Sonic's My Pillow & Knuckles
"ROCKIN'!" squealed Sonic the glorious Hedgehog as he opened up his mailbox on February 29th, nineteen aught eight. "I have been awaiting this wonderful item for ages now and 'tis finally arrived!" Sonic pulled out a large puffy package from the mailbox and ran off to his house. "Deary me!" he cried as he sliced open the packaging with a swift karate chop with his two cheeks (you decide, bruh).
The immense glory that rest before Sonic, unpackaged and dang fine was none other than that of the sacred My Pillow. "I am a certain man when it comes to me loving this sweet deal, homie!" Sonic danced atop his kitchen table and kicked over the salt n' peppa. He then pulled out the My Pillow from the plastic wrap confining the mystic pleasure and ran to his bedroom. He closed the door and turned out the lights. "I am gonna sleep on this delicious My Pillow right now!" With that, Sonic tossed the pillow under his noggin and took a deep sleep.
Sonic woke up the next morning with an agitated expression. "My, my…" said Sonic, a tad cranky. "That My Pillow felt not so great on my head last night…" He turned and gave the My Pillow a punch. "This pillow is just like any ordinary pillow, but it was just more expensive and felt like rocks stuffed in a rubber chicken!"
"HOW DARE YOU!" roared a voice from above. Sonic gasped and saw a shining entity suddenly appear in his room as if by beautiful magic. "You have dared to defile My Pillow with disgraceful utterances! You must die!"
"HOLY RAVIOLLI AND DA PEWTER CITY GYM! It's the hunkiest man alive! Mike Lindell!"
"Look, kid," said Mike,"before I invented My Pillow, my pillows would go flat and I'd flip-flop all night long. Sometimes I'd wake up with a sore neck or headache or feel like I needed a nap even though I slept eight hours."
"I am thoroughly impressed by your presence, but your pillows are trash."
"My Pillow is not your pillow. My Pillow is MY PILLOW!" Mike roared and breathed hot fire that melted the trophies Sonic had stolen from young children after shattering their dreams. "I made Chaska, Minnesota a name for itself because my patented fill provides support and keeps the neck aligned."
"My glory!" cried Sonic. "I love Chaska, Minnesota because that is the place where I met my long lost brother Leonard Nimoy."
Mike held up a picture of the good old days. "Check it, brohan. This is me & son Charlie. Charlie is good lad."
"Charlie! Like Charlie Eggman!" Sonic got serious and pulled off his Power Sneakers and replaced them with cowboy boots! "I must haste it!"
Mike grabbed Sonic's My Pillow and held it like a dead sheep. "Look at dis here. Dis is My Pillow. For the best night sleep in the whole wide world visit My Pillow dotcom!" The twinkle sounded and Mike sprouted his gorgeous Minnesotan angel wings. He then rushed up and blasted through Sonic's roof and out into the skies of deep blue.
"That man is a grand one. He has opened my eyes to the world and just how wonderful it is to have love and peace. Bless his soul, by George!" Sonic saluted Mike as he flew off into the sunset while Celine Dion sang a beautiful song about hearts going on.
Knuckles approached Sonic from behind with a confused look on his face. "Uh… Sonic…" he said. "What happened to your house? And why are you in cowboy boots?"
"My pillow, my dear Watson. My Pillow…"
Janear… Jafar… Jawherever you are! I believe that the heart does go on…