This is going to be a series of one shots all meant to answer the question "What if Cadel was raised by Prosper instead of the Piggots?" Some will be humorous, some serious, and some... God only knows.

This chapter is Cadel and Prosper centric (as I intend them all to be) and is intended to be funny with a bit of seriousness and fatherly love. It's not crack or fall out of your chair laughing funny, but it's amusing.

Rated T because I know at some point I'll say something profane and I don't want to have to worry about it.

Also, this first chapter was inspired by inmemoryof0928 on Deviant Art. (I'll post the link in my profile.) Go check out her picture "Bed Time" and her other Evil Genius fanart. Give her your love; she deserves it!

Please note that although I'm known for writing yaoi/shonen ai fanfics, I do NOT intend to make this one of them. I can't get past the huge age difference between Cadel and Prosper, not to mention that, whether he actually is or not, Prosper will always be like a father to Cadel and... well, I just can't do it.

Warning: Contains Prosper English.

Chapter 1-Bedtime

It was a dark and stormy and ridiculously cliche night....

Prosper had told Cadel to go to bed around midnight, but the boy genius wasn't tired and he was in the middle of hacking into something, making the rest of us feel stupid in comparison.

Knowing that his father wouldn't compromise, he got off the computer and started getting ready for bed. But that didn't mean he'd actually do what he was told. Prosper had, after all, taught him to lie and deceive when he wanted something.

When Cadel began changing into his pajamas, Prosper seemed to be satisfied and left. Everyone's favorite hacker waited a few minutes, listening for footsteps before deciding it was safe to get back on the computer. He flicked off the lights, quietly padded across the room, and returned to his work.

He felt slightly smug that he had tricked his father so easily, but didn't think much about it.

He really should have realized that it was too easy.

It was now about 3 am, but Cadel wasn't paying attention to the time. He was too busy doing geniusy things to care.

But, since I must have a plot, he should have realized that something was going on.

He paused in his work for a moment to take a drink of the Pepsi he had Vadi bring to him earlier. As he went to set the cup back down he felt a hand clamp down on the back of his head. He jumped in his seat, startled, almost spilling his drink.

"Bed time. NOW," an all to familiar voice hissed from somewhere behind him. Cadel was worried and afraid at this point--it was never a good idea to anger Prosper, but it's not like he'd actually do anything...right?

Wrong.

"Click."

Cadel instantly recognized that sound. It was Prosper's handgun.

If he wasn't frozen in fear, he might have gotten up and rushed to bed. But, despite the fact that adrenalin is supposed to make it easier to escape, his limbs just wouldn't respond.

"Please," Prosper added in some horrible mockery of actual politeness. Or perhaps he actually thought that a simple please would somehow make things not-so-traumatizing. Whatever his reason, it was obscenely unnecessary.

Cadel was silent for a minute until a nudge brought him back to his senses. Then he blurted out the first thing that came to mind: "Uh... good morning?"

It was Prosper's turn to be shocked into silence. "Good... morning?" he repeated as though he couldn't believe what he had just heard.

Using the opportunity, Cadel slipped off of the chair and away from the outstretched hand that was on his head. He was aware of Prosper's gaze on him as he climbed into bed.

By the time he was under the blankets, Prosper had put the gun away. Cadel was able to relax slightly, but was still quite concerned. He watched wearly as his father inspected the computer.

Prosper noticed the cup sitting there and wrapped his long fingers around it, muttering "may I?"

Although Cadel wondered why his father would be interested in drinking his Pepsi in the middle of the night, he mutely nodded. He knew Prosper would take it either way if he really wanted to.

Without further adieu, Prosper lifted the cup and up-ended it over the computer monitor. Cadel let out a strangled squeal as it began sparking. He was about to fling himself out of bed to try furtively to save it, but was stopped by Prosper's dark glare.

Cadel's gaze flickered back to the computer before deciding that it just wasn't worth it. He pulled the covers up slightly and rolled onto his other side, facing away from his computer and father.

There was silence, interrupted only by the clink of the now empty glass on the desk.

He heard Prosper's nearly silent footsteps on the carpet. He flinched as he felt felt a hand on his head. Surprisingly, all he did was run his long fingers through his hair, brushing it out of his eyes.

"Good night, dear boy," he whispered.

Cadel listened to the retreating footsteps and heard his father mutter something about the sticky mess and ants before the door closed.

The next morning, Cadel went downstairs for breakfast only to find Prosper sitting at the large table. He was reading a newspaper and drinking coffee as though he was a normal person, actually concerned with stocks or news or something.

After a few minutes of silent eating, Cadel finally found the courage to ask the question that had been on his mind all night.

"You wouldn't really shoot me, would you?"

Prosper silently folded up his newspaper and set it on the table. His dark gaze met Cadel's bright blue eyes.

"You wouldn't really give me a reason to, would you?" he replied, a small smirk on his lips.

Cadel floundered for a decent reply, but didn't find one before Prosper was on his feet, leaving.

Before he left, he ruffled his child's chestnut colored hair.

"I'll buy you a new monitor when you finish your embezzlement homework."