*clearly I don't own Phantasy Star, that would be very silly of you all now
wouldn't it? Nor do I infact own the game. I go lurk at a friend's place
to play such jolliness. There's not a lot here that I'm owning. Oh well*
The Dysfunctionals by 'Kills and Boom'
Once upon a time, there was a ship called Pioneer 2. It came after Pioneer 1, and probably before Pioneer 3, which was scrapped due to budget problems and the whole 'end of the world' issue that meant everyone had to leave Homeworld in a hurry. Bummer.
On this ship, there were seven 'heroes'. Well, actually there were LOADS of people, and the 'heroes' are not so much heroes as people with rather a lot of guns and stabby weapons. They also butcher local wildlife for fun and profit. They're great once you get to know them.
Our heroes - see previous comment regarding semantics - are led by the fearless, noble Hiotomi. She wears glasses because they're cool. She can also take the other six without breaking a sweat, which begs the question why she even hangs around with them. The losers.
Second in command, mostly by default and because he is a vicious bastard sniper, is Asmodeus. He thinks he looks the business with his ninja mask and his 'scruffy' hair. Yeah, if that style isn't carefully molded every morning using COPIOUS amounts of gel, then my name is Ted Sandyman. The hobbit.
Third up is the vending machine with legs. He has a name. We think. We're moderately to fairly sure that he is actually a robot, designation 'Tabathon'. Yeah, it's a bit of an odd name. And by 'odd' we mean STOOPID! He hangs around with them because he has a device on his ankle which means he has a maximum radius concerning Asmodeus's current location. All will become clear.
The rest, in no particular order, mostly because I am a lazy bastard, but also because remembering the exact levels of the characters requires brainpower and given a choice between anally exact detail and alcohol, the alcohol won. Mmmm, pub.
Their names were Samael - who in the opinion of MANY on Pioneer 2, probably Pioneer 1 too, but since they were dead, it was contestable - who fought with glow sticks and Asmodeus once commented that he was pretty when he fought. Sam declined to comment on this. Then there was Travesty, one of the most aptly named of all of them. We believe his parents were precogs. He was the most openly gay of the lot of them, but had such a palid complexion coupled with BRIGHT red hair, that most gave him a wide berth, resulting in a kind of desperation that made Travesty scream random things like 'LET'S HAVE BUMSEX!' and everyone else just plain screaming. Mostly in terror, but Tragedy, the little deathmaid goth robot chick was screaming in excitement for no discernable reason other than she'd seen someone's shadow and he looked bishie. Her catchphrase - in fact, her only phrase (a flaw in her language chip perhaps) - is 'Eeeeeeeeeeeeeee!'. She dies a lot. This MAY be to do with monsters. Sometimes it's even in battle, but that's another story I can't be bothered to tell.
Last and least is Guideon Ankh. Asmodeus relegated him to the lowest level of their squad, even though Tragedy was a lower level, because he thought his accent was 'stupid'. And I quote. No-one contested Asmodeus's controversial move, mostly because of some photos and a spork held at sensitive locations of the human anatomy. Tabathon didn't get a say, he was a vending machine. The sticker on his head said so.
And now that you have the dubious pleasure of knowing the names of these 'heroes', we may begin.
We may not, but it sounds like something we should do.
Cue the title song.
iRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!! RAH RAH RAAAAAAAAAAAAH!! RAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!! RAH-RAH!! RA-RA-RA-RA-RA-
RAAAAH! RAH.
RAH?
RAH RAH!!
fish/i
-It is the end of another long and unproductive day of killing and looting boxes, our weary seven have returned to Pioneer 2 in quest of shops in which to sell their illegally gotten gains and to pore over stuff they may or may not want to buy. This done, they are now resting in their shared barracks - which they accepted with relatively few complaints considering the majority of them where male and Sam and Asmo agreed that seeing Hio walking around in little clothing was generally a good thing -
TRAGEDY: Eeeeeee!!11!!one, omg! Look what I found!!1! *waves around a picture of Vincent Valentine, skipping with deathmaid glee* IT'S TEH GOTH BOI KING!!1 OMFG!!1!!
SAM: What the fuck did she just say?
HIO: It still creeps me how she talks in internet speak.
Asmo: *playing handheld device that was blatantly a gameboy, copyright be damned* Huh?
Hio: I said . oh never mind.
Travesty: Good idea, sweetie, Asmo can't hear anything when he plays with his little boy.
Sam: . not even touching that with a Dim Partisan.
Travesty: You strike me as the kind of guy to have a stupid weapon.
Tragedy: EEEEEEE!!!1 OMGOMGOMGOMG!!11
Guideon: *watching her scampering* I cahnott condohne thees behavyour.
Tabathon: As a Mighty Robot, I want to know what the hell you flesh-bags have done with my buffer! I have SMEARS!
Travesty: . Wait, that was a BUFFER?!
Sam: Well, I think I'll go somewhere and gauge out my eyes with a spoon.
Asmodeus: YES, LEVEL UP!! YOU SUCK MY COCK, GYM LEADER BIZATCH!!
Hio: Does anyone know what he's playing?
Sam: The fool?
All but Asmo: ZING!
Asmo: *looks up suspiciously, his eyes narrowing (whether he has any more feature expression going on is academic, no-one can ever see it)* What are you all staring at? Nothing to see here!
Hio: Well, I'm about done here I think. *straightens her clothes after Tragedy's obsessive compulsive hugging of her waist*
Travesty: Where are you going?
Sam: does it matter, she wouldn't be with you anyway. It's bad enough we have to work together and sleep together. No socialising together.
Travesty: . we're sleeping together?! I DIDN'T GET THAT MEMO!!
Asmo: I ate it. *saves his game and secrets his gameboy in one of the many pockets hidden about his 'look I'm a badass' coat*
Hio: About that Asmo, I don't think you should go around eating all the memos. It's starting to become a problem.
Asmo: . but if I don't dispose of them in a crazy way, the other units will find them and know our missions! And that will lead to all sorts of crazy shootings and assassination attempts and --
Hio: I rest my case.
Sam: Oh fuck you guys, I'm off to find a drink.
Travesty: NO, FUCK ME, FUCK MEEEEE!! *lunges after Sam*
Sam: *escapes out the door*
Travesty: *does a shakespearean pose* Oh the woe, none of you appreciate my angst.
Tragedy: EEEEEEE!! MY LITTLE PONY MAG!! OMFG!!11 i DON'T HAVE TEH SPARKLIE ONEZ!!11
Travesty: Oooh, My Little Pony, do let me see! *swipes the magazine off her and sits on his bunk, reading avidly*
Tabathon: As a Mighty Robot, I detest Hasbro and all their wares. But I am not going to burn the magazine because that will waste valuable drinking time! Farewell! *runs noisily out of the door*
Hio: . Regardless, to further the cause of me getting the hell out of here, I'm going to where all good Rangers hope one day to go. The pub.
Asmo: I'm a bad Ranger, can I come too?
Travesty: He said 'come' *snicker*
Hio: Put down the chocolate bar and get with the programme. And Asmo, sure. The more drinks I don't have to buy me, the better things are generally.
Asmo: A Hio with free drinks is a happy Hio.
Hio: Damn straight she is.
Travesty: Who's straight?? Oh gawd!
Asmo: Well, straight lady, let us go to the pub. Got your Meseta?
Hio: Yeah. Got to wipe the blood of them, but it's all good. Now let's go. I want to be several drinks past sober before Brooding O' clock.
Asmo: That sounds like a plan I can execute with ease.
Travesty: He said . oh wait, that's not sexy. Hmm . he said 'ease' *snicker*
Asmo and Hio: *exit hurriedly, putting as much distance between they and the barracks - thusly Travesty - as they can*
Asmo: I found a monogrinder today.
Hio: Who did you steal it off this time?
Asmo: No-one we know or have to sleep with.
Hio: Fair enough. What did you use it on? The Varista?
Asmo: Well, I didn't have enough room to carry it, but Travesty said he had somewhere he could put it. I was occupied with shooting a monkey in the face, but in hindsight I think I made a mistake. It certainly wasn't in his backpack.
Hio: We can only hope he added it to a weapon.
Asmo: He owes me a digrinder now.
Hio: But--
Asmo: It's a digrinder or his face.
Hio: *Makes mental note to tell Travesty Asmo said he could keep it, no charge* Fair point.
Asmo: We try pub drink now.
Hio: If that guttural and barely intelligent, must less coherent string of words was you saying 'Oh look, pub', I don't see it.
Asmo: We do this every night! Do they move it or something? *looks around*
Hio: *looks around*
Asmo and Hio: *look at each other*
Asmo: They moved it.
The Dysfunctionals by 'Kills and Boom'
Once upon a time, there was a ship called Pioneer 2. It came after Pioneer 1, and probably before Pioneer 3, which was scrapped due to budget problems and the whole 'end of the world' issue that meant everyone had to leave Homeworld in a hurry. Bummer.
On this ship, there were seven 'heroes'. Well, actually there were LOADS of people, and the 'heroes' are not so much heroes as people with rather a lot of guns and stabby weapons. They also butcher local wildlife for fun and profit. They're great once you get to know them.
Our heroes - see previous comment regarding semantics - are led by the fearless, noble Hiotomi. She wears glasses because they're cool. She can also take the other six without breaking a sweat, which begs the question why she even hangs around with them. The losers.
Second in command, mostly by default and because he is a vicious bastard sniper, is Asmodeus. He thinks he looks the business with his ninja mask and his 'scruffy' hair. Yeah, if that style isn't carefully molded every morning using COPIOUS amounts of gel, then my name is Ted Sandyman. The hobbit.
Third up is the vending machine with legs. He has a name. We think. We're moderately to fairly sure that he is actually a robot, designation 'Tabathon'. Yeah, it's a bit of an odd name. And by 'odd' we mean STOOPID! He hangs around with them because he has a device on his ankle which means he has a maximum radius concerning Asmodeus's current location. All will become clear.
The rest, in no particular order, mostly because I am a lazy bastard, but also because remembering the exact levels of the characters requires brainpower and given a choice between anally exact detail and alcohol, the alcohol won. Mmmm, pub.
Their names were Samael - who in the opinion of MANY on Pioneer 2, probably Pioneer 1 too, but since they were dead, it was contestable - who fought with glow sticks and Asmodeus once commented that he was pretty when he fought. Sam declined to comment on this. Then there was Travesty, one of the most aptly named of all of them. We believe his parents were precogs. He was the most openly gay of the lot of them, but had such a palid complexion coupled with BRIGHT red hair, that most gave him a wide berth, resulting in a kind of desperation that made Travesty scream random things like 'LET'S HAVE BUMSEX!' and everyone else just plain screaming. Mostly in terror, but Tragedy, the little deathmaid goth robot chick was screaming in excitement for no discernable reason other than she'd seen someone's shadow and he looked bishie. Her catchphrase - in fact, her only phrase (a flaw in her language chip perhaps) - is 'Eeeeeeeeeeeeeee!'. She dies a lot. This MAY be to do with monsters. Sometimes it's even in battle, but that's another story I can't be bothered to tell.
Last and least is Guideon Ankh. Asmodeus relegated him to the lowest level of their squad, even though Tragedy was a lower level, because he thought his accent was 'stupid'. And I quote. No-one contested Asmodeus's controversial move, mostly because of some photos and a spork held at sensitive locations of the human anatomy. Tabathon didn't get a say, he was a vending machine. The sticker on his head said so.
And now that you have the dubious pleasure of knowing the names of these 'heroes', we may begin.
We may not, but it sounds like something we should do.
Cue the title song.
iRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!! RAH RAH RAAAAAAAAAAAAH!! RAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!! RAH-RAH!! RA-RA-RA-RA-RA-
RAAAAH! RAH.
RAH?
RAH RAH!!
fish/i
-It is the end of another long and unproductive day of killing and looting boxes, our weary seven have returned to Pioneer 2 in quest of shops in which to sell their illegally gotten gains and to pore over stuff they may or may not want to buy. This done, they are now resting in their shared barracks - which they accepted with relatively few complaints considering the majority of them where male and Sam and Asmo agreed that seeing Hio walking around in little clothing was generally a good thing -
TRAGEDY: Eeeeeee!!11!!one, omg! Look what I found!!1! *waves around a picture of Vincent Valentine, skipping with deathmaid glee* IT'S TEH GOTH BOI KING!!1 OMFG!!1!!
SAM: What the fuck did she just say?
HIO: It still creeps me how she talks in internet speak.
Asmo: *playing handheld device that was blatantly a gameboy, copyright be damned* Huh?
Hio: I said . oh never mind.
Travesty: Good idea, sweetie, Asmo can't hear anything when he plays with his little boy.
Sam: . not even touching that with a Dim Partisan.
Travesty: You strike me as the kind of guy to have a stupid weapon.
Tragedy: EEEEEEE!!!1 OMGOMGOMGOMG!!11
Guideon: *watching her scampering* I cahnott condohne thees behavyour.
Tabathon: As a Mighty Robot, I want to know what the hell you flesh-bags have done with my buffer! I have SMEARS!
Travesty: . Wait, that was a BUFFER?!
Sam: Well, I think I'll go somewhere and gauge out my eyes with a spoon.
Asmodeus: YES, LEVEL UP!! YOU SUCK MY COCK, GYM LEADER BIZATCH!!
Hio: Does anyone know what he's playing?
Sam: The fool?
All but Asmo: ZING!
Asmo: *looks up suspiciously, his eyes narrowing (whether he has any more feature expression going on is academic, no-one can ever see it)* What are you all staring at? Nothing to see here!
Hio: Well, I'm about done here I think. *straightens her clothes after Tragedy's obsessive compulsive hugging of her waist*
Travesty: Where are you going?
Sam: does it matter, she wouldn't be with you anyway. It's bad enough we have to work together and sleep together. No socialising together.
Travesty: . we're sleeping together?! I DIDN'T GET THAT MEMO!!
Asmo: I ate it. *saves his game and secrets his gameboy in one of the many pockets hidden about his 'look I'm a badass' coat*
Hio: About that Asmo, I don't think you should go around eating all the memos. It's starting to become a problem.
Asmo: . but if I don't dispose of them in a crazy way, the other units will find them and know our missions! And that will lead to all sorts of crazy shootings and assassination attempts and --
Hio: I rest my case.
Sam: Oh fuck you guys, I'm off to find a drink.
Travesty: NO, FUCK ME, FUCK MEEEEE!! *lunges after Sam*
Sam: *escapes out the door*
Travesty: *does a shakespearean pose* Oh the woe, none of you appreciate my angst.
Tragedy: EEEEEEE!! MY LITTLE PONY MAG!! OMFG!!11 i DON'T HAVE TEH SPARKLIE ONEZ!!11
Travesty: Oooh, My Little Pony, do let me see! *swipes the magazine off her and sits on his bunk, reading avidly*
Tabathon: As a Mighty Robot, I detest Hasbro and all their wares. But I am not going to burn the magazine because that will waste valuable drinking time! Farewell! *runs noisily out of the door*
Hio: . Regardless, to further the cause of me getting the hell out of here, I'm going to where all good Rangers hope one day to go. The pub.
Asmo: I'm a bad Ranger, can I come too?
Travesty: He said 'come' *snicker*
Hio: Put down the chocolate bar and get with the programme. And Asmo, sure. The more drinks I don't have to buy me, the better things are generally.
Asmo: A Hio with free drinks is a happy Hio.
Hio: Damn straight she is.
Travesty: Who's straight?? Oh gawd!
Asmo: Well, straight lady, let us go to the pub. Got your Meseta?
Hio: Yeah. Got to wipe the blood of them, but it's all good. Now let's go. I want to be several drinks past sober before Brooding O' clock.
Asmo: That sounds like a plan I can execute with ease.
Travesty: He said . oh wait, that's not sexy. Hmm . he said 'ease' *snicker*
Asmo and Hio: *exit hurriedly, putting as much distance between they and the barracks - thusly Travesty - as they can*
Asmo: I found a monogrinder today.
Hio: Who did you steal it off this time?
Asmo: No-one we know or have to sleep with.
Hio: Fair enough. What did you use it on? The Varista?
Asmo: Well, I didn't have enough room to carry it, but Travesty said he had somewhere he could put it. I was occupied with shooting a monkey in the face, but in hindsight I think I made a mistake. It certainly wasn't in his backpack.
Hio: We can only hope he added it to a weapon.
Asmo: He owes me a digrinder now.
Hio: But--
Asmo: It's a digrinder or his face.
Hio: *Makes mental note to tell Travesty Asmo said he could keep it, no charge* Fair point.
Asmo: We try pub drink now.
Hio: If that guttural and barely intelligent, must less coherent string of words was you saying 'Oh look, pub', I don't see it.
Asmo: We do this every night! Do they move it or something? *looks around*
Hio: *looks around*
Asmo and Hio: *look at each other*
Asmo: They moved it.