A/N: I don't own any rights to Harry Potter. Little magic is used and homosexuality, violence, rape and language are used. Don't like it? Don't read it. You've been warned.
With all the shit that has happened over the years and as grateful as Harry is to be away from his Aunt and Uncle's house, he still asks today where he'd be if he wasn't a wizard. 'What would I be doing? Where would life take me? Is the muggle world as wild as it is being a wizard? I wouldn't know until graduation but I would assume that life would throw me similar obstacles even if I weren't a wizard. I'm sure I'd still have friends and I'm sure I'd make enemies too.' The last question he'd always ask himself is, 'Would my life turn out to be any different if I couldn't do magic at all? Everyone says yes but I'm not sure. I know I'd meet someone like Hermione and Ron…but would it feel the same to be their friend?'
Harry thought about all of this as he was dressing for this morning's breakfast. Last night had been extremely difficult and he kept waking himself up from having nightmares. He's decided to keep a bottle of vodka in his bedroom to help him sleep better. If he has a nightmare, he usually has a shot and if he has another nightmare, he usually has another. (No wonder why his friends think Harry has an alcohol problem but then again, they have no idea that he even stole the bottle from Professor Snape's office. He's certain that Tweedle Dum and Tweedle Dee would find it hilarious. AKA Fred and George.)
Harry walks into the Great Hall and it's tall structured walls with curves and pictures, designs and paintings on it. He's always found the school to be so exquisite on the outside but on the inside, it's breathtaking. He saw his two best friends waiting for him at their usual seat. Hermione reading a book as always and Ron, for once, NOT stuffing his face but talking to Neville. (Sometimes Harry wonders if Hermione reads just to be snobby and look down upon the rest of those who simply don't study as much as she does. Maybe she really was, as Snape once put it, "an insufferable little know-it-all".)
Then there is Malfoy, someone whom Harry hasn't gotten along with for many years. He always found him attractive however Malfoy's personality is nothing like the school itself when in comparison to looks. Malfoy may be beautiful on the outside but on the inside, his individuality and persona made Harry feel as if he had the stomach flu. Draco has always deceived those around him, even his only companions, Crabbe and Goyle.
"Harry!" Hermione had called over and put everyone's attention for two split seconds on the raven-haired boy. He always resents her for each time she has done that. He hates being put in the spotlight yet it's where he always seems to be. "Hey guys," Harry replied wearily, "how is Romeo and Juliet this fine morning?" (A little sarcasm at the crack of dawn never hurt anyone. In fact, he always thought it to put people in a better and brighter mood.) Harry has no problem or difficulties knowing that his two best friends are together and that he'll always be the third wheel until he finds his own girlfriend.
"Harry," Hermioned said, "you look awful. How did you sleep?"
"I didn't," he replied.
"Why not? You should get more sleep before your classes."
"Yeah, yeah…don't preach to me about that bullshit. I've dealt with it for two years. I think I can handle it."
"She's right, Harry," Ron stammered, "you really should get to sleep on a school night."
"Yes mother dearest. Do you want me to reply 'Yes ma'am' and 'No ma'am' too? Besides, it's not even a school night. It's a weekend so I think I can stay up as long as I please." Harry wasn't in the mood. He was tired and feeling ill. (Although that could have been the booze and if it is, then that was his own damn fault.)
"All I'm saying is that maybe you'd do better on tests and remember your homework assignments if you'd get more sleep. Hermione may not sleep well herself if you know what I mean," Ron gloated as if Harry didn't know what they did all night long.
"I'm just not feeling well. I'm not hungry, I'm not thirsty, I'm not very happy right now."
"You seem to be like this every morning nowadays," Hermione says without even looking up from her book, "you've been doing this for a week straight and quite frankly, I'm getting sick of your attitude." With that, Hermione slammed her book closed, gathered up her things, and left the Great Hall.
Harry felt taken aback from this comment. Had he really been a jerk for a week? Was he really that miserable? Maybe he hadn't noticed it before but now that he does know, he'll be more careful around his friends and act cheerful when he's really not. He's a good actor. He can pull it off.
"Have I really been acting like a jerk, Ron?" Harry asked.
"Well…Honestly? Yeah, you have been lately. Is something wrong?"
Right at that moment, he saw out of the corner of his eye, Malfoy, staring at him irritably as if Harry had done something to his hair that morning.
"Harry!" Ron exclaims, waving a hand in front of his face to pull him out of his trance, "You all right?" he asks.
"Yeah, I'm fine. I just zoned out is all."
"You should go see Madame Pompfrey or at least see a psychiatrist. Something is wrong and for whatever reason you're not telling me, I still think you need to talk about it. Just remember that Hermione and I are always there for you to talk to."
"I don't need help. I'm fine. But thanks anyway." Suddenly Harry felt a breath on the back of his neck that had sent chills down his spine. He wasn't sure if they were good chills or bad chills but Harry saw Ron's eyes widen up and looking at the person standing behind him.
"Well, well, well," Malfoy's annoying voice says following Harry and nearly scaring him halfway out of his own pants, "enjoying your breakfast, Potter?" he asks.
"What do you want? I'm going to ask you politely and only once to please never fucking breathe down my neck? Thank you." Harry said, staring at Ron and hoping he would defend him but he didn't.
"Relax, Potter. Snape asked me to give this to you," he says and hands Harry a letter written with dark ink.
"What is it?" he asks the blonde.
"Just read it. Who knows? I might get lucky and you could get expelled. He said not to show it to anyone either."
"Why didn't he just give it to me himself?"
"I don't know! Don't ask me. I could care less." He snickers and walks away condescendingly. Harry turns to Ron feeling confused and unable to understand why Snape had given him a letter.
"Well open it would you? You can always show me anything, regardless if he wants you to or not. I'm you best friend."
"Yeah but this is coming from a teacher, not from Malfoy," Harry said unsure if it really was from Snape or not.
"Fine. Be a party pooper. Let me know if things change though. See you in class," Ron says as he collects his belongings and departs from the Great Hall.
"See ya."
The letter was actually quite small. It was more like a note than an actual letter. It was folded up into four or five tiny squares and didn't have Harry's name on it. 'When a teacher writes to a student, there's normally a name on it,' he thought to himself. Harry opened up the little package given to him and read slowly but all it said was:
There is something that needs to be resolved between us. Meet me in the dungeons after everyone is asleep.
No name. No introduction. It was just a short phrase made of two sentences put together that seemed almost strange that Snape would write it but it looked like his handwriting so Harry had no choice but to meet with him. 'Why would Snape want to meet me by myself? Let alone, why would Snape want me to make sure everyone was asleep? Maybe he thought I needed more training,' he thought, 'I guess I'll know when I get there.'