This moment, this exact time, precisely this weather combination and this universal equation, this was all that matter to Mei. She didn't bother to look up, she didn't want to see what she knew would be there. Lips pursed into a hard line, arms crossed under chest and an almost sad and disappointed look in those brown eyes. Yes, that's exactly the look that Tsunade was giving her as she looked across the room at the women who even now at her lowest still seemed so strong. How could this happen, why did this happen, these were questions Tsunade knew she should be asking herself, but watching the women before her stand with her back against the wall, hands crossed behind her back as if she were a small child who was getting scolded, and hair covering most of her face she knew questioning hers or anybody's decision in this time was not her place. She was only there to present the facts, knowledge that this woman had trusted her with. Information that was deadly, and not only to her. "I think you already know the answer" was all Tsunade had to say, and closed her eyes as the truth in that statement was even to hard for her to handle at that time. She had seen woman get punished for less, she knows what happens when you are deemed as a traitor to your people, had seen it happen so many times to people who deserved it. But this woman, she opened her eyes to see that Mei had sunken to the floor, hand covering her mouth, to stop sobs maybe, to make sure she was still real was probably more like it. This woman was not a traitor, maybe confused and reckless but a traitor? There's no way someone would fight so hard for their village only to turn their back on it. "I know that other Chakra…" Tsunade looked away again, small tears leaking down her face and squeezed her hands into fist. How could this happen, why did this happen, questions she knew wouldn't get answers but couldn't help but ask herself. Mei was not someone to let her guard down, you could never catch her off balance. She was Mizukage, she overthrew a jinchūriki, and one of the few who had full control over the demon. She took a once corrupt society that was dead and had no hope and brought it back to life, to something that was well worth the authority that it was given. Had modernized their society and healed the past wounds inflicted on her and all the other citizens who grew up in a time where not dying was the only motivator kids had while growing up. Hell, she even grew up during the Bloody Mist and LIVED through it. How could this have possibly happened was the only question on Tsunade's mind as she shook in head in quiet condolence and let her tears stream down her face one by one. "Say his name" Tsunade turned to the quiet whisper she heard from the now heap on the floor, though even now, looking at her you couldn't help but feel obligated to give nothing but respect . Mei lifted her head, and surprisingly showed no tears, not even watery eyes, just a deep sadness, something that can only come from the very bottom of your soul, and only appears at your darkest times and hollows out every sense of light that had once been perceived. She was hopeless. She stood back on her feet before she continued, a new sense of fire now lighting her deep blue eyes, the only other emotion she could latch onto right now and use to warm her now empty heart, "I don't want hear your pity, you think you understand something that you know nothing of. All you've heard were stories, and that is that. That's all anyone has ever heard, about him, and me, about our home. We were monsters, born to be violent and destructive, and we were in hell. You could not even began to know what that puts on a child, who doesn't know why it was created other than to kill. We were monsters who didn't know what heart was but desperately craved it. Where you are from love and peace were accepted, at the end of all your fighting, all your wars there was that. How could you love someone who you knew you had kill one day? How could you open your heart enough to someone knowing that vulnerableness would be the death of you. We couldn't even begin to count on anyone else but ourselves, in any situation." Mei lifted her hand to her mouth to choke back the bubbling sob in her throat that refused to go down, and all Tsunade could do was watch her and listen. What could you even begin to say at a time like this, the truth was Tsunade didn't know, and could never understand what it was like to grow up in a time with such ruthless bloodshed and painful teachings. All she could do was listen, and try for the love of God to stop her tears from flowing. "He was monster, just like me. He was the only one who understood what it was like, to be the best and know that you were only that on the deaths of countless others. That to be strong you had to be damned, you had to sell your soul to something that was awful and so meaningless at the end of the day, but you continued to do it because you would rather it be them than you. Even knowing that that was me and my mindset he still loved me!" and at that point there was no use in holding back the tears any of them were trying to. The floodgates had opened, and they stood five feet apart and cried, one crying for the past, and one crying for the present. Mei whipped her nose and took a step toward Tsunade, "and he died, he died a noble death. Maybe not to you, because now you don't have that leverage that would have made life so much easier. No, he's dead, and took everything with him. Kisame is dead, and you don't have to pretend like you didn't have something with it!"
Tsunade stood her ground but turned her head, "that man was an enemy, to you and to me, he had killed many people in the name of an organization who had declared war on my village.."
"And what do call what you're doing? What is all this for?" Mei stretched out her hands as if to indicate that they were standing right in the middle of the war that was brewing just outside those doors of the Kage Summit, "You think what you're doing is really different? He fought for a cause that he believed in, he was loyal to his death. He did everything that was asked of him as a shinobi, just not for you. And because he didn't play on your side, he was an enemy, and that's the end it. Please don't speak on a man you haven't even met, because YOU did not know the person he was, all you knew was the place he served."
"He was killing my people!"
"And you killed his! All is fair in love and war! How dare you hold that against him, a fellow shinobi doing what he is entitled to do! His name is Kisame! Say his name!"
Tsunade held her head down, Mei wasn't in her right mind. She was coming from a place of extreme hurt, and didn't have anyone to blame so she settled on the closest target, and Tsunade could understand that. Maybe she didn't understand this certain type of loss, but she knew what it was like to have a love ripped from you. She knew only too well, and because of the strength in knowledge, she was able to put aside her own pride, just this once, and go to the woman who she knew would be hurting so much more than her soon. She tentatively walked to the Mei, who now looked as though she were a wounded she wolf, standing so fiercely and yet going through so much pain at the same time. When she came close enough all Mei could do was look into those warm eyes that seemed so understanding now and looked for any sign of malice. She didn't know what she would do if she found it, and right now she didn't trust herself to make the right decisions like she normally did. And when she felt those hard, calloused hands touch her shoulders, all she could do was sob and give in to the comfort. She had spent so many nights alone with this pain, with no one to tell, no one to grieve to. This relationship was kept under strict wraps for so many years, neither wanting to jeopardise her current status and changes that she was leading. He had been so proud of all the accomplishments that she had made in her time by herself, when he had left and became a traitor. At first she had been hurt, though she knew she could make it without him, and that's exactly what she did. She built her own reputation from the ground up, trained in impossible ways, did everything she could do to get to her one goal, becoming Kage. And when she made it she knew she should only have nothing but pride for herself, though there was always that sting in the back of her mind that reminded her that it would have felt a whole lot better to have him watch her be here now. She didn't dwell on these thoughts, and knew if he ever wanted to come back, he would. There was nothing that could stop either of them from doing exactly what they wanted. There reslience was an unstoppable force, and through everything they would come back stronger and better than ever. Though when she did finally see him that day, in the corner of her personal quarters, covered in darkness and in that ugly robe all she could do was smile. She had made it, and so had he. He had finally found what he had always been looking for, a purpose, and she had finally won for what she was owed, peace. Together she felt as though there was nothing that the both of them couldn't do, but when he said he didn't want to come to their home her heart stopped, "I only came back for you, not for here". He wanted nothing to do with the society that she had started rebuilding, said there wasn't a place for him, but she knew the truth. Her reputation would be ruined, there would even more heat put on the Mist for having an ex Akatsuki member within her gates. He would never want her to seem as though she were siding with a traitor should she allow him to come back. She could never live it down peacefully, and he could never leave due to his honor. So that is where they stayed, together but separated. Her picture perfect wedding that she had always assumed she would have one day was now just childish dream that she once had, having someone you can really call your own didn't even seem like it was real to her anymore. Those things were just made for perfect worlds and for perfect people and neither of them were such. It wasn't strange that he wasn't there with her, because she had never needed him to be. That wasn't the part that hurt her so, it wasn't the reason why she was here today breaking down in front of a woman who she barely knew. Death was such a natural part in her life she had began to see past greving and had just grown the acknowledge the person who had passed while they were here living and move on. Most likely this is what she would have done for Kisame too, though it probably would have taken her a little longer to accept that he was dead for good, knowing he had sneaky ways and could pop up at anytime. Though some facts were facts, and when she saw that the conch shell that he had given her exploded from the inside out and had left water droplets everywhere in her room she knew there was no denying it. Though even that, realizing the man that you love is dead, she knew she could come back from it, knew it was what he would have wanted her to do. What had cut so deep is that he hadn't left, he was still there, inside her. This feeling that she had aching at her soul and mind, starting as a dull pain but suddenly turning into this constant throb that would not be settled until she had a solid confirmation of the truth. So she sought out the best, and was conventily meeting her at the Five Kage Summit. There was nothing stopping her from leading her to some deserted hallway, and finally getting the answer that she knew would probably end her, and asking her plain and simple, "Am I pregnant?" She was crushed, and so hopeless to know that it was true, but she had to hear it from her, and not just keep the guessing game going. Mei hugged Tsunade back, and in her ear begged her, "please, just say it, please I need to know the truth…" And Tsunade, with a breaking heart and a cracked voice answered her plea, "yes".