Cressida glanced at her dresser and her eyes caught the small brown card with black text poking out from behind a small black and white picture. She looked away quickly - she couldn't stop to dwell on that, nor on the person who was responsible. It wasn't that she didn't want this, but it had been a shock. For the last few weeks she had been so busy she'd not had much time to really think about it. But now, here, surrounded by the scent of his soap hanging in the air, the smell ofhim in their bed, his clothes in the closet, his razor on the bathroom sink it was just too much. Running wasn't her style, but now, she just needed to get away from it all for a while. Take some time out to let it all sink in properly.
She moved quickly, after all, packing was something she was an expert in. For the last two and a half years, she'd travelled around Panem, and the more time they'd spent together, the more she enjoyed coming home.
Home – there were so many places she had called home, but they'd really just been bases - the capitol, thirteen, three. But here felt like home. This was where she looked forward to returning after travelling the districts, documenting the rebuilding process. She'd left the capitol to fight with the rebellion, she'd left thirteen to fight with 451, both good and noble reasons, but she'd left three to come here for something far more selfish.
With her bag packed, Cressida walked out of the apartment and pulled the door behind her. She felt like it was running away from her problems – not that it really was a problem, not after everything, but still, she felt the guilt in the pit of her stomach as the lock clicked into place.
She knew she shouldn't feel like that – he'd not be back for another ten days, and she'd only be gone for a week. But it still felt wrong keeping this from him.
She didn't bother calling for a car, being transported from one place to the next meant she'd spent enough time in government cars and hover crafts. Instead, she hopped on the back of a friend's motorcycle and they rode to the station.
She stares out of the window, watching the landscape, and the districts as they pass through each one and onto the next.
The train is fast, but not so fast as to miss the world around her. She likes to see the world from a different angle from time to time - it's good for her work.
She knows that Katniss can't stand them, that Peeta has flashbacks involving them. She knows that Haymich still tries to drink himself into stupor if he has to get on one, that he does drink himself into a stupor to get on one. And she knows that it causes Annie to have a melt down if as soon as it's suggested – the remnants of a love gone too soon. She knows Beetee isn't in a rush to use them often, and that if anyone so much as mentions it to Joanna, then they should probably watch their backs for a day or two.
To be fair, it was a train that took them from their lives, from their families and friends and their districts, to being the playthings of the Capitol, but she doesn't mind them.
The trains aren't like the hover crafts that fly her and her crew from district to district, with a schedule to keep and a public to report to. This way, she has time before she gets to twelve, and time, is what she needs.
When the train pulls into twelve, she grabs her bag and jumps off the train onto the solid concrete of the platform. It's not been long since she was last here – a few months maybe – for the opening of the medicine factory. And she's not certain, but as she leaves the station, she's sure that the place seems lighter somehow. Like the factory opening really was the fresh start the district needed.
She knows her way to Katniss' house so she takes the opportunity to walk through the district as a visitor, rather than a director. She doesn't have to worry about where to place cameras, or what angles to shoot from. She can take in the rows of shops, the apothecary, the pharmacy – a sign of how the old and new can get along together in this brave new world. She can see the small cafe with the cup shaped sign above the door. There's a butchers, which she knows for a fact rely at least a little on Katniss and her skill with a bow and arrow. She can smell Mellark's bakery before she can see it, and when she does, she can't help but have a quick look in the window at the delicately decorated confections. And when she hears the uneven footsteps, she turns round.
"Cressida? What are you doing here? I thought - " his eyebrows furrow as he speaks.
"Hey!" She pulls her face into a smile, trying to forget what prompted her to come. "I got the invitation from Katniss, I know I didn't reply, but my schedule changed at the last minute." She realises that maybe she should have called ahead. "I hope it's ok, but I couldn't miss this."
He nods and smiles. "Of course, I just didn't expect you. Katniss will be so happy you could make it." She waits while he checks his watch. "I was just about to clean up and leave anyway, why don't I walk you to the house?"
"Thanks." Her smile is genuine this time. "It'll be good to see her."
"Right, wait here and I'll be back in a second."
She waits, and sure enough he's back in less than a minute, still covered in flour but minus the apron he'd worn when he came out to her. They walk in companionable silence for several minutes when he speaks.
"I'm glad you could make it Cressida."
She can't help but smile at the sincerity.
"I'm glad I could make it too." And she is glad that she decided to come, even if the real reason hadn't been so altruistic. Her stomach rumbles, and she realises how long it's been since she last ate.
He laughs then. It's good to hear. Peeta and Katniss have fixed each other, and if she's honest she knows how it feels to be fixed. He's done that for her, and she adds that to her mental list of things to add into her weighing of her situation.
When they arrive at the house, Peeta opens the door and they step into the house. She can hear chatter floating through from the kitchen, and Peeta calls out. "Katniss! Hey, look who I found!"
"Cressida!" Katniss greets her with a bright smile, and a small hug. "I thought you couldn't make it?"
She considers for a moment what to say, and decides that honesty is the best policy. "I needed to get away – work can wait for a while." She doesn't elaborate - this isn't the time or the place.
"Come on, were just about to eat. Pollux arrived earlier, we went hunting for dinner."
Cressida follows Katniss through to the kitchen. She's been here since the war ended, more than once, but it always feels strange, remembering how empty, how sad and cold the place was when they came after the bombings. She shakes her head a little, it won't do to dwell on that now.
Smiling, she greets Pollux – he'd accepted his invitation almost as soon as it had arrived. He moves forwards and hugs her, they're family him and her. After Castor died, they were all each other had, and she'd learned the sign language he used to communicate. There was something in the way he looked at her, an eyebrow raised, but if he'd any suspicions that there was something going on, he didn't let on – not even with his hands.
"Well, don't just stand there! Sit down!"
She laughed and turned round. "Haymich, good to see you as always."
The first time she'd come out to twelve, all three of them were a mess. Katniss was still withdrawn, pale under the fresh burns. Peeta still had a look in his eye that wasn't the sweet baker boy everyone in Panem had come to love, and Haymitch had fallen off the wagon in a big way. But now he seemed much more together, and she wasn't sure if it was of his own volition, or if it had been forced on him by the young couple.
Together the four of them eat a simple dinner of cooked turkey, vegetables and fresh bread. Afterwards, they sit in the living room in front of the fire and eat cake Peeta has brought home from the bakery, she guiltily drinks coffee beside castor, while Katniss and Peeta drink tea. She watches them together, in the low light from the small lamp and the flames from the fire, talking about the toasting that's set for the day after tomorrow, before Haymitch and Pollux leave to go to Haymitch's, and Katniss, Peeta and herself head to their beds.
She's only staying here for one night, and as she lies in her bed and looks up at the ceiling in the dark, she contemplates her own love life and the real reason she came here.
The next day passes in a small flurry of activity. Johanna and Effie arrive on a small hovercraft with Annie, her toddler on her hip. Not long after, Hazelle and her children arrive, the relationship with Katniss mended as best it could be.
Once everyone is settled in their accommodations, they all eat together at Haymitch's. Thankfully her stomach had settled a few weeks ago, and the left over turkey and vegetables from last night's dinner have been turned into a hearty soup for tonight, accompanied by more of Peeta's freshly baked bread.
Though things are getting better in twelve, the people will always remember the almost starvation, and then the rationing of food in thirteen, and so they don't like to waste food. And of the people of the Capitol – her, Pollux, Effie – they'd all shunned the excesses they'd grown up with.
Afterwards, whilst they all gather round the fire, the sight of the little boy running around in his nightclothes after his bath had makes her feel sick with nerves all of a sudden, and so she slips out of the room un-noticed.
She's sitting on the back porch, both hands clasped tightly round her hot coffee cup, watching the geese in their pens.
"So, do you want tell me about it?"
She's startled, even though Hazelle's voice is quiet.
Cressida doesn't look up. "How long have you been standing there?"
"Longer than you'd like." Cressida looks up and watches Hazelle take a seat beside her on the step.
It's quiet for a few moments until Hazelle speaks again. "Does he know? About the baby?"
Cressida, shakes her head and looks round at the older woman. She can't decide if she's surprised or not, after all the woman has had 4 children. "Not yet."
She let's Hazelle contemplate her words for a second, then asks quietly. "How did you know?"
"A woman knows these things after four of her own." Hazelle shrugs, and then turns to smile kindly at Cressida. "And that's not your sweater," She nods towards the black sweater that she'd claimed as her own nearly two years ago. "Plus, there's only one reason a woman looks at food the way you did tonight."
"I hoped the sweater hid it."
Hazelle continues softly. "It wasn't planned, was it." It's a statement, not a question.
Cressida shook her head. "No."
Hazelle's face dropped. "You aren't keeping it?" she asked gently.
The silence is loaded as it feels like it stretches on for hours, but is really only seconds, and Cressida knows this is something she's going to have to talk about.
"I don't know."
"Why haven't you told him?"
"I didn't find out until after he'd left. I thought I should tell him face to face, but when I got home and I was surrounded by him, his smell, his things, I don't know Hazelle, we've never really talked about this stuff, were both so busy, so young, we've barely been together for two years, what if...?"
She loved him, so help her she did, but it wasn't easy to accept this turn of events. He'd left for five a week before she found out. When she had been in four a couple of weeks ago, she'd sought out Katherine Everdeen, that's how she'd gotten the small black and white photograph of the baby.
Hazelle nods solemnly, clearly understanding Cressida's worries. "How far are you?"
She knows exactly. "Fourteen weeks."
"You know, you can't hide that little bump from everyone much longer."
"I know."
She felt her shoulders slump in relief. It felt like a weight had been lifted, and of all the people that could have found out, she was glad it was someone who understood.
Hazelle touched her shoulder and stood. "Come on, let's get back inside, or they're going to start to wonder where we are."