When I Wake Up
When I wake up I will see the place where you lay hours ago. The pillow will smell of you but there will be no other physical trace that your presence ever graced this once happy room.
I will remember how you made me feel, and how you do every time you come to visit me.
Then I will cry. The tears will slide down my face from the corners of my eyes and I shall shut them tightly, desperate to stem the tears. Despite this I will not blink them away but let them follow the course they have marked so many times before.
I will think of how you won't even look at me in the day, and how you will return in the evening and whisper sweet nothings in my ear like the lover I wish you would be.
I will remember how beautiful you are and how you know it and use it to make me yours and taint me for any other who could touch my heart.
I will add another carefully corked bottle to the cellar in my chest and leave the pain to age for many years until it can be opened and drank. But that is for another day, far in the future.
I will lie perfectly still and tell myself that really I don't care. That I feel as coldly about you as you feel about me.
When I wake up I will do everything I have just done and repeat it day after day.
Now is the time that I force open my eyes, check the lock on the cellar door, and get on with my life.
But this time when I open my eyes it is to see you looking back at me with an emotion that is always lost in the darkness. You will kiss away my tears which continue to fall, and you will tell me that you love me, and only me, forever. It won't be the clumsy words of lust and passion but the bare truth that I have never once heard from your lips.
I won't believe you at first but then I will say that I love you and you will look at me like you never have before.
For the first time in so many months, when I wake up it will be the best day of my life and I won't have to dream about you any longer because you will be there…
When I wake up.