A Strange FF7 Vacation
By: The Author
Disclaimer: I don't own anything in this story. This
Is after they beat Sephiroth.
Chap. 1 The Bio (not the battle move Bio, the other one.)And the beginning
Note: I'm making up the personalities of this story.
Cloud: In the game he's smart, but in my story he realizes the glitches in the game (but I still think the game is awesome!)In other words, he's an airhead in the story.
Tifa: She really doesn't have a different personality from the game, but she likes to talk a lot. She also tries to help as much as she can (even if it's in her own way). She really just hangs out with Cloud.
Barret: In my story he never went to school. (Actually, it never really says if he went to school or not in the game so I don't know). And in my story he has very bad grammar. Example: yers dd winks yrnsud. Translation: where's the drinks and food?
Aeris: She's also not so different from the game. She tries to help when ever to. But if you get her mad it's like a whole nother personality.
Red XIII: Not much to say about him except he's very needy.
Cid: Just like in the game, swears and is always angry.
Cait Sith: Nobody likes him so he's mostly neglected. Practically the only smart one there.
Yuffie: It always seems like she's high on sugar.
Vincent: Bad stuff usually happens to him. He's always depressed about his "true love" Lucricia. Even though she use to torture him. Sometimes his demon beast form "Chaos" comes out and causes trouble.
Sephiroth: Yes he's alive. See, while he was falling he actually missed the material pit and just landed on rocks. But he hit his head very hard and has now changed, a lot. Usually in the game he's serious, but in my story he reveals his true nature. He's very proud of himself and doesn't like to think.
Rufus: Ever since Cloud came and put him out of business he's been broke. And will now do anything for money.
Now the Story:
It was a beautiful day like always in the game.
"Hey! Haven't you guys ever wondered why the weather always stays the same all the time"? Said Cloud with a confused look on his face. No one was listening and just kept walking.
"Um, hey guys"? Aeris asked. "What"? Everyone asked ignoring Cloud. "Thanks for reviving me and all", said Aeris, "but why didn't you guys just use a phoenix down on me in the first place"?
"UUUUUUUUUUUUHHHHHHHHH Yuffie"? Said every one besides Cloud who was still talking to himself. "UUUMMM" said Yuffie while thinking to herself. "UUUMMM" she continued but then said "Cloud"?
"HUH"? Said Cloud very puzzled. "Tell Aeris about the thing", said Yuffie while whispering. "OHHHHHHH" said Cloud now understanding. Then Yuffie went and skipped off because she's hyper. "WWEEEEELLLL" said Cloud being ready to tell a story. "Well what"? Asked Aeris being very excited. "Well," said Cloud "you see, since you're so weak and annoying we just decided to leave you dead. But then your dead body started to smell bad after we took all of your money" "But you guys said a thief stole my money" Aeris interrupted, but Cloud just kept talking "so we just dumped your body in a sewage dump. So after we defeated Sephiroth we all got hungry and decided to bring you back to life to make us food". Finished Cloud.
At this Cid yelled "don't tell her the # truth you # idiot"!
Aeris, who now had red eyes and looked as if she was about to turn super sayain, growled "what'? In a very, very, very, very, very evil way.
"Well Aeris" said Cid nervously, "what really # happened was that we were # out of # phoenix downs at the time you # died. So we # buried you for the # time being until we got some # phoenix downs. But at the # time we got some # phoenix downs, # Sephiroth came, so we just decided to # fight him so that you would be # safe". Finished Cid.
"UUUUHHHHHH YEAH"! Said Cloud still confused about the lie Cid just made up.
"SO"? Said Cid in a "will it work"? Kind of way.
"WWWWEEEELLL" said Aeris in a deciding kind of way. "I guess I'll just have to kill you guys later than", said Aeris in a very, very, very, very nice kind of way (which kind of freaked everyone out).
So they just started walking again. "I'm hungry" said Red XIII in a whiney kind of way. "I'm thirsty, I'm bored, I'm tired of walking, and where are we going"? "Where are we going "? Asked Cloud. You're the leader Cloud, you should know! Yelled Cait Sith. Shut up Cait Sith! Yelled everyone because everyone hates Cait Sith. Yeah shut your mouth you furry piece of #! Yelled Tifa in a South Park way.
Then Vincent did a long sigh "Lucricia use to call me that" Vincent said depressed. Everyone looked at him then said nothing for three hours thinking about what they just heard.
"Wyyy chuut ind cmetig eu aft" said Barret. Translation: "We should find something to eat"
"Barret is right" stated Aeris.
"Haven't you guys ever wondered that we never eat"? Asked Cloud. Of course no one was paying any attention to Cloud.
"But what should we eat"? Asked Red XIII.
"I know"! Said Tifa. "We should find some enemies, kill them, and then eat their bones". "Yay"! Said Red XIII because he's a dog, well sort of a dog, but close enough to like to eat bones. Nobody else even bothered. "Sigh" Vincent sighed, "that's how Lucricia used to threaten me", he said. "We could eat Vincent". Tifa said joyfully. "Yay", said Red XIII. Once again, no one else even bothered.
"Hey guys"! Yuffie yelled as she came running after her three-hour hyper run.
"HHHHHHIIIIIIIII", said Tifa because now she was hyper to.
"Watcha doing"? Yuffie asked. "Oh, we're just about to some enemy's bones", said Tifa. "Yay"! Yelled Red XIII again.
"Why would you guys do that when there's a pond with fish in it right over there" Yuffie pointed out. "There is"? Everyone yelled except for Cloud who
Wasn't paying attention, Tifa because she wanted to do her plan, and Red XIII who just wants bones.
"Wo rd uio keu"? Asked Barret. Translation: "How do you know"?
"Because I ran around it 473467324682 times", answered Yuffie.
"Then it's settled, we will go fishing" said Aeris. "But what about my plan"? Tifa started to cry. But know one cared and followed Yuffie. Red XIII wanted bones instead, but he also wanted to look tough so he followed without complaint. Cloud didn't know what was going on so he just started following them. But then he saw Tifa crying and for some odd reason which I
Can't explain he knew what the problem was. "Don't worry" Cloud said, "your plan sucked anyway" then left her crying even more. Then when she realized no one cared she walked over to them planning to kick the living # out of each of them. Especially Yuffie.
When they all got to the lake (don't know how it got from a pond to a lake, DO NOT QUESTION GAMES! Especially if their final fantasy games, and especially if their Final Fantasy 7 games, or just 7 games) after being beaten up by Tifa, especially Yuffie, they all got out their fishing poles. "When did we buy these fishing poles"? Asked Cloud but no
One cared, and didn't answer him.
"Hey guys I'm a cat so I don't need fishing pole because cats can just use their claws to catch fish". Bragged Cait Sith. SHUT UP CAIT SITH! Said everyone. "Yeah we didn't even bring you a fishing pole so shut your # before we make you our bait". Yelled Tifa in South Park style.
"Sigh" sighed Vincent once again. "Lurcricia use to say the same thing to me" Vincent sighed. "Shut Up Vincent"! Yelled Cait Sith. "Shut up Cait Sith"! Yelled everyone. "Yeah you # spy"! Said Tifa in that old South Park way. "I'm not a spy anymore"! Yelled Cait Sith. "Why don't you go tell the # fish on us, you're probably a # fish spy too"! Yelled
Cid. At that Cait Sith just gave up and went to get some fish.
After ten days of fishing (yes, they are that bad at fishing) everyone met up to see how much fish they got. Let me tell you how they fished first, OK. Cloud lost all of his bait because he wasn't paying attention to the fish. Tifa went to try out her bones plan but couldn't kill any of them because she never fought alone before and got killed. (Not really killed
Just knocked out.) Barret shot the fish out of the water because he's to dumb to use a fishing pole. When he did get fish he'd be to dumb to count them, got mad, and shot them back into the water. Red XIII was
To busy crying about his bones that he wanted that he didn't even get to fish. Cait Sith tried his paw thing but since all the fish hate him they sent the sharks to him. (This usually means Cait Sith being dragged
In the water from a shark and screaming in pain for help, but no one cares about him so?) Cid was being too loud at swearing that he scared away all of the fish. Aeris felt sorry for the fish and let them live.
Yuffie was so hyper that she chased the fish in the water. Much to everyone's surprise she caught the most fish. But thanks to her ADD, she drops the fish and chases another one. Vincent thought that each fish he
Caught looked like Lurcricia and threw it back into the water. When he couldn't catch any fish he'd look at his boot and guess who it reminded him of? If you're not that bright it was Lurcricia, and he looked at it all day. Well, that's everyone now back to the story.
"WWWWWWWWHHHHHHAAAATTT"? Yelled Cid. "No one got # anything"? He yelled. "Well look who's talking", smirked Yuffie. "Shut the # up"! He yelled. "We need to find food soon I think everyone's going crazy" Tifa told Yuffie. (Which was true.) "MMMMMM CHEESEBURGER"! Drooled Aeris like Homer Simpson as she watched Cloud. "What's a cheeseburger"? Asked Cloud
(Who looked like a cheeseburger to Aeris) NO, "MUST STOP" Aeris said to herself like a maniac, "when cheeseburgers talk their not really cheeseburgers". "OOOOOOOOOKKKKKAAAAAAYYYYYYYYY" Cloud said to himself
And took a step back from Aeris. "NO, DON'T LEAVE ME"! Yelled Aeris then started to have a stroke.
(Oh yeah they found Tifa's dead body and revived her) "What do you want Barret"? Asked Tifa. "hdgfhfdgshsjfghsfghdgj", said Barret. Translation:
"Bacon". "What do you want Yuffie"? Yuffie turned her head completely around and said: "Yuffie know where you live", in a slow, Elmo from Sesame Street tone. At this Tifa shuddered and RAN AS FAST AS SHE COULD from
Yuffie.
But then, they caught a scent. What could it be, you ask? Why, none other than a chocobo! When they all saw it, they surrounded it like a pack of wolves. Cid could hear a very beastly growl behind him. "Red XIII,
Shut the # up"! Whispered Cid. "But I'm not doing anything", Red XIII replied. "But if your not then who # is"? Cid whispered back.
When they turned around they saw Aeris on all four saying to herself "my precious" in the little freaky thing in "Lord of the Rings" kind of voice. Then they decided to not look at her anymore. "Where do chocobos
Come from Cid"? Asked Cloud like a child. "UUUUUUUMMMMMMMM" Cid said like Cloud asked where babies come from. "You see Cloud we need to have a
Little talk", said Cid like a parent. "You see Cloud, chocobos com from your # #"! Cid yelled. "Cid, what are you trying to say"? Asked Cloud. "I'm saying UP YOURS" Cid screamed, then went back to look at the
chocobo even though he didn't answer Cloud's question. Then, at the exact same time everyone jumped for the chocobo. But since they did it at the exact same time, they bumped their heads and the chocobo got away. "NNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO"! Yelled Cloud over dramatically. "WHY THE CHOCOBO? WWWWWWWWWWWWHHHHHHHHHHHHHYYYYYYYYYY? Then started
Crying and having a breakdown. Everyone was sad and crazy so they made a funeral for the chocobo even though it didn't die. And as the Aeris dropped the ring of flowers on top of the coffin (which had pictures of the chocobo inside it) the sad "Titanic" song came on. How did we get the pictures and the coffin? Asked Cloud, but as usual no one paid attention to him.
"Where's the chocobo going"? Cloud asked Tifa in the child voice. "Someplace better Cloud" Tifa answered in a mom's voice, "someplace better" she repeated, and repeated, and repeated. Finally Cloud got bored and moved. "It's happier now Aeris told Cloud even though right behind them was the chocobo. It went by the lake to get a drink when a shark came, spat out Cait Sith's almost dead body and ate the chocobo. "I don't think I
Can take this, Cid"! Yuffie said to Cid. "I think I'm going to die"! "No your # not! Yelled Cid while the music was still on so it was like the ending of "Titanic" when Jack and Rose are in the cold water.
"Your going to # grow up, become # rich, so I can # live off of you, got it"? Cid yelled. "Okay I guess, why not"? Yuffie said satisfied.
FRUJHNVUJKFSDHJLSDVBJKFDSJKVBDFSBVHRKSG! Yelled Barret. Translation: crying and mumbling. At the back Vincent was looking depressed. Not because of the chocobo (which he named Lurcricia) but because he was thinking about Lurcricia. But then Cait Sith woke up from his unconsciousness walked over and said "hey guys, what's up"? Shut up Cait Sith! Everyone yelled. "Sigh" he sighed, "guess no ones ever happy to see me". Of course not Cait Sith! Said the Author, and just for that a giant anvil came and landed on Cait Sith. When he had gotten out from under the anvil (by himself I might add) Tifa slapped him and said "can't you see that were under dramatized pressure"? She yelled. Cait Sith walked over to the coffin, which Red XIII had just left crying (Secretly over his long lost bones he wanted). Cait Sith looked in the coffin not expecting what stupid thing was in it. When he looked down all he saw was some pictures and some flowers. "Why are there only pictures in here"? Cait Sith asked. Everyone broke down into even more tears, "we couldn't find the body"! Cloud cried. Then Tifa came and bitch slapped Cait Sith a couple of times.
It's been five days since the funeral and everyone's mad except Cait Sith but we don't care about him. So fare everyone has face paintings and are wearing leaves over their armor. Then while they were hurdled in a little group like in football, Cloud and gang were planning to hunt a feared beast, a cockroach. "They don't die"! Cloud yelled. "So if you capture one bring it to camp, don't try killing it, it won't work" Cloud finished. Just then they heard a footstep. And finally realized that they had the "chocobo lure" material with them the whole time. The chocobo was right their! (A different chocobo than last time.) With this scent Aeris RAN for the chocobo and it only took her three seconds to capture it.
"Finally, food"! Aeris yelled to everyone else. Yay! Yelled everyone, including Red XIII! Well because chocobos have bones which Red XIII really wanted. But as they were roasting it, Vincent started to shake! "Hey what's wrong with Vincent"? Tifa asked. "Oh no, he's transforming"! Replied Yuffie. "HULK"! Yelled the monster. "No wait", he said to himself." Chaos"! "Quick everyone, run away because he's ugly and
Neglected and we never give him a chance, and he needs an EXTREME MAKEOVER"! Yelled Aeris saying the last part like one of those trend girls.
And as everyone had left, Chaos began to cry. "Why does everyone hate me? WWWWWWWWWWHHHHHYYYYY"? He yelled out to himself. "Is it the horns? The wings? Or is it that I kill all I see? Why"? He told himself. Then he got so angry that he took the dead chocobo and ate it because he was hungry. Then he went back into Vincent to cry some more. When they all got back they noticed that the chocobo was gone and knew why. "NNNNNNNNNOOOOOOO NOT TOM! WHY TOM? WWWWWWWWWHHHHHHHHHYYYYYYYYY"! Yelled Cloud. "You named it Tom"? Asked Aeris. "Well yeah, I mean" answered Cloud. "If Vincent gets to name the last one, then I get to name this one"! He finished. "Should we have another funeral"? Asked Yuffie. "# no"! Answered Cid. "I mean, the other one had a # point, but this one # doesn't". He finished. (Even though that's not true.) "yts dbu ceth". Stated Barret. Translation: "let's do sleep". "Good idea", everyone agreed, and then they all got out their sleeping bags and called it a night. "When did we get sleeping?
Bags"? Cloud asked, but no one paid attention as usual.
And in the middle of the night another chocobo came and started pecking at Cloud's head. "OOWWW" Cloud moaned like a child. Then when he opened his eyes he saw the chocobo which had blinding light behind it to make it look noble. Cloud gasped then said "I knew Santa would bring me something for Easter, he always does at Christmas". Cloud said to himself. "I shall
Name you Bob and you will be my Bob," Cloud said to himself like the Dolores from "Finding Nemo". "Bawhack" Bob replied then he and Cloud did the chocobo dance till mourning.
When everyone woke up in the mourning the first thing they saw was Cloud dancing with a chocobo. And since Yuffie was so hyper she got up first and danced with Cloud and Bob. Of course when everyone saw the chocobo they wanted to eat it. But Cloud said "No, I can't even bear to watch another best friend get eaten by my lower friends again". "Let the # baby have what he # wants" said Cid. Because everyone was too tired and didn't even care about the chocobo or that Cloud called them "lower" friends.
"Let's get a move on" said Aeris. And they all started walking, except for Cloud who rode Bob everywhere now. "Since you guys wanted to eat Bob at first, you guys can't ride on him! Hahahahahahha Cloud laughed evilly yet no one cared. "I don't even want to ride that thing", Cait Sith remarked. "SHUT UP Cait Sith" everyone yelled. "Yeah why don't you go tell the
Chocobos on us? You # chocobo spy"! Yelled Tifa in that good old South Park way. "I'm not a spy"! Yelled Cait Sith. "Shut your # before I # up your # #"! Cid yelled back. "And it's a he not an it"! Cloud finished as they all beat up Cait Sith.
And as they all started to walk they bumped into a wall. (Except for Bob because he's to cool) "Hey it's a restaurant". Aeris pointed out the obvious. "FOOD" they all yelled and trampled over Cait Sith. "Why didn't we notice this before"? Asked Aeris. Well it was Cloud's job to watch out for things in this area. Yuffie replied. They all looked at Cloud evilly, who
Wasn't paying attention to them and instead to Bob. They all wanted to kill Cloud but they couldn't because he was with Bob and Bob is to cool too even
Risk getting hurt, so they decided to kill him later.
Once they entered the restaurant they sat at two tables. I will tell you who sat with whom and what they ordered.
Table #1
Cloud
Bob
Tifa
Vincent
Cid
Table #2
Aeris
Red XIII
Yuffie
Barret
And nobody wanted to sit by Cait Sith, and the restaurant didn't give him a table so he sat on the ground.
When the waitress came this is how they ordered. Starting at table 1. "What would you like"? Asked the waitress. "I'll have some pineapples because everyone calls me pineapple head, and my friend Bob here would like some greens". Answered Cloud. "And what would you guys like"? Asked the waitress to Tifa and Vincent. "Spam" Tifa replied. "Nothing" said Vincent for he
Wasn't hungry after what Chaos did with chocobo Tom and just looked depressed. "And what would you like sir"? Asked the waitress. "Some # with # and # with a touch of #. Answered Cid. "And what would you guys like to drink"? Asked the waitress. "Pepsi Coala"! They all replied in excitement, then Pepsi Coala song came on and they all started dancing
And singing to it. "Okay I will bring your food in a short time" said the waitress like all waitresses says, then left. "Why isn't there any other?
Restaurants anywhere"? Asked Cloud but no one paid attention.
Now with table #2. "What would you like"? Asked the waitress, looking at Aeris. "I'll just have a salad because I'm a vegetarian" Aeris answered proudly. (Even though she wasn't a vegetarian) "And you"? Asked the waitress looking at Red XIII. "I want some # perfect bones and make sure their perfect"! Yelled Red XIII and almost had a stroke, but he kept it in. He's
Just so excited to get his bones that he couldn't wait! "And you"? Asked the waitress now looking at Yuffie. "Two big bags of sugar" she replied happily. "And you"? Asked the waitress again but now looking at
Barret. "htr" replied Barret. "So that will be eggs with pancakes and syrup and waffles and bacon and toast and cereal and cheese and steak and hash browns and jam for you"? Asked the waitress in one sentence. "Uo" answered Barret. Translation: "yes". "And what would you guys like to drink"? "Pepsi Coala"! They all replied. Then the Pepsi Coala song came on again and
They started singing and dancing to it, then they had a water gun fight, and then sat back down. "Okay I will bring your food in a short time" said the waitress like all waitresses then left.
No one came for Cait Sith so he had to go in the kitchen himself and make himself some food. The orders came back in three seconds. "Here you go" said the waitress as she put the food on table #1 and left for table #2. "Bahawk" replied Bob. "What"? Asked Cloud. "You mean your food is cold and there's an airplane about to crash and cause 911 and make a war against
Iraq and there's a huge monster right outside the restaurant about to kill me but then Donkey Kong is going to kill it then I'll have to fight him and just as I'm about to lose Mario comes and kills Donkey Kong then I'll have to fight Mario which will decide the fate of this restaurant and the only way to avoid it is to go out of the back? Is that what you're saying"?
Asked Cloud. "Bahwak" replied Bob. "Then we must get you some better food"! Yelled Cloud as he took Red XIII's food and switched it with Bob's cold greens. Red XIII wanted to kill Bob right now but since he's to cool to be killed he didn't and instead switched his greens with whatever Cait Sith had because no one cares about Cait Sith.
When everyone was finished and was just about to head out to the back, the waitress comes. "You guys need to pay". Said the waitress. "Just put the tab on him" replied Tifa pointing at Cait Sith. "What, why me"? Asked Cait Sith. "SHUT UP CAIT SITH! Yelled everyone (including the waitress). "Your already probably # rich with all of the # spying you # do you
#"! Yelled Cid in….the…..South……Park……style! Cait Sith then did a long sigh then paid the waitress the money. Then they left.
THE END…………………OF THIS CHAPTER!