Why Unspoken?

[finished jun '06.]

A/N: It took me a while—only about 3 years, hah—to decide whether or not I should published this. I really don't know why I feel like publishing it right now, especially when all the hype on Fruits have mostly died down… Maybe because I feel it's time for me to jump back on the fanfiction writing wagon? Who knows… Anyways, please enjoy this oneshot on my all-time favorite, as well as the most intense, dysfunctional..ly deep couple ever:

Akito x Shigure!

(Feedbacks/Comments/Suggestions/et. al. would be wonderful and greatly appreciated!)

Synopsis: a oneshot on Akito and Shigure's thoughts and what happened after she found out he slept with Ren…

**Obligatory Disclaimer: I don't own Fruits Basket or any of its copyrighted contents, otherwise I wouldn't be here writing a bunch of sappy fanfics on it ._.

Akito's P.O.V

She did not know what to do.

But the truth was that she did, she knew fully well what she should do, only…she didn't want to do anything about it. Hell, she didn't want to admit it ever happened. The second she heard those words her mind went numb.

"What do you mean, mother…?"

"You should really learn how to keep a better handle on your men Akito."

That sneer. Her mother's taunting sneer still echoed repeatedly throughout Akito's mind. Hatred was the only thing flooding Akito's heart now, hatred for her condition, hatred for her life, hatred for her wretched mother, but mostly, hatred for him.

How dare he? She thought vehemently. He should know better, he is her object, she controls him; he belongs to her and no one else's.

Why…? Why would he do such a thing? Why would he hurt her in this way?

Only one answer came to her mind: Shigure does not love her.

But…that's not possible, is it? Shigure gave her the flower; he said that she would always be in his heart, always and forever.

Forever…she chuckled bitterly at that word. In the moment when he told her he will love her forever; her heart felt infinite. Yet, like a fragile ball, her heart dropped and shattered into countless pieces the second she found out he betrayed her.

Akito stared blankly outside her window. It was a bright, sunny day. She narrowed her eyes and a resentful smile played across her lips. Bright, beautiful, clear, and everything that she wasn't. Her mind was still numb. Though she couldn't straight, she still knew how to feel. And her heart felt sick. It is one of the particularly unpleasant feelings Akito had only experienced once before in her life: on the day her father died. Her father had loved her, he told her she was special and needed; he gave her a rare, warm feeling that was ephemeral, yet greatly cherished.

However, that thin thread of love was cruelly snipped away the moment that wretched woman found out.

"…Don't be stupid, you were nothing more than a toy to keep Akira entertained."

"No…No…NO--YOU'RE WRONG!!!"

"I never wanted to have you! NOW YOU TOOK HIM AWAY FROM ME!"

"SHUT UP---JUST SHUT UP!!!!!!!!!"

The words poured out of Akito's memory like an unwanted leak in the faucet. No matter how hard she tried, she could not block out the images of her own silent tears, her father's lifeless body, that woman's raging fits from her mind.

What that woman said couldn't be true. Those words had to be lies; Akito knows this. Shigure himself told her she was special. He told her she was loved…he told her—

Akito's whole body suddenly gave away as she collapsed onto the floor. A sudden wrench of pain shot through her heart, and for the first time, the jolt was sent up to her deadened mind. Numbness was now replaced by frequencies of dull throbbing. Akito's two hands trembled furiously as she tried to steady herself to stand. These random attacks were not unusual; they were just one of the many side effects to her "illness". This particular attack was strange though. Usually, only Akito's physical condition would falter, but today… her heart hurts also. Akito placed a shaking hand over her chest where she felt her heart thumped to a violent, pulsating roar. Her head pounded feverishly as she tried to suppress a cynical chuckle.

At least her mind wasn't numb anymore.

Akito's gaze diverted from the floor to the main garden. There was only one thing on her mind now: she must see Shigure.

Shigure…you have always been there for me. You held on to me when my own mother gave up on me, you whispered to me those sweet words you're notorious for. You replaced my father, and became my lover. Why did you do this to me? Why have you betrayed me?

Those thoughts were the only thoughts occupying Akito's mind as she struggled to reach for the door. She wanted to yell at him, to hit him, to strangle him with her own hands. But more than anything, she wanted to see him. She wanted to hold him close, to validate that he is hers, and will always be hers, even though she knows fully well that that one moment of possession might just turn out to be nothing more than a moment of sweet delusions and lies.

Akito's P.O.V - End

Shigure's P.O.V

Streams of sunlight danced through the open window to gently nudged awake a sleeping writer. Shigure squinted his eyes at the clock only to be startled by the time:

3:25 p.m.

His planned 20-minutes afternoon slumber had turned out to be a monstrous 2-hours nap.

With an exasperated sigh, he plopped back down onto his couch and tried to contemplate on everything that had happened over the past 24 hours. It was no use. Everything was a blur, everything except for that event.

Another sigh was let out in the desolate room.

Why did it have to come to this? He didn't want to hurt her, but it was the only way she would learn. It was the only way she would learn that he was not her "possession".

Shigure chuckled bitterly, it's not like she loves him anyway; she loves…that rooster, that man who lives like a shadow of her.

Just the thought of them being together made him sick.

A light breeze stirred the ceramic bird wind chime hunged carelessly on the window. He gazed at it for a while, wondering why on Earth he had accepted that clumsy gift Ayame gave him three years ago for having his first novel officially published. The damn thing hardly made any pleasant tinkling noise, even at the strongest breeze. It had been an eyesore ever since, but Shigure couldn't bare to throw it away after seeing Akito's reaction over it. "It's so adorable, don't you think?" she would gush everytime she visited him.

Shigure smiled a half smile.

Now he sees why, it was partly his fault that Akito turned out the way she did; he simply had spoiled her too much. The more he spoiled her however, the worst she becomes. The worst she becomes, the more he loves her; it is a twisted form of love, but it is love nonetheless. He knows that she is far from perfect, and he likes that about her; her flaws are more appealing to him than anything else. For this, Shigure had, countless times, purposely overlooked the little faults Akito conducted against him and the other members of the Souma family. One fault he never did overlooked though, was her choosing Kureno over him. Shigure knew that he loves Akito too much to let her go.

And in very much the same way, he loves her too much to let go of any major slight she made against him.

He knew why he did what he did, yet questions still plagued his mind. Shigure is a master at understanding human emotions. He knows he can read and analyze others better than the most famous of all literature. And until now, he thought he knew everything about Akito. So why? Why has his God chosen the plain rooster instead of the faithful canine? Why did she choose to be with Kureno every waking minute of her existence, to lie next to him in bed every night? Shigure was perplexed, speechless even, at her silent choice, to the point where he has regularly observed the two in desperate attempts to see what made them so compatible.

He vowed one day to understand the psychology behind Akito's decision. As for now, his only wish is for Akito to understand his position, to know that he had only hurt her because she has wounded him deeply.

All these thoughts of jealousy and reprisal wore Shigure out. His eyes traveled to the peaceful garden outside his window and let nostalgia gets the best of him.

"Shigure, do you like me?"

"More than anyone Akito; I love you. I only think of you. Here, take this flower; know that you'll always be in my heart, always and forever."

A figure emerges from behind a camellia bush and disrupts Shigure's melancholic flashbacks; it was Kureno. Shigure's eyes constricts malevolently at the sight of this man. Soon however, the dense atmosphere was soon replaced by a different, interpersonal kind of aura. Shigure senses that Akito is coming.

Shigure's P.O.V: End

-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-

Akito limped painfully towards Shigure's room. Droplets of sweats and tears trickled down to her pale lips, her face brimming with anguish. She knew that she should call for Hatori, otherwise her condition would only get worst; but none of that reached her mind, her heart is the only thing in control now. Akito's steps slowed as her bare feet came in contact with the wet earth. The main garden brought back so many memories of her time with him. Just when she thought she was never going to make it across the garden to Shigure's room, a voice called out to her.

"Akito!"

She looked up; it was her beloved Kureno. Akito gave him an appreciative smile—which was instantly replaced by a fake scowl-- as he approached her. Her heart suddenly felt a bit lighter for she knew here is one person whom will never dare to betray her.

"Akito…you don't look well…" Kureno's face eyebrows furrowed with concern. "Perhaps I should take you to Hatori…" Upon hearing this and thinking how she will never get to see Shigure, Akito's eyes widened with alarm.

"I'm fine!" she snapped angrily.

"Akito…"

His aiding hands were shoved aside as her burgundy eyes glared angrily at him.

"Just help me get to Shigure's room!" she grabbed his haori forcefully for support.

"Akito, I— ", knowing he will never win with her, Kureno let out a sigh and clutched her hands gently, leading her through the garden.

Nearing Shigure's room, a rare sensation ran down Akito's spine, masking over her physical pain. The bond existing between God and the Dog has never been stronger. Shigure…she can sense his presence here, behind that window. Her heart thumped violently as she tried to control the overwhelming rush of emotions inside her.

Steel gray oculars met with burgundy brown for a moment.

As a way to taunt Shigure that has over the years become something like second nature, Akito swung one arm over Kureno's shoulder, letting her body rest on his carelessly. With one finger gently stroking the nape of Kureno's neck, Akito leaned in to whisper something in his ears.

Kureno started to walk away.

Akito took her time walking in Shigure's room. She found the young writer sitting on his futon, reading a novel, completely nonchalant about her presence. The sight of him finding a book more interesting than her annoyed Akito greatly. She stood at the door for a while. Finally, the young writer closed his novel and looked up, a faint smile appeared on his lips.

"Why, hello Akito-san, what brings you here?"

"Why didn't you greet me?" she asked crossly.

"I greeted you just then didn't I?" Shigure walked towards her and placed a hand on her cheek, with this gesture he added softly, "besides, I thought Kureno escorting you here was enough."

The feel of Shigure's flesh on hers was electrifying, it was soothing and stimulating at the same time; so much that it almost made Akito forget why she was here in the first place … almost.

She swatted his hands away, angry that he can still make her feel this way after what had happened.

"Don't play games Shigure, you know why I'm here."

Shigure stood up to put away his novel.

"Ren told you?"

Akito was taken back by his sudden frankness. She replied cuttingly, "of course that woman told me, you think you can hide it from me forever?!"

Shigure let out a soft chuckle. He placed a hand on the windowsill, eyes gazing towards the garden. "The camellias are blooming quite beautifully this year."

Akito's eyebrows creased with anger.

Why are you avoiding the question?

"Stop looking at flowers! Look at me!" she grabbed Shigure's face with both hands and forced it to turn towards her direction. "--At me, Shigure, look at me."

Shigure gently moved her hand away and looked at her straight in the eyes. "Yes Akito, I'm looking at you. What is it?"

Shigure's distant gaze sends a shiver of fear through Akito.

It was her turn to look away.

"That woman…you and that woman…"

"Yes?"

"Why…why did you do it?"

"Do what?"

She finally broke.

In one swift motion, Akito's hands were on Shigure's haori, gripping on desperately.
"STOP AVOIDING IT! ARE YOU TRYING TO DENY WHAT YOU DID!?!!"

"I'm not denying anything." Shigure replied calmly.

Liar.

"You, you---you and that woman…!"

Cold eyes stare fixedly at her.

Akito sank down, her head resting against the wall, her distraught face buried in a mop of black hair. She felt weak, mentally and physically. Other than in her childhood, Shigure had never once let her feel like the God that she is. He always made her so fearful; she was so scared of his steel-cold eyes and that distant gaze.

Her head hurts suddenly.

Shigure knelt beside her. His gentle fingers brushed aside strands of raven hair, only to stop and rest on her forehead. "Akito…you're burning up."

"…"

"I'll take you to Hatori". Trembling hands reached out to pull back Shigure's sleeve.

"I'm …not going anywhere" she muttered back weakly, burying her face even further into her sleeve.

This isn't good, Shigure thought to himself, at this rate, she'd be delirious with sickness.

He lean down and lightly kissed her on her cheek. "Come," he ushered tenderly, "I'm sorry I made you mad, you can yell at me later, after you see Hatori."

Her tired eyes turned and stared straight into his.

"Why did you do it?" she whispered vehemently.

"Akito…"

"I'm not going anywhere." she repeated and stood up, trying to balance herself from the spinning room.

"You know I despise that woman."

"Yes."

"THEN WHY??!?"

Because I love you.

"Because…"

"BECAUSE WHY?!"

"Because I wanted to."

No, that's not it.

"You…WANTEDTO???" Akito's eyes widened with bewilderment.

"Yes." Shigure replied simply, his eyes not meeting hers for the first time.

No.

"I don't believe you… the truth, TELL ME THE TRUTH SHIGURE." Akito limped over to Shigure, her hands clutching his shoulder anxiously, eyes soaked with tears. The entire room seemed to be a spinning watery mess of a blur, the only clear view, the only hope of sanity, was his next reply.

Tell me you love me, and not that woman.

"That is the truth. I did what I did, and there's no changing that."

The mask of coldness apparent on his face shattered any hope that was left in her.

Akito's shaking hands retreats back; her eyes wide with disbelief. Somewhere deep down, her mind is frantically trying to erase the words she has heard.

"No…no…no…"

"Akito--"

"No…how could you? HOW COULD YOU HAVE SLEPT WITH THAT WOMAN!??!??"

The moment of silence seems to drag on forever as Akito's last words drift above the dense atmosphere.

"What would you do if I say that it was to get back at you?"

Indeed, what would you do?

"Get back at me… For what? WHAT DID I EVER DO TO YOU??!"

You were the one who betrayed me.

"…"

Gray eyes stared at tearful burgundy ones, until finally they blinked and looked away.

"Fine."

"Fine? Fine what!?" Akito's eyes raced to find an nudge of compromise, of repentance in Shigure, but they were as composed and still as the moment she walked in.

"You don't… love me, do you?" She finally calmed down enough to ask.

No, I never said that.

"…"

Was it all a lie?

"Fine, get out---GET OUT! LEAVE THIS PLACE, NOW!!!" Akito's body trembled as her frail fingers formed into a fist. She tried hard to resist the urge to strangle Shigure. "GET OUT OF THE MAIN HOUSE!!!"

"Alright." Shigure responded.

"…What?!"
"I'll leave if that is your wish Akito." Shigure started to walk towards the door.

"NO! No, Shigure---"

Don't leave.

Gray eyes turned slightly to look at frightened brown ones one last time.

"Yes?"

I'm waiting for you.

"W-What about your belongings?"

Don't leave me.

"I'll send someone to pick it up later."

"NO!"

Shigure laughed softy, "goodbye Akito."

You don't understand yet, maybe someday you will. Until then, I will be waiting.


Battle of the wills,

Cold eyes burned beneath the sun.

Why so unspoken?

End.