Hey, everyone. I finally got an update to put up here instead of writing reviews over at deviantART and leetNEET. Anyway, yes. I decided to work on a new parody/fanmake/Film Fic (Google it). Of course, most of you probably have no clue what the hell I'm Film Fic-ing (yes, I'm sticking to this term).

This is a Film Fic of an anime show called Baccano! A rather excellent anime I must say, despite not getting as much love as it should. Has a fun story, great characters and excellent voice-casting for the English dub that I prefer over the Japanese track. Please check it out. I'll provide an address to the first episode on its YouTube page at the bottom.

I should also mention that a lot of my interests have grown since the last time I last updated, so you might not recognize all the characters I will be using. However, I hope you enjoy this nonetheless. I will provide a list of them after their appearances at the bottom of the chapters.

Well, enough of this silly author's note! On with the story!

Chapter 1: The Vice President Doesn't Say Anything about the Possibility of Him Being the Main Character

In a dimly lit room was a young girl no older than ten-years-old looking over dozens of old documents, photos and books. The young girl dressed very conservatively, wearing a very simple blue school uniform with a skirt and had her hair tied into two little pigtails. She carefully poured her attention over them, a cute little smile on her face as she pulled archives of newspaper clippings from the multiple shelves in the room. The young girl held up one book as the room's door opened. The sounds of multiple typewriters clicked outside, along with the occasional ring. An older gentleman entered the door and closed the door, deafening the sounds and brining the room to silence once again.

"Chiyo," the gentleman called.

The young girl called Chiyo lowered the book and greeted meekly, "Hello, Mr. Kirk."

"Do try to be more elegant when you are at work," he said as he removed his red jacket.

Chiyo squeaked as she realized she created a mess of papers all over the table and was now crawling on it. "My apologies, sir!" she said as she quickly slid off the table and began organizing the books. "I didn't realize what I was doing…"

Kirk placed his jacket on a coat rack. "What were you doing?"

"Um, well, I was actually hoping to learn more about the story," she said. "You know. The story of those weird events that began in 1930?"

Kirk pondered about her answer as he entered the light coming from the only hanging lamp in the room. He looked like a seasoned man that had seen and done so many things that you could not possibly believe. "Do you remember the time when you and I traveled together on a train," he said as he picked up a page from a newspaper and began folding it. "I told you something during that time. Can you remember what I said?"

Chiyo looked up musingly at the dangling lamp over her head. "Um, I think so…"

"Mr. Kirk, look!" a past Chiyo cried, looking out her and Kirk's compartment's window. "It's a rainbow!"

"Chiyo," Kirk said as he read from his newspaper, not bothering to turn away from it, "since we were but children, we have always saw rainbows as beautiful phenomenon. We have never once questioned that they were a part of our joy and happiness." Chiyo blinked. "I have always wondered why exactly that was the case. There are, however, those who don't understand science or the refraction of light might assume that this strange occurrence in the sky as a deathly sign of an upcoming disaster. Perhaps thinking something horrifying might descend from that rainbow. Perhaps their fields of crops will die under the rainbow, creating mass chaos." Kirk paused for a moment to pick up a cup of tea on the table between him and Chiyo and sipped it. "Nevertheless, we continue seeing multicolored lights as something out of a fantasy. Have you ever considered this, Chiyo-chan?"

"Well, not really," Chiyo replied. "I wouldn't be able to draw a defining fact from it. But it's not like I needed to think about this. After all, it's not part of our job description as Daily Days employees." She smiled as she said matter-of-factly, "We report to others what is the outcome of things that happen."

Kirk's face remained emotionless as he took another sip of tea. "Three-hundred and nineteen points."

Chiyo grew flustered. "I got that out of how many?"

Kirk began folding a page from his newspaper. "While it is true that it is our jobs to deliver truth to others, but we must never stop thinking, especially when we are seeking out information. Thinking with a clear head is vital. As a matter of fact, Chiyo, simply stopping after deciding information is true or false is irresponsible and a failure at conveying information to others."

"All right…" Chiyo said slowly, "but it won't change whether or not the information is true if you think about it."

Kirk held his completed newspaper upward. "No. It does change."

SNAP!

Chiyo yelped from the loud sound Kirk's newspaper made. "Do you remember now, Chiyo-chan?" Kirk asked back in the room within the offices of the Daily Days.

Chiyo held her head low. "Yes, Mr. Vice President."

"What we report is neither unaffected information nor perceived information. It is the hint before the answer to the question." Kirk eyed Chiyo's various news sources on the table. "Tell me, out of all the days during that time, you chose 1930 as the starting point where these stories began. Why is that?" Chiyo did not answer, looking rather unsure.

Kirk sighed. "How can someone not know the answer to these questions and call themselves the assistant to James T. Kirk, the vice president of the Daily Days?"

"Um…"

Kirk stood close to Chiyo's face, startling her. "Perhaps you need a little help?" He turned his back on her. "It is 1711. Perhaps it is best to start the tale inside the Gallifreyan Tardis as it crosses a rather grim part of the Atlantic? Then again, the best opening might be the one of about the especially malevolent case aboard the transcontinental express train, the Flying DeLorean, an event so horrifying that it was covered up without another telling?"

He faced her again. "Now, Chiyo, with all the information you have gathered on these stories as well as the dozens of others you got from reading all these books, you chose November of 1930 as the beginning. Why?"

"Um, well, I was trying to make the story easier to understand, so I thought the easiest way was through our eyes," Chiyo said. "So I picked the time when this whole thing was noticed by us. That's good, right?"

"One-hundred and sixty points."

Chiyo sulked. "Out of how much?"

Kirk stood from his chair. "While it is the easiest place to begin, you must also take into consideration of the characters as well as the time. Do not forget to consider them. Let's say…"

A man cried out as he made a grab for his ear after a friend accidentally nicked it with a naturally sharp spear. "JD!" his blonde female compatriot gasped.

What if we look through the point of view of the two eccentric pair of robbers and use them as our main focus?

Aboard the transcontinental train, a young boy along with his stuffed tiger was being stared down by a tall man wearing a red full-body suit.

Or maybe the young child that suffers from a damned destiny?

With a quick pull of the trigger, the shotgun in the man's hand went off and the young boy's face was blown off, blood splattering the walls.

Or perhaps…

"What about this guy?" Chiyo said, holding up a photo.

"Please, sir, do you have any change?" a homeless man pleaded to another man in an alleyway, holding out his nearly empty and dented cup. "The Lord is looking over us at this very moment, watching your every action. The Lord will deliver his judge…" The man sighed as the other passed.

"Hey, old guy!" a voice called. The homeless man turned to a young man, dressed very adequately in a red and white shirt and a similarly red cap.

"He looks main character-ish," Chiyo said brightly.

Kirk raised an eyebrow, not unlike a friend of his he noted to himself. "Ish?"

"Yeah. Ish."

"Consider yourself lucky," the young man said with a cocky smile. "I'm feeling rather generous today." He pulled out his wallet, which the homeless man noticed several bills that were inside. The young man deposited a few dollars into the man's cup. "Here you are."

"Ooh, thank you so much, sir," the homeless man said. "The Lord will be sure to bless your kind heart."

The young man waved his hand aimlessly as he walked away. "Eh, don't sweat it, old man."

"Oh, please wait a moment, sir," he said. "I believe I have some flowers I have picked as my thanks…"

"Um, no thanks. They're probably dead anyway," the young man said, not looking back.

"You're more right than you think!" The homeless man whipped out his concealed knife in his coat and charged for the young man.

"He's a good choice, right?" Chiyo said, looking a little infatuated with the photo.

"Hmm…"

The young man reacted quickly and caught the blade of the knife before it could do him any serious harm. The homeless man gasped and quickly retracted his knife, severing several of the young man's fingers. "Eck!" He winced. The homeless man chuckled triumphantly to himself. However, he quickly noticed in horror that the blood of his knife was seeping away – through the air, back to the young man's hand. His eyes darted downward and saw even the severed fingers on the ground were returning to the young man. The fingers linked back to his hand and the remaining blood receded, the skin healing itself. Not even a scar remained.

"All right. Tell me something," the young man said, stepping toward the homeless man.

"Stay back!" he bellowed, waving his knife at the young man. "Keep away you freak of nature!"

"Old man, did you know I am Red of the well-respected Tune family?" the young man asked, clenching his fist. "Well, DID YA?" Red threw a punch so hard into the homeless man's face that he knocked out the old man's teeth.

Kirk laughed heartily. "Excellent point, Chiyo-chan. I do see what you mean by main character-ish. You may be correct about that."

Chiyo smiled. "I'm glad to hear that."

"Even so, depending on all these interesting characters you have chosen from, the situation will be similar to the surface of the ocean," Kirk said. "Changeless, but ever changing. As such, there may be one event, but as many stories at there are people who tell them…"

In a large private estate, a large and rounded humanoid cat dressed in a fancy suit was shouting to a group of men in similar suits in the estate's backyard, all carrying Tommy guns. "Listen up, you guys!" he snapped gruffly. "You're all to head right in there and shoot up everything in sight! We are way past negotiatin' and warnings! It is time for us to shine! I don't care who it is in this war! Mario's? Tunes? Whatever! You're gonna annihilate everyone! And when you're finished, I want every last spec of their remains to be wiped OFF!"

"YES, MR. PETE!"

Elsewhere, within a nicely fabricated bar behind the main street buildings and far from the public eye, a trio of brothers sat in comfortable armchairs. "So, Mario," the most devious-looking of the three said, dressed in purple overalls and a yellow cap with the letter W emblazed on front. "Where's-a that guy you found-a earlier? Is he-a dead yet?"

"The Warners are-a taking care of him, Wario" the friendliest yet strong willed-looking one answered as he adjusted his own red cap with the letter M. "Just-a checking if he's still-a able to feel anything."

The third, lanky yet determined, was shuffling a deck of cards when the door opened. "Boss!" one of their men called. "We were just hit again!"

"How-a bad?" Mario asked.

"A gambling parlor and ticket window. Luckily no one got dead."

"Grr, those damn-a Luthor's!" Wario snarled, jumping to his feet. He punched a fist into his hand. "I'll-a knock some sense into them! They're DEAD, ya hear? DEAD!"

"We managed to get one of the guns who hit the ticket window," their man said. "We dragged him back here to see what he knows."

Wario grinned as he wiped the drool from his mouth. "Let's-a greet the guy."

Mario closed his eyes as Wario stepped out of the room. The sounds of punches penetrated the closed door. "YOU ASSHOLES THINK YOU-A CAN TAKE OUR TURF AND WE'LL-A LET YA GET AWAY WITH IT?"

Mario shrugged helplessly. "Think-a Wario is enjoying himself, eh Luigi?" The third brother shrugged and returned to his game of solitaire as bone-cracking sounds rung through the door.

"Hold on a minute. You think the story starts when two mafia families go after each other?" Chiyo asked.

Kirk looked out the room's dank window. "Consider this…"

Pete returned inside the estate, quickly turning his sour mood into a chipper and humble one as he approached a bald man sitting behind a desk. "Mr. Luthor, boss-man-sir, we have confirmed that the head Mario has bought the barn! Yeah, those rumors about him were pretty tough, but he sure ain't up to what we did to him!" He chuckled devilishly, looking to his boss for approval. Lex Luthor showed no such sign in his face. Pete gulped and added, "The Mario's are small time, Mr. Luthor sir. Just a speck in the cesspool. It ain't no big deal to wipe them out!" Luthor continued being expressionless. Pete pulled out a handkerchief from his breast pocket and wiped the sweat from his brow. "We, um, also have made a deal in purchasing a new kind of bomb from a very exclusive source; and then after that we take care of those Tunes –"

Luthor waved his hand, silencing the fat feline. "Never mind that for now. There's another detail that you need to deal with." Luthor flicked a photo of a very short young man with merely three hairs on his head onto the desk.

"Or perhaps, Chiyo," Kirk said with a smirk as he turned to her, "that you and I are the characters who begin this story?"

Chiyo looked positively ecstatic. "Really?"

Kirk only smiled more.

End of Chapter 1

Well, I think that's enough for now. Time for some character details:

Chiyo Mihama is from the anime: Azumanga Daioh. James T. Kirk is, of course, from the classic series: Star Trek. John "JD" Dorian and Elliot Reid are from Scrubs. Red is from the Pokémon Special manga. Pete is from…Disney in general. Mario, Wario and Luigi are, obviously, from the Super Mario Bros. video game series. And Lex Luthor is from DC Comics, specifically Superman's part of it.

And the first episode of Baccano! here (just remove the spaces): http:/ www. youtube. com / watch?v=RmS3LkGRCP8

Hope that clears some things up. Until next time!