Right, I watched the Monty Python and the holy grail last night and my brother mentioned something about switching the Monty Python cast with the Naruto cast. So here is the result, I hope that you like it! By the way Vindictus is my brother.
Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto,Rouroni Kenshin, Monty Python, Dr Pepper, Tylenol or Big Red. Wish I did though.
Naruto and the holy grail
By Psycho Kitty 369 and Vindictus
Cast
King Arthur: Kiba Inuzuka Patsy: Akamaru
Sir Bedivere: Shino Aburame Sir Lancelot: Neji Hyuuga
Sir Gallahand: Rock Lee Sir Robin: Sasuke Uchiha
French Gaurds:Naruto Uzumaki Witch: Sakura Haruno
Famous Historian: Shikamaru Nara Historian's wife: Ino Yamanaka
The knights that say Ne: Akatsuki and the leader asked(Threatend the manager) that it be changed to the nine that say Ne.
King of Swamp Castle: Jiraya Prince Herbert: Kankuro
Tim the enchanter: Kakashi Hatake Bride of Herbert: Tsunade
Bride's Father: Shodaime Hokage Sir robin's minstrels: Sound four
Roger the shrubber: Gaara Dennis:Gai
crowd and villager's: sasuke's fangirls woman:Temari
all the other's: themselves Soldier appearing throughout the film: Kenshin
Narrator: Tenten
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
A young girl sat upon a chair with a visor on. "Right, is everyone here?" she asked a stagehand while brushing her blonde hair out of her face.
"Everyone except for Kakashi Hatake, Maa'm." the stagehand replied. He visably quaked when the girl turned towards him slowly her blue eye's flashing red. " And where is he?..." she hissed out. The stagehand paled before giving a small shrug. The girl frowned and turned to her assistant who was just standing there.
"Find him will you Vindictus. And take care of him." she stated flicking a glance towards the stagehand. Vindictus simply shrugged before motioning a rotting squirrel on the side of the stage and dragging the stagehand off to help him find Kakashi.
"Miss Kitty..." another stagehand began before biting his lip. "Yes, what is it now?!" Kitty snapped at him.
"Well, there are some complaints from Mr. Inuzuka and Mr. Uzumaki, Miss Kitty." Kitty gave a sigh.
"Alright, where are they?"
"There in the male dressing room, Miss Kitty." the stagehand said before running off to find something. Kitty slid off her chair gracefully... before falling flat on her face from a cord that was running along where it shouldn't have been.
"Dammit, just what I needed, A bloody nose. Great." she growled out before hauling herself up and going to the male dressing room.
/The Male Dressing Room/
"Dammit Kiba, Why do you get to be King Arthur? I would be a better one than you!" Naruto yelled at the other male while adjusting his silly looking helmet and false mustache. Kiba just gave a small snicker at how he looked before answering.
"Because, I'm much more awesome than you so why shouldn't I be King Arthur? What I want to know is where Akamaru is, and how he's going to bang a couple coconut half's together..." Kiba said and trailed off when the door opened and Kitty came in with some tissue's held up to her nose.
"Hiya Kitty-chan!...un." Deidara said before turning back to the helmet that was currently held on a stand while all the other males simply stared at the girl.
"Right, Mr. Kiba, Mr. Naruto, is there a problem?" she said giving a nod to Deidara.
"Yeah! Why does dog-boy here get to be King Arthur, when I would obviously be much better than anyone else here for the part?" Naruto yelled. Kitty winced and opened her mouth to answer.
"Well, you see..."
"Akamaru! Where's Akamaru!!"Kiba yelled cutting her off and getting in her face. Kitty gave a small sweatdrop.
"I don't know?!? And is that all that you all are complaining about?" she yelled back at them. None of the other's answered and she frowned.
"Right then, hurry up and get onstage! Naruto, it doesn't matter that Kiba is King arthur, Kiba the stagehands will find akamaru. Now if you'll excuse me, I need some tylenol...and Dr pepper." Kitty said before turning around and leaving the room.
/Onstage/
Kitty gave a small sigh as she slid into her chair with and Ice cold Dr Pepper berrie's and cream. She took a small sip of it and popped a tylenol into her mouth.
"It's good for you!" a girl with brown hair shouted running into the room with some frozen vanilla float big red and a spoon before shoving some of the soda down Kitty's throat. Kitty sputtered before looking at the girl.
"Who the HELL let you in here!?!" she screamed at the smaller girl who just stood there smiling.
"Tobi did! It's good for you!" the girl said before shoving some more of the soda down Kitty's throat.
Kitty simply gave a sour smile afterwards. Tobi would pay, oh yes he would pay. The stagehand's simply stared at the scene before them while one of them gave Akamaru to Kiba.
"Okay, Scene one, Light's, camera, and Action!" Kitty said. "You might as well stay since your already here little sister." The other female nodded before sitting down on the floor.
/Scene one/
[opening music
[wind
clop, clop,clop
Kiba wearing a King Arthur outfit came out onto the stage with Akamaru behind him with coconut halve's on a rope around his neck.
"Whoa there, Akamaru! Is that a castle that I see there?" Kiba said ignoring the fact that Kitty was shaking her head no at him.
"Cut, cut, cut! Kiba, all you're supposed to say is 'Whoa there'! Nothing else!" Kitty yelled at him. Kiba gave a small frown.
"But, that's so short, Right Akamaru!" he said. " I don't care if it's too short! Now let's start the scene over."
[opening music
[wind
clop clop clop
Kiba came back out onto the stage.
"Whoa the-'"
"Aughh! The Pain! My BOOK! How could You!" a scream came from offscreen as Vindictus walked into the room several dozen zombified squirrels following him with little shreds of paper hanging from there mouths. To Kitty's questioning look he gave a shrug as Kakashi lunged forward with a chidori blazing. Vindictus sighed and sidestepped out of the way as Kakashi banged his head into the wall.
"I ain't gonna ask what you did...I think I can figure it out myself." Kitty said before turning back to the stage.
"What are you all staring at, HUH?! Get back to work! Start the scene over again."
[opening music
[wind
Clop clop clop
Kiba came back out onto the stage again.
"Whoa there!"
clop clop clop
A head popped up from behind the wall.
"Halt! Who goes there?"
Kiba stood up, striking a 'regal' pose. "It is I, King Arthur, son of wotshisname-"
"Cut, cut, cut! It's son of Uther Pendragon Kiba! Not wotshisname! Do the line over." Kitty yelled at him while Vindictus snickered.
"It's Good For YOU!" The younger girl screamed before shoving some big red down Kiba's throat. Kiba collapsed, clutching his windpipe in desperation.
"Does this mean that I can be King Arthur instead of him now!" Naruto yelled offstage. Vindictus's chuckle's became insane laughter. Kiba did his best to glare at Naruto while choking on the frozen soda. Kitty gave a sigh.
"Does anyone here know the Heimlech Manuever?" Vindictus walked up to Kiba, picked him up by the throat and punched him in the lungs, knocking all the soda out of his windpipe. Kitty gave a small sweatdrop as Kiba sputtered after Vindictus dropped him.
"Riiight... Let's hope that noone else is targeted by the little brat there." She said while flicking her gaze over at the girl and Vindictus.
"Well... I guess we have to do the scene over again. Someone restrain my little sister from shoving frozen soda down the actor's throat's please."
[opening music
[wind
clop clop clop
Kiba came back onto stage again.
"Whoa there!"
clop clop clop
The head popped up from behind the wall again.
"Halt! Who goes there?"
Kiba stood up, striking as regal a pose as he could with red soda stains on his outfit. "It is I, King Arthur, Son of Uther Pendragon, From the castle of camelot, King of the britons, defeater of the saxons and sovereign of all england!" He said.
"Pull the other one!"
"I am!"Kiba exclaimed, "And this is my trusty servent Patsy! We have ridden the length and breadth of the land in search of knights that will join me in my court at Camelot. I must speak with your lord and master."
"What, ridden on a horse?"
"Yes...Yes!" Kiba said with shifty eyes.
"You're using coconuts!"
"What! No I'm not!" Kiba denied.
"You are too using coconut's!" Naruto yelled from off screen. Kitty smacked her head in frustration.
"You know, I don't really care if they screw this scene up anymore. Keep Filming!"
"You've got two empty halve's of coconuts and you're bangin' 'em together!"
"So? We have ridden since the snow's of winter covered this land, through the kingdom of Mercia, through--"
"Where'd you get the coconuts?"
Kiba looked shifty eyed again. "We...uh, we found them!"
The soldier looked skeptical. "You found them? In Mercia? The coconut's tropical!"
"What do you mean?" Kiba asked in honest confusion. The soldier gave him a disbeleiving stare.
"Well, this is a temperate zone."
"The...swallow may fly south?! Does it?" Kiba asked with wide eyes. Kitty sighed.
"Does it? I don't know. Does anyone know wether the swallow flies south?" Naruto asked.
A second head popped over the wall. "The european swallow does, that it does. The African swallow is nonmigratory, though. You all do know what that means, right?"
Sasuke made a point of huffing and looking away, but was paying very close attention. He wasn't quite sure what a migratory was, but it sounded interesting.
"Nonmigratory means that they don't go south in winter, that it does." Kenshin said. As soon as he said it there were a lot of facefaults.
"Thank You, Kenshin-san, for that lovely piece of information. Now then can we continue?" Kitty said rubbing her forehead while reaching for the tylenol.
"Right, Um... where was I again?" Kiba asked
"I quote, 'the swallow may fly south', that it does." Kenshin said nodding sagely.
Kiba looked over his script franticaly. "Ahh, Here it is! The swallow may fly south with the sun or the martin or the house plover may seek warmer climates in the winter yet these are not strangers to our land?"
"Are you suggesting that coconuts migrate?"
"Not at all! They could be...uh, Carried, Yes they could be Carried!" Kiba said. Akamaru gave a small whine at that, nodding his head.
"What? A swallow carrying a coconut?" the soldier said. Kenshin looked a bit confused at that and searched through his script to find that bit.
"It could...grip it by the husk!" Kiba declared, grasping at straws.
The soldier sighed. "It's not a question of where he grips it! It's a simple question of wheight ratio's! A five ounce bird could not carry a one pound coconut."
"Well, I'm not interested in any of that!" Kiba exclaimed." Will you please go and tell your master that arthur from the court of camelot is here?"
The soldier looked at him. "...Listen, in oder to maintain air speed velocity a swallow need's to beat it's wing's forty-three times every second, Right?"
Kiba growled."Please.!"
The soldier grinned sadisticly. "Am I right?"
"I'm not interested!" Kiba yelled.
Kenshin brightened as soon as Kiba had yelled his line. "An african swallow could carry it, that it does! But that doesn't make any sense at all,that it does not." Kitty was ignoring what was going on while nawing on the tylenol bottle to try and get it open.
"Oh an African swallow, sure, but not a european swallow! That's my point."
"That make's sense so I suppose that I would have to agree with you."
Kiba gave a frustrated growl. "Will you PLEASE go and ask your master if he would like to join me at my court in Camelot?!"
"But then a-- wait, african swallows are non-migratory aren't they." The first soldier said again.
"That they are." Kenshin said.
"So they couldn't bring a coconut back anyway."
Kiba growled and turned away to leave.
clop clop clop
"Wait a minute! Supposing two swallows carry it together, that they do!" Kenshin exclaimed to the first gaurd who shook his head.
"Nah, they'd have to carry it on a line."
"Well, simple! They'd just use a strand of creeper, that they would!" Kenshin said after a moment.
"What, and hold it under the dorsal feather's?"
"Well, why not?" Kenshin questioned innocently.
[End Scene One
Kitty growled while trying to open the tylenol bottle with her teeth still while a stagehand walked up to all of the actors and everyone else.
"Good job on that scene you guys! Anyone want a soda know or something to eat before Miss Kitty has you go on to the next scene?" the stagehand asked.
Naruto nodded enthusiasticly."A lot of Ramen!" he exclaimed to the stagehand.
"IT'S GOOD FOR YOU!" the girl said running up to him from where she had been restrained before shoving some of the soda down Naruto's throat. Naruto gave a small sputter at the soda being being shoved down his throat.
"Right, another Dr pepper berrie's and cream soda for me. And someone open this blasted tylenol bottle for me would you!" Kitty yelled. The stagehand nodded before turning to Vindictus... to find him in a debate with Itachi.
"I'm better than you because I have swarms of zombie squirrels." Vindictus said.
Itachi glared. "But you lack...HATRED!" As soon as he had said that an Itachi fangirl came out of nowhere.
"That's right Itachi!"she exclaimed with hearts in her eyes. Vindictus's eyes flashed crimson before he snapped his fingers. Zombie squirrels swarmed around the fangirl, devouring her alive. As soon as the zombie squirrels were finished there were little drops of blood all around on the floor where she had been. Itachi looked at Vindictus.
"You are superior to me. Even I cannot defeat the evil fangirls of doom." he said.
"I hope that you're planning on cleaning that floor up, Vindictus!" Kitty yelled at her brother holding the tylenol bottle open in her hand.
Kitty looked around as soon as the stagehand came back with her soda and Naruto's ramen. "Anyone else want anything to eat or drink?" she asked. "No? OK, then, as soon as Naruto's finished with his ramen we'll do the next scene."
/Scene Two/
[thud
[clang
"Bring out Your dead!" a man said while walking alonside a cart with dead bodies on it.
[clang
"Bring out your dead!"
[clang
"Bring out your dead!"
[clang
"Bring out your dead!"
[clang
"Bring out your dead!"
[cough cough...
[clang
[...cough cough
"Bring out your dead!"
[clang
"Bring out your dead!"
[clang
"Bring out your dead! Ninepence."
[clang
"Bring out your dead!"
[clang
"Bring out your dead!"
[clang
"Bring out..."
[rewr!
" ...your dead!"
[rewr!
[clang
"Bring out your dead!"
"Here's one."
"Ninepence."
"I'm not dead!" the old man over the male customer's shoulder exclaimed.
"What was that?" the man said looking at the 'dead' man slung over the customer's shoulder.
"Nothing. Here's your ninepence."
"I'm not dead!"
" 'Ere. He says he's not dead!"
"Yes he is!"
"I'm not!"
"He isn't?"
"Well, he will be soon. He's very ill."
"I'm getting better!"
"No you're not. You'll be stone dead in a moment."
"Oh I can't take him like that. Against regulations!"
"I don't want to go on the cart!"
"Oh don't be such a baby."
"I can't take him."
"I feel fine!"
"Well, do us a favour."
"I can't!"
"Well, can you hang around a couple of minutes? He won't be long."
"No, I've got to go to the Robinsons'. They've lost nine today!"
"Well, when's you're next round?"
"Thursday."
"I think I'll go for a walk!"
"You're not fooling anyone, you know. Look. Isn't there anything you can do?"
"I feel happy, I feel happy!"
[Whop
"Ah, thank's very much."
"Not at all. See you on thursday."
"Right, all right."
[Howl
clop clop clop
Kiba rode past the cart and the two men.
"Who's that then?"
"I dunno. Must be a King."
"Why?"
"He doesn't have shit all over him."
[End Scene Two
Kitty smiled. The scene had gone without anything going wrong.
Naruto pouted. "That was boring! Practically nothing happened!" Kitty frowned and turned to look at him.
"You think it was BORING! It was perfect! Nothing went wrong! That is what all the scene's should be like!" she exclaimed.
"But it was boring!"
Kitty twitched. "Fine then. Next scene Starts NOW!" she said motioning to the stagehands ignoring the cries of what and No fair.
/Scene three/
[thud
[King Arthur music
[thud
[King Arthur music stops
Kiba rode along grumbling because Naruto had caused them to go into the next scene without a rest.
"Old Woman!" he cried out.
"Man, Youthful King!" Gai screamed, turning around. All the other actor's except for Lee paled when they realized who was playing 'Dennis'.
"Man...Sorry. Who lives in that castle over there?" Kiba asked Gai. Kitty looked like she was about to cry.
"It's what Knight lives in that castle, Knight!"
"I'm... Younger than Thirty-seven!"
"I-what?"Kiba said deciding to ignore Kitty for the time being.
"I'm younger than thirty-seven oh Youthful King! Not old at all!" Gai yelled.
"That's not how it goes!"Kitty screamed at the two males.
"Well, I can't just call you 'Man'. Right Akama- I mean, Right Patsy?" Kiba said. Akamaru nodded his head.
"Well, actually you could just call him Man, that you could." Kenshin said from off screen.
"DON'T ENCOURAGE HIM!!!" Kitty screamed at Kenshin then.
"You could call me Dennis! It is a most Youthful Name!"Gai yelled.
"Well I didn't Know that you were called 'Dennis'!"Kiba yelled Back at Gai.
Vindictus looked around. "So, is this scene going to turn into a huge yelling match?"
"IT'S GOOD FOR YOU!" the girl yelled before running up to Gai and shoving some frozen big red down his throat.
"You didn't bother to find out that my most Youthful name was Dennis though did you oh Youthful King!" Gai yelled again after having swallowed the big red.
"YOU KNOW WHAT! LET'S DO THIS SCENE TOMARROW WHEN EVERYONE'S NOT GOING TO TRY TO SCREW IT UP! GO HOME PEOPLE! COME BACK TOMARROW! AHAHAHAHAHA!" Kitty screamed before having a breakdown.
"I guess that's our cue to leave?" Naruto said looking at the girl strangely. Vindictus sighed before hauling Kitty to her feet.
"Come back tomarrow when she's more sane, okay." he said before walking off with her.
A.N.
So this is just the first couple of scenes of Monty Python and the Holy Grail. If you like it than review. If you don't like it then screw a moose...or a llama if you prefer. Psycho Kitty 369 is leaving now to finish her sugar high! Have a nice day!!