A/N: I do not own Fire Emblem. I most likely never will. Thus, this story is the only thing I can claim any ownership of, but never the original source material.

Camp was probably the worst place to keep a secret. There was very little privacy, as most people shared a tent, both for safety and efficiency. If one person knew something, then others would know it within a week. If Lissa knew it, then everyone would know it by dinner. Especially if it was happy news. So it really came as no surprise to Lon'qu when everyone started congratulating him on his engagement to Wren. That didn't make it any less annoying, though.

Not a week had passed since his less than stellar proposal. Neither he nor Wren had any desire to shout the news to the whole camp, but Lissa was the tactician's best friend. Lon'qu was more surprised that she hadn't said anything to the Ylissean princess sooner, actually.

There was one thing he really, really didn't want getting spread around camp. But he felt that he did need to ask someone about it, though… preferably someone who knew things. So that was why Lon'qu found himself tracking down the army's resident, sugar-addicted thief after dinner one night. He had secured a bag of hard candies to ensure his silence, just in case.

Gaius was, as usual, flitting about camp like a hummingbird. Lon'qu must've doubled back through the camp three times trying to catch him where no one would ask what he was doing. Even if it was just for a harmless question. Finally, the thief strolled over to the perimeter of the camp, arms full of what must have been sweet rolls or glazed pies or something equally sweet. That was when the myrmidon decided to approach him.

"Gaius!" The thief looked over his shoulder, obviously having just taken a bite of whatever he had in his hands. The pause allowed Lon'qu to catch up; Gaius walked very fast for someone his size. "I need to talk to you."

Gaius swallowed and raised an eyebrow. "Yeah? What do ya need, Jitters?"

Lon'qu glared at him. Never had he liked the nickname Gaius chose for him, although he doubted that anyone liked his straight-to-the-point nicknames. The myrmidon tried to ignore the smirk on the thief's face and just got to the point himself. "I need to ask you something, but you can't tell anyone. Got it?" Pulling the bag of candies off his belt, Lon'qu tossed it to Gaius.

The thief deftly caught it and took a peek inside. Somehow, the pastries he'd been holding had disappeared. "Okay… so you jumped right to bribing, eh? Must be some secret," he smirked.

Lon'qu groaned at the attempt at humor. This was a serious topic… and he was right. The myrmidon didn't want anyone else to know. "Yes," he replied. "Now will you keep quiet or not?"

"Sure thing, Jitters. Lay it on me."

Everything that he'd planned in his head fell apart about then. It was one thing to think about what to say but an entirely different one to actually say it. "U-um… well… I wanted to… to know…" This was taking way too long. Lon'qu took a deep breath, closed his eyes, and just said it. "How do you make love to a woman?"

Opening one eye, he saw Gaius's jaw had dropped. Was it really that odd of a question? As he blinked and went back to just looking at the thief, Lon'qu saw his lips twisting, as if he were trying to keep from laughing. The myrmidon sighed heavily, adding, "No, I'm not joking."

Not even that stopped the odd look on Gaius's face, though. He finally just let out a few snickers before clearing his throat. "Okay. Okay. So… are you just looking for tips, or do you not know anything?"

Lon'qu sighed. This was more the conversation he wanted to have, although he hadn't expected Gaius to ask for further clarification. "I know… that it involves getting… undressed and… close." His cheeks grew warmer with every word, his embarrassment at the lack of this knowledge making itself known. "I… never bothered… learning."

Gaius's brow furrowed. "Oh great. Never thought I'd end up giving the birds and bees speech to a guy my own age." While the thief had more or less mumbled the words, Lon'qu still heard him. And he was even more confused that he was bringing up animals.

"Are you going to help me or not?" the myrmidon growled.

"Uh, yeah," Gaius managed to say. "But you might want to sit down, Jitters. I have no idea how you're gonna take this."

A/N: Yes, I made up Gaius's nickname for Lon'qu; he seems to have one for every character in the game.

Comments, critiques, and questions would definitely be appreciated, so please review! Thank you, for there is more to come.