Words Fail Me
By Quarry
One day Kai stopped talking altogether. It wasn't slow or progressive, he just… stopped.
No one knew why, but after a little while they noticed. He never scolded, never scorned, harsh words faded into memory. And with them went the diamonds in the rock those rare and priceless moments of kindness that were always the most important things.
Despite the suddenness of it, because it was sudden, everyone took their time catching on. Kai was always secluded, the team had learnt that he liked his own space and never really seemed to say more the he really needed to. So at first they just thought he was a bit off. Understandable, they thought, everyone has mood swings.
But when they got to the break between matched, a lull in the constant tournaments, it was clear that Kai was different. It wasn't just the team he was quiet to, Bryan and Tala visited and received the same silence and they were just as confused, though better at hiding it. They wondered what he was thinking. Because he was thinking, there was no doubt about that. He would sit there, totally still, and his eyes would shift as in deep thought.
When he went out they spoke about it, wondering if they had missed something which someone else could shed light on. No on could.
Tyson found it unnatural. The silence was scarier than the harsh words and despite his own jeers and jibes he never wished any real harm on his captain. Max felt lost. Kai was always there, always strong, and then he was gone, words blown away as if in the cool summer breeze. Ray didn't know what to think. The longer you know someone, the more they open up. Most of the time it's subconscious but it does happen, it had been happening with Kai, he just didn't know what had gone wrong. Kenny reeled off words about the effect of constant stress on the mind, or Kai just going through a 'phase.' Everyone knew they were just empty words through, just something to fill the gap.
'Gap' doesn't cover it. It was more like a gaping chasm that was an ever growing rift through the team.
So everyone tried to keep going, to keep functioning as close to normal as they could get. That's what everyone always does. It never works. To ignore the stares that followed them and the silence that was denser the water, weighing them all down and cutting off their oxygen, bit by bit…
Weeks passed by. Everyday strange with Kai's presence warped and life becoming ever more strained because of it.
One day, later than the last, Ray also stopped. Instead of filling the silence, talking about everything and anything, he sat down in their shared room and just… sat.
The urge to speak burnt his lungs like they were deprived of air. His mind thought of a hundred and one things to say, all tumbling over each other inside his head like domino's without a pattern. His eyes didn't know where to go. Meet Kai's calculating stare? Watch the dust partials drift through the light? Or maybe go with the age honoured shoe laces?
Ray didn't have to choose to look at anything, Kai made the decision for him.
It was dark, the moon and stars lost behind a think cover of clouds and the night pressed in. Kai moved to close the curtains, blackness settle in the room. Ray could hear everything. Anything that rustled, moved, breathed. Then Kai's breathing go closer and Ray could feel it, warm and heavy.
Then from out of the shadows Kai kissed him. And all the thoughts in his head fell silent.
Nights passed and it was essentially the same. Sometimes there were lights, sky clear, a bedside lamp, the last ray of a sunset. They could sit for hours, or just mere minutes. But it always started with a kiss, and then the thoughts would flee, the questions die, the worries exploding into dust.
It took a long time for Ray to understand, but when he did everything changed again. Mostly it went back to normal, to the rest of the teams' relief, but Kai and Ray never forgot the silence.
But at last Ray understood.
It's like when people say sorry and the other person says that it's not good enough. What more are they supposed to say?
Kai had always known that words would never say what he needed to say. The closest he would ever be able to get would be 'I love you,' and that wasn't close enough.
Words failed him, so he said it without them.