Shut the F- Up, Haymitch
Summary: Modern AU. To honor the death of her younger sister, Katniss Everdeen reluctantly volunteers at an animal shelter where she meets someone who just might change her life. Written for PiP prompt Yellow
Warnings: child abuse, major character death. M for language.
It was freezing cold and the frost caused the earth to crunch beneath her feet as she navigated through the familiar woods. The sun had yet to rise, and up ahead she could see the previous evening's fog lifting. Katniss could hear the birds chirping, just waking from their slumber. When the sound of the water reached her ears, she knew she was almost to her destination. The lake came into view, along with her favorite place to sit: a large rock set among several others. Although it wasn't the most comfortable of seats, growing up, it was the only rock large enough to accommodate both her and Prim. The first glimpse of sunlight peeked through just as Katniss settled onto the bolder. Setting her bow down beside her, she waited for the day to begin.
The date was January 28th; it was the day she dreaded the other 364 days of the year. It was the day she lost her baby sister.
Three years had passed since the day that altered Katniss's world, but it didn't matter how much time had gone by, it still hurt every single day. For Katniss, Prim's death felt like it was just yesterday that she received the call from her neighbor, Haymitch Abernathy, telling her that there'd been "an accident." Having just returned to college for the spring semester of her sophomore year, Katniss immediately jumped in her car and sped the two-hour drive home. But she was too late. "An accident" had been an understatement on Haymitch's part. Her mother's car rolled four times across three lanes of traffic and into a field. Catherine, her mother, sustained a broken leg and some cuts and bruises, while Prim had been pronounced dead at the scene.
The investigator's report stated that the car had hit a patch of black ice. Catherine lost control; there was nothing she could have done differently. Not that Katniss would know, since her mother refused to speak to her about it. They said she was dead on impact, and that Katniss should be glad she didn't suffer. Well, Katniss refused to find anything to be "glad" about surrounding the death of her sister. Prim had so much love, light, and talent. She had so many plans, and now they would never happen.
Katniss sat at "their place" alone, feeling the pain just as raw as those first few days without her Little Duck. Picking at the string of her bow, Katniss allowed herself to cry. Only one day a year did she indulge and allow her tears to fall. Every other day, she sucked it up; she ignored the pain and pushed it far away from her. But today she cried for her sister, her father, her mother, and even herself. At only 22 years old, Katniss had suffered more loss than seemed fair. When she cried so hard she felt a headache coming on, Katniss finally decided it was time to hunt.
She came to the woods whenever she had a chance, as they were adjacent to Haymitch's property. She thought that they just might be the most peaceful place on earth, at least of which Katniss has encountered. As she walked, Katniss realized that these woods were more than peaceful and quiet. They were special. The forest was the place where she spent the most time as a child and even as a teenager. It was where she learned to swim and to hunt. It was where her father taught her to shoot a bow and arrow when she was only six years old. It was where she and Prim had gone to share secrets.
Treading lightly as she set off on her hunt, Katniss carefully for any sound of prey. It wasn't long before she was crouched behind a tree, arrow ready, with her focus on the rabbit she planned to drop off for Haymitch. As she readied to let the arrow fly, she was immediately transported back to another time in this same place. Katniss was 13 and Prim was only eight the day she tried to teach the young blonde to hunt. After their father had passed two years prior, Katniss had begun hunting more as a way to deal her frustration and also to supply meals for her family and for Haymitch. The day she brought Prim to the woods was a long one. The first few hours of their morning, Prim tread so loudly that Katniss couldn't concentrate enough to find any prey. Once Prim calmed, however, a few rabbits came into their line of sight and Katniss was able to teach Prim to hold both the bow and the arrow, and line up her shot. As Prim took aim, a pitiful whimper escaped from her as she dropped the bow and arrow to the ground.
"I can't do it," she cried. "Please don't make me do it!"
At the time, Katniss let out a small laugh and pulled Prim into her arms. Almost ten years later, faced with the same situation, Katniss was the one dropping the bow and arrow to the ground.
"Not today," she sighed as she gathered her gear and began her trek back to civilization.
Katniss rapped on the door to Haymitch's house three times before letting herself in. On some level, she knew the typically functional alcoholic would be having a bad day as well. Haymitch adored Prim and still cared for the hideous cat, Buttercup, she brought home one day. After their father's passing, Haymitch looked out for the girls when their mother disappeared in her grief. While it surprised some residents in the small town of Seam, it surprised no one more than Katniss. Haymitch always made sure they had heat and water in their home, in addition to food, clothing, school supplies, and more.
The smell of coffee was still potent when she found Haymitch face down, snoring at the kitchen table. Katniss rolled her eyes as she headed straight for the sink to wash her hands. Instead of drying them, she shook her hands at Haymitch as she yelled at him to wake up. He grunted before opening his eyes or lifting his head. He knew she'd be around at some point this morning.
"Sweetheart," Haymitch groaned. He raised his head and met her glare with his own.
"Jesus, Haymitch. You look worse than usual," she criticized.
It was true. His grey eyes, which were normally bloodshot, were red-rimmed and swollen. He looked more hungover than Katniss had seen him in a long time.
He chuckled. "Charming as ever, you are. You look like shit, by the way."
That was also true. This day's approach always took its toll on Katniss. Despite the fact they both were quiet, moody, and sarcastic, Katniss and Haymitch shared a close bond that neither really understood.
"You go huntin' today?" He asked.
"I attempted," Katniss grumbled.
"You attempted?" Haymitch eyed her, amused. "How do you, of all people, attempt to hunt? You never miss a shot."
"Didn't take a shot, dumbass," she snapped. "I was set on a rabbit and all I could think about was the time I tried to teach Prim how to hunt."
Katniss smiled fondly through teary eyes as Haymitch laughed along with her. They reminisced for quite some time about their favorite memories of Prim. Haymitch howled as Katniss recalled all the animals Prim brought home over the years, only Buttercup getting the OK to stay. Then Katniss teased him about his soft spot for Prim; how he could never say no to her.
After a while, they both had shed some tears, but smiled and laughed through the memories. A silence came over the two, and Katniss ached to hug her sister and create just one more memory.
"We need to do something, you know," Haymitch interrupted her thoughts. She gave him a confused look. "We've gotta honor Primmy in some way. We've talked about it for years, but we've done a piss-poor job so far."
Katniss sighed. "I know. I think about it every day. She would be so disappointed."
Haymitch leaned in and surprised Katniss by placing his hand over hers—they both tried to limit physical contact.
"Sweetheart, that girl saw the sun rise and set on you. You could never disappoint her."
Not wanting to do something stupid like cry again, Katniss forged onward. "What if we volunteered or something?" she suggested.
"Volunteered where? Doing what?"
"I don't know. Just something that will help, Haymitch," she told him. "Prim always did so much and I feel like I've done nothing since she's been gone."
Haymitch looked annoyed. "Girl, you graduated college a year early, got some bullshit degree, and you work a full time job you hate. What more could you possibly do?"
"Well," Katniss began, rolling her eyes, "I suppose that's not untrue."
"Of course I'm right, Sweetheart," Haymitch said as he searched for something alcoholic to add to his coffee. Finding some whiskey, he offered it to Katniss. She declined as she rose from her place at the table.
"Find us a place to volunteer and I'll be there. You know that," Haymitch stated sincerely.
"I know. And I will." Katniss walked to the door and grasped the handle before turning around.
"Haymitch!" She called out. Haymitch rose from his seat and met her at the door. "Thank you. For everything," Katniss whispered. Before she knew what she was doing, she enveloped him in a hug.
He squeezed back, knowing that today they both needed just a little extra support. "Just let me know about that volunteer stuff," he said, his rough exterior back in place.
"I will," Katniss assured him as she opened the door and stepped back into the cold.
Three days later, Katniss turned into the parking lot of Seam City Animal Rescue at 7:28 and was pleased to find Haymitch's truck already there. They agreed to meet the volunteer coordinator at 7:30 am, so she was expecting Haymitch to arrive around 8:00. Surprisingly, the driver's seat was empty when she pulled into the spot next to his. Picking up her pace, Katniss knew Haymitch would never shut up about it if she was "late" and he wasn't. She noticed there were only two other cars in the lot and wondered how organized this shelter was if there were only two people here at any given time.
She opened the door and braced herself for this new "adventure" she had gotten herself into. Katniss had no idea what to expect, but she surely didn't expect what she found. Through the door was a beautiful lobby that had a desk, a table and some chairs, as well as an entire section of pet accessories. There were pictures of cats, dogs, and small animals decorating the walls, no doubt animals that had been adopted out of the shelter. Genuinely impressed, she began to wonder if this volunteering thing wouldn't be so bad after all and felt slightly optimistic. That is, until she saw the woman working behind the counter. The woman was dressed entirely in lime green, and her hair was a horrid shade of mint.
"Hello, hello! I'm Effie. What can I do for you?" The woman greeted Katniss with a bright smile, and she felt guilty for judging the woman based on her terrible choice in clothing.
"Hi. Um, I'm Katniss Everdeen. I have an appointment to begin volunteering. I was supposed to meet my neighbor here, and his car is here, but I can't find him..." Katniss knew she was rambling, but couldn't stop herself.
"Yes, dear! Haymitch is just through that door there," Effie replied. She pointed towards a sign that said VOLUNTEERS ONLY in bold red letters.
Katniss slipped through the door to see Haymitch deep in conversation with another man, whose back was turned to her. She didn't recognize the man's voice and the only physical qualities she could make out were his broad shoulders and a few blonde curls poking out the bottom of his backwards baseball cap. Catching her eye, Haymitch waved her over as the mystery blonde turned in her direction.
"Sweetheart."
Haymitch greeted her with a rare smile, but Katniss couldn't return it. She was too busy staring at the beautiful man in front of her. He was just a few inches taller than her with an athletic build, eyes the color of a cloudless sky, and a slightly crooked, gorgeous smile. For a moment, time seemed to stop. There was electricity in the air when their gazes locked, and Katniss swore if she didn't look away, she might spontaneously combust. But she couldn't bring herself to.
Katniss could tell that Haymitch was speaking, but she couldn't register anything other than the beauty of the blonde's eyes and the shitty Coldplay song playing through speakers somewhere in the room. Haymitch was smirking, silently mocking her speechlessness, but she couldn't be bothered to acknowledge it.
"Hey, I'm Peeta," he said as he held out his hand.
Still silent, Katniss shook his hand and immediately regretted it. The electrical charge of their gazes was only heightened by the physical contact. Parts of her body that had lain dormant for years woke up and sucked the air from her lungs. When the sound of Haymitch clearing his throat finally registered with her, she ripped her eyes and hand away from Peeta and thought, what the hell was that? That, she silently answered herself, was more trouble than you need right now.
If there was one thing Katniss had never been interested in, it was men. So when Peeta looked at her as though he wanted to devour her, her mouth went dry and her heart skidded to a halt. You're not doing this, she chastised herself. Forcing her expression into the most apathetic, polite smile she could muster, she returned his greeting.
"Hello. I'm Katniss."
He smiled shyly at her, and Katniss thought he might be the cutest thing she'd ever seen. Wait, what?
"Great to meet you! Well now that you're both here, let's get you started."
Peeta turned to lead them through the common room and into the shelter. He was halfway through the door before Katniss finally made eye contact with Haymitch who had the biggest smirk on his face and both eyebrows raised as a challenge to her.
Katniss narrowed her eyes. "Shut the fuck up, Haymitch," she threatened under her breath.
"I didn't say anything." Making no effort to hide his amusement, Haymitch breezed past Katniss just as he began to cackle.
Feeling even more embarrassed and pissed off than before, Katniss followed.
After her first day at the shelter with Haymitch, Katniss increased her volunteer shifts from once per week to three times per week. She found she actually liked the work and, despite being a hunter, sincerely enjoyed spending time with the homeless animals. The other volunteers were incredibly kind and Katniss was really learning a lot.
No matter which shift she volunteered, she always ran into Peeta. Each time they spoke, he wore the same brilliant smile and backwards baseball cap. He looks like a fucking frat boy, she thought to herself in an attempt to calm her pounding heart.
As much as she wanted to deny it, Katniss was drawn to Peeta. And she didn't like it one bit. There was just something about him that made her want to know more. She hated that she noticed how great he was with both the animals and the volunteers. When she caught him playing outside with the yellow lab, she refused to acknowledge that she couldn't decide which one was more adorable. More than anything, she hated that she couldn't get him off her mind even after leaving the shelter.
At the start of her second week at the shelter, Haymitch called to see if she wanted to pick up an extra shift with him.
"Sure..?" She questioned, curious as to how Haymitch got recruited. "But how did you end up picking up an extra shift?"
Haymitch mumbled and Katniss could hardly make out any of his words. After much prodding, he admitted that Effie had called him and asked him to come in for second day, saying something about all the kennels and cages needing to be cleaned.
"Alright, yeah," Katniss agreed. "That sounds fine."
"I'm pretty sure the boy will be there," he teased her. She could hear that stupid smirk over the phone and wanted to wipe it off his face.
Playing dumb, she asked, "Who the hell is the boy?"
She was forced to pull the phone away from her ear because Haymitch was laughing so loudly.
"You know which boy, Sweetheart. You should at least try to be nice to him. He's got a good head on his shoulders. It wouldn't kill you to make a friend."
"Shut the fuck up, Haymitch," she snapped, then ended the call.
Five thirty came awfully early the following Saturday. The parking lot was empty when Katniss pulled in that morning so she parked her car and sat on the curb by the volunteer entrance. Fiddling around on her phone, Katniss didn't hear when the door behind her unlocked and opened.
"Katniss?" It was him. The sound of his voice alone was enough to send her into a tizzy.
He watched her from the door, entranced by the dark braid swinging as she turned her head. Peeta couldn't help the grin that spread across his face when their eyes met.
"Um, hi," she returned with a small smile of her own.
"Looks like it's just us this morning," he stated as he offered her his hand to help her up. "It shouldn't be too bad, though. We should be able to finish by the time the first shift comes in."
"Oh no," Katniss corrected, "Haymitch is coming, too. He's just late, as usual."
"Effie sent me a text this morning saying he couldn't come in until regular volunteer hours." Peeta gestured with his hand, a sign for her to take it. "I'm surprised he didn't tell you. He talks about you a lot."
Rolling her eyes, Katniss took his proffered hand. "That one is just full of surprises," she grumbled as he helped her to her feet. Peeta chuckled as they entered the building.
The pair set to work on cleaning the cat and kitten rooms first. Katniss dreaded the times she was assigned the feline areas, and she knew that this time would be no different even if she were spending time alone with Peeta. He knew the shelter like the back of his hand and truly seemed in his element. Noticing the ease with which he handled the animals, Katniss realized she knew nothing about Peeta apart from what she had seen at the shelter. She wondered if this was his element. As if reading her mind, Peeta cleared his throat and put an end to the painfully awkward silence.
"So, uh, Katniss... What brings you here?" At her confused expression, he continued. "I just was thinking that I know absolutely nothing about you or why you're volunteering."
"Oh. Okay, well what do you want to know?"
"There's nothing specific, really," he laughed as he tried to track down a mischievous kitten called Skit. "I just figured, if we are going to be spending this much time together, maybe we could get to know each other."
Katniss couldn't imagine why someone like Peeta would want to get to know someone like her. He obviously had no idea what he was getting himself into, but if that's what he wanted, then maybe she was selfish enough to give it to him.
"Alright. I'll allow it."
"You'll allow it?" He teased, giving her that shy smile again. This time, she smiled back.
"I'll allow it."
Their morning continued in a mixture of witty banter and playful teasing. It turned out Peeta was just as kind, caring, and generous as she had initially thought, and Peeta was surprised by how funny and open Katniss could be once her guard was down. Katniss learned that he had graduated from college that past December, earning his degree in communications so he could work for a nonprofit organization. Apparently his position at the shelter was strictly volunteer, but he hoped that someday it would be a paid position. He told her stories of his childhood, about growing up in a bakery with two older brothers and the trouble they got into.
Peeta also asked Katniss about herself and her childhood. Miraculously, Katniss found herself answering his questions, telling stories of her own, and enjoying their conversation. Over the course of a few hours Peeta managed to get Katniss to open up more than she ever had before, and even she was surprised when she told him the real reason she chose to volunteer at the shelter.
When Katniss told Prim's story, Peeta's eyes did not hold pity, but concern. There was a genuine warmth and honesty about him and she could feel that he cared. Despite her best efforts, her walls came down one by one. The more she spoke to him and learned about him, the more she liked him.
Effie and other volunteers began arriving, and Katniss knew their time together was almost up. As he was checking in on a special-needs dog, Katniss took the opportunity to observe him. For as much as she had watched him the past week, nothing compared to the look on his face and his gentle demeanor with the dog that needed a little extra love. She was sure she was in deep trouble.
While Peeta continued making the rounds, she washed her hands and gathered her belongings, as her shift was officially over. She spied him talking to Effie behind the front desk as she made her leave. He caught her eye and gave her a crooked smile, which she returned with her own shy grin and a small wave of her hand. With that, she turned and left.
He reached her just as she got to her car, calling after her to grab her attention. Katniss whirled around; evidently surprised that he followed her. The expectant look on her face was his cue to speak.
"Katniss, I just wanted to... Uh.." Peeta scrubbed the back of his neck with his right hand, and she was sure it was a nervous tick. It was the first time she has seen him flustered, and it only endeared him to her more.
"Yes, Peeta?" She prompted him, and he didn't think he could be any more embarrassed.
"I just want to say… Thank you for trusting me with that." A flush rose up her cheeks and down her neck. "I can imagine that was very hard for you and I don't take that lightly."
Katniss nodded, unable to break their eye contact
"I would love to talk to you again. I mean, if you wanted to. Outside of here." Peeta felt like a bumbling idiot, sure she was going to reject his idea.
She surprised them both when she nodded her head again. "Sure."
As they exchanged phone numbers, Haymitch pulled into the spot next to Katniss' car. She felt his eyes boring into the back of her head and she knew the look she would find on his face before she turned around. Peeta returned to the building after a quick hello to Haymitch.
"Seems like someone's chipping away at the old ice block," Haymitch noted, sarcasm dripping from his voice. "I'm just saying, Sweetheart," he teased. "I think he's nice."
Without a word, Katniss got in her car and turned the ignition. Just before pulling away, she rolled her window down. "Shut the fuck up, Haymitch," she warned as she threw her car in reverse and headed home.
Haymitch found her behavior downright hilarious.
Katniss was surprised when Peeta called her later that night. And the next. And the next, until the daily phone calls became part of their nightly routine.
It wasn't just the phone calls that became routine. Working side-by-side three nights every week quickly became second nature. Whether they spent their time deep in conversation, laughing, or in silence, they achieved a level of comfort that neither had ever felt before.
One Tuesday night, Haymitch showed up drunk for his shift, and made a scene. Katniss was completely mortified. After Effie volunteered to drive him home and make sure he got safely to bed, Katniss and Peeta worked in silence, and for the first time, it felt uncomfortable. Peeta could feel the tension radiating off of Katniss, but chose to respect her silent demeanor until they left for the night.
As they walked away from the exit towards their parked cars, Peeta could no longer ignore what had happened with Haymitch earlier. Just as he opened his mouth to speak, so did Katniss.
"I'm sorry that Haymitch acted that way," Katniss said filled with discomfort.
"I'm sorry you had to deal with that earlier," Peeta said, his voice laden with empathy.
They chuckled awkwardly at their overlapping words in regards to Haymitch's behavior.
"I grew up with an alcoholic," Peeta confessed. "You don't have to apologize for his behavior." Katniss stared at Peeta with a stunned look in her eyes, fidgeting with her braid. "Haymitch happens to be a lot nicer in his condition than my mother ever was."
The uncertain expression on Katniss's face had Peeta facing something he never shared with anyone before. She stared at the back of Peeta's neck as he hung his head and debated on whether or not he was going to continue.
Taking a deep breath, Peeta chose to face his past and bare his soul to her. "The first time my mother ever hurt me, she backhanded me across my face. My right eye was swollen shut for four days." Peeta ignored the sound of Katniss sucking in a sharp breath. If he stopped to acknowledge her reaction, he wasn't sure if he would be able to continue. He went on to explain the way his mother treated all three of her sons, although it seemed that Peeta had always taken the brunt of her mental and physical abuse.
Katniss was horrified as Peeta recalled the injuries he suffered at the hand of his mother, including the time he had to get five staples in his head when his mother hit him with a rolling pin. It infuriated Katniss and she wondered why no one ever helped him or his brothers. Not wanting interrupt she held her questions back; giving him the same respect he extended to her when she opened up to him.
Releasing a defeated chuckle, Peeta said, "The worst part is that everyone knew what she was doing to us, and no one did a damn thing about it."
"How can people stand by and watch that happen?" She choked out.
"No one was going to believe a worthless child like me, Katniss. Especially over someone like my mother."
When the gravity of what he said actually hit her, her nurturing instinct tugged at her heart, and the desire to pull the damaged, but wonderful boy into a hug was overwhelming. "Peeta…" she started.
Cutting her off, Peeta continued. "It's easy to feel responsible for the behavior of the ones we love, but Haymitch's actions aren't your burden to bear."
Lifting her downcast eyes and finally facing him, she answered him, "Neither are your mother's."
Breaking several minutes' worth of silence, Katniss finally said, "Haymitch is really the only one I have left that cares."
Startled, Peeta asked, "How do you mean?"
Before she could change her mind, she rattled out, "My father died when I was eleven."
Katniss told Peeta about her mother checking out of her life after her father's death. She spelled out in detail the way Haymitch had taken it upon himself to support Katniss and Prim and all he had done over the course of their lives.
"Without him, I don't know how Prim and I would have survived," she finished. He acknowledged her admission with a nod, knowing there was nothing he could say that would change anything.
Kicking at a pebble with the toe of his shoe, Peeta searched for a way to end their awkward silence. They could either delve deeper into their dark pasts, or move forward. Choosing to move forward, he asked, "So…um…can I take you out some time?"
Peeta's unexpected question had her snapping her head up. The realization that he felt the same pull between them that she did, made her feel hopeful and excited at the prospect of having something more.
"No," she answered. The immediate disappointment on his face tugged at her heart. "No, but there is somewhere I'd like to take you, if that's okay?"
Peeta let out a relieved chuckle, gave her the shy grin she loved, and said, "Yeah. I guess that's okay."
"It's getting pretty late," Katniss realized. "I should probably get going."
"Yeah." He held her car door open for her but before she could sit, he grabbed her hand and said, "Katniss, Haymitch isn't the only one you have left that cares."
The sun was shining and the first signs of spring were appearing as Katniss lead the way through the woods for the second time this year. Despite Peeta's heavy footfalls behind her, the woods held a sense of peace she had been struggling to find since Prim's death.
"Are we there yet?" Peeta repeated the same question he'd been asking for over an hour.
With a roll of her eyes, Katniss said, "Peeta, you'll know when we get there. Stop asking." She tried to hold in her chuckle when she heard him mumbling about ruining his new Nike's and how their trek had better be worth it.
"I can hear you snickering up there, Katniss. Stop laughing at me," he whined. The woods were definitely not his element, but the mud seeping between his toes was worth it to see Katniss in hers. "Shit!"
Katniss let out a rumble of laughter when she heard the squishing noise behind her, "I told you to wear boots." Leading the way through the dense forest, Katniss lengthened her strides, hearing their destination before they actually reached it. Turning to face Peeta, who was still a few yards behind her, she watched as he slowed his pace.
"Why are we stopping?" He asked.
"Look," she answered with a sweeping gesture of her arm.
Closing the distance between them, Peeta gasped as the green valley turned into a crystal blue lake surrounded by a few trees with vines dangling from their branches.
With his mouth gaping open and closed, as though he was searching for something to say but couldn't find the words, Katniss took his hand and led him to the large rock that had always been reserved for her and Prim. "My dad used to bring me here as a kid, then I brought Prim. I used to love it here."
Peeta asked, "Used to?"
"It hasn't been the same since Prim died," she answered. "I'd like it to be good again."
A part of her heart melted when she felt Peeta squeeze her hand. They sat quietly staring over the great expanse. The comfortable silence between them had returned. With Peeta by her side, Katniss felt a sense of peace she hadn't experienced in quite some time. From the corner of her eye she could see Peeta staring appreciatively over the lake and admiring the sun. In that moment, she couldn't help but feel grateful that Haymitch didn't shut the fuck up.
Author's Notes: Thank you Miss J for all of your guidance and wisdom. I couldn't have done it without you. Thank you also to Mace and Shannon for the giving me the courage and support to do this. Love you.
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