The Melancholy of Allen Walker

by Sunset Tower

Welcome to The Melancholy of Allen Walker – find out the eight ways to kill him, complete with a dose of comedy and tragedy. Bring your peanuts and a healthy sense of humour. Pajamas compulsory. Sanity optional. No pairings, written for DGM Big Bang.

Title: The Melancholy of Allen Walker
Author: leafyaki
Characters/Pairings: Allen Walker, Kanda Yu, Lavi, Lenalee Lee, Komui Lee, Reever Wenhamm, Johnny Gill, Howard Link, Bridget Fay, Jeryy, Madarao, Tokusa, Head Nurse. No pairings.
Rating: T
Warnings: None
Word Count: Slightly over 14,000
Summary: Being The Destroyer of Time is a hard life. You'd think that means people might be more careful, right? Life simply does not work that way. Welcome to The Melancholy of Allen Walker – find out the eight ways to kill him, complete with a dose of comedy and tragedy. Bring your peanuts and a healthy sense of humour. Pajamas compulsory. Sanity optional.
Notes: (For DGM Big Bang Round 2) This was written with the intention of making people laugh. Then serious things made their way in. Then the author got confused. But the silly girl still hopes very much it entertains and gives people a smile on a cold wintry night. Bob Fish and Teriame rock my world. This story contains Spoilers up till Chapter 199.

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The Melancholy of Allen Walker
Or, The Worst Day of Allen Walker's Life
Or, Eight Ways to Kill Allen Walker
Or, A Day in the Life of the Black Order

A Tragedy in Eight Acts

Starring
Tragic Hero: Allen Walker
Chronicler: Howard Link
Observer: Bridget Fay

In Forms such as follows
Tragic Hero Account
Character and Event Accounts
Completely Objective Records (Bookman, Bookman Junior, Hapless Scientists/Finders)
Order Paperwork (Komui Lee, Reever Wenhamm)
Central Paperwork (Howard Link)

Disclaimer
No persons or objects were harmed in the production of this play, except the Tragic Hero. The sanity of the Chronicler was also put up to the test. Order Personnel would also like to claim compensation for psychological damage. The kitchen would like to add that it shall forever be the sanctuary of Chefs and Chefs only and not for wanderers who stumble upon it in the dead hours of the night and litter the place with peanut shells and stained cups of coffee and/or tea.

In fact, this disclaimer is entirely useless, as the Observer will vouch for.

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Prologue: The Absurd Theatre

"Honestly, the greatest tragicomedy in war is really not how people try to destroy those on the other side, ya know? It'd be simple if it were that, really, it would. Stab stab, kill, blood, more stab stab, more kill, and more blood. The real trouble – listen to me carefully here – the real trouble is what happens inside one group of people. Yeah. Sort of like, internal politics, yeah? 'S like, the enemy will kill ya only if you don't kill yourself first." – Lavi, Bookman Junior, Exorcist.

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It all started with The Head Nurse locking the doors to the Medical Wing and literally snarling at anyone who attempted entry.

It was very late and very dark. After being met with snarls and hisses Link decided it would be futile to fight a cage of brooding felines. He made his retreat wisely.

Yet, there was nothing much to do in the Black Order at such a late hour. Nobody would be training (unless one were an Exorcist), or working (unless one were a Scientist), or eating (unless one were Allen Walker). Link, loathe as he was to admit it, was dreadfully bored.

In the absence of Allen Walker, he made his way in the general direction of the kitchen, which would likely be pleasant and empty and without the pile of dirty dishes he was accustomed to. It would be weird, but nothing he couldn't deal without.

Hoping for a peaceful evening would jinx it, so he refused to think at all.

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There was a tiny bar in the Black Order. Dusty, almost unused, and tucked away in a back corner of the kitchen. Jeryy would rush in some days to grab some bottles of wine (dusting them off with a handkerchief) but otherwise the place was unvisited.

Bridget Fay never really roamed the Order unnecessarily. Her justification being that chasing Komui was a job in itself, hence there was no need to visit places needlessly just for the sake of visiting. But it was one such late night that led her to that tiny little bar tucked away in a tiny corner of the very huge Black Order. Komui had slumped at his desk, dead to the world and she felt herself well-deserving of a glass of wine.

The place was accompanied by the sound of peanuts being cracked. Crack, crack, crrrr-ack. And the sound of a distinctly German-accented voice muttering to said peanuts. Bridget Fay blinked, stepped cautiously, and poked her head into the faint light.

In the light of the lamp, with a signature braid down his back and the faint cast of orange on straw yellow –

"Inspector Link?" She said, astonished at the sight before her after she had turned the corner.

Inspector Howard Link, in all his pajama-ed and bathrobe-d glory, looked up at her and said, mildly, "Ah, Secretary Fay."

Fay felt like she had just walked into a dream where Inspector Howard Link sat primly, legs crossed, thumb in the middle of splicing a peanut shell into half. He sat very straight, with the air of a man about to offer a cup of tea to her saying, incredibly posh, "Earl Gray. Lemon or Milk?"

Then she blinked the image of Link offering her a cup with his pinky sticking out and warily approached, pulling out another chair on the way.

Cracking Peanuts, Inspector Link's secret night job.

"Secretary Fay. Do kindly sit down. Standing in a half sitting position is hardly becoming of a Secretary such as yourself."

Making veiled jibes at others, Inspector Link's all-around job. Fay felt absurdly relieved and on firmer ground.

With hardly anything to do with her hands now that she had sat down, she reached for a peanut from the bag and rolled it between her fingers. It crackled when faint pressure was applied.

Crack, crrrr-ack, went the peanut across from her, in Inspector Link's hands. He popped the peanut into his mouth, the air of an Englishman nibbling on scones and saying, "Fine weather, eh, Poppy?" never leaving his stance.

Link frowned as though the peanut had personally offended him. Fay watched the peanut shell being lobbed into a pile where other peanuts had met their demise.

"Inspector Link," she finally said, as firm as she could, unable to control her curiosity any longer. "Might I ask why you're here, instead of watching over Allen Walker like you should have been doing?"

"Hmm…too salty."

"…Pardon?"

Link picked up a new peanut and pressed his thumb nail into it, glancing at her briefly. "The peanut is too salty."

"Much too sweet, Poppy," the Englishman she was going to dub Sir Howard said. The cup (peanut shell) was waved in the air and more lemon (peanuts) was added.

"Yes," she said tersely, blinking away the image. "That might well be. You still haven't answered my question."

Howard Link, at that moment, paused in slitting the shell open and (dare she imagine it?) sighed. Sighed! As though she were that Walker child refusing to write his documents! Fay drummed her fingernails on the tabletop. Sir Howard continued adding lemon to his tea.

"Allen Walker," Link began, "is currently lying in the Medical Wing. He is…indisposed. And would be for the foreseeable future."

His features lightened somewhat as a shell split beautifully down the middle and a round globe of salt lay there for his tasting pleasure. He placed it aside and picked up another peanut instead.

Fay blinked. "How? I mean" – she was going to mourn the chip of her nail later, but for now she popped a newly freed nut into her mouth and chewed – "how did he end up in the Wing? What happened?"

Link looked like he was trying to resist sighing. With his eyes focused on the table top, he muttered, "It's something of a long story…"

.

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Act I: The Irascible Swordsman – Kanda Yu

"I've always had a nagging suspicion about that Kanda Yu – I mean, no man would have hair so smooth and long as his and still be not gay. It just isn't right…wait. Are you quoting me? You are quoting me, aren't you? Where is this going to appear? You're not going to tell him, are you? Of course you aren't, I mean, it's like how nobody wants to intentionally get killed by getting in the way of him and his soba – ah hahaha…you know what? Could we just take this off the records?" – Johnny Gill, Scientist.

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Going on missions with more than just Allen Walker, Link concluded, was fairly entertaining. There was still the fact that he had to write down everything that happened and, if possible, the very conversations Allen Walker had with other people as well. It was a bit of a pain since when Allen talked to people he tended to avoid potentially dangerous topics – hence it was more or less always food that was talked about. This meant Link had a far wider understanding of all the types and specific names of food than he had ever cared to learn about. With Bookman Junior, especially, Walker seemed to take an especial joy in causing him the greatest amount of nausea by describing in detail the dessert he'd like to have after Bookman Junior had stuffed down three slices of steak. Link really didn't like missions with the Bookman Junior around. He suspected it was Walker's way of getting revenge at both him and the Bookman Junior.

However, throw in one Kanda Yu and one aggravating Third Exorcist and the situation was made much more painful. Minus any female presence and he was seriously considering how much he can censor while still keeping it as accurate to the account as possible. As it was, the following could be considered one of the cleaner arguments he had the (mis)fortune to be privy to.

"Don't touch me, Beansprout."

"As if I'd ever want to touch you."

"What a fine, cheery – "

"Shut up, Lavi," said two voices in perfect synchronization.

Tokusa observed the twitch in the corner of Link's lips. Tokusa was probably amused as well, but with his ever-smiling countenance Link really couldn't tell. In fact, Link had the nagging suspicion that Tokusa was taking pleasure in his aggravation.

"Aren't they just a precious bunch, Inspector?"

"Precious, indeed."

Link sniffed. He was almost wishing for a horde of AKUMA to appear. Then he would safely make his retreat and lie in wait until it seemed his assistance was needed. Allen often complained that Link made himself scarce only at the worst moments. Link was positively, positively offended at this accusation.

"You know, Two Spots, I could use a little help here."

Bookman Junior's eye was wide and he was attempting a winning smile. Link sniffed – and went back to his note-taking.

It was of course at this moment when Bookman Junior opened his mouth to continue wheedling that Walker swore. His eye had activated – they started running full speed ahead to the clearing about a complicated maze and fifteen minutes away. Walker and Kanda were as fast as each other – this had the unfortunate consequence of Kanda's long hair whipping in the other's face.

"What the – " Allen growled and jumped further away. "Girly hair's in the way, idiot Kanda!"

Kanda snarled back. "If you would stop insisting on getting in my way, Beansprout!"

It must be noted that at this point in time they had already reached the horde of AKUMAs and were destroying them, all the while hurling insults at each other. Link took a mental note that they both had to start coming up with more inventive insults, lest he start to get bored. Tokusa hummed and opened up those vortexes that sucked AKUMA up when they proved to be too many to handle. Allen scowled even harder.

"Uh – Yu, Allen! Just, concentrate, would you?"

Lavi, as had Link, had noticed the direction of Allen's scowl at the vortexes. He jumped over the vortex and destroyed the AKUMA nearer Allen, jolting him into movement.

"Damn – " With a whirl Allen quickly took care of a crowd of AKUMA, just as Kanda whipped past him in the other direction. "If Kanda would just get over his gender confusion – " Some explosions happened, along with more disturbing gobbling sounds. About half of the bunch was decimated by then.

"And if Beansprout would just get over his martyr complex." If anger could replace rationality Kanda would have ruled the world by now. As it was anger only served to make Kanda move faster and more violently, taking care of about another half of the remaining bunch. More gobbling sounds occurred. Tokusa looked almost bored – he chose to focus his attention on the whirling forms of Kanda and Allen instead, vortexes diminishing in size as the horde weakened into mere few Level 1s floundering about.

"Okay, whatever, I give up."

Lavi rested on his hammer and just waited, having hopped down to where the vortex was just a few minutes earlier. The AKUMA were taken care of with another fling of Kanda's sword, Allen's eye had stopped activating, and so everything else was pretty much entertainment. Link was forced to concur with this train of thought.

He thought the worst had happened when they were in the village and rooting out AKUMA and Allen and Kanda were forced to stay in close quarters for a week. Apparently it was only building up to a boiling point with this random clean-up on their way back to Headquarters.

"You know what, Kanda?" Allen frowned, his clawed hand deactivating. "With this much anger in you, you'll end up one day just killing someone. Or yourself."

Kanda glared. "If it's anyone it would be you – perhaps I'll be seen as doing the world a service."

"Just because you think so highly of yourself – "

"At least better than a Beansprout who is so naïve he shouldn't even be out of diapers yet."

Allen glared. Kanda glared. Link continued taking his notes.

"I don't get it – I don't get you," Allen huffed. "Obviously we're all in this together, you could at least pretend to give a damn."

"How distasteful," Kanda said, a cold smile on his lips. "Pretend. Something you might want to think about instead."

Allen's eyes narrowed even further. From the corner of his eye Link could see Lavi tensing. Tokusa whistled, which did nothing except serve to make Walker tense even further.

"That was entirely unnecessary," Allen said in a very low voice. Link looked up, detecting a chill to his tone that he hardly ever heard, and starting to get the faint stirrings of worry. Recording this was all fair – and might even yield useful products in his later analysis – but perhaps he should stop this and allow them all to proceed on their merry way to the land of more surveillance and paperwork.

Then Allen flexed his claws of his Innocence, the equivalent of wanting to curl it into a fist.

It was when Kanda narrowed his eyes and made a move to draw his sword that the faint stir of worry in Link's mind turned into full alarm.

.

"Hold on," Fay said, startled. "You surely aren't saying that Kanda Yu was responsible for Allen Walker being in the Medical Wing?"

"Well…"

Link had come back with two cups of tea, certifying Fay's premonition that he was going to become a teacup-waving English gentleman. She eyed the cup.

Link shrugged when she did not pick up her cup, opting for leaning back against his chair and contemplating a new bag of peanuts. He murmured, "I wouldn't quite say that…being an Exorcist himself, he was well aware of how dangerous it would be for the Order to lose more of their precious few personnel."

"Then how did it happen?"

"Let me finish," Link said with his frown deepening. "As you know, Bookman Junior was there as well…"

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Act II: The Incontrollable Bookman – Lavi

"Well, no, I wouldn't say that he's reckless – Lavi is an important part of our family. He might be fun-loving but I do think he cares…at least, more than he did two years ago when he just came to the Order…what? Oh. Well, yes, he does like to use his hammer for more than just fighting AKUMA, but that doesn't…actually. You have a point there, you don't mean to say – what did that boy do this time? God, one day he might actually kill himself – I'm just going to have a word with him." – Lenalee Lee, Exorcist.

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Before Link could even make a move, Lavi ran up to them and attempted to distract Kanda, very loudly, very obviously, and very unsuavely. Calling "Yu dear!" was something that earned him an immediate sword at the neck and The Glare of Doom .

"What. do. you. want.?" Kanda enunciated clearly.

"Um."

Lavi glanced at Allen.

Allen was too busy frowning at Kanda.

Lavi decided that later, in private, he'd have to teach Allen something about gratitude and find out what on earth was up both their asses that day.

Lavi smiled, pearly white teeth and all.

"We should, um, go home and settle this all later, yeah?"

"The problem, Master Disciple, is that we're simply in the middle of Lord knows where." Tokusa finally spoke up, with the smile and tone of one who was unconcerned with the happenings at all.

Lavi brightened up. "Leave that to me! I'll bring us back with my trusty hammer!"

"No," Allen said.

Kanda didn't say anything but he frowned.

Link raised an eyebrow.

Tokusa only continued smiling.

Lavi, seemingly impervious and deaf, twirled his hammer and expanded it to its fighting size. He grinned at Allen. "Wanna come with first, Al?"

"Did you not hear me?" Allen said with a strained smile even as the frown in his eyes lightened somewhat. "No, Lavi. Let's just walk."

"Through this maze?"

"You remember the path."

"I do! But it's more fun this way." Lavi's smile was very bright.

"I really wouldn't – "

"You don't mind, do you, Two Spots?"

Link would – there was no knowing the volume of paperwork that would result because of these gaps in surveillance. "On the contrary – "

"Awesome."

Nobody did manage to catch it. At one second Lavi was balancing on his hammer, and in the next he had grabbed Allen around the wrist and was tugging them through the air, hammer extending at an exponential rate. Allen screamed – shouted – in a very manful manner. It went something like "La-aaaaaaaaargh-vi you bastard!"

Lavi thought that he was doing everyone a service by separating two ticking bombs from each other. He sniffed. Ingrates, all of them.

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"Oh no."

"Oh, yes."

Fay resisted slapping a palm to her forehead and groaning. She settled for ripping open the bag of peanuts that Link was so obviously eyeing and taking out the first peanut.

"To survive everything, only to be killed by the Bookman Junior."

"Hmm…to be fair, no harm came to them, aside from scratches as a result of the trees they flew through and the rough landing. Bookman Junior also suffered a bruise to his shoulder from where Walker hit him."

Fay hummed. "Well deserved, I suppose."

"Perhaps," Link shrugged. "By the time we found our way back they were sprawled on the ground, exhausted, mud everywhere. Seemingly having forgotten about what happened back there. Hysterical giggles. Disgraceful."

"Disrespectful to the uniform they bear."

"Like children – those two always were like that, I should say."

"Overgrown children," Fay added, for good measure. She was still itching and impatient to know how on earth Walker did end up in the Medical Wing then –

"Overgrown children, you say?"

Fay and Link, trained enough that they did not jump from the sudden intrusion of a different voice, turned slowly to face the entrance.

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Act III: The Overgrown Child – Komui Lee

"Why, but Komui is such a sweetheart! Doesn't eat enough, that one doesn't. Always running on just coffee! One day he'll get an ulcer in his stomach, I swear. I don't know – is it normal for Scientists to walk around with blueprints in their hands? I swear, he had this really big blueprint the other time, it looked like a robot! I must be imagining things, aren't I? Anyway, sometimes I really would like to smack him for the trouble he causes, but he really is a brilliant man, only that sometimes he might be a little, what's the word you said…insane? Well, not quite, but certainly not normal, that I could say." – Jeryy, Head Chef.

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"I'll tell you what happened."

They both recognized the scratchy, low voice. None other than Reever Wenhamm was leaning against the doorway, face tight with exhaustion. There was a very dark look in his eyes.

"Section Chief," Link said with a mild, unsurprised voice.

Reever winced at the sight of the peanuts. He instead strode over to the coffee counter and started seriously considering the options of instant coffee or grinding the coffee beans himself. His hands twitched and reached for the instant coffee powder. As he started (violently) mixing the coffee and hot water together, he said, "Chief Komui."

"Ah," said Link.

"Ah," said Fay in a voice that could not be more different from Link's mild one.

Reever growled. "Just when I thought he was sleeping, dead to the world, I head up to his office and find this thing in his hands…"

.

It was past midnight. Reever had seen the clock hand tick past twelve many, many times. It was the fifth day of him staying up to see the dawn. He wanted to cry unmanly tears.

At least, he said to comfort himself, Secretary Fay had announced that Komui was dead and would be so for a very long time coming. Following that she slipped out and the Scientists continued their slave labour.

About thirty minutes of peace interrupted only occasionally by mutters of suicide later, Reever started to become highly disturbed by the noises coming from Komui's office. He looked up and tried to focus on the door with bleary eyes. Next to him Johnny was doing the same thing – either that or he was already asleep behind the swirly spectacles.

"Did you hear that?" He asked Johnny. It had both the advantages of confirming his worst fears and waking Johnny up to confirm his worst fears with him. He will not be facing this alone.

Johnny snored and turned in his chair. The chair was too small to be turned in and it ended up with him toppling to the paper-littered floor. He continued snoring from the position on the floor.

Reever stood up and armed himself – with a calculator and a thick book on Latin-English translation – and started edging towards the closed office door. Only some Scientists looked up to express vague interest and wave white handkerchiefs in farewell. If Reever had the strength he would have inflicted violent damage on them all.

As it was he went to the office, took a deep breath, and pushed it open. Manners had taught him to knock first. Living with Komui had taught him to take the beast by surprise.

Komui was definitely not asleep. Instead, he looked up – the effect making it such that his spectacles glinted in the bright lamplight – and started smiling. Reever brought the calculator closer to him.

"Chief."

"Section Chief."

"What is that in your hand?"

"Paper."

"What kind of paper?"

"An innocent, perfectly harmless one."

That was the cue for Reever.

Marching forward, he managed to catch a glimpse of something that looked like a blueprint of a robot. The paper was swiftly tucked out of sight by Komui.

Reever growled.

Komui smiled and waved a remote control, his thumb already on the big, red button.

.

"Hold on," Fay interrupted. "This happened just now? That couldn't have explained Walker's current state."

"It couldn't?" Reever said with mirth. It sounded distinctly humourless. "We should teach you one thing, Secretary Fay – when it comes to Chief Komui, everything is linked back to him. Everything. He can control the past and the future."

Nobody would have dared argue against a man with deep rings around his eyes and who was currently holding his fifth cup of instant coffee.

"How did you stop him then, Section Chief?"

Reever smiled. "I threw a book at him. Didn't expect to hit the mark. Knocked him out straight away."

Fay found that highly interesting and filed it away in her mind for future use.

"Do you mean to say he was the cause of the commotion when we returned?" Link asked.

Reever looked like he was struggling to remember which commotion it was. His eyes took on a very blank look.

"The welcoming, um…thing."

"Huh…huh. Huh."

Fay felt incredibly stupid when she said "uh huh" in response.

"Oh – " Reever's eyes widened to an incredible size and darkened to a heretofore unseen hue. "Oh. That."

"'That'?" Fay looked suitably wary.

Link coughed. "It happened in the baths."

.

It was a suitably traumatizing route back home. The stationmaster couldn't believe them even when they showed their badges and insisted they were from the Black Order. Kanda took out his sword and glowered. Then, blood, mud, grass and all, they were ushered into a first-class carriage and spent an uncomfortable four hours together.

Even Link was never happier to see the looming, sprawling buildings of the Black Order. He was tempted to allow them to take a bath first – he refused to spend the next few hours following an unclean teenager – but he managed to bundle them up to Komui's office first for their report.

Lavi burst in first with his announcement of "Can't you please not send Yu and Allen on a mission together?"

Lenalee then said "Welcome home" warmly and eyed their state of mess, lips pursed.

Tokusa said, "It was a smooth mission, all things considered, Chief."

Komui smiled. It was a mysterious, too-happy smile.

"Go on, down to the baths with you all!"

"Chief, the report – "

"Oh, don't worry, Link! A bath first won't do any harm!"

"Actually," Allen started, a sheepish smile on his face, "I do want to eat first."

Lenalee looked at Kanda, effectively preventing him from making any derogatory comment.

"No! I mean, uh, yes, you could eat after – but a bath, first!"

Lavi blinked. Then he narrowed his eye. "You're strangely…persistent, Komui."

"Me? Ah, ah ha ha ha!" Komui scratched the back of his head and laughed loudly, gaining a look of disapproval from Secretary Fay. "I'm merely concerned for the state of hygiene of our precious fighting force! Now shoo, off with you! To the baths, yes?"

"Okay…" Lavi cast another suspicious look back before trailing off after Allen and Kanda who, by mutual agreement, decided not to fight till after their bath. Tokusa, a mysterious smile on his face, only waved and headed back to where the Third Exorcists stayed.

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It was in the baths where Allen started to feel that something was wrong. He looked around, trying to suppress the instincts that told him to run. Link raised an eyebrow but didn't comment otherwise.

The baths were calm – at that time of the afternoon they were the only ones there. The only movement was that of the steam rising from the baths and clouding their visions. Allen looked around one more time before heading to the showers, settling his things down and starting a quick shower. Kanda was done first and stalked off to a further pool, wanting to be left in peace.

"Alright there, Allen?" Lavi asked.

Allen nodded and smiled, wincing at the huge bruise on Lavi's shoulder. "Uh…sorry about that."

"Hmm?" Lavi looked at his shoulder. "This? Aw, Beansprout, you worry too much!"

"Name's Allen – eh, I suppose you deserve it, pulling me through the air like that."

"Hey, I was simply concerned, and you know it helped – uh," Lavi stopped speaking as Link's eyes flickered in his direction. He probably knew he would be subject to a long interrogation along with Allen about the few minutes gap to fill in his paperwork. Lavi attempted a smile.

He avoided Link's question by chance as a sound caught at his consciousness. Lavi looked up sharply, eye narrowed.

"Did you hear that, Allen?"

He hoped he was only imagining the sound of creaking on stone.

Allen frowned. He shook his head. "No…"

"Huh…I'll be heading to the bath first, then."

"Okay…see you later?"

Lavi waved in a distracted manner, looking around every few paces he took to the baths.

When it was only Allen left at the shower areas he realized the especial loudness of silence. Allen hummed and scrubbed, trying to get the mud out of his hair. It was then, focused in his task, that he heard another sound, something like a stomp.

"…Link?"

"Yes, Walker?"

"Did you hear that?"

"Yes."

Link knew that Allen thought he was sure to deny it, by the widening of his eyes. "What do you think it is?"

Link sniffed. "Likely something the Scientists came up with. I wouldn't worry about it if I were you, Walker – "

He paused at the distinct sound of something heavy making contact with the ground. Link decided perhaps they might need to hurry the shower. Allen apparently felt the same as he started washing the soap suds off.

It was only as the last sud was washed off that the – thing – crashed through the bushes and happened upon them. Allen yelped, staring with wide eyes.

The best way to describe it was something of a hybrid between Komurin EX and an instrument of torture commonly found in Komui's labs. There were brushes with sharp bristles, incredibly huge cloths, bottles upon bottles of unidentifiable substances, something that looked like a drill, many many platforms – and a metallic hand which was currently grasping an Allen Walker who was fighting and kicking with all his might. Link stared, horrified and, beyond his control, vaguely fascinated.

"FOUND TIRED EXORCIST. PROCEED WITH MASSAGE LEVEL FIVE. MASSAGE…LEVEL…FIVE."

"What – no! I don't need – Crowned – "

"SUBDUE TIRED EXORCIST."

A large syringe with a huge needle was whipped out and jabbed into Allen's arm with no warning.

"You're – what…I can't…sleep…"

"MASSAGE START."

"Wait what are you – ah. Ah ha. AH HAHAHAHAHA GAAAAARGH NOOO STOOOOP!"

The brush with sharp bristles had descended upon his body, intent on giving him a complete scrubbing down, and it was then Link decided he had to call for professional help – namely, one Reever Wenhamm.

.

Reever sighed. Link opened another peanut. Fay figured it was his way of coping with things that were too much for a normal day in the life of the Order.

"It wouldn't kill him, at least."

Fay really was rather terrible in the art of consolation.

Reever emitted a very hollow laugh. "Sure it wouldn't kill him – just traumatize him for life."

Fay coughed delicately. "I'm…sorry I didn't manage to stop this madness."

Reever waved his hand. "Don't be. Komui did this when you thought he was asleep. Everyone needs sleep, even a secretary from Central – it's not you. He's just not human."

"I am affronted, Reever dear, affronted!"

Reever stiffened. Then, slowly, very, very slowly, he turned to face the doorway with building horror on his face.

Fay was starting to become unsurprised by the number of times Komui could be knocked out and revived again.

.

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Act IV: The Overzealous Chef – Jeryy

"Yes, he is a wonderful chef for all of us. I don't recall eating anything strange from him…I wouldn't know how the food looks like, even if it looks strange it tastes fine. Losing one's sight makes all the other senses extremely sensitive, including my sense of taste, and…well. There was this one incident, there was something off about the steak he cooked that day, almost as though he added something to it – next I knew I couldn't stop moving and had to run to the training rooms to let off some steam. But I'm sure it was just that one time." – Noise Marie, Exorcist.

.

"Komui," Reever said, very controlled.

Komui blinked. "Not 'Chief', this time? I want coffee too, Reever."

With expert timing he ducked the cup that was thrown his way. It just grazed the top of his beret.

"Jeryy won't be happy, you know," Komui said in a highly disapproving tone. Reever rubbed the bridge of his nose once, twice, and seemed to be muttering something under his breath. Fay felt like joining him. She refrained only because it would give Komui more joy and laughter.

"What is your purpose here, Chief Lee?" Link asked, fixing a mild gaze on him. Komui held out both hands at his side and sighed.

"I'm defending my innocence, of course! And getting coffee – Reever, I want coffee."

Reever let out a sound like a growl.

"Chief Lee," Fay said as calmly as she could, "if you may just get to the point?"

Komui pouted. At the sight of three sets of unimpressed eyes he relented and straightened up, clearing his throat.

"Well, you know as well as I do if Allen had just relaxed he would have been wonderfully treated for pain and tenseness by my awesome creation!" Komui said quickly. Before the protests could start, he said, louder, "And as you might well know, our dear Jeryy has a penchant for making some interesting food on a whim – "

.

It took a while to wrestle Allen out of the grasp of the sentient robot thing, especially since he was too busy laughing and wriggling and trying not to faint with lack of breath. By the time Reever found a large enough chainsaw that seemed like it once belonged to Komui and doused it liberally with a special potion that aided in cutting through steel, Link was mentally calculating the amount of paperwork he had to get done to report the monstrosity of an event. The thing's arm was then sawed off (a mightily difficult job which involved Link scaling the robot and clinging for dear life while hacking at steel) and Allen Walker was retrieved.

Allen was fairly exhausted. He was thoroughly scrubbed, in any case, which meant they could exit the baths quickly in search for distance between them and the thing and leave Reever, the poor man, to clean up the mess. Allen's stomach then gave its cue in the form of a growl, and Link looked at the ceiling, resigned.

One must not get him wrong – Link does have a healthy appreciation for good food. Even if he were steadfast in his job of keeping surveillance over Allen Walker, that didn't mean he was not free to watch and learn from Jeryy from time to time, especially when Walker was contented to stuff his face with the results of their cooperation instead of engaging in varied dubious action that would have resulted in Link having more paperwork to complete.

The late lunch that they were having, however, was something he would think twice over before attempting a bite. It was quite simply…

It wasn't the presentation of the food. The beef stew in front of him bubbled happily with its carrots, potatoes and beef chunks. The steam rising from it was evidence of it having been freshly cooked and served. If one were to go by the way an exhausted Walker was currently inhaling the food, one would think all was right with the world.

But something about the smell was tingling Link's senses.

"Coming through, coming through! Ah, Allen! I knew you'd still be here!"

"Mmrf?" Allen paused, blinked, and smiled around the spoon in his mouth. "Schrreii!" It was a passable version of Jeryy's name.

"Oh my dear boy, you know how it is that I like to try something new? No chef likes to cook a cow the same way a hundred times, after all!" Jeryy flapped his left wrist around and laughed at his own joke. His eyes seemed to brighten behind his sunglasses, which gave Link a Very Foreboding Feeling. "I've cooked up this whole batch of dishes, with something in it to give you poor Exorcists a strength boost, but no one is here to try it! Won't you give it a bite?"

So saying, the dishes were shoved in front of Allen, even though Link could have sworn there was a whole pig resting in front of him just a second ago.

Allen eyed it – so he was learning to suspect his food sources, Link noted with approval – before he swallowed his food, looked up, and beamed so hard again Jeryy squealed in delight. "Okay, thank you!"

"Oh, aren't you a sweetheart! Tata then, tell me if you like it!" Jeryy bustled back to the kitchen, singing under his breath.

"Walker" was all Link managed to get out before Allen stabbed a fork into the nearest dish and popped the food into his mouth, chewing at breakneck speed.

"Don't know why Jeryy was so worried, it's good!" Chew chew chew. "Even if the taste is stronger than usual."

"…Hmm." Link sat back. The damage was done anyhow.

"Don't know" – one dish was put aside, Allen paused and a strange look crossed his eyes, before the next dish was put in front of him – "where he learnt to cook all these. I mean" – a version of the beef stew still steaming in front of Link was inhaled and Allen burped, putting the empty plate aside and choosing to cradle his cup of green tea for a while – "'s not like…maybe he travelled around the world for a while?"

"Perhaps," Link ventured.

Allen eyed Link's beef stew but, strangely enough, turned back to regard his tea again. He hummed some mindless tune. "I think he came from…Africa," he volunteered.

Link's eyebrows raised. If Allen noticed the ensuing silence on Link's part he chose not to mention it. He tapped his fingers on the rim of the cup in beat with the tune he was humming. His eyes focused on the far wall and Allen smiled while looking at it, though Link couldn't see anything amusing about the plain white block of architecture.

"I really don't think black is Miranda's colour, do you?"

…Yes. Something was highly, highly wrong. Random as teenagers tended to be, even Walker couldn't manage a jump from Jeryy's origins to the colour that befitted a lady. He mustered all his incredulity and said, as emphatically as he could, hoping Walker was joking, "Excuse me?"

"Yes, she should wear something brighter…maybe I'll ask Lenalee. She knows about this more than I do."

Now this was turning from fairly random (if not strange) into downright weird and creepy. Women's clothing? Asking advice about mysterious depths only the truly brave would venture into?

Link couldn't allow it, for his sanity.

"Walker," he said, as firmly as he could. Allen smiled at him, a dopey grin that stretched his lips a little too wide.

"She just got here too, I'll just ask – Lenalee!" Allen waved, hollering her name cheerfully. "Lenalee, over here!"

Lenalee paused in her chat with one of the nurses from the Wing. She turned, very slowly, and Link could already see the surprised expression that must be on her face. Her eyes were wider than usual.

"Allen?" She said, eyebrows shooting up when Allen nodded in affirmation and waved harder, both arms in the air now.

Link saw her making quick apologies to the nurse, who waved her off, before she walked quickly over and smiled, warily. Allen beamed up at her.

"Hello, Allen, Inspector."

"Miss Lee," Link said with his eyes still on Allen's strange behaviour.

"Lenalee," Allen said, with a seriousness that was not reflected in the wide grin he had on, "I think Miranda would look better not in black, wouldn't you?"

Her mouth dropped slightly open. She looked at Link.

Link shook his head and pointed at the food.

"Lenalee?" A happy voice asked.

Lenalee smiled (as one would to a child asking a difficult question) and picked up a bowl of soup Jeryy left, covering it with a plate and saying, "I'll just go over to Brother and ask Miranda along the way, alright?"

Allen thought seriously about this for a while. Then he nodded, eyes crinkled shut again.

"See you later, Lenalee!"

"Of course," Lenalee said with a fond look in her eyes. The bowl was held carefully, soon to be in, presumably, Reever Wenhamm's hands.

Link only realized, belatedly, that it meant he was alone with Allen's random jabbering and questions. He looked at his stew, sighed, and pushed it to the side.

No point in falling into the same trap that Allen did, after all. Allen followed that up by asking if Link knew why the sky was blue.

.

Fay felt torn between laughter and incredulity. "Jeryy put endorphins into the food?"

"Well…no, but the ingredients he used certainly has the same effect, since they were in high amounts," Reever said slowly, remembering his surprise and newfound respect for the chef's scientific knowledge. And the subsequent conclusion that there was no way out of it except letting Allen talk his mouth off and coming down from the natural high slowly.

"So you see, it really wasn't me at all!" Komui took the chance to claim. He took a huge gulp of the coffee that he had swiped from Reever, prompting a sour glare from the man. "And my dear, dear, sweet Lenalee – she's the one who offered to take care of Allen! Oh, that filthy brute, he better not have done anything to her in his state – "

Reever sighed. "You know, Jeryy probably did it because of you and your invention – "

"Ah ah!" Komui wagged a finger. "That robot of mine is brilliant! If Allen had just relaxed and let him do his job he'd be fresh and ready to face whatever happens!"

"I still maintain – "

Link cleared his throat, his face pinched. Both men looked at him eagerly, as if he were the judge as to who-is-more-to-blame. Link pressed on a peanut, the cracking sound echoing faintly in the room.

"I would simply like to suggest, Chief, that your sister be careful with her patients – "

Komui's face was the picture of outrage. Link held up a hand.

"If you'd let me finish, thank you. Since she was the one who came to tell us about the contents of the food, and as I have the verification of a traumatized Finder – "

.

.

Act V: The Too-Caring Comrade – Lenalee Lee

"Ah Lenalee, oh dear, sweet Lenalee. Can you believe she's related to, to that? Yes, I see you agree with me, there's no way that being can be spawned off the same womb as her. Lenalee is such a lovely girl, she cares so much for everyone. I had a cold, one time, and the whole time I was in the Medical Wing she was there too, getting ice packs for me, making sure I drink the soup she made…she tries hard to be a good cook, it's the intention that matters, isn't it? Hmm? Wait, no, I didn't mean she can't cook, you're the one who – but it's not – I mean – oh wait, you aren't going to let her read this, are you?" – Reever Wenhamm, Scientist.

.

"Honestly," Lenalee muttered. Her arms were crossed and she took wide strides, muttering under her breath all the while. All who crossed her path wisely leapt aside and tried not to meet her eyes. "You'd think they'd have more sense, don't you?" She said, glaring at a passing Finder – Kain, she remembered. "Don't you, Kain?"

"Um." He squeaked. "Yes?"

"Yes," she nodded, satisfied. She strode off and continued muttering. "Oh, they do care, I know that, but sometimes maybe they could just restrain themselves a little, it's hard enough making sure Lavi is not up to something and Kanda will not bother anyway and Miranda and Krory are still so scared of them all – "

So continuing on her spiel, she pushed the doors of the cafeteria over and made her way to Link and Allen. Link had pressed his hand to his forehead while a very oblivious Allen chattered on. Lenalee thought she caught something that sounded suspiciously like "crows" and "shiny" in the same sentence.

"Allen," she called. She made sure a smile was fixed firmly in place.

Allen paused in his chattering and turned his head so fast Lenalee swore she heard a crick. She cringed.

"Lenalee! Tell Link for me, won't you?"

"Tell…what?" She said, keeping her voice as even as she could in the face of Allen's beam.

"That obviously we should just go out for a picnic and tell Central to stuff it in their – "

"Jumpers," Link said, quickly and loudly. "Their, uh, jumpers."

Allen frowned. "It's not even Autumn yet, Link."

"That's – " Lenalee couldn't help a smile this time. It was an inane, yet surprisingly good suggestion. "That would be nice, but we need to get something done first, Allen."

That made both Allen and Link turn and look at her, only the latter's gaze was filled with suspicion and a tinge of desperation.

"Oh, yes," she said, clapping her hands together. "I made some soup for you, Allen, won't you try it?"

"Soup!"

"Yes – "

"Soup?" Link was very tense. She tutted. It would give him severe shoulder problems in future.

"I have it in the lounge, it'd be much nicer there than on these hard benches, wouldn't it?"

"Well, yes, though I am a little full…"

It was Lenalee's and Link's turn to turn incredulous looks on Allen. Allen hummed, looking at them both with a vacant gleam in his eyes. "Though I don't suppose I'll skip out on dinner, but I do feel…a tiny pinch…full, yes." He nodded, grinning. "Amazing, isn't it, haven't felt this way since the first time I met Ma – "

"That's it, you're coming with me," Lenalee said, eyes narrowed. "And you," she whirled around on Link, "do me a favour and just let me drag him away."

Link raised an eyebrow and his hands, palms out in the universal gesture of surrender. "Certainly, Miss Lee."

The half worried, half amused light in her eyes didn't diminish, though she managed a small smile at him. Then it was all business grabbing Allen's arm and hauling him off the bench, something Allen was very happy to comply with. His movements were more sluggish, his arm heavy in her grasp.

"Where're we going, Lenalee?"

"Soup," she said.

"Wasn't aware it's a place," Allen muttered. "Then again, some places do tend to have the most fortunate names, I think Turkey might be quite a sight, wouldn't you agree? Might have to ask Komui about that…"

Lenalee, for the first time, found herself sympathizing with Link, if this was the sort of topic roller-coaster he was forced to sit on for the past hour.

.

"Um."

Despite his endorphin high state, Allen's taste buds were still well and functioning. And currently they revolted at the first sip of brackish green liquid. Evacuation, more like, a dim recess of his mind screamed.

"Ginger, and some other things," Lenalee murmured, distracted. She rummaged through the pile of ice packs, towels and blankets. "Finish that bowl. And those too" – her hand waved in the general direction of the bowls of innocently steaming soup – "and if you want more I've got some stored. Now where did I put that…"

"Lenalee, this – " Tastes awful, was what he would say if he wanted to part ways with a precious part of the male anatomy. He gulped, sanity breaking through the haze in his mind.

"'This'?" She still sounded distracted.

"Nothing?"

"Oh. Alright. Good. Finish it."

Link eyed his charge's face and the soup. He wondered what "some other things" were. Then decided perhaps it was better if both he and Walker were to be ignorant to life's harsh truths.

Lenalee started shifting blankets away, then she paused, thought, and proceeded to drape a blanket around Allen, who could hardly protest as he tried to drink the ginger-and-other-stuff soup. "You'll get tired, and you'll need to keep warm, or you'll be sick," she explained, tucking in the loose fabric such that only Allen's arms were free to bring the soup to his lips. Link himself felt stifled in the August heat but thought it wise not to say so.

"Lena – mmmrf!"

The soup was abruptly taken away and in its place a thermometer was shoved through his lips. Allen didn't know whether to be grateful that the bowl was taken away or to choke at the sudden cool glass forcing its way into his throat. He settled for hacking and shifting it under his tongue obediently.

"After all that I wouldn't be surprised if you have a temperature," Lenalee said, matter-of-fact and brisk. She studied the ice packs and the blankets with a thoughtful expression on her face. "We'll see what the results are…"

Link cleared his throat, saying while he dared, "Miss Lee, it…may not be entirely accurate, given that Walker just had hot soup down his throat."

"Hmm," Lenalee said, another worried frown on her face. She sighed. "Oh, Allen, you really should be more careful."

Allen couldn't reply to that, what with the thermometer still in his mouth and his body coming down from the high it was just in. He blinked at her.

She patted him on the head, smoothing some wayward strands down. "You know Brother and Jeryy are worried, uh – they just, need to, I don't know…show it in different ways."

It was clearly an understatement that Link felt he didn't quite need to point out lest he incurred a lady's wrath.

Lenalee hummed, glancing at Link out of the corner of her eye. She bit her lip, fidgeting. Allen took the thermometer out and was about to ask her to spit her mind – she clearly wanted to – when a small smile took over her features and she plucked the glass out of his palm, reading the blue line.

"Just – I'll talk to you about it, later. You do have a bit of a temperature…"

Both Link's and Allen's eyes widened as she made a move towards the ice packs and, even more horrifyingly, towards a different bowl of soup. Allen squeaked, jumped up, and said, "I think I need the toilet, Lenalee!"

"Oh – "

"I'll, uh, be back…later."

Much, much later, if ever, Link thought Allen's frantic expression said.

"Okay, just – " Lenalee stopped her words, her expression clouded. "We'll…we'll talk later, then?"

She was, Link noted, really more fidgety than usual, her face dancing between a smile and outright concern. Allen paused in his franticness and gave her a warm smile, the first Link had seen the whole day. He nodded. Link held the door open, filing away in his mind the uncharacteristic behaviour of a certain Miss Lee to be examined later.

Then it was a dash for the bathrooms while Lenalee started puttering about the room, a slightly more cheerful smile on her face.

.

"I knew something was off about the pots," Jeryy said, pouting.

At some point he had slipped into the kitchen, made a sound at the very much lightened coffee container and settled, natural as could be, into the group gathered around. Fay had raised her eyebrow at the fluffy pink robe he had on but deigned to comment.

Now she really couldn't help but ask – "Jeryy, was it not the result of your concoctions this afternoon?"

Jeryy harrumphed. It was the only verb that could describe the sound he made. "Oh, sure, I will change things up a little next time – the dear girl could have asked me, I would have helped her make a little something for the boy. And you!" He whirled around on Komui. "When was the last time you had a meal? You, too," he said, eyes narrowing as he scrutinized both Komui and Reever in turn.

"Uh," Komui said, suitably distracted from his instinctive defense of his dearest sister in the whole wide world.

"Uh," Reever concurred, casting his eyes around for a distraction.

"What an interesting motley we have here," a cheerful voice said from the door, providing a distraction Komui and Reever grabbed at with matching looks of relief.

There really was no point in being surprised anymore at how many people stayed up in the Order, working, gossiping, or eating peanuts, as Fay's recent hour of observations had taught her. She sighed and popped another nut into her mouth.

.

.

Act VI: The Instructive Third – Madarao

"It may not be a comfortable situation for everyone, but the Thirds have been an immense help for our forces. The mission to Jordan would have been even more precarious had Tokusa not stepped in to manage the abnormally high number of AKUMA present…some might argue otherwise, of course, as you rightly pointed out. Regardless, we are firm on this point and will not change our decision arbitrarily. You never know, they might open one's eyes to something one never thought of before…" – Komui Lee, Chief of The Black Order, Head Scientist.

.

"Oh, hello," Jeryy said with a faint smile. He busied himself making a cup of tea for the newly entered member, shoulders just a smidgen tighter. Komui released an internal sigh at the sight.

Perhaps it was altogether too much a wishful hope. Nonetheless, Tokusa either failed to notice or chose to ignore it, accepting the chair Reever pulled out with a nod of thanks.

"I wasn't quite able to sleep, imagine my surprise when I find here that Inspector Link is not tailing a Master Disciple."

Link bristled at the innocuous, clearly probing tone Tokusa had. He opened the third bag of peanuts.

"You will find Walker quite indisposed at the Medical Wing, I assure you."

"Oh?" And Link just knew that it was a faked surprise. "But he seemed so well in the training grounds earlier. Though perhaps we have overestimated him."

Komui sat up straight, vague interest in the conversation turning sharp. He ignored the cup of coffee sat in front of him, saying, "What do you mean, Tokusa?"

"And just when we thought we could learn something, too…" Tokusa sighed, mournful. He plucked the peanut from Link's hand and rolled it between his fingers.

.

Sneaking out from Link's close watch had not been easy, but after Allen proclaimed the need for the toilet and ditched Link since both saw fit to agree that it was a moment too private for even Central to know about, he escaped through the ventilation system.

His sense of direction had never been the best in favourable situations, which meant that the first exit he chose landed him about five meters away from the training grounds. He fell in an unsightly manner.

It was with a sigh of relief that he saw the emptiness of the area as he nursed his aching back, and a whiplash moment when he heard the sound of a stifled chuckle. Allen coloured once he saw Tokusa standing half hidden by a pillar, eyes crinkled shut.

"Oh, Master Disciple," Tokusa squeezed out after a chuckle, "that was a brilliant landing. Certainly far from your performance during the mission we shared."

"Do be quiet," Allen grumbled, getting to his feet slowly.

"Tokusa, what did Brother say about teasing the Exorcists?"

Allen suppressed a groan with great effort.

With no less amusement than Tokusa, but with a much more obvious skill at smothering her laughter, Tevak smiled and tilted her head in Allen's direction. Allen hurriedly nodded back, the Mana-ingrained courtesy towards ladies kicking itself into effect.

"Don't mind us, Master Disciple. I assure you we were simply about to train when you made the…landing. Brother is here too, and Goushi and Kiredori. Would you mind if we share this space?"

Allen couldn't muster up a response beyond "Oh, uh, please, uh, please do, I'll just – " and starting to scamper out of the circle.

"Surely you wouldn't mind training with us?"

It was a voice deeper than Tokusa's that addressed him this time, and Allen stopped in his tracks, turning to see Madarao near the main entrance to the grounds, Goushi and Kiredori in tow. Madarao had no expression as he nodded in greeting and continued. "I have not had the chance to talk with you beyond Paris, I believe."

"Indeed," Allen said, wary, the polite smile on his face strained.

"Tokusa had given me some report on your abilities, I was hoping to see some of it first-hand, myself."

"I…" Allen sighed, not seeing a polite way out of this. "I wouldn't be opposed to it."

Madarao's expression did not change (or perhaps it became somehow more expressionless, if possible) as he stepped into the ring, gesturing to the other Thirds. Allen was left wondering what that meant until they broke up into pairs, finding their own corner of the ring to practice. Madarao spoke again when he was closer to Allen.

"You see that you have helped us. It is rather more convenient to practice in pairs."

A simple 'thank you' wouldn't suffice for them, Allen thought with a raised eyebrow. An extended pondering on linguistics aside (with the accompanying thought of whether it was possible to be more cordial than the extent Mana had taught him), Allen summoned Crowned Clown and faced Madarao, properly. The light mantle settled on his shoulders and the claw reappeared, none the worse from the fight it went through in the earlier part of the day. Allen made a sword of it, drawing the huge blade carefully as Madarao watched in unhidden curiosity.

Truth be told, he was getting excited, curious – he knew nothing beyond the ability they had to break through barriers and the terrible, terrible one of cannibalism. Madarao examined him with slit eyes before, in a blink, he was gone.

Allen barely caught his movement – Madarao was in front of him, pitting a sharp, black claw – Like Black Wings! Allen recalled of Link's ability – against the hastily raised sword Allen used to defend himself. Madarao nodded in approval before bouncing back and studying him with a curious look in his eyes.

"Reflexes – we've been trained to hone that, since our first day of consciousness."

There was just no proper or helpful way to respond to that. Allen continued looking at him, betraying nothing in his expression. Madarao raised an eyebrow.

"Are you not planning to attack, Master Disciple? Surely attacking is the best form of defense?"

Though nothing had changed in Madarao's voice or expression, Allen felt himself tense at the taunt. He took a deep breath – losing control never won any battle, idiot disciple. Something he might have forgotten since meeting Kanda and being taunted consistently. Shaking his hair out of his eyes, Allen tried to find a weak spot he could exploit.

His eyes narrowed further before he took a running leap, landing behind Madarao and spinning, right foot pivoting to control the force with which he turned. Madarao blocked the attack with his blade, just barely, nodding once more in seeming approval.

Allen was getting annoyed, fast. He did not need anybody's approval for his ability in battle. He looked at Madarao in the eyes, blade straining against Madarao's.

"You can stop that, you know. Nodding every time I do something right."

"Oh? Forgive me for having read you wrongly all this while then, Master Disciple. I would have to apologize on Tokusa's behalf too, then."

Allen frowned and glanced briefly at Tokusa, who appeared not to be listening. The force with which Madarao defended against his blade was not letting up. Allen jumped back, putting some space between them and giving himself some time to think.

"What do you mean by that?" He asked finally.

"Pardon me, but it seemed that you've been concentrating fairly hard on gaining approval. Perhaps I have known you simply for too short a time."

"Perhaps you have," Allen agreed, taking a few more steps back and holding his sword battle-ready. "I think my comrades can trust me in battle – I do not need your approval in this matter."

"Oh?" And there was a slight raise of the eyebrow this time, unnerving Allen more than he'd like to admit. "Your actions speak otherwise, Exorcist."

Allen didn't respond, other than to brace his knees as Madarao pressed forward once more, this time successfully nicking Allen in the side.

Madarao remarked, in a neutral tone, "You're losing your touch."

"I do not appreciate that remark." He aimed and swung, catching Madarao in his side as well – a glancing blow, and one which Madarao jumped quickly away from. Still, one-all, he couldn't help but think.

"That is your freedom," Madarao agreed. "Egoism can become the hand that loses it all." His eyes narrowed, sharpened. "But perhaps we have been idle too long, and I am getting impatient."

That was all the warning Allen received before Madarao dashed at him, lightning fast, body low and lips pressed tight like an angry demon out for revenge. Allen's eyes widened and he concentrated, trying to anticipate the attack before it landed.

He caught, with his blade, the hard hack meant to main before it hit the vulnerable crook of his elbow. The jab aimed at his stomach was barely avoided as he twisted his body, catching the weakened blow on the far side of his hip instead. He swerved his foot out, trying to catch and trip Madarao by the ankle. Nobody said he was above playing dirty, after all. Certainly Kanda had found it well and appropriate to push the matter.

Madarao's expression of tight control didn't slip even as he did a back-flip out of attacking range. His hand reached for something tucked in his side – Allen summoned the belt and caught that wrist, pulling and twisting it such that Madarao's shoulder was forced back at an awkward angle. It was, Allen saw with a sinking feeling, a white slip of paper he was horribly familiar with.

With a hard look and a whispered word, the ofuda flew at and immobilized Allen's right arm – but not before he slipped the blade back, regaining his left claw. Allen grimaced at the added weight on his body.

Not that it was entirely something he was unused to, something whispered in him. It was a sudden flash in his mind, vivid and startling – all too vivid, in fact. Back when his left arm was still nearly useless and Mana had taught him to juggle even with the added weight on his side, and the snow was heavy all around them –

That split second of reminiscence cost him. Madarao slammed him to the ground, pressed and pinned with a claw against his neck.

There was utter silence as Allen breathed heavily, eyes dilated. He thought, vaguely, how unfair it was that Madarao didn't have a single strand of hair out of place.

"Yield?" The man said quietly.

Allen's left arm was pinned by Madarao's knee, and even if he saw it fit to move there was a ring of ofuda waiting.

He let out a breath, sighing out the word "Yield."

Madarao didn't let up, though he did remove the sharp tool from Allen's throat. He stared down, considering. Allen was almost too tired to care.

"Walker, Madarao!"

Oh – and he had almost forgotten that he ditched Link. Link had that tone which meant Allen would be filling out another mountain of paperwork for this mischief. He thunked his head against the ground, glancing to the side where Link glared at both of them – or glared at him, to be more precise.

Madarao glanced at Link, then back to Allen. His face was back to the passive, neutral expression Allen always associated him with.

"You see why we can't trust you as of yet, Master Disciple – you do not even quite trust in yourself."

Allen blinked. Then the weight was let off and Link was marching over, his eyebrows pinched together. As Allen got slowly to his feet Madarao was already where Tokusa and Tevak were, motioning for them to continue with their training.

.

Komui's head dipped in thought. Nobody else spoke a word either, after Tokusa's account of what had happened. Reever and Jeryy were looking at Komui, almost as though for instructions. Fay studied his profile too. She almost couldn't believe it, but there was a Komui different from the one she had to deal with on a daily basis.

"That was uncalled for," Komui said, low but clear.

Tokusa responded with a shrug and a smile that didn't quite reach his eyes. Even less than it usually did, in a way. "You cannot deny that it is still hanging over him." He glanced at and held Link's gaze. "What with the whole issue of the Fourteenth, and all – aren't I right, Inspector?"

The very air in the room seemed to tense with those words. Which made for a ridiculous sight, Fay could see even as she held her breath. Half the personnel in fluffy robes and peanut shells around them, and even more cups with varying volumes of coffee or tea.

Link said, clipped, "There is no reason to believe that Walker can be removed from suspicion as of yet."

He ended it by cracking a peanut, the sound loud in the again-silent room.

.

.

Act VII: The Internal Phantom – Nea Walker

"It is on the record that Allen Walker has the consciousness of The Fourteenth Noah in him, though it is not made clear when, where or how this process has occurred. General Marian Cross was our only available source – yet, even then, Central has reason to suspect the legitimacy of any information he might choose to divulge. It is up to Allen Walker to keep us informed if he wants to be cleared of his heresy charges – of course, it is also my job to supervise him and note any alarming changes should they occur. That is as much as I will say – do you not have a job you should be doing?" – Howard Link, Central Inspector.

.

There was a lot that Nea Walker regretted of his choice of vessel. Mana, were he still alive (and were Nea to have his own body) would have given him a few choice words and glares before eventually giving in. He'd always been too easily manipulated by his younger brother.

And by Allen too, come to think of it.

Nea was never exactly dormant the whole time Allen was growing up with Mana. He knew the way Allen utilized round, puppy dog eyes to get his way. He was also more than familiar with how Mana reacted, always the eyes softening first before getting the bread or dessert or whatever treat Allen wanted. Nea lived his life inside the boy in a haze, catching snippets of conversation as though underwater, the words distorted and muffled.

It didn't escape his notice that Mana never forgot him. There was no other reason for the name he gave the boy. Clumsy though it may be, but unnoticeable to anyone who wasn't aware that Mana had a younger brother named Nea.

Spelt backwards, and the second version of his closest relative. Nea would have laughed if he weren't so sick of himself and the need he had to root the Earl out. He wondered what Allen would feel if he knew that he was, in the first and simplest form, the second Nea to Mana. Nea the Second. Nea II, the new King of the world.

Hey, Allen, he sang inside the boy's head.

There's a city I used to know
Small and big and whole and broke
Flickering lights of red and green
Who would know where this road leads?

A little boy I used to know
Sang his song, kicked the stones
Pulled some glass loose of its hold
Smiled and waved, ran down the road

.

"Stop. Just, stop."

Link tensed as Allen muttered those words over and over again, as softly as he could, thinking Link couldn't hear over the scribbling of pen on paper.

There was a song ringing in Allen's head, the words refusing to leave. It was a tune he could very easily recognize as a child's lullaby. It was something like what Mana would have sang to him in the past.

As if it were not enough that he couldn't forget Madarao's words. As if it were not enough that Madarao seemed to confirm the worst fears in himself.

He curled his fingers into a fist and planted it squarely on his thigh, pretending to be concentrating hard on the papers in front of him.

Link was never a pretender though. He might not know the exact details of what Walker was thinking about, but he recognized enough to know that Madarao had said something that was affecting him strongly.

"Is something bothering you, Walker?"

"No."

"I'd think otherwise," Link said, gaze moving from Allen's fist to the way his eyes were focusing on the far wall.

Allen smiled with an obvious lack of mirth. "Is it not enough that I am doing what Central asks? Or do I have to report everything I'm thinking? Perhaps that I feel an itch on my shin and need to scratch it? That I'm not actually hungry all the time, contrary to everyone's beliefs?"

Link didn't blink. He brought his pen up and made a tick in an accounting form. "Avoiding the question, are you, Walker?"

"And if I am?"

The pen in Allen's hand was moving again, finishing the report for the mission they had earlier. He did look less aggravated now – at least he had stopped muttering for the time being.

"I suppose I will ask you again, later. Even if you know you will have a cleaner slate if you answer the question directly."

Allen shrugged, and smiled more sincerely. "I am hungry now though, so maybe the last part was a lie."

Link knew a distraction when he saw it. He thought of whether he should follow it up – then dropped it, opting to observe Walker for a while more and pen his own thoughts.

"Heretical statement, indeed," he said, tapping his pen at a figure that didn't seem to compute.

Allen snorted and resumed scribbling. The stiffness in his shoulders never did go away for the rest of the late afternoon.

.

Nea found that, as was the case with the unconscious, he became more aware of the world when Allen was approaching sleep. Unfortunately for Allen, that only meant Nea became curious and sometimes wouldn't let him go to sleep.

Most of the week Nea was quiet and sympathetic to the boy's tire. He had a certain indefinable affection for his adopted nephew, even if it was in a fairly distanced way. The effort Mana took to protect this boy meant Nea wouldn't be unnecessarily disruptive. He wasn't quite sure which side Mana would take now were he alive – his blood brother or his adopted son. Nea didn't want to let Mana's spirit do that yet.

But when he couldn't help it and Allen looked like he would fall into a fitful sleep in any case, Nea sang, imprinting his presence on the world he would emerge to see soon. It was a song he concocted over the years in somebody else's head.

A tall strong man I used to know
Played his games and danced the waltz
Didn't quite know when to stop
Laughed into the empty homes

He could feel the boy's emotions and sometimes even get a glimpse of his thoughts. He wasn't a mindreader – he only knew what Allen was saying when he spoke. Thoughts were far harder to grasp, he could only guess at some of them.

The tense happiness, coloured far too much by worry, made it obvious – Mana, he knew. He wondered, for a brief, irreverent moment, if Allen had developed a father complex that would forever ruin his romantic life (if he lived to have one). Nea smiled at the thought and hummed again.

There's a place I used to know
Dusty laughs and aimless smiles
Endless stretch of dusky red
Who would know when children sleep?

"You know, Allen," Nea spoke, knowing that Allen couldn't hear him. If he were lucky Allen would sense him. "You know, you can just rest. They care for you here. I'll come out soon, when I see The Earl again, but," he shrugged (or imagined shrugging), "might as well enjoy your time here."

He paused as he felt a surge of anxiety and anger – possibly not aimed at him, though he would never be sure. Nea continued, "Mana did love you, in his own way – why am I saying this? Hmm. He did. Maybe he loved you more than he did me. I don't know. Why do you think about these things so much? And people wonder why you can't sleep."

Hey Allen, little boy...

Nea imagined tapping his fingers against the walls of this hazy space. He pondered on what his next words would be as the haze grew thicker around him.

There's a city I used to know.

.

.

Act VIII: The Helpful Nurses – The Head Nurse

"Hmph. She's paranoid, that's what she is. Underhanded too. Pulling people by the ears…keeping us in the Wing longer than we need…putting my bed next to the annoying rabbit…hmph. Least she's more helpful than most of them at the Order." – Kanda Yu, Exorcist.

.

Fay wanted very much to yawn. She couldn't help it. Everything that happened was fascinating, but it was pressing on three o'clock in the morning and she had spent half of the past twenty four hours chasing after Komui to finish her work. And in four hours time she'll have to check to make sure he didn't run away again. Sleep was of order.

But the air around Komui and Link was so tense the yawn refused to come out.

Komui's mouth was pressed into a thin line, his demeanour much more serious than what Fay has been accustomed to. She supposed she could admit that he had what it took to be the Chief, grudging though the admission may be.

"Be that as it may, Inspector," Komui said in a too-polite tone, "I do not believe Allen Walker will ever betray the Order.

Link held the stare and lifted his shoulder in a slight shrug. "Perhaps we will simply have to wait and see, Chief."

Komui's expression did not change. He merely inclined his head in Link's direction, saying, "Perhaps."

Tokusa whistled, that mysterious smile on his face. "Intense, dear fellows."

Jeryy hummed in agreement and passed around cups, the aroma of freshly brewed tea rising up in steam. When it was done he looked up at Komui too, and said, simply, "I believe he'll be fine."

"He will be fine, that's what it is."

Reever started up in his seat as the Head Nurse spoke, breaking the tension in the room. She stood framed in the doorway, raising her eyebrows at the gathering in the strange time of the night. Then she brushed past them in her usual brisk manner, taking the tea pot Jeryy offered her and thanking him.

"Nurse," Komui said.

She smiled, some mirth seeping into her eyes. "That poor boy is simply exhausted. We thought there was some hidden injury. Turned out he just needed some help for sleeping. After all that Emmy put him through, too."

"Uh?" Reever said, intelligently.

She sipped at some tea before smiling again.

.

It wasn't easy creeping out of bed without waking another person up. And as that was the rule of the world, Link was naturally awoken when Allen sat up, staring at his blanket with tired eyes.

If it were per his usual style, he would sit up and alert Allen as to his state of wakefulness. As it was, Link was human – he was curious as to what Walker's course of action was, especially after the whole afternoon they had been through. Besides, he was tired enough that he hoped Walker would finish whatever business he had soon so they could both go back to sleep.

Allen slipped out of bed, placing his feet into the slippers (neatly arranged by Link) at the end of the bed. His nightrobe (placed on the hanger by Link, who had scowled as Allen merely tugged it off and let fall as he collapsed face first into the bed) was pulled on next. With a final glance at where Link was sleeping (or pretending to be) he opened the door as quietly as he could and left.

Without missing a beat, Link sat up smoothly, pulled on his own neatly hung nightrobe, and padded out after Allen in soft slippers.

Allen was walking listlessly, his steps uneven and slow. It didn't escape Link's notice, either, that the boy was refusing to look into every pane of window that he passed by. He just followed the light shone in through the windows by the moon, heading in the general West direction of the Order.

It had been a long day. Link knew, he was there to experience every horror of it. So both of them had been entitled to concuss in bed. Yet here they were, a tired surveillance dog following after an equally tired heresy-suspected teenager. There was some sort of off-beat humour to it that Link couldn't be bothered to think about at the moment.

The only reason he could think of, that Walker didn't fall asleep, was that there was something bothering him psychologically. It was either the conversations that he had with the Thirds that Link was absent for (he started worrying about how he was going to fill this gap, especially because there was already another minor one prior to that with the Bookman Junior)…

Or it had to do with the perennial haunting of the Fourteenth Noah.

And if it was the latter, then all the more Link had to follow and find out about it.

They conquered a huge flight of stairs in silence and Allen continued walking, pausing briefly outside the kitchen before dismissing it. Which was when Link knew that something was very wrong. Despite his earlier claim, Walker was nearly always hungry. Or, he always had an appetite for something.

He then bumped into a tall someone with all his lack of concentration. Link hid himself in the shadows. It was a tall someone with a cap on and an intimidating stature – Link cringed.

It was the one person in the Order that even Central would never mess with, unless they wanted to be one limb less.

It was the Head Nurse, the Shadow Queen of the Order.

"Allen?" She said, surprised. She stooped down a little to look him in the eyes. "Are you alright, young man?"

"Oh! Terribly sorry, I wasn't looking where I was going – "

"Nevermind about that," she said, her voice becoming slightly sharper. "Why, you're tense, and your eyes are bloodshot. Did you have a mission?"

"Yes, but – "

"With?"

"Um, Kanda, Lavi, Tokusa – " Allen started taking a step back, stopped only by her hand on his shoulder. He couldn't move out without showing an obvious disrespect by that action.

"That itself shouldn't be the problem, I surmise. I heard the Chief did something today, doubtlessly of a kind nature and of the most unsuccessful execution."

"I guess – "

"And Jeryy – I knew there was something in the food today that he gave to the Exorcists." Her grip tightened.

"Um…Miss?"

"Yes?" She didn't seem aware that she was gripping him hard on the shoulder.

"I just wanted to…walk around to see if I could try to get back to sleep."

She frowned. "Have you been having trouble sleeping?"

Allen fidgeted. Link knew he would, in normal cases, summon up a smile and reassure the other that he was fine. It seemed he had trouble admitting so in the dead of the night and to such a piercing gaze.

"…Yes," he finally admitted.

"You're coming with me," she said, holding his arm with a firm grip. "The Wing is near, in any case."

"Um."

"We'll sit you down and get Emmy to help you, while I see what concoctions we have."

And that was the last Link heard, before the walk to the Wing, the bright flood of light once the door opened, and the door slamming in his face as he tried to (politely) request entry.

Staring at the door, he realized he would be unable to sleep now that he was wide awake and wondering when his charge would come out again.

He fidgeted.

He looked at the clock – just past midnight.

Then he decided to just throw it to the wind and allow himself a good while of relaxation in the kitchen, maybe with some wine. And peanuts. Central had ingrained in him a taste for salt and sharp sweetness in combination.

.

"Ah," Jeryy said, paling at the thought of Emmy drawing out a huge needle and proclaiming that a blood test was in order. "I hope Allen dear will be fine, soon." He looked at Link and sniffed. "You won't give him too much trouble, would you?"

Link looked back, unimpressed. "I simply do my job and keep a record of his activities, without any 'troubling' him as you term it."

She chuckled, sipping at her tea again. "If you ask me, from what I heard, all of you had a hand in making this day a mess."

"Indeed," Fay agreed, looking wearily at Komui, who blinked with pure innocence back at her. "I couldn't agree with you more, Nurse."

"You'll get used to it, Secretary," she said. "It's how Komui works, never has he changed in the ten years I've known him."

Komui faked a look of hurt at her. "I'm not that bad!"

"Yes you are," Reever, Jeryy and Fay said at once, in varying tones of resignation (Reever), amusement (Jeryy) and indignation (Fay).

"Oh, fine then, be that way," Komui said in a haughty manner, arms crossed and held high against his chest. His voice softened as he turned to the Nurse again, a question in his eyes.

She smiled and nodded. "He will be right as rain – he had a hard day, that's all. Life never was an easy job – all the more so for The Destroyer of Time, I suppose."

She sipped her tea, sighing at the hot steam that warmed up her face.

.

.

Epilogue: The Tragicomedy of The Sacred War

"Perhaps one could say both sides are in it to win it. However, it is not so much winning it anymore, some of the times. It is ending it with as little loss to your side, with a world one can envision living in. It is ending it knowing that one will have to get over the trauma of having nothing to fight for and everything mundane to live for again. It is to become boring again. Humans always were and will be quite the predictable race." – Bookman.

.

When Allen woke up it was to a crisp "Good morning" by Link and several degrees of disorientation.

There were the whimpers of pain from people being treated for minor injuries, the smell of disinfectant, a whole lot of white, a heaviness to his limbs that came of a good night's rest – and Link sipping tea.

"Earl gray," Link said when he noticed Allen's unfocused glance his way. "With lemon."

For some reason that seemed awfully appetizing at the moment. Then again, to his empty stomach, anything would have seemed appetizing.

Link considered him and poured another cup. "Lemon or milk?"

"Milk."

Link raised an eyebrow. "Such a child."

Everything was still hazy and unclear to him, so Allen couldn't muster a more appropriate insult than "shut up" and he closed his eyes, curling onto his side. He opened them again when the rhythmic stirring stopped, feeling sleepy and looking the part with rumpled hair and hazy eyes.

"Why're we here?"

Link paused in placing the cup on the table, studying him.

If Allen tried hard enough, he probably could have recalled the incidents of the past day. But he was lazy and sluggish and feeling unusually well-rested. Also the smell of tea was luring him further away from the act of thinking.

Link settled down in his chair and picked up his own cup of tea. He thought of how to begin.

He settled for "Finish your tea, and we'll begin on the day's paperwork."

He let Allen's sleepy whines and the bustle he could feel just beyond the Medical Wing doors wash over him and contemplated how wonderful it would be if he could have just a peanut or two along with his cup of tea.