Bouncing Balls
Summary: Emmett wants to tell Bella about his fun with his bouncing balls.
Rating: T for Dirty Humor
Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer has four best-selling books. I have zero. I guess I'm not her, and don't own Edward, Emmett, Bella, or Alice. Oh, darn.
Hope you enjoy the story! Review please!
Thank you CraftyNotepad.
xXx
"What are you thinking?" Edward asked me again, for the five hundred seventy-fifth time in the last hour.
"Nothing," I murmured.
He looked at me doubtfully. "I wish you wouldn't edit," he said, pushing his lips together in the most adorable way.
I sighed, rolling my eyes as soon as I could stop staring at his perfection. "It really is nothing," I complained, "I'm just trying to figure out why you're keeping me hidden from Emmett." I rolled my neck, trying to get rid of the crick that had been stuck in it for at least a half hour. Still, there was no way I was going to be getting up, even if I was stuck in a space essentially half the size of a cupboard. I was, after all, in the arms of my beloved, and in a tiny space with him too. Nothing but a force of nature would pry me from…
"Whoa," I exclaimed, almost falling as Edward quickly lifted me into the air, creating a draft. He cradled me protectively against his chest. "What are you doing?" I wheezed, coughing as a sudden intake of Edward-induced dust flew up my nose and coated my throat.
He didn't reply, but I felt the wisps of air hit my neck from his flaring nostrils. "Hold on to me tightly," he ordered, turning me around so I could wrap my arms around his neck. I did so clumsily, as always, and jerked with surprise as Edward took off without hesitation. My eyes fluttered shut and I buried my head into his back, sighing at the comfort his cool skin brought me. I smiled and pulled myself tighter into him. I didn't care where we were going, as long as I was with him.
"Edward!" I heard someone roar from in front of us. "I see you!" My eyes flickered open at the noise and Edward stopped suddenly, charging in the opposite direction for only a brief moment before coming to a stop once again.
Edward muttered under his breath, so quickly and so quietly I couldn't hear. "Bella!" I heard a voice boom happily, and I pulled myself up so my chin was resting on Edward's shoulder: Emmett. He grinned widely, flashing his set of unimaginably white teeth. His enthusiasm was infectious, and I smiled back, offering a shy, "Hi."
"Leave her alone," Edward growled, suddenly flipping me so that I was cradled against his chest now. I didn't mind.
Emmett let out a booming laugh, full of mirth. "Angry that I tricked you?" he asked, winking at me. "Yep, it was quite ingenious, if I do say so myself," Emmett bragged. "Just a voice recording playing on loud speakers and you turn around." He laughed again. "You only knew I was around somewhere…" he mocked, still euphoric about beating Edward.
Edward's eyes narrowed, turning darker. "You leave her alone. She doesn't need to hear anything from you."
"But I haven't done anything or said anything yet," Emmett protested, flashing another not-so-innocent grin.
Edward glowered. "You won't be doing anything."
"Aw, come on little brother," Emmett said, clapping Edward's shoulder with his hand, "it's all in good humor."
"No. It's. Not," Edward said with cold fury. "How'd you find us?"
Emmett smiled at himself, shifting his weight from one foot to the other. "That's my little secret," he said in a jesting sing-song voice.
Edward's nostrils flared again. "That is the most annoying song, Emmett."
"I'm just singing to myself." He shrugged nonchalantly before looking at me with a growing smile. "Hey Bella, do you want to hear it?"
"O--"
"No, she does not," Edward interjected.
"I was asking, Bella."
I pursed my lips, fueled with curiosity. "It's okay, Edward," I said softly, "I don't mind."
"See, she doesn't mind!"
"Emmett, no!" He turned toward me. "Bella, say no," he urged, "you don't know what you're subjecting yourself…"
"I've got big balls," Emmett interjected, singing loudly, "I've got big balls, and they're such big balls. Dirty big balls. And he's got big balls, and she's got big balls, but we've got the biggest balls of them all!"
"EMMETT!" Edward roared, as my eyes widened.
"And my balls are always bouncing…"
"EMMETT!"
Emmett's face scrunched up, and he sighed. "Fine, fine, I'll stop," he said, rocking back and forth on his toes jauntily. "But don't you like the song, Bella?" he asked after a moments pause with a growing grin.
I nodded carefully, confused, "Yes, it's a nice song."
"It is!" Emmett exclaimed brightly, "I couldn't get it out of my head today after…"
"EMMETT!" a high soprano voice screeched, and suddenly, a white blur hit the side of Emmett's head with a bang. "How could you let me miss meeting Bella?"
"Hey!" Emmett muttered angrily as Edward laughed with mirth that shook me too.
"Bella!" Alice squealed, turning toward us. She nodded at Edward, "Hey, Edward."
Rather than replying though, Edward's laughing eyes quickly transformed into slits. "I thought you said he wouldn't find us," he told her through gritted teeth.
"Well, he wasn't then," she said innocently with a shrug.
"What changed?"
Alice's grin grew impish, "Plans," she stated simply.
Emmett was still rubbing the back of his head, pouting, and I giggled. A large man of Emmett's size pouting was a sight to see. "Well, anyway," Emmett continued, throwing a dirty look at Alice, "I couldn't get that song out of my head today after Rosalie was playing with my bouncing balls." He smiled dreamily, as if Rosalie was there with him, playing with his bouncing balls. "She's so sexy when she plays with my bouncing balls," he proclaimed proudly.
Alice made a face. "Well, your bouncing balls have got nothing on Jasper's." She smiled entrancingly, and Edward winced. "It's always best when you bounce his balls up and down like this," demonstrating the rubbing up and down hand motion. "It gives you the best bounce and let's you feel the texture!"
Emmett's grin grew wider as mine grew smaller. I snuggled closer into Edward's chest. "You should observe her carefully, Bella, so you can learn to bounce Edward's bouncing balls properly as well." Edward's eyes grew wide and his body trembled with fury. "He likes to bounce his balls rhythmically when you're not around and he's thinking of you. I think it makes him relax."
"EMMETT! ALICE!" he roared; my eyes furrowed with surprise and disbelief. They couldn't be talking about… could they?
Alice and Emmett laughed in a never ending stream of complete amusement, Emmett's bass voice mixing with Alice's soprano.
Edward snarled, and bared his teeth in a hauntingly beautiful growl.
"I don't see why you're so upset, Edward," Emmett said between his fits of laughter, "I just wanted to share my bouncing balls with Bella." I froze with wide eyes, long enough for Emmett's laughter to die out. "You do want to see them, don't you, Bella?"
No… he couldn't possibly be referring to…
"Come on, I'll show you. Put your hand out."
But my hands stayed curled, Edward's hands gripping mine tightly.
"Aw, come on Edward," Alice said, "Don't spoil the fun! You know you want Bella to play with your bouncing balls too. And she can, right after she plays with Emmett's."
Edward's glare sent a chill down my spine, but Alice and Emmett laughed again.
Emmett grinned mischievously, "My bouncing balls are right here, Bella," he said, his hand moving toward his body, "right in my pants."
My eyes clamped together tightly, and I twisted my head, pressing it deeper into Edward. But then, I heard laughter again, louder than before, ripping through the forest.
"Bella," Alice gasped.
"You're so silly, Bella," Emmett added. "Open your eyes, it's safe."
"Come on, Bella, I swear, it's safe," Alice added gently, but obvious amusement colored her voice.
I shook my head. "It's all right, Bella," Edward murmured with annoyance, "There's nothing here but these two buffoons."
Slowly, cautiously, my eyes peeled open to a hazy scene. I blinked a few times, clearing my eyes, and peered at Emmett. In his hand, perched two bouncy rubber balls.
"Seriously, Bella," he said with a snicker, "what did think we were talking about? I didn't know you could bounce those balls like that." Emmett's eyes sparkled knowingly. "Seriously, Edward, what have you and Bella been doing in your room all by yourselves?" And my face blushed rouge.
xXx
Song: Big Balls by AC/DC
I hoped you enjoyed my stab at humor. Predictable, probably, but I think, with complete bias, it's quite entertaining. Please let me know what you think, I'd really love to hear from you. Review! :)
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