How Could He?
Disclaimer: I do not own RENT. Simple as that.
She had seen him countless times.
He had barely even noticed her.
She had initiated contact, trying to get close to him.
He had insulted her lifestyle choices and hadn't seemed to give a damn.
She had tried again and again, from the offer of brunch at her apartment to a kiss in his.
He had rejected her and snubbed her, mocking her beliefs because of one choice she had made that he had made once, too.
She had known when it was a lost cause, and would have left him alone.
He had barged in and threatened her dealer, then asked her out.
She had accepted and came to the protest she knew could get her arrested, and to the café afterwards.
He had ignored her, his date, in favor of his friends and the restaurant guitar.
She had called him on it and tried to make him see that he wasn't living in a bubble, that she had problems too but was willing to take a chance on love.
He had been unable to see that and only took her chance when it came out that she was dying, too.
She had been patient when he said he needed to move slowly.
He had seemed happy for a few short weeks.
Benny had taken her stuff because she knew him.
He was too angry to realize she was in the same boat.
She had talked to the man she had once had an affair with on behalf of her first real boyfriend.
He had pulled away when Benny mentioned her role in reclaiming their possessions.
She had tried to explain it to him-she was over the married man.
He had blown her off and claimed he didn't care.
Feeling alone, she began to rely more on drugs than ever before.
He came to see her, saw the needle, and jumped to conclusions, never once wondering about his involvement.
She hadn't used it and tried to quit-suffering the pains of withdrawal solely for him; she knew she wouldn't live long enough for some of heroine's darker side-effects to take root.
He had been there for her when she was shivering and feverish, but only then; there was still distance between them.
Her resolve had cracked when there didn't seem to be an end to the pain and the isolation in sight and she couldn't break free alone.
He, who had had his friends to help him through the withdrawal, had taken the failure of her single-handed efforts to mean she wasn't serious about it and him and ended things.
She was heartbroken and depressed and Benny, whose fault it all was, really-Benny was there.
He was not, and what's more he took her desperate latching on to Benny as a confirmation that she'd been cheating all along.
She had come to Angel's funeral with Benny. Angel was a close friend, his death would eventually be hers, she needed the support.
He had barely even looked at her.
She had seen a perfect chance to try and clear the air before he left, when Maureen and Joanne were making up.
He had yelled at her about Benny again and stormed off.
She had come back to his apartment, incredibly weak but determined, in order to say goodbye.
He had told Mark that he knew she was dying but didn't want to be around for that.
She had called him on that.
He had fled.
She had checked herself into rehab.
He hadn't so much as called.
'How could she?' he had asked.
How could he?
She had waited diligently for him to work through his issues and had been willing to fight for him.
He had, in turn, accused her of cheating on him the first chance he got.
Without him, there was nothing in this world for her.
He had waltzed off to Santa Fe and fully intended to leave without so much as a goodbye.
She couldn't possibly go back to her life Pre-Roger, not now that she had tasted love.
He had closed himself off and left no way for her to contact him.
Well, she decided, packing her things. If he didn't care than neither did she.
She was checking herself out of rehab, and let come what may.