Me: So this is my first ever 'real' Death Note fic that I have started. It's a humor fic that I had in my mind since I finished the Death Note novel: Another Note; The LABB murder cases. All cast members in this fic are alive and well without any Death Notes except BB's eyes that he can't use since there are no Death Notes. Also there will be some cameos in the fic to make it even funnier. I'm not going to say who or what. The beginning is sort of serious but I wanted to give some background on where BB would be and who is he and whatnot. This is my fist time writing a DN fic so please bear with me. I hope that all you readers get a couple of chuckles from this. Please do not flame this.
Disclaimer: I do not own Death Note or other Anime cameos. If I owned Death Note; L,Matt,Mello,Namikawa,Light, Wedy, Naomi and BB would still be alive.
Warning: May contain spoilers and OOCness.
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Beyond's Day Out by Usagi Uchiha: A Death Note humor fan fiction.
Rated uh T for Teen I guess just to be safe.
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In an apartment located in Eastern Manhattan, lived a person who went by the name Beyond Birthday or for short, BB. He didn't have much of a past except the time at Whammy's house in the United Kingdom, trying to copy someone who was not attainable in a sense. His only friend in his past, A, died in the worst way possible, suicide, just because she couldn't take the pressure at trying to be like the famous detective, L. L was the one and only reason why they were both brought to the orphanage. They were supposed to be like him, to surpass him. That's why BB acted and looked like L. He liked sweets like L except his was Jam and only Jam, his obsession with manga, the T-shirt and faded jeans but BB's shirt was black and L's shirt was white, the color and style of his hair, the bags under the eyes except BB drew them on with a black magic marker but L's were there because he did not sleep. Actually he was more like L than himself as the only things that were truly him was his laugh, which he could not decide what laugh to use; he had several, his red eyes; which glowed crimson, could tell when other people would die, and his smirk; which he usually wore on his face when he was alone.
This is a story about one person who goes outside to face the WorLd, one slow awkward step at a time.
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6:00 AM
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"Bokuo Desho! Desho!" screamed BB's alarm clock in a figurine of Haruhi Suzumiya from the Melancholy of Haruhi Suzumiya. "Bokuo Desho! It's 6 AM!... WAKE UP KYON!!!!!" On cue, BB suddenly opened his eyes and practically jumped up to the ceiling fan that was above his bed. Due to the sudden movement and some added weight; luckily it didn't break...., the fan started to spin taking BB along with it. After a couple of minutes just spinning there, BB let go of the ceiling fan and landed on the bed post, sitting just like L would.
"I need a new clock......." he muttered to himself as he got up and slowly went into the bathroom to change out of his black pajamas. BB then came back out in his black T-shirt, faded jeans, and beat up old converse tennis shoes. As BB looked in a gold framed oval mirror, he brushed back some of his ebony colored bangs that caused him to see his own name floating above his head:
Beyond Birthday
?????????....
He squinted at the mirror as he tried in vain to see his own life span. It was true that owners of the shinigami's eyes could not see their own life span but one could not help to be curious about when they were going to die and BB was one of them.
"Not today I guess" he said as he looked at the mirror once more before walking out the door, locking it on the way out.
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8:00 A.M.
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Slouched over while walking, BB made his way down the Manhattan street, taking in all of the skyscrapers and hot-dog stands that lined the street itself.
"Now, what place would have clocks at?" BB said to himself as he slowly creeped down the concrete sidewalk with an occasional stone imbedded in. He went right on by Macy's and Radio Shack, heading right to a local grocery store, hoping a clock would be there. As BB went through the sliding doors, he scanned the aisle signs up above in search for clocks but he didn't find any clocks but something else. His crimson eyes widen when he saw the aisle that read:
-Jam-
'Jam! No! Must resist! Need to find new clock...' but that rational thinking was thrown out of the universe as he headed down the aisle.
As the aisle suggested, the whole aisle was filled with Jam only but the jars were located in an opened refrigerator. The only jar that was out in the middle of the aisle, wasn't a jar at all. It was a hug vase, which was sky blue in color and had a Celtic pattern engraved on it. Why the jar wasn't refrigerated or why the vase had Jam in it was a complete mystery.
BB noticed the huge vase and was very suspicious about it being there. He let it be and instead, went to the refrigerated jars and took one from the shelf. He then sat down on the floor in the L style of course, and unscrewed the cap of the jar and started to eat it.
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About 9: 00 AM
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Meanwhile in the same store where BB was, two people entered the sliding doors.
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Enter Mello and Matt
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Mello bit into a milk chocolate bar that was half wrapped still. Fifty percent of that was the first wrapping that had the logo of Hershey's and the other fifty percent was the thin shiny silver colored plastic. Matt could have cared less if he was there or not. He kept playing his DS as it made a few noises. The glow from the DS made his goggles to shine bright from the reflection.
As both of them walked up to the cashier, Mello pulled out gun and pointed it at the clerk that was at the cashier.
" Listen. This is a stick up. Give me all of your chocolate bars or else" he proclaimed as he threatened the clerk. Matt, meanwhile just stood there still playing the DS. Suddenly it turned into Boss mode and he frantically started to press all sorts of buttons. As he was battling the boss, he accidentally bumped into a switch that turned on the overhead to the store.
"Must...beat...boss..." said Matt zombically as he didn't know the overhead was turned on.
"Matt! Stop playing that stupid game and help me!" yelled Mello as he turned around to look at Matt.
"I will Mello. Just a sec" said Matt as he didn't look up as he was still pressing buttons like mad on the DS.
By now, the whole store was in panic, well besides BB who could have cared less on what's going on. The other pedestrians tried to hide behind tall items like the toilet paper pyramid and the green bean can tower.
Back to Mello and Matt....
"Look Lady! Did you hear me? I said this was a stick-up! I want those chocolate bars!" Mello huffed as he was getting impatient.
The poor clerk could get a few words out as she was shaking really badly. "Hhhere! Wwwee don't have any cchocalate bbars but wwwee ddo haave ssomme goollddd bbars" she said as she shakily walked over to Mello with the gold bars in hand. On the way there, she bumped into Matt, causing him to let go of his DS. The DS then flew across the room and landed in a coffin. What was a coffin doing there, we do not know.
Matt looked lazily over to the coffin. "Aww man! I was so close!" he said as he frantically ran over to the coffin. "Hey Mello! Help me out over here will ya?".
Mello hesitated that he didn't want the gold that the clerk was offering or to help Matt out.
"I'm coming. Hold on" he said as he stomped over to the coffin to help Matt out. "Are you sure it's in there?" asked Mello as he suspiciously looked at the black coffin. A couple of moments of catchy music could be heard.
"Yeah it's in there! Help me get the lid off" Matt said as he started to yank on the lid.
"Matt! You're pulling it the wrong way!" said Mello as he pulled it in the opposite direction.
"No you are!" said Matt as he tugged the lid in another different direction. As they both tugged on it, they both fell backwards onto the ground. The lid opened by itself and fell to the ground with a loud thud. Smoke had appeared and clouded the whole entire store. As Mello and Matt got up, Matt was the first to comment.
"Cool! A Rock concert!" he said as he adjusted his goggles.
"Shut up, Matt" said Mello as he looked at the smoke clouded coffin. As the smoke cleared, someone came out of the coffin.
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Enter Vincent Valentine
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Vincent Valentine looked at Mello and Matt while holding the DS in his claw like hand.
"Is this yours?" he asked monotonously to Matt.
"Yeah it is. Thanks man" said Matt as he took the DS and started to play it again. "Game over? Dang, I forgot to save!" said Matt as he started to have a fit.
Vincent then turned to Mello. "Cloud? Have you gotten shorter?" he asked incredulously.
" I am not this Cloud person! I am Mello and I will be the best! Stupid big headed Near!" he fumed as he stomped around. " And besides, the only person I really look like is Shinji Hirako!".
Vincent wasn't listening as he went back into the coffin, put the lid back on and then went back to sleep.
"And furthermore.." Mello noticed that no one was listening to him. He stomped up to the shaking clerk again. The clerk held out the same pile of gold. "Uh hello?? I want chocolate bars not gold" he said as he tapped his foot impatiently.
Suddenly a siren could be heard in the distance. "Darn it's the cops!" said Mello as he put a gas mask on his face. "I guess I have no choice" as he pulled out a bomb. It wasn't any common bomb but one that Mello bought at Hyrule.
In the meantime, Matt in his red Camio pulled into the driveway. "Wait Mello! Don't use that! Come on let's go!".
"Okay" said Mello as he ran out of the store and climbed into the car. "Later suckers!" they both said as the car sped off before the police could catch up.
The police went into the store instead to comfort the victims. "Are you civilians all right?" asked a fat policeman with a long brown colored mustache. He reached into a box of donuts and grabbed 3 donuts and shoved all three of them into his mouth.
"Yes but there is a suspicious man eating jars of Jam in the Jam aisle" said a girl scout as she pointed towards the Jam aisle.
"Thank you miss. We will check it out" said the fat policeman as he waddled down the Jam aisle.
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Some minutes later
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BB still was eating jars of Jam. As he reached for the 44th jar, he was started by a sudden shout. The shout made him jump and he accidentally dropped the jar of Jam and it spilled on the floor. The Jam was all over the ground but a big puddle of the Jam was in a big glob that was located on BB's right side of the floor.
'What a waste' he thought sadly as he turned his head towards the person who gave the abrupt shout.
" You there! What do you think you are doing? Did you pay for those?" asked the fat policeman as he eyed BB carefully.
"No I didn't officer. I'm sorry" said BB as his eyes gave a mischievous glint.
" What's with that glint there?" asked the fat policeman as he got a little spooked by BB's odd behavior.
BB looked right at the fat policeman. "Nothing but I will tell you that you are going to die on December 23, 2009 at 11:59 P.M., Mr. Hank Polaski" he cackled. Now the fat policeman was really spooked.
"Hhhow ddo you kknow mmy nname? I'm getting out of here! Come on boys, we are moving out!" he said as all of the police officers high tailed it out of the store.
"Those who waste Jam should be punished!" said BB coldly as he reached for another jar of Jam and started to eat again.
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10:30 A.M.
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As BB still was eating jars of Jam in the Jam aisle, two more people entered the store.
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Enter Haruhi Fujioka and Kyoya Ootori
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"I can't believe that the vase was shipped to here instead of Ouran Academy, Kyoya-sempai" said Haruhi Fujioka as she asked a clerk where the vase was located.
"I agree, Haruhi. I will see to it that those shippers are never hired again" said Kyoya Ootori as he snapped close his agenda book and pushed up his glasses with is index finger. "The trip to America and the ride here will be added to your debt, Haruhi. Just so you know" he said in a matter of fact voice as Haruhi fell to the floor with the emotion of gloom thick in the air.
"Let's just get that vase. It's down the Jam aisle" she said as she got up from the floor and walked to the Jam aisle with Kyoya following right behind her.
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Some moments later
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BB reached for the last jar of Jam and noticed the two walking into the aisle. he noticed then that they were looking at the vase behind him. As he proceeded to eat the Jam, he listened closely to the conversation that the two were whispering.
"There it is, Haruhi. Go get it" Kyoya said as he pushed Haruhi closer to BB. Haruhi used the back of her heel to stop herself.
" No Sempai, there's an odd person eating jars of Jam. He looks creepy" said Haruhi as she ran away and hid behind Kyoya.
"Haruhi! That's not nice. All this man is doing is eating" said Kyoya as he sidestepped and grabbed Haruhi, placing in front of him. "Now go" he then pushed Haruhi closer.
"All right, but if he does something weird, you will have to save me" said Haruhi as she went closer. As she passed BB on the right side, her left foot slipped in the puddle of Jam and she went sliding into the vase, breaking it into several pieces. Jam exploded all over the aisle and Haruhi, making the aisle and her sticky. BB however was spared somehow.
Kyoya looked over at the mess and Haruhi. "My my. Oh and Haruhi, the cost of the vase will be added to your debt. Let's go" he said as he helped Haruhi up, getting Jam on his hand. he led Haruhi out of the store and back to the Manhattan airport with a plane whose flight plan was destined to go back to Japan.
"Well that was interesting" said BB to himself as he shook his head, got up and slowly walked out of the store himself.
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1:00 P.M.
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'Now which place has a clock?' BB thought to himself while walking down the sidewalk. He then stopped at an intersection, which had a stage and lights all around it. A white colored banner that was draped across the front of the stage had the words:
Manhattan Talent Search.
A person stood in the middle as she was the MC for the program. As she clutched the microphone, she started to speak.
"This is Kiyomi Takada, former NHN announcer, bringing you the Manhattan Talent Search. Ah! Here's out first contestant, Light Yagami. Take it away, Light!" Takada said with hearts in her eyes.
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Enter Light Yagami
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"Okay..Here I go!" A few moments of silence was heard before Light pulled out a bag of Potato chips which had the logo of Lay's on it. He pulled open the bag, reached in and picked out a Potato chip. As he held the Potato chip between his index and middle finger, he turned to the crowd.
"For my act, I'll take this Potato chip and Eeeeaaatt Iiiiittttt!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!111" he yelled as he took the Potato chip and ate it. The Potato chip gave off a loud crunch as he bit into it. Light then flicked his hair to the audience. "Well what do you think?" he asked them.
The crowd was silent for a moment, as they were staring in disbelief. "Boo! You suck!" someone said as the crowd became angry and started to throw apples at him.
"Oww! Stop it! What was wrong with that?"
Another crowd member yelled out, "That's not a talent! No talent, No talent!" The others joined in as well. "NO TALENT, NO TALENT!" they yelled in unison.
"You useless fools!" said Light as he ran away, tears in his eyes. The crowd then settled back down as Takada cam back on the stage.
"Ok that wasn't good" she said as she pulled out a handkerchief and dabbed her face with it. "Ah! Here's our next contestant, L Lawliet. Take it away L" she said as she jumped off the stage. L walked over to the center of the stage.
'Is that Lawli?' BB asked to himself as he saw L on the stage. He looked at L with curiosity.
"Thank you, miss Takada" said L as he faced the audience. He then took out a pair of handcuffs. "Today, I will handcuff myself to another person" said L as he latched one handcuff to his left wrist. "Do I have any volunteers?" he asked as he scanned the crowd for a victim, I mean, volunteer. "You there! The one who's crying and talking to himself" L pointed to Light who had just joined the crowd.
"Ok.. -sniff-" said Light as he gloomily walked onto the stage. L slowly walked over to Light and put the other handcuff on Light's left wrist.
"Taa-daa!" said L as he and Light bowed at the audience. More silence could be heard. "Was it something I said?" asked L curiously to Light.
The audience got angrier than they were before. "This one sucks more than the first one! That's it! We are out of here!" said the crowd as they then left the intersection but not without throwing more apples at Light. A couple of apples hit the handcuffs, separating L from Light.
"Well that was disastrous!" said Takada as she slumped her shoulders. "Well this is Kiyome Takada, former NHN announcer, signing off!" she said as she went to her next gig. Light ran off crying again and L escaped the left over fan girls by piloting his helicopter and went back to Japan, safe and sound.
"Lawli, come back!" said BB and the fan girls sadly. BB looked at the stage one more time before walking away.
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3:00 P.M.
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'I keep getting distracted. I need to find a new clock' said BB as he once again was walking down the sidewalk. As he was thinking this, a girl accidentally bumped into him. The collision made her fall to the ground, getting dirt on her clothes in the process. As she picked herself up, she yelled at BB.
"Hey! Watch where you are going Ryuuzaki!" she huffed as she knocked the dirt off her arms.
'Ryuuzaki? Only Naomi and Lawli know that name. So her name is Misa Amane?' BB though to himself as he looked at the pop star. "Um I am not this Ryuuzaki you speak of, miss Amane. My name is Beyond Birthday but please call me BB for short" he said as he took a step back and bowed.
Misa looked at him suspiciously."Really? Well you look like Ryuuzaki to me...... Hey! How do you know my name?" she asked incredulously as she gawked at him.
"Let's just say I have the 'eyes', miss Amane" said BB hopefully she could get the clue.
Misa looked at him, annoyed. "Ok whatever Mr. I'm not Ryuuzaki pervert I have the eyes Beyond Birthday" she said all at once to describe him.
"............. So what were you in such a hurry, miss Amane?" asked BB as he felt a headache about to form in his head.
Misa just giggled. " Misa-Misa was on her way to her singing gig at the Manhattan Talent Search but Misa-Misa heard it got canceled. Good thing my Light had a chance to be in it. Would you like to hear me sing?" said Misa as she looked at BB cutely.
BB was going to regret this but she had asked him nicely. Maybe she wasn't that bad at singing...yeah right. "Sure why not?" he said as he stepped back a few paces.
"All right. Misa-Misa doesn't sing that much out in public but here it goes" Misa said as she pulled out a microphone and pulled it closer to her mouth. "1,2,3..go! -I can't sing that reeealy goood, but I know that I will be the best, I love Light! He is so dreamy, like a Knight in shining armorrrrrr! Even though he doesn't show it, I know deep down that he loves me and will be with me forever and everrrrrrrrrrrr! La la la la laaa la laaa laaa laaaa laaaaaaaaaaaaaaa laaaaaaaaaaaaaaa laaaaaaaaaaa laaaaaaaaaa!-" sang Misa in a high and annoying voice that shatter numerous windows, made a few people lose their hearing, and made a couple of things explode.
' Holy up! She's really bad. I have to get out of here!' thought BB as he was getting effected by Misa's annoying singing. He carefully walked away from her and continued to walk down the sidewalk.
Misa then stopped singing and noticed that BB was gone. She huffed and threw the microphone down onto the ground. "Fine! I didn't like his company anyway" she said as she stomped away and went searching for Light.
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Moments later
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'Man, I hope I never bump into that crazy girl ever again. This is what I get for being nice' BB thought as he strode down the sidewalk. As he thought this, a guy had bumped into him. He did not fall like Misa did, but he did get upset.
"Watch where you are going, evil one!" he said as he adjusted his Cyclops headpiece.
" Oh? And who are you supposed to be cosplaying as, Mr. Teru Mikami?" asked BB as he saw the man's true name floated above his head.
"Why, I am supposed to be Cyclops! Delete,Delete,Delete!" said Mikami as he destroyed a couple of monuments and fire hydrants with his infrared laser blasts. One hydrant was near BB and soon as it got destroyed, water sprayed up in the air, soaking both BB and Mikami. "Ooops! That is not supposed to happen, Delete!" said Mikami as he pulled out a handy white towel and Deleted the water that was on him.
BB looked at the towel before asking Mikami, "No problem. It was really cool actually. Your eyes are even cooler than mine. May I have that towel?"
Mikami face held the emotion of fear as he clutched the towel to his chest. "No it's mine! It's my Deleting water towel. You cannot have it. No you cannot!" screamed Mikami as he hyperventilated and started to seizure. He then panicked and ran away crying.
" All I wanted was to use it. Weirdo" said BB as he as he looked at the retreating Mikami in disbelief and then he went back to walking on the sidewalk again.
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7:00 P.M.
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As the day was about to end, BB decided to stop at a fair that was only in Manhattan for a week. The sky was already in a beautiful sunset, with the clouds in the distance that were white and fluffy, floating around in the dusk almost dark night. The fair had a Ferris wheel that was spinning slowly and couples were lined up to ride the Ferris wheel, buying tickets whenever they could. BB could only stop and stare at the fair, as he knew there was no clocks or jars of Jam there.
He was about to go when a sudden pull on his leg got his attention. On the ground, a boy was pulling BB's leg with his left arm and the other one was carefully putting a puzzle together. He slowly looked up at BB before asking him a question, "Will you by me a ticket?" he said as he then went back at looking at his puzzle.
BB looked at the boy with curiosity. 'Nate Rivers huh?' he said to himself as he looked at the name floating above Near's head. 'He almost looks like Lawli but with silver hair' he said as he dug into his pocket. "Mr. Nate Rivers was it? I am sorry but I have no money" he said as he showed Near that his pockets were empty.
"I see...... Oh and Mr. Beyond Birthday, my name is Near." he said as he sat there finishing his puzzle.
'Strange kid, stranger than me even' " So you wanted to go on the Ferris wheel right?" asked BB as he looked at the puzzle Near was working on.
"..............................................................................................." said Near as he still continued to work on the puzzle.
BB just shook his head. 'Screw the clock! I have had it! I'm going home!' "Well if you are all set, I will be going now" he said as BB headed back towards his Manhattan apartment complex.
"Ok bye" said Near as he sat there all alone until nightfall when the bears ate him.
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The next Morning
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"Bokuo Desho, Bokuo Desho!" the Haruhi Suzumiya clock yelled. Bonk!
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The End
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Q&A Time -brought to you by BB and Uchiha-
Uchiha: Hey there it's me. I hope you liked this fiction piece I wrote up. Now in this part, all of your questions will be answered, well most of them. Any questions do you want to ask BB?
Question 1
BB: Yes, how many jars of Jam did I eat?
Answer:
Uchiha: Um it was a big huge aisle so I think you ate about 100 jars of Jam.
BB: Wow! No wonder I didn't have lunch. I would have thrown up if I did.
Question 2
BB: Why Manhattan?
Answer:
Uchiha: It's because I thought L.A. was boring and it's more closer to where I live.
BB: Oh I see.........
Question 3
BB: What does Bokuo Desho mean and why is my clock shaped like Haruhi Suzumiya?
Answer:
Uchiha: Bokuo Desho Desho roughly translates into, " You like Adventure Right? Right?" and Aya Hirano, the Japanese VA for Haruhi also does Misa's Japanese VA. That's how I got the connection.
BB: Makes sense, I guess.
Question 4
BB: What's with the DS flying into the coffin?
Answer:
Uchiha: Funny you should mention that. It's actually like a episode on 2 and a Half Men where Jake loses his DS into a coffin. He looks all over for it but he can't find it. It then suddenly goes off in the casket with a catchy music playing.
BB: So that's why you wanted that in there?
Uchiha: Yup.
Question 5
BB: Vincent Valentine being there and his Cloud comment?
Answer:
Uchiha: I just knew that Vincent likes to sleep in the coffin and the Cloud comment was because both Mello and Cloud have blonde hair.
BB: I see. So you didn't want just a dead person in there huh?
Uchiha: Yeah more or less.
Question 6
BB: Mello's Shinji Hirako comment....?
Answer:
Uchiha: It's because to me, they do both look like. If you don't see the connection, go to google and type in Shinji Hirako from Bleach.
BB: Well I sort of see the difference.
Question 7
BB: Mello's bomb from Hyrule?
Answer:
Uchiha: I just wanted to get a Legend of Zelda joke in there, that's all.
BB: Ok then.
Question 8
BB: Haruhi Fujioka and Kyoya Ootori appearance from OHSHC?
Answer:
Uchiha: Just a cameo that appears but one of the main characters of OuranHighSchoolHostClub, Tamaki Suoh, has the same Japanese voice as Light Yagami.
BB: I see.. -eats jar of Jam-
Question 9
BB: The quote of NO TALENT and the apple throwing?
Answer:
Uchiha: That was actually from a episode from Spongebob where they tell Squidward that he has no talent and start to throw things at him. I chose apples because they are seen a lot in Death Note.
BB: I wish Jam was in Death Note besides the novel though.
Question 10
BB: Mikami's Cyclops from X-men cosplay?
Answer:
Uchiha: It's because Mikami's English VA is the same as Cyclops from X-men Evolution. On a side note, Light's English VA was Nightcrawler and L's English VA was Gambit. L's Japanese VA is also Usopp from One Piece. xD
BB: I don't have even a Japanese voice =(
Question 11
BB: Why was Near eaten by bears?
Answer:
Uchiha: I really don't know. I just wanted to add that in there. I don't like Near that much.
BB: Ok then.
Question 12 -The Last one-
BB: Why did you not tell the readers what the characters look like?
Answer:
Uchiha: I was lazy and if the readers want to know what the characters look like, go look on Google. The fat Policeman Hank Polaski, the clerk and the girl scout belong to me though.
BB: ......................................
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Q&A end
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Me: So there you have it. May I remind you that I don't want any flames for this fanfiction nor do I want people saying that there was many things wrong with it either. So please read and review. I hope I made some of you guys laugh. Later!
Sincerely as always,
Uchiha