He was high, really high. He'd tried something new he'd found on their last scavenger hunt. This was the only way he could survive being here, living like this, feeling like this. There was nothing left in the world, just croats, chaos and pockets of humans trying to survive. Now he was just one of those humans, trying to survive.

There were times when he thought maybe they could get through this and Lucifer would actually be killed, but those times grew shorter and further apart as each day passed, their numbers slowly dwindled and their supplies ran low.

The idea that they wouldn't all die a gory death or be turned into a croat was hilarious. He was an idiot to hope, and in his high state, he started to giggle.

The giggle turned into full blown laughter. He was laughing so hard he was crying, and then he really was crying. The tears streamed down his face to be soaked up by the pillow he had buried his face into. The sobs made his body shake and he desperately wanted to be held.

He couldn't remember the last time he had been held; it had to be nearly three months now. Three months since he had felt that warm connection, their 'profound bond' as he had once called it. He didn't need his 'mojo' to feel the bond, he knew it would always be there, but it took two to tango and his partner had distanced himself more and more over recent months.

He continued to sob, knowing it didn't help anything, but what else could he do when whatever he'd taken couldn't take the edge off.

He missed the sound of the door creaking open (or maybe it was Dean's heart breaking for the millionth time) and only realised he wasn't alone as the bed dipped and strong arms drew him into a warm chest. He didn't need to open his eyes to know it was Dean, he knew every inch of Dean's body inside and out.

"Cas..." Dean whispered softly.

Castiel hadn't heard that soothing tone in his lover's voice for so long, he'd almost forgotten what it sounded like. It only made him clutch onto Dean, bury his face in Dean's shirt and sob harder.

"I miss you so fucking much, Dean. I-I can't do this anymore." Cas finally let out between sobs.

Dean let him cry and scream in his arms and finally Cas wore himself out, falling asleep with his head in Dean's lap and the hunter stroking his hair.

XXX

Somewhere, not that far away, Sam felt Dean's pain through Lucifer and it gave him the strength he needed to break through and become the dominant being in his own body.

Now, they had a chance to get out of this mess, maybe...

X~X~X~X~X~X~X~X~X~X~X~X~X~X~X~X~X~X~X~X~X~X~X~X~X~X~X~X~X~X~X~X~X~X~X~X~X~X~X~X~X~~X~~X

Hey guys, so this came to me this arvo and i wrote it in about an hour. ive been wanting to write a 2014!destiel fic for ages and i finally got around to it. im sorry its kinda depressing...and i have this whole headcanon that lucifer is making sam feel deans pain (emotional and physical) as a form of torture, but it eventually gives sam the strength to overthrow lucifer. thats a brief explanation, but i feel i needed to explain that bit at the end. i hope you liked it anyway, let me know..much love xox