Where I Belong
I lay on the strongest branch in my favorite tree. As I rest my ears pick up the sound of Kagome and that silly fox demon playing around below. My lips betray me and form a smile at the sound of Kagome's laughter. My life has changed for the better after being awakened from fifty years of slumber. I suppose I have that girl to thank. She freed my heart and warmed it like no other has. I feel like I've found the acceptance that I never had as a child. I've been pondering my life and relived so many painful memories.
All of my life I've been hated. People want to know why I wanted to be a full demon. How hard is it to figure out? As a hanyou I am half human and half demon. In my current state I am not accepted by demons or humans. Always chastised. Always left out. Constantly shunned. I learned from an early age that I would never be accepted for what I am.
Mother lived in a village with other humans. She surely must have known the pain I would go through, swimming through a violent sea of hatred and ignorance. She must have foreseen it. Either she had nowhere else to go or she wanted me to know early on that my path would be difficult. My father did not help either. Surely he would have been wise enough to know that demons and humans do not mix. If a demon and a human come together sorrow is the only thing left afterwards.
After mother died I was lost. I grew cold and my hatred for people grew almost as strong as my brother's. I could trust no one. What would be the point of putting your trust into someone who doesn't trust you? I would wander constantly, my only off and on companion being a know it all flea demon.
Through my travels I saw a young woman with long black hair. She wore a rather plain kimono with a white top and a red bottom. When I saw her eyes they were like mirrors reflecting the deep sadness that lay buried in my soul. She didn't know, or at least I didn't think she did, but I would watch her. Somehow her mere being fascinated me. She would come to the same spot everyday and I would watch her as she sat staring into nothing with sad eyes. After a few days of watching she seemed to know I was there and beckoned me to come join her. Her name was Kikyou.
That woman. There was just something about her that made me want to trust her. It even seemed that we were falling in love. It was later that I discovered her to be the guardian of the Shikon no Tama. I heard of the jewel and longed to use it to become a full demon, but after being with Kikyou I changed my mind. I wanted to be with Kikyou forever. I wanted to grow old with her. I wanted to use the jewel to make me entirely human. I needed to be with her. To have her love and acceptance and the only way that could happen is if my demon blood disappeared.
Then it happened. That faithful day when Naraku toyed with fate and destroyed our lives. My hopes. My dreams. They were lost to what I thought was betrayal. Kikyou shot me with an enchanted arrow and I was forced to sleep for fifty years. I even remember my thoughts before loosing consciousness. My thoughts were of this bitter truth: I was never meant to live a life of happiness.
When I was brought back from my slumber my heart was again in pain. The coldness and hatred returned. My trust of man was gone once again and yet again it would be the kindness of a woman that would heal my soul. As I look back on my time with Kagome I realize that she had accepted me from the very beginning. She treated me no differently than anyone else and I suppose that is what made me love her in the first place. In her eyes I was not a hanyou. I was not half human or half demon. I was just Inuyasha. I still think back to when Kagome asked why I wanted to become a full demon. It was on this day that I realized the being myself wasn't so bad.
**Flashback**
"Inuyasha," Kagome asked as she wrung her hands. She seemed so nervous.
"Yeah?"
"Why do you want to be a full demon? Why do you want to rid yourself of your human side?"
"Why does it matter to you?"
"Well if I'm helping you find shards, I think I should know your intentions."
"I'm not gonna go on some murderous killing spree if that's what you think."
She bit her lip. I regretted saying that, but I just can't stop acting that way towards her no matter how much I like her.
"I didn't think you would hurt anyone. I just wanted to know why that's all."
I stood there contemplating. Why do I always end up hurting her? I've always had such a hard time confiding in anyone. I didn't want to get too close to her. I didn't want to get hurt or to be betrayed. Not again. I heard Kagome's footsteps and I turned to see that her back was to me. Had she given up? I started to follow her because I still needed to protect her and the shards. We walked in silence. That wasn't normal. Usually Kagome would chatter about something, but now she was eerily quiet. I guess it wouldn't hurt to tell her. I put my hand on her shoulder and stopped. Then I gently turned her around. Those eyes. I always hated to see women cry ever since I was young and had to watch my mother cry. Kagome's eyes glistened with tears. Her cheeks had trails of tears that went all the way down to her chin. It hurt to see her like that.
"Kagome…you wanted to know why I want to be a full demon?"
She nodded and looked searchingly into my eyes waiting for my answer. I led her to the shade of a nearby tree and we sat down.
"I've been an outcast all of my life. No one cared for me, except for my mother and Kikyou. All others wanted me dead either out of fear or disgust. I want to be a full demon so that I can fit in somewhere instead of always being alone."
She looked at me not with pity, which was what I was expecting, but instead I saw understanding.
"You mean you're doing this to fit in?"
"I guess so."
"Don't you love what you mother gave you?"
"What do you mean?"
"Every new moon everyone gets to see what your mother left you. When you become a human you look a lot like your mother. I kind of see that as your mother's memory. If you become a full demon that will be gone."
"How do you know what my mother looked like?"
"Don't you remember when we found your father's sword?"
"Oh yeah……It's not like I don't love my mother. Her death tore me apart."
"I'm not trying to dissuade you from becoming a full demon Inuyasha, but I guess what I'm trying to say is that I like you the way you are and I think you should too no matter what anyone thinks. To hell with what your brother says. He's a hypocrite anyway."
It took a little while for me to take it all in and she continued talking as I tried to digest what she was saying.
"You have a village full of people that are grateful for what you've done to save them. You've got a group of friends that care only for you and your well being. It has nothing to do with being part human or demon. All that matters is that you are Inuyasha, our friend. You'll fit in with us no matter what you are. There will always be someone who cares for you."
As I listened I somehow knew what she was saying was true. They have accepted me for all that I am. They cared for me and though it was still hard for me to admit, I cared for them too.
"You really feel that way Kagome?"
"Of course, why wouldn't I? I don't think I've done anything to make you feel like an outsider have I?"
"No."
"The truth is, I care for you a whole lot."
I looked at her wide-eyed. Did she just say what I think she said? She leaned toward me and I couldn't stop the warmth from building up in my cheeks. Why was I acting like such a child? Before I knew it she had given me a soft kiss on the lips and then pulled back and made herself comfortable leaning on my shoulder.
**End of Flashback**
I'm still watching her now as she swings Shippou in the air. Sango and Miroku have decided to make an appearance as well. Sango brought a bundle with her and I could see as she put it down that is was food. She was preparing something Kagome called a picnic. I continued to observe the scene when Kagome came up to the base of the tree.
"Come on Inuyasha it's time to eat," she said smiling.
I jumped down from my perch and landed perfectly balanced on my feet. Kagome smiled her beautiful warm smile for me and grabbed my hand, pulling me toward the others. Suddenly I felt it. This is where I belong. I belong with them, with Kagome. My heart was once again warmed by love, something that had eluded me from time to time. There is no place that I would rather be than with Kagome and with my friends. Finally, I have found acceptance.