Okay, okay, I know...these Yellowcard songfics are getting a wee bit outta control. But I only have one more after this one already made up (a different one with a car crash in it, lol, but I'll post it sometime tomorrow or the next day). Anyway, try to ignore the fact that my social life expands about as far as Yellowcard and Scrubs and swim team jokes in the locker room (What's special about an emo-cake? ...okay, okay, bad joke...)
Disclaimer: I own the plot, because no one else is stupid enough to come up with it, but I don't own anything else :(.
My Future
"C'mon, JD, quit being such a wuss," she chided me. I could tell she was being dead serious though. In the dimly lit room I could still see the glint of mischief in her eyes. This is what she'd been waiting for.
"It isn't safe," I protested, shaking my head. "Besides, it's one in the morning…I'm tired," I said, yawning. Actually, I was wide awake, being nocturnal and sleeping through most of my classes, but that didn't stop me from lying to get out of the newest of her stupid ideas.
She dangled the keys. "There's a new club open a few miles away…" she bribed me.
I scoffed. "I don't party, Sam," I reminded her. "Remember what happened last time?"
My twin put her hands on her hips, giving me an exasperated look. "That was the fifth grade, JD. We've moved twice since then! No one knows about your little apple bobbing incident."
I shuddered. "Don't say it."
"So you'll come?"
"No! We don't even turn sixteen for six months. We don't have licenses, bonehead. Driver's ed doesn't count for that much."
"We have permits," she whined.
"I'm not going." I flopped back on my bed. "Now leave my room so I can sleep, will you?"
"Dan does it all the time," she finally snapped at me. "He wouldn't chicken out on me."
That's it. Right there. She took my sore spot and stabbed it with a knife. Something snapped inside my head, and I had the sudden urge to get up and drag her to the car, just to prove to her that I wasn't a chicken. But I didn't. I buried myself under the covers, still dressed in my jeans and t-shirt, and said, "I'm sure he wouldn't. Go alone, if you're so set on leaving at such an absurd hour."
She made a haughty sniffing noise. "Fine, then," she responded in a high-pitched, snobby voice. "I will go alone. You'll see. You'll regret this."
My door closed and I heard her silently creep past our parents bedroom and down the stairs.
You'll regret this. You'll regret this. You'll regret this.
"Aw, crap," I cursed, throwing the covers off and chasing after her. She was born first! Wasn't she supposed to be the responsible one? I figured I'd better go or she'd do something stupid.
She'd already started our parent's clunky van by the time I got down there. "Thought so," she said condescendingly, a big grin on her face. "Get in, then."
I sighed and took the passenger's seat, my heart beating loudly in my head. God damn my conscience. This was going to be one long night.
Accidents out on the highway to somewhere
They tell us about when we were young
Rescuers working to clean up the crashes
Before she can see what they've done
"Sam, be careful!" I nearly screamed. "Stay to the right!"
"I know, idiot. We're almost there. Chill, would you? You act like I'm going to get us killed. I got a B+ in driver's ed, remember?"
"Big whoop," I said sarcastically, resting my elbows on the dashboard and burying my head in my hands. I took a deep breath. She was right. I just needed to take a chill pill.
"Which exit?" I asked.
She shrugged. "Dunno. I'm just gonna play it by ear, 'kay?"
I just shake my head, not even bothering to say anything.
"Man, I'm excited. Isn't this exhilarating?" she squealed, rolling down the windows. "I wonder what's on the radio…" she said aloud, fiddling with the dials.
"Please pay attention to the road," I begged.
"Can it, would you? You're ruining everything," she yapped angrily.
I felt absolutely miserable, a feeling of dread in the pit of my stomach. The radio blared some band I'd never heard of. All I could think about was how appealing my nice, warm bed would be right now.
Dear God, was I really that lame? I frowned to myself. Sam was just trying to help. She was going to make me more socially acceptable if I paid attention well enough. One of these days I wouldn't just be the football star's younger brother or the school hottie's outcast twin. I'd be JD…the, um, really awesome nerd.
I sighed again. Yeah, right. Like crashing some stupid club was going to make me popular.
Nobody told her she'd lose in the first round
The last fight was fixed from the start
Name's on her side walks they move through her body
Like razors they cut through her heart
Like razors they cut through her heart
We drove the next few miles in silence, the radio filling the awkwardness of the dark. The highway was empty. I had never felt so alone sitting next to my own twin.
I looked over at her, driving the car, hands gripping the wheel. She looked like a half-crazed stranger. What happened to my sister? Now all she wanted to do was party at clubs and drink and do drugs. She scared me. She was becoming just like Dan a little bit more each and every day.
I had to admit…I was scared.
"Thought you said this place was only a couple of miles," I mumbled, half-asleep by now.
"Oh," she said, her voice twisted-sounding. "Did I?"
"Are you okay?" I asked.
"Yeah." Her voice cracked. "Look, JD, you should have stayed home."
"But…but I'm not a chicken. I can handle it. I don't want you to go out in the middle of nowhere by yourself. It's dangerous."
"Compared to…" She shook her head. "That's not the reason, JD. I know you're not afraid. But I am." She turned to me, completely disregarding the road. My heart leapt in sudden fear.
"Sam—the wheel, get the wheel—"
She shook her head again, a haunting, deep laughter possessing her for a moment. Then she silenced herself. "I'm sorry," she whispered, her brown eyes teary and soulful, swimming in my own. Matching eyes. Matching eyes, matching hands, matching hearts. We'd grown up together.
I had no idea who she was now.
So it came as a shock like no other to me as she grabbed the wheel and wrenched it violently to the right, slamming us head on into the concrete wall of the freeway.
Hey let go of all you know
Let your fire away now
What have you got to lose
And say out loud these words I've found
I'll be there when you come down
I'll be waiting for you
I felt indescribable pain as soon as we made impact. "Sam!" I screamed. The walls of the car crunched around us, locking us in. The car was spinning around on its sides and back, eventually landing right side up. Every bounce was like a million needles piercing my skin.
For a moment, I knew what death was. Surely it had been in the car with us that night, leading Sam in.
"Sam!" I called again as soon as the spinning stopped.
Sticky blood rolled over my eyes. I couldn't see, but I knew she wasn't moving. My head pounded and every bone in my body was set aflame.
"Sam!" I shrieked in horror.
No response. That moment, strapped in by the seatbelt and watching my own blood grow in a pool, I knew I had lost her. My other half, my best friend, my twin…she was dead. And from the looks of it, I wasn't far from it.
My eyes widened in fear when I realized I couldn't move. Pain skyrocketed through me when I attempted. Not that I had any means of getting out of here—it wasn't as if we had a phone in the car. My heart pounded in my head, a terrible, impending sound.
How could she do this? Kill herself in the middle of a god damn highway? Try to kill me?
I shouldn't have gone. My parents would find out, I thought vaguely. They'd probably blame me. What the hell were you thinking, going out at one in the morning? they'd ask angrily. How could you let this happen?
Yes. I'd be the one they blamed.
That is, if I survived. The highway was virtually devoid of life. Every minute stretched to an hour as I lay there in agony, counting the seconds, completely paralyzed.
Night life the high life she just wants a good life
So someone remembers her too
But somewhere she heard there was some place to go
when you die when you live like we do
Die when you live like we do
Sam, of all people, committing suicide. I swallowed hard, tears pouring into my eyes. It didn't seem possible, but what else could you call it? She sure wasn't possessed to do it. She knew exactly what she was doing.
I wanted to die. I wanted out of my body that instant. Dying in this car would be better than what I'd have to face afterwards—doctors, parents, schoolmates who would gossip, teachers who would frown. What kind of fifteen-year-old drove a car off the road in the middle of the night? Sounds like something that a freak like JD would do, not a popular cheerleader with a perfect smile.
But as I thought about how much I wanted to die right then, I also knew that I was selfishly glad to have made it this far. I was alive, wasn't I? She'd obviously intended for me to be dead. She didn't want anyone left to tell the story of how she drove the car off the road to kill herself.
I heard a car stop nearby. By that time I'd shut my eyes, so I hadn't seen the headlights coming.
"Oh my God, Ted, look at that wreck," a woman gasped. "That's unbelievable. Oh my…"
"Call 911," the man replied. "Let me check it out, it could be dangerous."
Someone approached our metal heap.
"Is anyone in there?" he called out, still a safe distance from the car.
I opened my mouth to speak, but coughed up blood instead.
"Are you okay?" the man asked when he was alerted to my presence.
Just peachy, I thought sarcastically. Funny how I could still make jokes in the face of death. Well, not funny. Except to me because I was…peachy. "N-no," I managed to force out. "I'm stuck."
"Just hold on. My wife is calling 911. You'll be just fine, okay?"
I didn't believe him.
"Can you keep talking to me?" he asked. "Is there someone in the car with you?" he added before getting a response.
"My sister." I took a shuddering breath, attempting to get oxygen, but ended up coughing again. "She's dead," I moaned.
I noticed that he struggled to respond at first. "Stay calm," he finally bid me in a shaking voice. "What's your name?" he asked after a moment, trying to distract me.
I was grateful. "JD. You?" I wheezed.
"Tom. Nice to meet you, JD."
I would have laughed just then if I hadn't been in so much pain. "Nice…nice weather we've been having…" I commented.
"Yeah. Pretty warm for the beginning of spring. All the blossoms are just beautiful," the woman cut into the conversation. "Hi, I'm Caroline. The paramedics said they'll be here in a jiffy."
Hey let go of all you know
Let your fire away now
What have you got to lose
And say out loud these words I've found
I'll be there when you come down
I'll be waiting for you
Trapped in the car…
The girl—her body's wedged—
Careful, we don't know the full extent of the injuries…
Time of death, 2:03 am.
…in critical condition…
Get rid of the med students, we can't have them in here right now.
Broken ribs, I can already tell…suffering head injury, brain damage not likely, though…that leg looks pretty bent up, check on that, would you? Who's got the kid's charts?
Mrs. Dorian…I'm so sorry. She didn't suffer.
When I woke up I was alone in a white room. White sheets, white walls, white tiles on the floor. The moment I opened my eyes it was like one big blinding eyesore.
Then everything came rushing back. The reason why my head was pounding mercilessly and I was on my back with my body in the most awkward position it's ever been forced to lay in.
"Sam," I whispered, my voice completely dry.
"Mr. Dorian," a doctor greeted me, smacking her bright pink gum into a humungous bubble. She looked at me, frowned, and checked her charts. "Hmm…oh! That's right. You were the kid in the car accident."
"It wasn't an accident," I said under my breath.
"Huh?"
"Yes, I was in the kid in the accident. My sister…she's…"
"Sister?" asked the woman, flipping her hair back. "I'm sorry, kid, I didn't see anyone else wheeled in. You're my patient, you're all I've gotta deal with. So how are you feeling?"
I gritted my teeth. "Where's my sister?" I demanded, even though I knew the truth. I'd known it for endless, countless hours now, but I needed to hear it from someone. Anyone. I needed to know the facts.
Behind the doctor a well-dressed man in his early twenties cleared his throat. "I'm so sorry. I saw her. She…she was dead. Died on impact."
A fist grabbed my heart and squeezed. I felt like I couldn't breathe. Compulsively I looked to my right, as if to make sure she wasn't there. My twin. The only one who laughed at my stupid jokes, the only one who understood me, the only one who made being the nerd I was at least partially okay.
Half of me was gone.
Hey let go of all you know
Let your fire away now
What have you got to lose
And say out loud these words I've found
I'll be there when you come down
I'll be waiting for you
"Who the hell do you think you are, a doctor?" the woman scolded the young man. "I cannot believe you. He's only a med student," she explained to me, as if I actually cared.
"And you're only an intern, Chrissy," he shot back snidely.
"Wait…so…she's…"
The doctor shook her head angrily at the med student, ignoring me completely and leaving the room. The med student remained, an awkward silence filling the air.
"Yeah. She's dead." He swallowed hard. "Wow…" he said, putting his hand to his forehead. "Didn't really expect this much drama in a hospital, you know? Figured I'd walk in, make someone better and leave."
"Sam's dead," I said dully. "She was my twin."
"That's awful. But look on the bright side. I mean…at least you're alive."
My fists clenched. "She—she tried to kill me," I choked, trying desperately not to cry in front of the stranger. "She fully intended to veer the car off the road and kill us both. But she killed half of us. She left me here." I looked away from him, down at the eerily white floors. "She was going to be somebody. It should have been me."
"Kid, I'm no shrink, but…everyone can do something. That's why I'm becoming a doctor." He grinned. "Dr. Cox. How does that sound to you?"
I offered him a grin back, mostly just to get him to leave. "Sounds pretty good."
He nodded in appreciation before exiting the room. My brain had been muddled and senseless at the time, but his words stuck with me. That med student was probably the reason I ever became a doctor. I knew I could do something…for people like Sam. For people like me.
Hey let go of all you know
Let your fire away now
What have you got to lose
And say out loud these words I've found
I'll be there when you come down
I'll be waiting for you
Newbie passes me in the hallway, asking for help with some new medical crisis. God damn all interns. May Zeus strike them all with lightning and incinerate them. Why does this kid bug me so much? It's not even that he's constantly coming to me, of all people, for advice—there's just something freaky about him. It's been three months since he's gotten here and I keep feeling like I've forgotten something.
"Dr. Cox," he says hesitantly, nearly flinching as he approaches, "I was, er, wondering about a patient—"
"Spill it before you wet yourself, Charlotte," I yawn.
"Teenage girl in a car accident, was driving under the influence at the time, she's stable now but I need to know which…"
And then I tune him out. Because I realize it took me three whole months to realize exactly what had bothered me for so long.
"Newbie," I cut him off, "have you ever been in a car accident?"
The flinch comes. If I hadn't expected it, I would assume it was another nervous-intern twitch. But I knew.
"No," he says, his voice sounding awkward. "I haven't. But what about the patient…"
I let it drop. But I have to wonder. It's been more than a decade since I last saw that kid. That day in the hospital—had I really affected his life that much? Had I really convinced him to become a doctor?
Would he ever make the connection?
"Give her some aspirin for now, I think that's the best we can do," I finally say.
He nods. "Thanks."
For once—and probably the last time, since I hate all these touchy-feely moments—I say, "You're welcome," and walk away.
Accidents out on the highway to somewhere…
Fini.