A/N: I've always wondered: is the Hokage only a military leader? I dared to assume not, and this is what happened.
Naruto knew that one day, he could become Hokage. He knew that he had the jutsu, the skill, the strength. He knew he had the charm, the charisma, the uncanny ability to make friends with everyone he met. He knew he had the determination, and he knew he had it in spades. He knew that he had what it took to make everyone acknowledge him, to carry on the Fourth Hokage's Legacy, to change the Shinobi world.
But for all the things that Naruto knew, there was one very important piece of knowledge that remained out of his grasp. Uzumaki Naruto knew that he had no idea how to run a village.
Running a village included things like running fiscal and monetary policy, making laws, checking for the constitutionality of actions. Most of all, it included signing papers. He vehemently disliked signing papers.
As the blonde man sat behind his expansive desk in the Hokage tower, papers strewn across the entire polished surface, he slammed his forehead against the wood. He let out a small grunt, then turned his head to rest on his cheek. His eyes were glossed over; his mouth drooling slightly onto the documents.
"So this is why Baa-chan always drank at the office," he grumbled.
He heard the door open with a squeak and turned his eyes to it fractionally.
"Are you alright?" His pretty office assistant asked as she poked her head through the door.
"Two days…"
"Two days what? Worth of paperwork? Because that's what I have here for you," she let herself in carrying a three-foot tall stack of papers. Naruto's head bounced slightly as she set them down on the desk.
"Two days since I've officially become Hokage. Do I get a vacation now?" He still didn't move.
"Don't be silly," she chirped, "You have to familiarize yourself with the rest of the village institutions! By tomorrow would probably be best."
Naruto sat up straight as an arrow, "You said this was two day's worth of work."
She flinched at his murderous tone, "Did you think the Hokage actually got two days to do two days worth of paperwork?" She smiled saccharinely and was out of the room before he could respond.
He sighed and resigned himself to the mountain of work he knew he couldn't complete.
Picking up one stapled pile of thin, white papers he began to read.
"The Economy of Konoha: The Great Recession…"
After the last of the great war, it was no surprise that Konoha's economic growth rate dropped significantly. The high Gross Domestic Product that accompanies wartime production cannot be sustained through times of peace nor should it be desired. The Phillip's Curve clearly dictates that if the high rate of employment were sustained, inflation would become rampant. However, as many shinobi continue to be unemployed…
His eyes skipped down the page.
This indicates that a paradox of thrift has evolved out of the lemon's problem. Further stimulation of the credit markets will only continue to exasperate the problem. That is to say, Konoha is experiencing a liquidity trap.
Lemons? Stimulation? Naruto's mind drifted to a much different situation. One that had nothing to do with fiscal markets and everything to do with the soft curves of a woman.
He set the paper to the side and shook his head.
"Maybe I'll have more luck with the next one?" He wondered with trepidation and plucked it from the stack.
It was titled "The Legitimacy of Rights: What Rights Can and Cannot Do for the Global Community."
The term 'legitimacy' as I have been using it refers to the force behind a particular concept; it is the validity of a concept. This clarification is necessary because the term normative legitimacy or normative force can be used broadly to represent the idea that something is right or correct: that it is valid. However, this is not the definition with which I will be using the term Normative Legitimacy. Both the terms Normative and Sociological Legitimacy as I use them denote the validity of something.
Legitimacy? Validity? Right? Correct? All of those words meant the same damn thing!
Naruto growled and read the last few sentences of the paper, hoping that the meaning of all the fancy phrases would suddenly become clear to him.
By allowing Normative rights to be a global concern in the increasingly connected world and Sociological rights to let each polity retain its specific beliefs about the world, the two types of legitimacy strike a balance between the extremes of universal and specific. Each individual is allowed a dignified life and can feel secure knowing that neither their ultimate safety and well-being nor their most valued ideals are at risk.
It sounded awfully pretty. Why wasn't someone just doing it already instead of making him read about it?
He riffled through the stack looking at the titles of articles, praying to the dear gods above that there would be one he could understand. He knew that understanding every aspect of his beloved village was vital if he was going to be the greatest Hokage the village had yet to see or would ever see.
With a new determination he set his eyes on the papers before him.
Just War Theory: A Shinobi Code.
Proposition for Constitutional Amendment 13.
Police Forces and Their Importance.
Universal Health Care: Making It a Reality.
Against Espionage.
Go Green for the Environment: Proposals for a Renewable Village.
From that moment on, the office was doomed.
"What the hell is all of this?" The enraged Hokage kicked the stack of paper from the desk.
"I'm a Shinobi, damn it," a lamp shattered.
"I can climb walls…" paper clips clattered against the floor,
"…and walk on water…" a drawer was slammed,
"…and clone myself…" a stapler broke through the window,
"…and throw balls of pure energy from my fists!"
Naruto stopped as the last pieces of paper floated down around him and seethed. "So, I should be able to read a few pieces of paper to keep my village safe! You will be conquered, if it's the last thing that I do! Do you hear me? I will read all of you!" He pumped a fist in the air forcefully.
The sky was turning shades of orange, scarlet, and purple before Naruto's assistant had mustered enough courage to walk into his office again. The ruckus from earlier that afternoon still made her hand tremble as she slowly turned the doorknob.
"Hokage-sama?" She asked tentatively before peering in.
The sight was astounding. Papers still littered the floor, glass remained at the far end of the room, and bits of wood and metal framed the desk. But all of that was forgotten as the faces of thirty Narutos, pink-cheeked and smiling dazedly, looked her way.
"Hi!" they slurred.
That's when she noticed the thirty bottles of sake they held.
"What in the world are you doing?" she asked slowly, eyes wide in amazement.
"Reading!" they chorused.
"If some sake helped the old lady when she Hokage, it'll help us! Right boys?" the original Naruto beamed with drunken pride.
"Right!" they answered. The original Naruto gave them all a thumbs up and promptly passed out.
After the 'Thirty Hokages Incident,' as it would later become known, it was decided to instate the Hokage Cabinet complete with a Minister of Finance, Minister of Justice, and Secretary of Public Affairs.
After all, a Hokage can only do so much. And thirty Hokages are only good for breaking the record for world's worst hangover.