When he left, she felt her world shatter in front of her eyes. The clear betrayal slapped her across the face. Even as she faced him, her mind could not process the sight in front of her with the screams and the tremors of her ground crumbling away. The shattering crashes and the deafening cracks as the ground continued to give way, the pieces of earth falling down the gaping black chasm underneath.
Just like her heart.
"A - Allen?" her voice shook just like how her legs are shaking. "W -– what?"
Across her, she could faintly hear Kanda spat out words angrily at him. What? No, Kanda. You two have to get along, aren't we all comrades?
Directly in front of her, with a good distance from the exorcists, she saw the Noahs. The little girl with spiky hair that wore a sadistic grin clung to his (Allen's,) arm, a taller man with wavy hair stood next to them, a cruel smirk painted on his face.
And then there was him (Allen,) standing calmly, expressionless. His (beautiful,) grey eyes replaced by molten gold, gazing stoically at them.
"This can't be true.." her own voice startled her, how can she speak clearly like this when the deafening sounds of her world crashing down is raging on?
"There's no way this is tru –- "
"Snap out of it Lenalee!" Kanda's angered voice snapped her out of her stupor. "This isn't a joke! He's gone, He betrayed us - !"
What? No, that can't be -– he promised that he won't -– he won't betray us - ! No!
"Lenalee!" A hand roughly clamped on her shoulder, shaking her. "Snap out of it!"
But I can't, if I do then I'll…
She gazed at his cruel gold eyes.
I'll break.
"I'm glad that you decided to come with us Allen," The girl sing-songed, swinging their intertwined hands playfully. "We finally have our last family member with us."
"The Earl will definitely be overjoyed," drawled the other man, casually lighting up a cigarette. "He's been waiting for you all this time, fourteenth."
The girl, Road, pouted up at the taller man. "Tyki, I thought you said you wanted to quit smoking?"
The man, Tyki, chuckled. "I guess I can't help it. Just this one smoke, Road. I promise I won't smoke again after this."
"You better not," Road playfully stuck out her tongue at him and she continued to drag the fourteenth (It's Allen,) along. "You're going to love our family Allen," She smiled up at him.
He feels that the smile she offered him felt wrong.
And when they stood in front a magnificent door, Road spoke : "Welcome home, Allen."
He feels that phrase should be spoken by another person.
"Ah, my dear fourteenth," The Earl spoke joyfully. "How nice of you to finally join us."
"We all have missed you terribly," The Earl continued, swinging Lero around. "Even though a lot of things happened between us in the past, let's all forget about it alright~?"
"Thank you, for accepting me back in the family." His voice spoke, out of place.
"Nonsense! You were already part of the family before~ I am glad that you chose our family over those lousy exorcists" The Earl spat out the word 'exorcist' as if poison.
A sudden urge to defend the exorcists rose up in him, but as soon as that feeling came, he immediately squashed it.
"But now! Now that everyone is here! Well, except the Wrath that is, but I'm sure he'll come around soon, We can finally start the grand plan!~" The other Noah family let out gleeful, sadistic grins on their faces. Suddenly the room feels thick with killing intent.
"The Black Order and the Vatican will finally crumble underneath our feet." The Earl laughed manically and the fourteenth bristled at the pure power of Dark Matter flowing out of The Millennium Earl.
He couldn't help feeling the sudden dread for the exorcists.
"A~llen," Road called out to him, tackling him from behind.
"What is it Road?"
"Come play with me~!"
He shook his head, prying her hands away from him. He always felt a creeping sense of discomfort whenever the Noahs touched him. "I can't. I have things to do."
"Aw, come on! Just for an hour~ Please~?"
He shook his head again, "Why don't you go play with Lero instead?"
"I can't! The Count took him away!" Road whined
"Tyki then?"
"He said he doesn't want to play with me."
"Well that has never stopped you before, why don't you try again?"
Road pouted sulkily at him and finally released him from her death grip. Really, none of her hugs were gentle at all. Not like hers, her hugs were always gentle and warm.
Wait, who's her? I don't remember any girl other than Road and Lulubell.
Road spoke again, bringing him out his confused thoughts. "Really, Allen. You're no fun at all."
"I know," he let out a sigh. "Well I'll be going." And he walked away from her.
Unbeknownst to him however, Road stared at his retreating back with a suspicious glance, her eyes turned a tad colder. After he turned to a corner and was finally out of her sight, she closed her eyes and walked back from where she came from.
Road Kamelot was suspicious.
He dreamed of a girl that night.
He saw her standing in front of him in that wide expanse of white. She had dark hair that fell just past her shoulders, with two pigtails on either side of her head and with the rest of her dark, dark hair hanging freely. He gazed at her beautiful, delicate face. With skin pale ivory, her small nose and her plump pink lips and the pretty arch of her eyebrows.
But he was enraptured by those pretty violet eyes. Adorned by thick, long lashes that served to make her eyes even more beautiful, he struggled to speak the word that is hanging on the tip of his tongue.
Have I met you before?
"Just a little more my dears," The Earl spoke that night, "Just a little more and then we'll finally put an end to this long war."
But he didn't even notice that the Earl had begun speaking. His mind continued to revolve endlessly about the girl that he saw in his dreams.
On the back of his mind, a presence stirred.
The fourteenth clutched his head fruitlessly, groaning in pain of this continued mental assault that his own brain had released on him. In the safety confines of his room, away from prying eyes, he sat on a lone chair. Bending over with his hand on his head tugging at the white locks in fruitless attempt to alleviate the pounding pain in his head.
What's going on?
You know her.
Startled, the fourteenth snapped up in his chair gazing the room with wild eyes. Who was that? He was pretty sure that he heard someone talk to hi –-
You know her don't you?
What? Is -– is this voice coming from his own head?
What are you talking about? Who are you?
If you have finally remembered her,
What? Who is this 'her'?
Then you stay away from her. The voice in his head hissed with venom, and the fourteenth couldn't help but reel back in pain when a sudden wave of throbbing pain assaulted his head.
Stay away from her, Noah.
He dreamt about her again.
This time instead of the endless white space it was replaced by inky darkness. This time instead of facing him, she stood with her back on him. It was on this night's dream that he noticed the telltale uniform of an exorcist.
It appalled him that he would dream about an exorcist when he is clearly a Noah.
Are you?
What?
What's her name?
Her… name?
What's her name?
I don't know! I've never met her before!
What's her name?
I just told you, I don't know!
What is her name?
Le –-
He woke up with cold sweat and panting breaths. His dream (nightmare?) confused him to no end. He clutched his head with his right arm, feeling dread rose up his throat, threatening to choke him.
He jerked suddenly when he felt something wrong.
His left arm, the arm that has been useless ever since he joined the Noahs again, the arm that always felt numb and weightless, suddenly throbbed with faint pulsing life.
How -– ?
"Hey Tyki," Road spoke slowly, fiddling with her ruined stuffed toy. "I think there's something wrong with Allen."
"Why do you say that?" the man drawled, leisurely sprawled over a couch while holding on a book.
"Whenever he thinks no one's watching, he always has this confused look in his face. And just the other day I saw him leaning on the wall with a pained look."
"Huh? Really?" his interest piqued, he set the book down before looking over her carefully. "He did that?"
"Uh-huh," she nodded before she flung her stuffed toy to the wall, creating a soft thud when the toy hit the wall. "He's starting to look out of it too."
"Oh yeah, I noticed that. He's been spacing out a lot more than before."
"We should cheer him up!" Road exclaimed suddenly, standing up. "Maybe that'll take his mind off things!"
"Yeah okay, whatever. You go do that."
"Aw, Tyki! It's no fun going by myself!"
"Yes it is, do whatever you want to do. Just don't drag me into this."
Road pouted before she pounced on the man and started to talk him into her plan.
He was going crazy.
He couldn't get his mind off of her. Every time he faced a mirror, there was her. Instead of his own reflection, he would see her. It's the same for every reflective object that he laid his eyes on. He would always see her instead of his image.
Nearly every day, he would see her forlorn face. Her dark hair will always frame her face perfectly and her (beautiful,) violet eyes will stare back at him with a solemn, sad gaze.
Those pretty, delicate, pink lips, hardly smiled at him.
And that frustrated him.
He yelled and threw the vase he had been staring at towards the wall. The vase hit the wall with a loud crash, shattering into little bits almost immediately.
Why won't you smile?
"Allen?" Road stood in the doorway of his room cautiously. "We heard something breaking, are you alright?"
"What's that? Is that a vase?" Tyki asked curiously, stepping inside.
By that time Road had crossed the room to where he was sitting down in the floor, head lowered with his back on the wall. "Allen?"
He continued to stare blankly at his hands, aware of the other two presences in his room but paying no heed to them. He felt hands on either side of his face, tilting his head upwards to lock gazes with another set of golden eyes.
"Are you okay?" Road inquired softly, never breaking eye contact. The fourteenth continued to gaze in her eyes blankly. Something felt wrong.
When the young man in front of her continued his silence, Road lifted her hands from his face and hugged him.
His reaction was immediate.
The fourteenth bristled visibly at the sudden contact. Road felt him tense under her wrapped arms around his neck. She hugged him tighter, hoping to make him relax. But in fact, it did quite the opposite.
The fourteenth struggled to get out of her strong grip, Tyki watched somehow alarmed at the rather violent reaction from him. He knew that Road's sudden hugs were bound to make her victims alarmed or give them a sense of awkward discomfort. But, all the time that Tyki had seen the boy being hugged by Road, he had never seen him react this way before.
Something was definitely up.
Road released Allen from her grip somewhat reluctantly, a little put-off that he didn't exactly appreciate her hug. "Allen? Please, tell us what's wrong." She lifted a hand to cup his cheek and he tensed again. He stared at her eyes; in his mind something is screaming at him how this doesn't feel right, he should get away from them.
But why? They're my family right? Why should I feel any discomfort by being around my brethren?
He screamed mentally, feeling at war with himself. What is wrong with him?
They're your family. But they're not mine.
What? Aren't we the same person?
No, The voice spat in his head with disgust. They are not my family. And you are not me.
Then who –- ?
"Allen?"
He snapped back into focus when Road called out to him, her face inching closer.
"Allen-kun? Is something wrong?" A different voice resounded in his head. It was a feminine voice, laced with gentleness and care.
"Allen? What is it? What's wrong?"
"Don't lie to me Allen-kun, I know you're not alright. Please tell me, what's wrong?"
An image suddenly flashed In his mind's eye. It was that girl! The girl from his dreams! She is looking at him with concern in her pretty violet eyes and his chest suddenly feels warm.
"Come on Allen-kun, I won't tell anyone. Just tell me what's bothering you." The girl spoke softly and offered him a gentle smile. The warmth continued to rise up in his chest
Ah –-
She smiled.
And then as quickly as that image came, it was gone. He blinked and saw Road in front of him instead of that pretty girl and he felt a sudden gaping emptiness clawing at his heart.
"Why –- ?" He began softly, looking into Road's gold eyes.
"Huh? What?"
"Why aren't your eyes…"
"Allen? What's wrong with my eyes -– "
"Why aren't your eyes violet?"
Road couldn't help staring at him with widened eyes as shock courses through her veins.
And then, silence reigned on the room.
Huh… who's… Allen?
The fourteenth tossed and turned on his bed. He is sleeping but he is having a restless sleep. But he dreamed again. However that girl did not show up in his dream.
The fourteenth felt something akin to disappointment well up in his chest.
You're starting to remember.
It's that voice again!
I don't like it.
Wha -– what?
I don't like it when you remember more of her.
Why not?
Because she's not yours.
Not mine…?
She will never be yours. I won't let it happen. Never.
Why?
Because you're a Noah.
What does that -– ?
You don't even know her name.
The fourteenth stopped, glancing down, feeling unsure.
But, I'll definitely remember in the end.
No you won't.
Yes, I will.
No. You will NEVER remember her anymore!
You can't stop me! I will find out!
Do you even know her name?
I'll find out! I'll remember her name!
It's Lena –-
STOP!
He woke up screaming. And when the sight of his room came into focus, he stops.
He clutched his chest, feeling the fast pounding of his heart. That voice -– the voice in his head had yelled with such ferocity that his ears were ringing. But how could that be? After all it was just a dream, there's no way that voice could have manifested to the point that his ears physically heard him.
He looked out the window and he saw her again.
Breakfast with the Noahs today seemed rather awkward and stiff. Even the twins were eating silently without causing any mischief. Which is very, very rare.
He knew something was up, the tension in the room proved of it.
"Ahem," The Earl started and he looked up automatically. "My dear fourteenth, I've heard from dear Road and Tyki-pon that you are experiencing with some… ah, troubles."
He nodded for him to continue, silently picking at his food. "Would you like to have some time off?"
His head snapped up to meet the Earl's, "What?"
"I've heard that you have been rather stressed out lately, so I thought that you should take time off to relax." The Earl elaborated helpfully.
He blinked at the portly man, "But I'm not… stressed out."
"Ah well, but it'll be nice though. You should take the time off."
"Really?"
"Yes~ I'll arrange a vacation for you dear fourteenth~ after that you wouldn't feel stressed out anymore~!"
"Well… if you say so…"
So here he is, in Brazil.
The Earl mentioned something about how 'the cold weather of England must be getting to him~' and then proceeded to make him pack his bags to go far away to Brazil.
The fourteenth felt somewhat relieved though, at the thought of his family not being anywhere in close vicinity.
But he was feeling shame and guilt too, for thinking about his brethren like they're not.
He couldn't fathom why he always felt uncomfortable when around them, especially when they get a little too close for comfort. He had actively avoided Sheryl and the twins. He avoided the twins because they're annoying and he avoided Sheryl because he creeps him out with his 'brotherly love' exclamations. He disgusted him.
The villa he currently lives in is cozy and he is beginning to think that this vacation isn't a bad idea at all. Maybe this will straighten things out.
Or not.
"No…" The fourteenth breathed in disbelief. There she was standing ways in front of him, back turned on him.
Yes, the fourteenth met the girl in his dreams in person.
Except that, the girl herself didn't seem to notice him.
She is standing by a vendor, talking to her rather sour-looking companion.
A sudden urge to approach her and see her lovely face up close dwells.
And he went with it.
The fourteenth walked slowly from behind the girl, his footsteps silent.
Stop.
He had expected the voice to speak to him now, but he ignores it.
He walks closer to her, he's almost there.
Stop!
Be quiet.
I said stop! Don't you get any closer to her!
Who's going to stop me? You? I don't think so.
The fourteenth lifted a hand, intent on placing it down on the girl's shoulders.
I'm warning you, Stay away from her!
You have no power over me.
He was just two steps away –-
STOP IT! STAY AWAY FROM HER; GET THE HELL AWAY FROM LENALEE!
He jerked back his hand involuntarily and took a step backwards, frozen –
–- And the girl slips away from him, unknowing.
And he lets her go,
Because he couldn't control his own body.
"Lenalee…" the word felt foreign to his tongue but yet at the same time it feels awfully familiar.
"Her name is Lenalee…"
He stood up abruptly from the couch he had been sitting on and walked briskly to the mirror that hanged on the wall.
But this time the girl's –- Lenalee's -– face didn't show up.
It was his own reflection.
No, wait that's not him.
There's someone else – not him, but looks like him. Just how –- ?
You bastard.
The fourteenth realized with a jolt that the voice that always spoke in his mind was this reflection.
On the mirror there was his face, his body, his hair, his everything.
Except, the young man in the mirror had pale skin, a set of stormy-grey eyes and an odd scar on the left side of his face. And the rows of stigmata is missing.
You tried to go near her.
The man in the mirror had a furious scowl on his face, his eyes set in deep hatred.
I told you to stay away from her, Noah. I've warned and yet, you had the audacity to get so close to her.
What's wrong with it? The fourteenth snapped back, irritated at the mysterious man's possessiveness over the girl.
You. It's you that's wrong! How dare you, how dare you try to touch her!
The reflection screamed at his face and the pounding on his head started.
You're one to talk! He bit back, grimacing. You're just a disembodied voice in my head! What would you know about her?
His reflection's face had contorted into such deep anger that the fourteenth couldn't help but wince.
Everything.
What?
I know everything about her.
The fourteenth's eyes widened.
How? -– you've never met her!
How would you know? His reflection snapped back venomously, his anger seeping into his seemingly calm words.
Because I never met her! You prevented me from doing that before! I –-
How does this prove to have any connections?
Because I've never talked to her! The fourteenth finally yelled, throwing his hands up in frustration. His reflection did not do the same.
How can you a part of my mind, a part of me, know somebody that I have not talked to? That is impossible! You are lying!
It's not that hard, Noah. His reflection replied back icily.
Then pray tell, What is it?
That's easy.
It's because I'm not you, moron.
The fourteenth froze.
You… you said something about it before too.
Then… who are you?
Figure that out yourself.
Wait! I think –- I think I know,
Road has been calling me by another name. I always thought that it's somehow like a nickname…
But it's not is it?
It's…. she was talking to you wasn't she?
His reflection remains silent, so he continues.
You're -– you're Allen, am I right?
That's right.
The fourteenth widened his eyes and looked at his reflection's grey eyes.
I'm Allen Walker –-
Exorcist.
What? He -– he's an exorcist? How can that – how can that be possible? He is a Noah! There was no way that his reflection could be a exorcist –- !
I told you,
His reflection started, and he looked up.
I'm not you.
Then,
If you're not me…
Who –- who am I?
His (exorcist) reflection stared dead into his eyes, face unreadable.
You're a Noah.
You're the Fourteenth disciple,
You're nothing but a pitiful lamb.
You don't even have a name,
You are just a number.
The fourteenth screamed and smashed his hand into the mirror, breaking it and causing his hand to bleed.
"I'm not a number," he spoke feverishly. His headache got worse, pounding in his head like there's no tomorrow. "I'm not -– I'm not just a number!" he yelled.
The image of his (EXORCIST -– !) reflection is gone, shattered.
"Save me…" the fourteenth choked out. "Save me, someone…"
He remembered pretty violet.
"Save me," fourteenth slid down the wall, panting heavily. His left arm flared with holy power and fourteenth screamed even more. "Save me Lenalee -– !"
Even though his image is gone,
Don't you dare speak her name anymore, number 14.
She's not yours,
She is MINE.
Lenalee is mine.
But the voice of Allen Walker did not.
Disciple number 14th let out a choked sob.
Fin