My First Time
Chapter One
A Felt-Tipped Pens Production
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I've been told that family is the most important thing in the world. But what if you love your family too much, what happens then? My brother and I were left alone in the world with only each other at the tender age of five. We're twins, you see. Our mom died giving birth to us, and our father, after five years of hard work raising us to all we could be and working two jobs just to pay the bills, died of heart failure.
Two of our neighbors, Squall and Cloud, were kind enough to take us under their wings and into their home. They were both in their mid twenties, much younger than our parents had been. Cloud was a bartender at a ritzy nightclub downtown, while Squall was a freelance writer focusing on the music scene. Squall liked to keep the house very tidy and Cloud liked to mess it up again by leaving dirty dishes on the coffee table, the computer desk, the kitchen table, the kitchen counters…. But overall, both men were very quiet and kept to themselves.
That was fine with Roxy and me. After our parents had left us all alone, we kept to ourselves too. My baby brother was broken inside, and I was the only one who understood that. Though after our first year with Squall and Cloud, we learned that they understood too.
Squall was from a small island on the other side of the world, and he had lost everyone he loved in a horrible tsunami. He was all alone too, save for Cloud. And as for the blonde haired man, he once was outgoing, living in sin with his best friend, Zack. But Zack took a hike when a pretty cheerleader asked him to homecoming. Then they both died a year later when the river leapt its banks and the town flooded. What a tragedy.
So much has happened to all of us, and with that pain comes understanding, and that understanding is what brought us all together. We learned all of this four years ago, and tomorrow is our tenth birthday. I think Squall and Cloud have set up something special to commemorate our five years with them. We don't know what it is yet, but I'm sure that it'll make it into our book of memories.
Tonight though, as I lay here next to my brother, I notice how the pale moonlight coming in through the window highlights his skin and makes him look like an angel. He looks at peace with the world…and happy.
I carefully sit up and notice that my heart is pounding hard inside my chest. My breathing is slightly erratic. I'm nervous. I know that what I'm about to do is forbidden…It's something that most people would be ashamed of, but I don't care. I lean over him, delicately placing one of my hands on the other side of him and lower my face near his. A small smile crosses my lips as he opens his eyes and sees me. He blushes. I close the distance between our lips.
Pure bliss is the only way I can describe this sensation flooding through my system. I'm flying, and I hope that nothing brings me back to earth. My brother, my angel, is pulling me into the clouds, and bliss is all we know. As I am losing myself to these sensations, I feel my darling little brother shift beneath me. His small, stiff erection rubs against my leg through our cotton boxer shorts. It tents his pair, causing the little golden crowns to stretch. I have never seen anything so beautiful in my nine years and three hundred and sixty four days. A small, soft sound alerts me to the state of my baby brother.
Roxy rubs himself harder against me, almost insistently, as he mewls softly in the back of his throat. I smile down at him and place a chaste kiss on his pale pink lips. "It's okay, my little love. I'll take care of you." I can see the relief in his eyes, and I can feel his body relax beneath me. I swoop down to take advantage of his relaxed state.
Suddenly, the lights in our bedroom turn on and Roxas' eyes slam shut as I quickly jump off of him, surprised. "And just what do you think you two are doing?" comes a stern voice.
My heart races in my chest. Has he seen me kissing my brother? Is he going to hate us? Is he going to kick us to the curb? I bite my lip and close my eyes tightly. I can feel tiny droplets of water making their way through my sealed eyelids.
I hear dreaded footsteps advancing toward the bed that Roxy and I share. I tightly grip the baby blue sheet covered in little yellow crowns and keys, just knowing that I was going to be in trouble with Squall. "Don't pretend to be asleep Sora, I'm not stupid."
Roxy surprisingly comes to my defense with his small, almost insignificant voice. "Don't talk to my brother like that, Squall. He's scared. Leave him alone."
I am shocked that my shy little brother is talking to our surrogate father this way. Usually he keeps quiet, and lets me do all the talking. But this time, he must see how badly I feel about what I did to him. I am so ashamed of myself. I let my feelings for my sweet, angelic little brother cloud my good judgement. I should be hung.
Squall looks at Roxas with a stern glare, and places one hand on his hip. "Roxas, I know you are trying to defend your brother right now, but I don't appreciate that tone. Can you excuse us? I would really like to talk to Sora."
Roxy looks like he is going to protest, but I give him a small push that lets him know that I'll be okay. I sit up straight in our bed as he walks out of the room. After the door is shut behind him, Squall walks closer to me and gives me a look that says, "You're in for a good talking to". I am not looking forward to it.
I look up into the eyes of my guardian and immediately look down, ashamed. "You're not going to tell Cloud, are you?"
"Give me one reason why I shouldn't."
I bite my lip again and let out a heavy sigh. I don't know why, but I had to think of something quick. I am pretty good at that. "Because…I don't want you to because I already know what I did was wrong."
He places his fingers under my chin and forces me to look him in the eye. "What you were doing wasn't necessarily wrong, Sora," he scratches the back of his head. "It's just that you're young. You're too young to be doing that kind of thing."
"But I love him so much! And when you love somebody, you should be able to show them how you feel, no matter how old you are. You and Cloud do. You guys kiss. Why can't Roxas and me?" I protest, feeling frustrated.
Squall sighs and scratches his head. "Sora…it's different with Cloud and me. We're adults. We know what we are getting in to. We know the consequences of our actions. Do you know what happens after kissing?"
I nod. "Yeah. I've read a few of your books on the shelf. You start with kissing and after a long time, you stick your tongue in the other person's mouth. Then you start kissing other places like on the ear and neck before you undo their pants--"
Squall chokes, then takes a deep breath. "Maybe we should keep those books on a higher shelf. Anyway, Sora, lovemaking is something that only adults should do. What I do with Cloud, it is beautiful, but only because our love has had time to mature, and we know what it means. Cloud and I know that the pain we may feel doesn't mean anything, that it is the pleasure that shows how much we love each other.
"You might be mature enough to understand that, Sora, but do you think Roxas is? Do you think he would understand if you hurt him? Made him bleed? You need to think about your little brother. You might be twins, but he is far more innocent than you are."
"But I was only going to kiss him. I wasn't going to go any further than that, I promise. I won't until we're a lot older. But I want to be able to show him that I love him in some way. I promise that I won't even put my tongue in his mouth, Squall! Please don't separate us and make us sleep in different rooms," I beg, placing my small hands on his thigh. I look up at the older brunette, nearly to tears. "Roxas can't sleep without me."
As Squall looks at me, I can see that he understands our attachment. He sighs again, something he does a lot. "Alright, but just know that if I walk in on something like that again, I'll have to separate you for Roxas' own good. He's not ready for something that heavy. I'm not even sure that you are." He runs a large hand through his dark chocolate locks. "I won't tell Cloud everything that we talked about. He won't understand. But…I'll have to tell him something, and I don't like lying to him. He'll need to know how you feel about Roxas. I don't want him walking in on something either. He won't take it as well.
"Anyways, get some sleep, Sora. I'll send Roxas in. And remember to think about him." With that, my surrogate father leaves the room, sending Roxy in behind him. Roxy gives me a look that is full of questions, but I am too tired to answer them right now.
"Can we talk tomorrow, Roxy? I'm sleepy." Roxas nods, and we cuddle under the covers together. He surprised me by placing a quick kiss on my lips, before turning around and snuggling back into me. I heave a small sigh, then close my eyes and welcome sleep.