"That's a joke, right?"
So, now's his last chance. He can either chicken out or go through it. No. He can do it. Breathe, Peter. You can do that.
"Uhmm, it wasn't actually. So, what do you say?" He looked at the floor, not sure if he wants to hear the answer. But it can't be that bad, can it? Wade is his friend, after all.
They had met in their first week of high school, two years ago. They had both been alone and well, outsiders gotta stick together.
He soon noticed that Wade was a bit weird – he loved Mexican food, had a sense of humor that was… special and didn't like to show his face. And that had been okay. So what – everyone had his quirks.
Said friend stopped laughing and tilted his head. "Wait, you're serious, aren't you."
Peter looked up tentatively. At least Wade wasn't laughing anymore. Possibly there was still hope. He searched for Wade's eyes under the hood of the red sweater the other one was always wearing. They were blue and the most expressive ones Peter had ever seen on someone. Maybe he it had something to do with the scars that covered nearly every inch of Wade's skin. Compensation or something like that. But now they were completely empty and emotionless.
"Yeah, I am. So…"
"So… Will you go on a date with me?"
And that was the moment when everything came crashing down.
His best friend was asking him out. His best friend that he was in lo… no, no, no, not the big L-word… his best friend that he liked very much was asking him out… Every normal person would probably dance or shed some happy tears and then agree enthusiastically.
Every normal person.
Wade was many things, but certainly not normal.
Peter was way to good for him and he'd always known that. He was nice, incredibly smart and handsome – the absolute opposite of him. There was no reason why someone like Peter should even spare someone like Wade a second glance. And still the other one had become his best friend. And that had been perfectly okay – it had already been more than Wade deserved.
His thoughts got interrupted when Peter continued to talk.
"I mean… you're my best friend, but I… uhm… like you and thought that maybe, possibly you like me back… and… God, Wade, just say something, I'm rambling."
He couldn't let Peter do that. He deserved so much better than Wade. He could do so much better than Wade.
He would have to – and his heart clenched at this thought – scare Peter away. He was good at being an asshole, it shouldn't be to difficult to make the other boy hate him. Peter shouldn't waste more of his time with him.
Wade forced himself to look Peter in the eyes and laughed. He even managed to make it sound realistic. He was a good liar.
"Uhm, sorry kid, but I think you've got the wrong image. This is a mutual benefits thing we've going on. I keep the bullies away from you and you let me copy your math homework. Why else should I want to hang around with you. You're just a boring nerd."
He could see the hurt in Peter's eyes and how he hunched his shoulders into a defensive stance. "But I thought… you said… "
For a moment Wade wanted nothing more than to hug Peter and tell him that he didn't mean it. But he can't do that. He can't stick around and ruin the other one's life like he does with everything.
"I'm a good liar, you should know that by now."
Peter seemed close to tears and Wade prayed that it doesn't come to this. He didn't think he could stand it, knowing he was the cause. But he had to remember. Peter is better off without him. He saw anger flare up in the other one's eyes, replacing the sadness.
"You're a dick Wade. I don't even know why I put up with you for so long." Then he stomps away.
While he watched his only and best… no, former best friend leave Wade whispered: "Believe me, I don't know that either."
The next days Peter's mood is changing between anger, disappointment and sadness.
Anger at Wade, cause he's a lying asshole. Anger at himself, cause he fell in love with him.
Disappointment of Wade, cause he thought they were friends. Disappointment of himself, cause it took him so long to notice.
Sadness, cause Wade had a point. He's just a nerd. Boring. Weird. Why should someone want to be friends with him. He should have expected it. He should have known it.
But he really thought… Yeah, he thought they were friends… Hell, Wade showed him his scars…
6 months ago
They were sitting on the roof right under Peter's window. It was getting dark, but for now they could still see. They were talking about everything. Star Wars. (Wade) Science (Peter). Other things.
And somewhere between two themes, Wade had pulled his hood off. Without a comment. He just did it and stared at the sky.
Peter looked to him so see why he wasn't talking anymore. Wade never shut up.
He had blonde hair. The same scars Peter had seen on his hands sometimes covered his whole face and his neck and disappeared under the hem of the red hoodie. Peter was shocked. Not because of the scars. To be honest he didn't really care about that. He liked Wade because the other teenager could always cheer him up with a ridiculous comment and because they could talk about everything.
But he was shocked, because apparently Wade trusted him enough to show him his face. Sure, a few weeks ago he told Peter that he got his scars from a house fire when he was 12, but he never thought he would see them.
"Wade…"
The other one turned his head to look at Peter. He could have sworn he had seen a flash of fear and resignation in his eyes before they got an empty look.
As if he expected Peter to be disgusted with him. To send him away. As if he already accepted this.
"Yeah?"
"Have you ever seen Watchmen? It's brilliant."
Wade stared at him like he was mad, then he grinned widely. They continued talking until it got completely dark.
He tried focusing on his English lesson, but it wasn't possible.
It just didn't make any sense. Why did Wade show him his face? Why did he act two years as if they were friends? Just for math homework? That would be just ridiculous. But why else would he do it?
He stole a glace at the boy in the red hoodie at the table next to him. Wade had his head on his arms, laying on the table.
Peter had noticed he wasn't his usual self. He wasn't worried… that would have been just ridiculous after everything Wade said... But he was quiet during the classes, not even joking. Disappeared right after the classes. Hell, he even missed the Mexican Thursday in the Cafeteria. That hasn't happened in the last two years…
But well, he had been Wade's only fri… the only one Wade talked to, maybe that was just his normal behavior when he was alone… And who even said Peter knew the real Wade… Possibly that was just him...
He started staring at his empty sheet of paper again. It still didn't make sense.
Wade was feeling miserable.
He was trying to think of something else, but every time he closed his eyes he saw the look of hurt and betrayal on Peter's face.
But it was better this way.
He didn't pay attention to where he was going and when he looked up he saw Flash Thompson cornering Peter at his locker.
It looked similar to the day when they met the first time.
Two years ago
It was his first day in High school and he already hated everything and everyone.
He got a ton of weird looks for keeping his hood on, but the teachers knew about his so called "condition" so none of them asked him to pull it down.
He didn't try to make friends, that didn't work for him. He was better off alone, as it had always been.
While he was trying to find his locker, Wade noticed some bulky blonde guy shoving a smaller boy in his locker. Anger rose up in him. He hated bullies. He stomped towards the blonde.
"Hey, asshole!"
"What did you just –"
But before the other one could finished Wade had pushed him face front into a locker.
He turned towards the smaller boy.
"You okay?"
The other one stared at him and nodded. Wade sent a glare in the bully's direction and walked away. He had a locker to find before lunch time.
Later in the cafeteria he was staring at his terrible lunch, when he heard someone sitting down beside him. He turned around and saw the small guy from earlier.
"Hey. Thanks for earlier. I'm Peter."
Wade ignored him. He wasn't here to make friends. He pulled his hands further into the sleeves of his Hoodie. He didn't like people seeing his scars. They started asking dumb questions, were scared or disgusted or worse pitied him.
The guy with the ruffled brown hair didn't seemed to mind.
The next day at lunch he was back. And the next day. And the day after. After four days Wade had enough.
The other guy set his tray down. "You're really a talker, aren't you?"
Wade grumbled something.
"Oh, wow. You can actually hear me. I started to think you're deaf."
Slowly Wade turned around. "What do you want?"
"Uhm… Eat my lunch?"
"No, I mean, here. With me? Why are you talking to me?"
"I thought you might want some company."
"Listen, you don't need to do that, just because I taught Mr. Cliché-Football-Captain some manners."
"Didn't you listen to me? I thought you might want to talk to someone someday. If I felt obligated to come here, I'd said so…" He started eating. "So… Star Wars or Star Trek?"
He just wanted to walk away, but when he heard Flash saying: "Yeah, you're not so brave anymore, now that your boyfriend isn't protecting you anymore." Wade felt like he's got punched in the guts. It's his fault this happens. He should get out of here. But then Flash pushed Peter into the locker and he saw red.
Peter crashed against the lockers. He slid to the ground, closed his eyes and waited for the pain.
Instead he heard the sound of somebody being slammed into a locker and Wade's voice.
"Seems like you forgot what I told you two years ago. Leave him alone."
Surprised Peter opened his eyes again and saw the guy in the familiar red hoodie walking away who turned around and addressed Flash again.
"You're lucky I haven't got my hands on Katanas yet." With that he made his exit.
Flash got up, sent Peter a menacing glare, but didn't do anything more.
Peter still tried to get his head around what just happened.
If he doesn't care, why did he help me?
Then suddenly everything clicked into place and he ran after Wade. On the schoolyard he finally caught up with him, grabbed his arm and forced him to stop.
"Wade!" No reaction.
"We have to talk!" Wade was still staring at the floor.
"Goddammit! Look at me! I've got something to say and you'll listen to it and you'll look me in the face while I'm talking." Finally Wade turned around, but his eyes had this empty look again.
"Yeah, okay. You won. I'm listening."
"Why did you do that? I mean Flash… Why did you help me?"
Wade scratched his neck nervously. "Uhmm… I… I don't like him…"
"Yeah, that might be true, but that's not the only reason, isn't it?"
"Of course it is… What are you talking about?"
"You lied…"
"What?" Now Wade just seemed confused.
"You lied. About us being friends."
Wade choked out a laugh. "Yeah, we already established that, genius."
"No, not that. You were lying, when you said… all this mean… stuff…"
"I don't know –"
"Don't give me this shit! I'm no idiot. It took me a few days to figure it out and I still don't know why you did it, but I know that much. So, tell me why you pulled this bullshit on me!"
Great job. He was nearly there. And now Peter's figured it out. But he just couldn't let Flash beat him up.
He tried to think of something else. Another explanation than the truth, but when he lifted his gaze and saw Peter looking at him equally furious and worried it all came pouring out.
"They pity you, you know… Some even laugh at you…"
"What?"
"Because you are friends with this weirdo who never takes his hood down."
Peter looked confused. "So what? Why –"
"I don't even know why you wanted to be friends with me! I'm annoying all people around me! I don't do… friends! I'm not smart! I'm not nice!"
Peter tried to say something but he couldn't stop now.
"And then I had this stupid crush on you, but I knew you were way to good a for me and it would end anyways if you'd see the scars. But you didn't even ask about them and you didn't run or told me to get lost or were disgusted and we were still friends. And that was already more than I deserve!"
The other teenager looked at him dumbfounded.
"You had a crush on me? But why -"
Wade stared at the ground again. "Then you asked me out. And I couldn't let you do it. I mean, I'm a bad influence on you! I screw everything up! You can do way better than me! And you deserve way better than the fuck-up I am! You –"
He stopped when he felt the hood being pulled from his head. He nearly panicked. Wade didn't want anyone to see his scars. But probably Peter wanted some revenge for all the hurt. And what would be better that showing everyone what a monster he was. He didn't think Peter would be the type for things like this, but he would be lying if he said he didn't understand.
His thoughts were interrupted when Peter grabbed his Hoodie and pulled him down into a kiss. First Wade wanted to stop him, but the second their lips met all thoughts got replaced by utter happiness. Somehow everything got okay.