"Listen, Mister MacGyver-"
"Please. Call me 'Mac.'"
"Uh, yeah." Michael Westen did his best not to sound insubordinate or even impolite. Although since Angus "Mac" MacGyver was a civilian instructor at spy school, there seemed little possibility of a court-martial or other disciplinary action.
"I appreciate what you're trying to do here," Michael said. "But I can't really see a situation where I would use ordinary household objects to make improvised weapons."
"You might be surprised," MacGyver chuckled. "When I worked with the Phoenix Foundation, it was amazing how many times someone would lock me in a barn or an attic or a science classroom, thinking there was nothing I could do in there. But there's things you can do, Michael."
"Uh, yeah. That sounds very interesting. But I'm not you."
"You don't have to be. This stuff can work for you." MacGyver pointed. "You're from Miami, right?" Michael nodded. "Suppose you're on a mission in Miami."
"Unlikely but go on."
"Maybe you're working with your friend Sam Axe. Maybe you're working with your ex-girlfriend Fiona."
"How did you-?" Squinting slightly, Michael folded his arms and nodded. "You read my file."
"And I have other ways of learning things about my students."
"Potential student. For this class."
MacGyver looked very serious, which was quite a feat when someone was so old and wore a mullet. "The thing is, Michael, just like you can improvise listening devices, or bombs, you can improvise weapons."
"Again, Mister MacGyver. Mac. I can see this working for you. But then, you're you. I'm not."
"But you can be."
"I don't see-"
Michael was cut off by a blaring alarm and the announcement, "We have an active shooter on the post." MacGyver and Michael immediately consulted the closed-circuit TV. Only at spy school would they have security monitors in the break room.
"Is this a drill?" Michael asked.
"I wasn't told about a drill."
"That would make it a very realistic drill."
"I don't think so, Michael. Look." MacGyver pointed to a monitor where a man in Army fatigues, holding an M16, moved methodically down a hallway.
"That's Vincent Norman. He got in trouble right here in the break room."
"He's most likely headed here," MacGyver said, opening some shelves above and below the sink.
"Makes sense. This is where he got in the fight. This is where Colonel Brewster had him arrested. This is where Colonel Brewster takes break every day at this time."
"Fortunately for him, Colonel Brewster is on leave." MacGyver picked up the phone. "Bob? You've probably already done this but make sure you get out a message, along with all the MP's. to tell everyone to stay inside. And have the MP's be very careful."
Once MacGyver hung up, Michael said, "That'll keep everyone safe. Now what?"
As Michael spoke, MacGyver was already acting, pulling cleaning supplies out from under a sink.
As he mixed cleaning products, MacGyver said, "Unscrew that light bulb, would you?" As Michael complied, MacGyver went on. "As you know, in a civilian setting, once you're aware of an office shooting, you can run or hide or, as a last resort, fight back. Since this is spy school, we'll do the last two."
While he assembled items, MacGyver explained how to turn a light bulb into an explosive and how to turn a microwave into a weapon that fired silverware. Michael was impressed with how MacGyver could calmly teach while in a crisis situation. But then he was MacGyver. The man had been on how many missions? The guy knew his stuff. And he stayed calm. How did he do it?
MacGyver seemed to read Michael's mind when he said, "Sometimes when you're in a stressful situation, it can help to, in your mind, narrate what you're doing. Like you're talking to an imaginary person."
"I'll try that."
When Norman Vincent finally burst into the break room, it was the silverware shooting out of the microwave that did him in.
Michael quickly disarmed and restrained the shooter while MacGyver improvised some handcuffs.
"You know what, Mister MacGyver? Mac," Michael said. "I think I'll take your class after all."