeta. "Here dad."
"Thanks honey," he said, taking them from her.
Ashrill beepe echoed throughout the house, announcing it was time for Paylor's wedding.
"Well, I guess it's time," Haymitch grumbled, pushing himself off the chair and walking over to the Television, the rest of us following suit.
I saw the Symbol of Unity on the screen, a symbol of 13 squares backed around a big rectangle, showing that we are one.
The next images I saw were beautiful. There she was, President Paylor, dressed in all white and not aged one bit since our last encounter 32 years ago. I'd blame it on stylists and surgeries in the Capitol, after all, how was she supposed to run our country when she was unattractive.
Everything was white. The seats, the chairs, the tables the guests. I spotted Plutarch sitting on the right, accompanied by Gale, Johanna, and his son Kieran. That boy looked just like his father. On another row behind them was Annie and Thawl - he a mirror image of his father as well. Next to them were Enobaria and Abril, both looked stunning in their white apparel. Abril strangely reminded me of Rue, with her dark skin and black eyes.
Everything was intricately decorated. The tables had white lace covers, a vase full of roses decorating them.
White roses.
I saw Haymitch and Peeta snap their heads to me, but I kept my face impassive, determined to show that the fight of those vile creatures did not faze me.
An organ player began to play a wedding song - it was centuries old, even our ancestors used it. An old man stood between Paylor and her husband, a man who was a stranger to me. They announced their vows and he leaned in to kiss her.
Everything turned quiet.
I saw something flash on the screen, and then there was a small red hole on Paylor's chest.
There was sudden Pandemonium and I saw Gale turn to the camera, his eyes pleading, calling to me all the way over here in District 12.
The old Capitol symbol went on the screen. I glanced around the room, I saw the edge of Peeta's foot as he went up the stairs, to put the cuffs back on. Haymitch had a panicked look in his eyes. Sage and Mat looked incredulous. Greasy Sae was passed out on the couch, her stomach still falling and rising.
My head started to swim when I heard the old Capitol anthem, reminding me of every horrible moment that I've ever lived.
Then I saw her.
I knew her before she even told us who she was, I'd recognize those snake eyes anywhere.
Those inherited snake eyes.
It can't be! She disappeared!
She won the Hunger Games, but when no one wanted to see her go on a victory tour, she vanished.
My vision was faltering, but I could still hear, as if my brain was trying to torture me.
"Hello, Citizens of Panem! I'm sure you know who I am. I mean, who wouldn't recognize the girl who survived the last Hunger Games, right?"
Haymitch was breaking heavily. "No, no, no," I heard him chanting, echoing my thoughts.
"My name is Nox Snow. Your President has been killed. You are now under my control."
That was the last thing I heard for a while.