Under his skin
I lay down my cutlery, eyes down on my plate half full. I have no appetite. Despite the success of our last expedition, I can not rejoice.
We conquered a new outpost and cleared the road of titans who guarded it. It will probably be a long time before they return to this area. Wall Maria seems to be getting closer... but countless lives have had to be sacrificed for this success. In my room in Trost, by candlelight - the only source of light - I begin to recite in my mind the names of the missing...
Levi takes his cup of black tea and sips it slowly. His eyes are scanning me from the edge of the cup and I wish I could tell him I'm sorry. But that's not what he would expect to hear me say. The rest of scouts has a well deserved rest and we are almost alone in this part of the building. As usual, I invited him to dinner in my quarters after our return. I hoped he would relax my nerves by making some jokes in his style, but he was strangely silent all the time.
Staying face to face with him in silence has never bothered me. But tonight I feel special tension. As if he was expecting something from me and dared not ask me. We have only such little secret for each other, and he must guess my emotions... so I wonder about the reason for his prolonged silence.
I put my hand on the table and discovers my palm. There, in the center, I distinguish among the shadows the straight and clean scar that I owe to Levi ; the injury he inflicted on me so long ago and sometimes gives me real phantom pain. The feeling of the blade entering my flesh... I close my eyes to try to dispel this memory and let my hand warm up to the flame of the candle.
But another heat occurs, accompanied by a shy touch. Levi slips his hand into mine and lets it rest for a moment. I smell the soap floating towards me, because he took a bath before joining me here. His hair is still wet. He is leaning over the table and drops spread on the surface. Levi, please, say something funny, or mean if you prefer, otherwise I think I'll crack...
He hugs my fingers and I return the favor, so that our hands are completely sealed against each other after a few seconds. I can only look down on these two joined hands, one big and one smaller, these hands of soldiers marked by years and trials, and who find at this moment something else to do than kill...
Levi gets up without a word, but his hand does not leave mine. I have the idea that he will take leave, retire to his room as he does at the end of each meal, but that's not it at all. His hand goes up my arm as he bypasses the table and passes beside me. He disappears from my vision and before I can turn to see what he intends to do, two arms wind around my neck ... I seize them and try to disengage me without brusqueness, but Levi remains clinging to me firmly, chest pressed against my back. The chair separates us but I distinctly feel the beating of his heart against me.
Thousands of questions go through my brain in an instant. Levi, why? What is it ? What do you want me to do ? Is it his way of telling me that he has compassion, that the dead haunt him too, or ... What does he want to tell me? So I let him give me the answer, in his own way.
He slips his fingers into the collar of my shirt, I feel his mouth close to my ear, and his deep voice softly whispers:
"Do you want me to stay tonight? ..."
There is no joke disguised in his request, but a sincere concern. My heart beats faster... What's going on ?... I'd like to know what he means by that, but he does not give me time. His fingers are wringing on the buttons of my shirt, but without impatience, as if he had all the time. I hear his breathing calm but deep, and I try to grab his enterprising hands again, trying to turn back to face him. I pull on his arm so that he comes in front of me. His expression is as fathomless as usual, his locks veil his gray eyes, and his rings are more hollow than usual... but I detect on his tired features something like hunger... a hunger for a nature that I can hardly determine.
The sides of my shirt finally open and Levi begins to remove me. Calm down, I can do it alone. I... I will also take off my boots and go to bed, you're right... These are the thoughts that I form as I try to forget the words he said earlier. Stay... tonight... with me ? Levi slides my shirt off my shoulders and lets his hand drag on my chest, where an old wound is just beginning to heal. He must realize that my heart beats... When he finally attacks my pants, I must stop him. I firmly grasp his wrists and look him in the eyes ; I want to know what he's thinking, perhaps looking in his clear gaze - but inflamed by the candlelight - the reflection of my own misunderstanding. He has not drunk, he is sober... And me, am I ? I had a few drinks earlier but I do not think I lost my mind...
He comes near and snuggles against me. His wet head resting on my chest, we let ourselves be rocked by the sound of music that does not exist... I do not reject him. We do not repel someone who wants to comfort... His arms encircle my waist and his hands slip back to my belt. When his fingers move, I grab his hair and lean his head back to look at him again. Levi, do you know what you're doing ?
The button of my pants open, it departs from me backwards, but pulls my arm forward for me to follow. I almost stumble when I understand where he trains me ; to my bed, just behind him. I feel like I'm weak, I can not control anything, which is not usual, and I drop on the couch, unable to think about what's going on.
Arms dangling, I watch Levi get rid of his shirt too. The soft sound of the cloth rubbing on his skin, then falling on the floor, makes me an unexpected effect. But not as powerful as the vision of his body. His skin is white, and from here one does not distinguish the scars that dot it. I know this body. I have seen it so often. But not so, not... in these circumstances...
These are the circumstances that make me shudder.
Without warning, he rushes over me and writes his lips on mine. It's almost violent... Suffocated, unable to anticipate this gesture, I let myself go under its weight, and old sensations come back to me. The memory of my first kiss, when I was sixteen, with a girl of the training brigades ; his sweet taste, the taste of youth, his shy tongue, his elastic, soft and red lips... And what happened next... No, stop thinking about that...
Levi does not have a sweet taste of a girl, but the bitter one of the black tea that he has just drunk. It's the taste of a man. And without expecting it, I like it much more. His hands furry my hair, and I feel, with an exquisite surprise, the tip of her nipples hard pressed against my bare skin... I'm not really aware of what is happening - or even if it really happens - and I let my hands touch his body, caress his pale skin ; my fingers follow the drawing of his tense muscles, wander on his waist, go up along his neck to support the kiss, press even more, more, even more... Our tongues mingle slowly, and Levi's is not the least hungry... It makes me fall back on the bed by weighing against me and we find ourselves entwined on the couch, each seeking always to explore all that we can reach each other, without any question , no reason, no justification. Just this : we need it.
I need to press him against me, to breathe his scent, and to let his expert fingers caress me in places that nobody, for a very long time, had solicited... I had forgotten until the existence such excitations... But this is new to me. Never has a man touched me that way, and never before have I imagined myself capable of feeling pleasure...
But it's not just a man ; it's Levi...
I dare not ask him for fear of breaking everything, but I guess it's not the first time for him ; he knows where to caress, how to position himself, what part of my body he can excite with his hands or his tongue to make me faint... There is no hesitation or embarrassment in his movements. And while I'm asking myself questions again, I'm forced to stop. I do not want to know how he learned to do that, and with whom... I do not want to know how many lovers he has already had, how many have already felt the pleasure he gives me, the lightness of his limbs, the curve of his buttocks that I seize with both hands, and the stiffness that I feel against my thigh...
I do not hesitate to join him on this. I have not had such an erection for years. I did not even feel able. I do not even want to ask why I accept it, why I participate, why I urge him to continue. The answer may be deliciously scary...
His hand is on my crotch inflated and began to mix with application. I confusedly see a mischievous laugh near my ear. Levi ? Is it really you who produces this sound ? I grab his body and kiss his shoulders, his arms, his chest, to the erected fleshy buttons. They are still soft under my tongue, I want to eat them... I suck greedily and while Levi continues to caress me, he begins to gasp faster and faster. I feel proud to provoke this reaction ; until now I was the only one to have gasped. But he takes over by sliding his hand directly around my cock. His touch makes me sigh loudly... He accentuates his movement up and down along my dick and I feel like taking off the bed with each back and forth... I fall flat back and me focuses only on the feeling it gives me, an arm on the face.
Eyes closed, I feel his little nervous body pressed full length against mine, his hand still closed but flexible on my cock, come and go, come and go at a steady pace... Then everything stops. I do not realize right now because the sensation continues to spread throughout my lower abdomen, like an echo... When I open my eyes again, Levi is standing in the dark. I can see his naked body, barely shaped by the light of the candle and the nascent moon. He took off what was left of his clothes... With a swift gesture, he tore off my pants - he carried the straps in the movement - and I found myself just as naked. I wear only my bolo tie ; only my erect dick separates us...
Levi approaches without even looking at my sex for a minute... The distance between us gives me cold, I want him back... And I understand what he is about to do. Usually, I'm not so long to understand things... But it seems so unreal... totally unexpected... so much more exciting...
Levi climbs on me and straddles my chest. Its weight on me makes him so real... I start to blow very hard, anticipating what will happen. He introduces his fingers into his mouth and begins to suck with application. I grab his other hand and impregnate his other fingers with my spittle. When I feel his hand again run my dick, lubricating quickly with undisguised fever, I release his soaked fingers.
I do not understand myself. I have never done this with a man, I have no concrete idea of how it should happen - or even if it is reasonable to let him... But it's like an instinct ; as if I knew what to do without having to explain it to me...
As if it were written that it would happen, with him, here, now, in this room. I feel like I'm participating in some kind of sacred ceremony...
I know Levi is getting ready. What, only my imagination can give me a pretty precise idea... I try to anticipate, to make myself less hard, less imposing for him, but I can not... Maria... I'm afraid of hurting him...
But he seems sure of himself. He plays a little with my cock by tickling it, by making it penetrate him, just a little, just enough to make me crazy with desire ; so much so that I come to beg him silently to go to the end... And when finally my sex slips gently in its furrow, between his soft but muscular buttocks, I know that it will really start. He impaled on me voluptuously pushing a long groan that I interpret first as pain. I try to push him away, to free myself, terrified at the thought of hurting him - and also having to stop this ecstasy - but he keeps me tight between his thighs. Once again, I feel the full extent of his strength, and I remember it exceeds me. So I do not move anymore and he too stays motionles, as if to get used to my presence.
Inside, it's so narrow ... but also warm and soft ... I realize that I am in him, bound to his intimacy like never before ... My arms are stretched to try to tackle him, but he grabs my wrists and plates them on the bed. So, slowly, Levi starts to ride me.
He run his pelvis back and forth, and his body ripples with sensuality above me. I never imagined Levi able to do that... even less with me, but... I do not want to interrupt anything. I let him do and propel throughout my body waves of pleasure closer and closer... I remain fixed on his face, fascinated by all the expressions he offers me. His half-open mouth lets out rales to indefinite nature, but he seems not to suffer, quite the opposite. He bites his lips and I manage to release one of my arms to stroke his cheek. His forehead is hot but not as much as mine. He finally fixed me and began to suck one of my fingers while accelerating the pace.
From where I am, I see his cock swinging in rhythm in front of me, erect, hard, proud... I touch it with the hand then let it stray on his waist, which undulates in measure, as in the sound of a music... My dick slips out of him, in him, with surprising ease, and the sensation of sucking, tightening, then release, constantly renewed, all this alternated at will, leaves me panting... I... the blood rushes to my head, but all the rest is focused on this single point, that part of my body that connects me to him, to his hot and hungry bowels...
Levi accelerates the pace and I hear moan louder and louder. He releases my arms and I am able to sit up. He clings to my shoulders, knots his arms around me - I feel his short nails penetrate my skin ; his tongue drowns my ear and I grasp his ass with both hands to accompany his movements more and more frenetic... His cock is pressing on my belly, and I put my face in the hollow of his shoulder by squeezing it very hard . I whisper his name, very gently and with difficulty because my chest is squeezed by our embrace. I kiss his neck, grab his hair and lean his head back to capture his lips, to catch his breath just before his orgasm. Levi... My Levi...
That's it, I feel them go through him all. The spasms shake his body, also cross mine and go up to his throat. He arches his back and I have to catch him to prevent from falling. His nails plow my shoulders as he finishes enjoying a complaint that he tries to choke. I smell the characteristic smell of the hot, sticky liquid he has expelled on my belly.
I still hold him against me until the contractions stop altogether. I lie on the bed, panting, skin glistening with sweat. The spectacle of his pleasure satisfies my ego, I must say... Levi wipes his wet mouth with the back of his hand and observes me with interest. His hand grabs my thigh and crawls up my glistening sex... He realizes that I have not came with him, and his troubled expression melts me. I lean over him and hear him whisper :
"And you, Erwin, you don't have..."
I prevent him from continuing by pressing my lips on his. I do not need to explain to him because now I see everything very clearly. He awakened in me the man whom the soldier had supplanted. I did not want to cum with him, not so fast. I got away as soon as possible from the embrace of his body to allow my desire to fall a little... If I had not done, I would lie there, as exhausted and contented as him. But I did it voluntarily.
Because I want to take him myself. In an ultimate assault, an assault of which I would be the commander this time.
Levi remains lying, his dick now at rest, his chest spotted with semen. I would have imagined that he would have rushed into the bathroom to clean himself, but he did not move, and kept looking at me insistently as if waiting for an order. No, he's upset. Vexed to be the only one to come. I lean over him and kiss his forehead. Do not worry, I'll join you soon, but in my own way.
I let my mouth run through her salty body, my tongue lingering on her relaxed muscle s; my lips leave a wet trail on his hand, in the hollow of his wrist, along his arm... My fingers pressed and now perfectly assured pinch his nipples always hardened, my palm caresses his powerful abs, taking with a little of his sperm, and I taste it with the tip of the tongue ; I taste Levi... it upsets me... Then I get lost between his wet thighs and Levi spills back to this contact. I make him suck my two fingers at length, then introduce them gently. Hearing his moans again delighted me. He slightly arched his back so that I can work it more accurately... I lie down next to him and let him grab my shoulders of anticipated pleasure ; for his pleasure arouses my desire again. And my cock hardens again, ready to accomplish its task for good this time.
He wraps his legs around mine and I perceive on his mouth, in his eyes, a silent call. He wants me again. And I want him so much that to think about it, I risk spreading immediately. It's out of the question... I'm going to lead the dance now.
I stand over Levi and my dick is swinging right in front of his bulging eyes. Until now, he had only felt it with his hands and the rest of his body. He sucks his lips looking away, as embarrassed by this vision. I understand his reluctance. Because this time, he will have to rely totally on me. He was in a strong position just now, but now he may not be sure he wants to reverse the roles.
It is not my sex that frightens him in truth ; it's the idea of letting me use his body as I please.
I grab his face and force him to look at me. I reassure him. If you do not want to, you just have to tell me. Because if you let me start, I'm not sure I can stop. You may have to push me away, or hit me hard for that. Tell me now. Quick. I guide his hand to my cock, to make him realize that it's the same, the one with whom he made love earlier, and that if he lets me do it, it will be good too. And even more. If you really believe in me... show it to me...
He removes his hand and puts it on my cheek. He whispers to me:
"I trust you... I know you'll not hurt me..."
My heart beats very fast, and I put myself in position. I guess Levi is not used to being on his back. I do not want to know... but I can not help wondering... Has he always been the one who guides and decides, find himself in this situation is he humiliating for him ? But he gave me his agreement... So...
He stays still, knees tight, arms folded around him. Don't do that... otherwise I'll never be able to go... Please... Let me make you love... Then Levi's features relax, he spreads his thighs and reach out to me, in a gesture of invitation and total abandonment... This vision makes me almost want to cry... because it seems so vulnerable, which is so strange... So I lean on his offered flesh and plunges into him with a flexible movement of the hips.
His body seems lifted by shock, and Levi throws his arms over his head before letting them fall back onto the pillow. I don't penetrate him completely ; just a little, to give him time to decide if I should continue. I'm really trying to be gentle and... Holy Maria, I really have to control myself as best as I can to avoid pounding him with violence ! It's so tight, so narrow in him... so good... I'm bending over my arms so as not to crush him and start this movement of the hips lilting, rhythmic, archaic, this movement of come and go so powerful that makes the world turn since the dawn of time... The bolo tie begins to swing gently over his face...
Levi moans very loud at a time and I stop suddenly. I caress his cheek and capture his mouth between my lips asking in a breath if it's okay. In response, he puts his hands on my contracted buttocks and spreads thighs further so that I can penetrate him deeper. He does not need to tell me verbally. I slip more in saltiness, and the smell of his skin makes me crazy...
His fingers go up along my back and his nails claw my shoulders frantically. Our bellies slam against each other with a wet vibration, in a swirling movement faster and faster, and I feel his cock hard against me again. I want to see you cum again. So I flatten myself against him and let the pressure of our bellies stimulate his dick. The familiar contractions shake him again, he grabs my bolo tie between his teeth and his muffled complaints invade my ear, plays against cheek...
I want to see you. My hand pushes his hair from his forehead and I can see his fine black eyebrows that contract with pleasure. A stream of spittle flows from his red lips, and even a little blood. He left some on my tie... He stopped shouting. No, Levi, do not hold back. I slap my mouth again on his. If you want to scream, scream inside me.
I will not be long in joining him. I accelerate the pace and slide my hands on her buttocks to spread them further. He clings to my arms, and asks me more. Do you want... that I come inside you, Levi ? Tell me if I can, quickly... I will not take long...
For any answer, I feel his legs tied around my hips in a fierce embrace, designed not to let me go. He lifts his pelvis, arches over the bed and accompanies my movements, but faster and faster, to orgasm... The feeling of my sex sliding in him is the most exhilarating I have ever felt... I wish it would last... but I can not extend it further. My body screams to let me go !... I pound it with frenzy with the last strengths I have left...
I lean back, my hands gripping Levi's hips, lifting him from the bed with brutality. The pulsations in my lower abdomen rush and converge towards the end of my cock tense to explode ; I feel it, liberation... I pour myself into him with force, and he welcomes my pleasure with a new wave of heat ; I feel that my whole being is tending towards him, and the love I feel at this moment seems to me too big for the world...
I collapse on him, and we remain thus, in this unglamorous position, for several minutes. I feel better than ever the softness of his skin inside his moist thighs, the tenderness of his arms that surround my neck, his soft lips that whisper in my ear and ask me if I can stay a little longer inside him, just a few minutes... I would stay there, always... never again detach myself from yo ... I let him hug me, wrap around me like a beneficent balm, my cock still buried inside his bowels...
...
It's late already. Levi sleeps deeply beside me, his head resting on my arm lying on the pillow. I can not tire of looking at him, that little being so dear to my heart, yet so great, so strong, the best soldier of humanity... His chest lifts and falls to the rhythm of his soothed breath ; no nightmare this time, it seems... The moon outside splashes his body with dark and bright spots ; he looks almost like a ghost... too carnal though. I'm still wondering if all of this is real... Will I wake up tomorrow, my empty bed and my sheets wrapped around me in the unleashing of this erotic dream ? Or will he be there, as now, totally abandoned to sleep, his hair in battle, resting peacefully in my arms ?
Don't go, Levi. Even if it's a dream, make it last a while longer. We have plenty of time to start fighting, but... not right away, as late as possible, keep me alive...
He wakes in his sleep, sighing contentedly. As moved by instinct, he brings his body closer to mine to look for some heat. I cover him with the blanket and press him against me. I slide my fingers over the line of his jaw, his chin, on his neck ; the curve of his shoulder is soft, that of his buttocks is even more... his body is a nest of sweetness.
But we can not perceive this sweetness easily. It's not enough to touch him or to caress him. This sweetness is not on his skin, but just below... Where the veins beat and pulsate with vigor, where nestle his emotions and the most secret desires, those that no one can know. This place that he allowed me to see while I thought not to deserve it... If it allows me, I would still feel it...
This sweetness... just there...
... under his skin...