A/N: Ok, I am in the craziest mood, so I had to write this. It is absolutely awful but I hope you will at least find it amusing! Don't even ask where this came from . . . crackity-crack-crack crackity-crack-crack . . .

WARNING: THIS IS A MAJOR CRACK-FIC!!!!!! YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED!!!!!!!!!

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Barnabas came up the basement stairs and entered the foyer at the old house.

"Hey Barnabas." Willie said

Barnabas ignored his servant and went straight to the door and grabbed his cloak.

"Where you goin'?" Willie asked

"Out." Barnabas replied shortly

"I figured that. Where? Oh no, your not going to say your going to Maggie Evan's again jus' ta be distracted by yer long-dead sister, which I'll know nothin' about that'll lead ta me gettin' shot which'll in-turn lead ta my insanity, are ya?"

Barnabas looked blankly at Willie for a minute before answering, "No. At least, that is if I understood you. You can be so confusing at times, Willie. I'm going to an eye doctor."

"Really? Why?" Willie asked

"Because my eyes are bad, you stupid fool! I've been missing my aim with my fangs a lot, lately. I just want to make sure that my eyes are alright. Now, I'll be back later, mind the house while I'm gone." Barnabas said, opening the front door.

"Uh, isn't that what I git paid for?" Willie said

"I don't pay you." Barnabas replied

"I didn't mean you, I meant the people behind the camera that you hear and sometimes see by mistake." Willie corrected

"Oh, well then yes. I'll be back later."

"You said that already!"

Barnabas grimaced, said nothing and left the house.

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A few hours later . . .

Barnabas came up the basement stairs and entered . . . "Wait a minute Narrator, I did this already!" Barnabas whined

"Oops, sorry Barny! Let me fix that!" the Narrator replied

Barnabas walked into the Old House, the hat on his head that magically appeared out of nowhere pulled low over his face.

"Hey Barn, you alright?" Willie asked his master

"I'm fine, go away!" Barnabas snapped

"No yer not, you always say that when your not alright. Now what's wrong? Here, let me take yer hat." Willie then plucked the hat off of Barnabas' head.

"Willie don't!" Barnabas cried, but it was too late. Willie looked at Barnabas with an astounded look, before completely breaking down in a fit of giggles.

"Stop! I command you to stop it!" Barnabas said

"I-I'm s-sorry Barnabas-but I-I can't h-help it!!!! Bahaha!!!!!" Willie began laughing again, "But, I mean, you picked those glasses?" Willie asked with a wide grin spread across his features

"This was the only style they had, and the doctor said that I needed them because for some reason my eyes have been deprived of light."

At this comment, Willie began laughing again.

"You impossible fool! Go and, clean the basement. ALL of it you idiot so that way I can bite you and mess it up with your blood!"

"What ever you say Barny!" Willie said rushing to the basement to do his master's bidding, while Barnabas turned to a mirror to see if the glasses really did look funny on him, but just to come to the realization that he had no reflection. Raising his fist in the air, he shouted outloud to no one in particular, "Curse you crazily-obsessed-with-me Angeliiiiiiique!!!!!!!!"

The End

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A/N: I warned you.