A/N: This idea came up while listening to Stay by Sugarland (bad, bad idea) and I felt the need to write something that related to the lyrics.
Disclaimer: I do not own Glee, only my typos and errors.
She doesn't know how it happened. One minute she was at the bar waiting for her drink, and the next he was by her side ordering his own. The moment their eyes made contact, oh boy she was lost.
She remembers talking to him, a lot. She also remembers kissing him, also a lot. She remembers saying goodbye to Kurt and Santana and their look of incredibility. And the last thing she remembers is them on his bed having lots and lots of sex.
So yeah, that was three months ago. That was also when she found out that he was married and according to him it was not a happy marriage and in fact he was going to ask for a divorce soon. Such a cliché. And yet here she was three whole months later looking at him from her bed, getting ready to leave.
I been sittin' here staring
at the clock on the wall
and i been layin here praying
praying she won't call
it's just another call from home
and you'll get it and be gone
and I'll be crying
"Do you really have to go?", she asked him.
"You know I do, Rach. I promised her I'd go, even if I hate every single person that's going to be there"
How could she argue with that? He was her husband, wasn't he? But that didn't mean it hurt any less to see him go.
He was looking at her now. She wanted to say something but as usual nothing came out. What would she say? Divorce her already? Please don't leave me? No way! She was not going to beg him. If he wanted to go back to his wife, then he could fucking go.
"Please, Rach. Try to understand."
"I've been very understanding for the past three months, Finn. For how long do you think I can handle this?"
He just kept looking at her, pleading with his eyes for her to understand. She always caved when he looked at her like that, making her decision to leave him, to stop this situation, even harder for her.
and i'll be beggin you baby
beg you not to leave
but i'll be left here waiting
with my heart on my sleeve
oh for the next time we'll be here
seems like a million years
and i think i'm dying
She was looking out the window. He was already gone by now probably in her arms, smiling down at her like she saw him do once. What did his wife have that she didn't? His wife was beautiful, sure, but if that was the only thing that mattered he wouldn't be having an affair with her.
An affair. That was the last thing she thought she would part take in. Like ever! What was it that made so impossible to turn away from him? To end everything? She was the other woman for God's sake. And while she was here, all by herself, longing for his presence, he was there, holding his wife, kissing her without having to hide from the world.
She wondered if there was someone out there that could be just hers and no one else's. There had to be someone, right?
what do i have to do to make you see
she can't love you like me
why don't you stay
I'm down on my knees
I'm so tired of being lonely
don't I give you what you need
when she calls you to go
there is one thing you should know
we don't have to live this way
baby why don't you stay
Did she make him feel as good? Did she look at him the same adoring way? Did she love him? Of course, she did! But the question was, did he love his wife back?
It was only a few months in their, what? Relationship? And Rachel already felt something different, something deeper than all the other relationships she had before. She was almost sure it was love, although she locked that feeling as deep as possible, not wanting it to surface any time soon. He was so sweet to her, they would always sit and talk for hours or sometimes they would just lie on her bed and kiss just to be close to each other. She would catch him staring at her, with a special smile on his face. How could she not love him? But then, how could she? He didn't belong to her, and he never would.
She always thought he had a special way of holding her, of looking at her, of kissing her. But the more she thought about it, the less she believed it. He would never leave his wife, he would never file for a divorce and he was just playing her so she would stop complaining, so she would stop pressuring him.
you keep telling me baby
there will come a time
when you will leave her arms
and forever be in mine
but i don't think that's the truth
and i don't like being used
and i'm tired of waiting
it's too much pain to have to bare
to love a man you have to share
That's when she made her decision. She was so tired of sharing him. Sharing his time, sharing his attention, sharing his body, his soul, his… love? She didn't want that for her life anymore. It was not fair.
The next day she was walking down the streets of New York heading to work when she felt her phone vibrating with a text message. It was him asking her if he could stop by that night. Well it was now or never, wasn't it? So she texted him back saying that, yes he could and that they had to talk.
Is everything okay?
Yes, was her only reply.
When the night came she was trembling like a leaf, asking herself over and over again if that was the best thing to do. She was not so sure right now, what if there was no one else in the world for her? What if she ended up alone? She started picturing herself in the future surrounded by cats, with not a single soul to talk to. And Finn? He would be with his grandkids, reading stories for them with his wife by his side.
No, she would not go there. She had to do this, she had to end this weird and complicated relationship they ended up in. She deserved a person who was committed to her 100%, she deserved a person who loved her just as much as she loved them. She deserved it!
There was a knock and she knew it was him. She went to open the door and there he was, handsome as ever, lovable as ever.
"Hey", he went to kiss her on the mouth but at the last second she turned her face and he ended up kissing her cheek. "What's wrong?"
"I only agreed for you to come over because I have something to say"
"Rach"
"Let's sit on the couch", she took him by his hand and led him all the way to her living room. She sat by his side and looked at him, it was now or never. "I don't want to do this anymore, Finn". He had a puzzle look on his face, like he was trying to figure out what she was trying to say.
"Do what?"
"This, us. Well, there was never an "us" to begging with, right? It was always you and your wife and I was just in the middle of it. And I don't want to be in the middle of it anymore".
"Rach, what are you talking about? Why are you doing this?"
"I'm doing this because I can't take it anymore, Finn", she felt the tears dropping down her cheeks. God, she was trying so hard to hold them back, but this was breaking her heart, it was shattering her soul to end everything right then and there. "I can't take looking at you leaving my bed to get dressed and walk out the door every time your phone rings. Or wanting to call you so bad to tell you something but never having the guts to because I'm too afraid that she will pick it up instead of you. I'm tired of hiding, I'm tired of sneaking out", she was fully sobbing right now but she had to make him understand, she had to.
"I want to be able to hold your hand while we're walking down the street, I want to go out with you, like on a real date. I want to be able to go to a restaurant and not be afraid of someone attacking me because I'm having an affair with their husband".
why don't you stay
I'm down on my knees
I'm so tired of being lonely
don't i give you what you need
when she calls you to go
there is one thing you should know
we don't have to live this way
baby why don't you stay
She closed her eyes and cried for everything that she would never have. She cried for every night she found herself alone in bed longing for his presence, for his arms around her. She cried for the man she loved.
She felt his arms around her and realized that he was crying too.
"Please, Rach. Don't do this to me, don't do this to us. You know I love you", he held her closer, like he was afraid she'd leave.
"No, I actually don't, Finn. Because if you really, really loved me you'd have left her already. You'd have asked for a divorce. But you didn't, did you? You don't love me, Finn. You just like having someone on the side, so when you get tired of your wife you have a scape".
"That's not true and you know that. You know I treasure every moment I spend with you. But it's hard Rachel, it's hard to end a marriage and I don't know how to do it". He was standing now, walking back and forth, waving his arms trying to explain his reasons. But it was too late, she already made her decision.
"Well, Fin, you can call me when you figure that out. But for now, no contact. I don't want to hear from you unless you made up your mind". She walked to the door, opening it and gesturing for him to leave.
"Rachel"
"Please, Finn. Respect my decision"
The minute he was gone her legs felt like jelly and she collapsed on the floor crying with a broken heart. It was for the best, she thought. But boy, it hurt. It hurt so much she was not sure she would survive it.
i can't take it any longer
but my will is getting stronger
and i think i know just what i have to do
i can't waste another minute
after all that i've put in it
i've given you my best
why does she get the best of you
so the next time you find
you wanna leave her bed for mine
It was a Sunday and a beautiful day out, so she decided to take a walk in Central Park. There were always a lot of people around there and she liked the company.
She was sitting on a bench watching those who walked by with their dogs, with their kids. She would also watch the couples under the trees, holding hands, talking or kissing or just enjoying the other's company. It hurt to look at them, but she did it anyway.
She would constantly have inner conversations, questioning herself if she had made the right decision. If she should just call him to ask how he was, if he ever thought about her, about them.
A whole month passed by after the day he walked out of her apartment and she still thought about him, a lot. She tried dating another guy, his name was Steve. But sadly that didn't work out. He didn't make her feel as good as Finn when they kissed, her hand didn't feel so tiny compared to his. When he held her, she didn't feel as special. He was not… he was just not him, not her Finn.
She felt a hand on her shoulder, a big hand on her shoulder, and when she looked up there he was, right in front of her smiling that special smile she liked to think it was reserved for her.
"Hi", he said sitting next to her. "I called your name but I guess your thoughts were so far away that you didn't hear me".
She wanted to cry, she wanted to put her arms around him and just hold him and never let him go. She wanted to kiss him. She just… she just wanted him, so bad.
"So, how are you?", he asked her, looking right into her eyes, waiting for her answer. She opened her mouth to say something but nothing came out. The things this man did to her!
"Rach? Are you not even going to talk to me?"
"I-I'm fine a-and you?"
"I'm fine. I miss you though", he reached for her hand but she rejected the touch like it had burnt her skin.
"I-I can't", she was going to stand up and walk away but he put a hand on her arm stopping her.
"No, wait! Don't go yet. I have something I have to say to you"
"Well, your wife must be waiting for you", she tried to stand up one more time, but again he stopped her.
"I'm not married anymore. I left her"
That caught her attention. What? He left her? When? How?
why don't you stay
I'm up off my knees
I'm so tired of being lonely
you cant give me what i need
when she begs you not to go
there is one thing you should know
i don't have to live this way
baby why don't you stay
"You're lying"
"Why would I lie to you, Rach?", she just kept looking at him without giving him an answer.
"I filed for a divorce the following day after you ended everything between us"
"Then why did you wait a whole month to talk to me? Why did it take you so long?"
"Because I wanted to have everything finished, everything right before… before I called you. I signed the papers yesterday and now I'm free to be yours if you still want me, of course"
"You're serious, aren't you?"
"Of course I am, Rach. Why don't you believe me? I did what you asked for, I did what I didn't have the guts to do before I met you. I'm here baby I'm all yours"
That. That was all the reassurance she needed. That was everything she wanted to hear. She jumped at him, almost tackling him. She laughed, he laughed. She cried, he cried.
One day she would tell him that those were the most agonizing days she had to go by. One day she would to tell him that she fell in love with him the minute she laid eyes on him. One day she would tell him all of this, but not now. Now she wanted to kiss him like that was her last day on Earth.
"Get a room"
Their lips parted and they started laughing. Oh, it was so good to feel like this again.
"You heard the man. We should go after a room. Like right this instant", he started kissing her again, "I've missed you so much, Rach. You have no idea how many times I picked that damn phone to call you. Just to hear your voice".
"I've missed you too", she held him close. Her legs over his legs, she was almost sitting on his lap.
"Well, how about we listen to that poor guy?"
"I'd say what are we waiting for?", she smiled at him, that special Rachel Berry smile that he liked to think it was reserved just for him.
One day he would tell her how many times he reached for the doorknob to go after her. One day he would tell her how he fell in love with her after just one smile from her. One day he would tell her everything, but for now he just wanted to carry her through Central Park with her laugh reverberating all over his body.
She knew he was the one just like he knew she was the one. And right now she could imagine herself sitting right next to him looking at their grandchildren running around. With him holding her hand, kissing her hair. Yeah, the future didn't seem so lonely right now. He was hers and hers only.
The end.