Disclaimer: Naruto is the property of Kishimoto, and the theme tune belongs to the company it comes from.
Authors note again at the bottom
Commercial Benefits
"Hey sempai! Tobi got a job!"
Deidara paused midway through his cereal, glancing up to stare at his masked partner incredulously.
"What."
Tobi seemed to grin behind his mask, and waved a piece of paper hard in his hand, causing Deidara to wince as the sound of paper tearing slipped through the small space between them.
"Deidara sempai told Tobi that he was a 'no good piece of shit that did nothing but make my life hell', and that Tobi should try 'taking a trip to the real fucking world and stop ruining my breakfast! Hmm!'" -Deidara twitched at the use of his euphemism- "So Tobi went out, and thought, the Akatsuki need money right? So, so Tobi went out and got a job! See, see, see- it says so right here!"
Putting down his bowl, he studied the now crumpled piece of paper –he knew he should have removed it from him earlier- in the gloved mans hand for a minute skeptically, before sighing and reaching forward to grab it, trying his best to ignore the stupid jig that he assumed was his partners self proclaimed 'Victory dance'. Smoothing it out as best he could, his eyebrows rose as he saw that it was, indeed, a signed contract, for a 3 minute commercial promoting bathroom products in Rain, although he couldn't quite make out the actually name of the company because of a very inconvenient tear. The pay was ridiculously good for such a small job though, as well as ongoing payments after every broadcast, and he glanced suspiciously at his now stationary partner.
"You see? Tobi got a job!"
His eyes narrowed.
"…Tobi, how on earth did you manage to get a job in the entertainment industry, in RAIN of all places, hmm?"
"Tobi ran into Konan-san, and she helped Tobi find a job!"
Deidara blinked. Konan, the legendary lone female member, whose face he had only seen once, had just stopped and helped the idiot? Turning to face the man fully, he attempted to determine whether he was lying or not, a task he was unable to complete, as it was nearly impossible to study someone's body language when they covered up every inch of their skin and wore a bloody garish orange mask over their face. He growled in exasperation.
"Where on earth did you run into her, hmm?!"
"The bathroom!"
He stared.
"…The bathroom?"
"Yes sempai!"
"Which bathroom, hmm?"
Tobi seemed to frown, if that was at all possible to determine, and put a hand on his hip, raising the other to his face in a pose so ridiculous Deidara had to forcefully grit his teeth to prevent himself from strangling the younger man for being such a fool. It seemed that even Tobi was inconvenienced by that damned mask. But if he wanted answers -which, of course, he did- that wouldn't be the way to go about getting them, so instead he imagined blowing up Tobi into lots of lovely tiny little pieces, the mask becoming no more as he watched it slowly burn to a cinder… The sound of Tobi clearing his throat nervously brought him back to reality, and he watched as the hand in front of the man's face was brought behind him, and scratched the back of his head.
"…Tobi doesn't know?" Tobi laughed weakly. "Tobi-Tobi wanted to go into Rain, to see if he could find a job, but the guards refused to let Tobi in, so he had to get in another way- so, so, Tobi found a sewer, and crawled, and crawled, until he came to a hole, and pushed up, and- Tobi found a bathroom! Well, a shower cubicle really, but when he opened the door he found a bathroom, and when he turned the corner he saw Konan san! And she helped Tobi find a job!"
Deidara stared at him incredulously for a second, opening his mouth, before he seemed to catch himself, and shut it, shaking his head slowly. There was no way Tobi would have been able to sneak in to any village (let alone Rain, with its high security as of late) through the sewers- he knew that from personal experience that he would never have been able to get through the traps and jutsus those bastard stuck up officials ensured were put in place. They had nearly killed Deidara himself when he was trying to escape his own goddamned village through them in the short spate of time before his bomb blew up, and that was over ten years ago - who knew how much they had upgraded protection system since then?
"So… Tobi, hmm. Are you sure you are ok with them broadcasting your face, or, your mask, all over Rain?"
Tobi nodded eagerly, seeming happy to move off of the subject of Konan and the bathroom.
"Don't worry sempai! Tobi gave a fake name to the agency, and wore a different mask, so no one will recognize Tobi, and Tobi will be in costume anyway!"
Deidara found himself once again forced to blink at his partner's words.
"Cos…tume?
…Tobi, what is the commercial for, hmm?"
The masked man leaned forward; face passing millemeters in front of Deidara's own before he whisked the document from his hands, slapping it to his chest protectively. Shaking his head at the older man, Tobi wrote in the air with a gloved finger, spelling what Deidara guessed to be a backwards 'No'.
"Nu uh uh! You'll have to wait and see sempai!"
Deidara twitched, but by the time he could respond, or rather do anything other than that small movement, Tobi had already rushed out of the room, running down the hall way, shouting at the top of his lungs.
"TOBI HAS A JOOOOOBBBBB!!"
Two months later
"Sempai! Sempai! Come here, come here quick, it's on, it's on!"
"What the hell, hmm?! I'm busy Tobi, bug someone else!"
"But- sempaaaiii, please, you promissseeedd."
"Promised what, hmm?"
"2 months ago, sempaaai, you promised Tobi that'd you'd watch his commercial!"
Deidara put down his clay with a sigh, bringing up a hand to massage his temple with the heel.
"That's on now, hmm?"
There was a crash as Tobi bounded into his room, falling over himself and nearly landing on Deidara as he attempted to leap over the barricade that had been 'conveniently' placed in front of where the door had been standing a few seconds before. Seeming to not notice –or just plain ignoring- the murderous intent that radiated across the room to central in on him like a pair of crosshairs, he scrambled to his feet, and nodded enthusiastically, attempting to drag Deidara with him through the open door.
"Yes, yes, quick sempai, quick! Tobi is taping it, but-"
There was a jingle and the sound of children's laughter from the living room; Tobi froze, gloved hand raising to his mask, grip loosening around Deidara's arm, before suddenly he was running down the hall, grip renewed as he pulled his partner along with him. Deidara cursed, the masked man apparently oblivious to his death threats as he struggled to find his feet and reach his clay pouch, never managing to quite get a grip before he fell again. Turning the corner, Tobi let go, and ran for the couch, babbling happily; 'ooh, look sempai' 'wow, what amazing special effects!' as Deidara glanced up at the TV distractedly and started, his grip loosening around the glob of clay he had finally managed to get his hands on as he watched, stunned, the colorful spectacle dance across the screen. Walking forward slowly, he sat with a plop next to his partner on the couch, wide eyed gaze only deviating from the screen once as Tobi hummed along with the theme tune, catching his eye and grinning happily.
Oh god…
After three minutes, the advert had finished, and there was silence. Tobi turned to Deidara, grin growing even more that it seemed to become visible under the mask.
"Did you like it Sempai? Did you see Tobi? Tobi could barely see himself, Tobi thought…"
Tobi paused as he took in his sempai, and cocked his head in confusion. Shifting himself on the couch and bringing his gloved hand out from where he had been sitting on it, he waved it in front of Deidara's face hopefully, letting it fall a second later as he got no response. There was no change in the stone nin's expression, and after a minute Tobi just shrugged, grinning once more. Patting Deidara's arm and picking up the remote, he stopped the tape and rewound it, turning up the volume a few more notches before playing, and singing along with the tune.
"Toni can do it too! With Kandoo!"
Authors Note: Hmm, a Deitobi, as I seem to be in a small spree at the moment, with this one, another one started, that I'm not going to continue, and an AU start on my computer. This is a gift for Katiekitten, sorry it kind of fizzled out at the end, I wrote two pages, and got too tired and slept, then couldn't get quite back in it. I hope it gave you a laugh though.
I will probably edit this later; I'm kind of sick of it right now and just want to post it. XD