Crash and Burn, a law and order: svu fanfic

A/N: I own absolutely nothing...well, I suppose I own my ideas. Somehow that doesn't seem like enough, though...

A/N: Okay, so this is kind of a post-Wrath oneshot, except that Elliot is not married to Kathy. Ahem. Kind of hard to have EO with Kathy around, right? This is EO, but not too fluffy. Sorry, guys, I don't do sex scenes, LOL. I think it still has some heart-warming EOness in there, so that's always good, right :) Anyway, hope you guys enjoy it!

Kelly of the midnight dawn, this fic is for you. It's taken me over a month to finally write it, but it can be a welcome home present for you. So, welcome back Kelly! Thanks for being such an awesome friend!

Song: Crash and Burn

Artist: Savage Garden

Detective Elliot Stabler walked slowly through the dark apartment hallway. His footsteps were slow, rhythmic; deliberate. The echoed loudly in the empty hallway as Elliot climbed up the stairs and arrived at his destination. He knocked softly on the hard door. There was no response from inside, no indication that anyone inside had heard the knock that had echoed throughout the hall. But Elliot knew that there was someone inside who had heard him knock, someone who was trying to shut the world out from around her.

When you feel all alone
And the world has turned its back on you
Give me a moment please to tame your wild, wild heart

Detective Olivia Benson sat inside her apartment with her knees drawn up to her chest as though they could help her block out the world around her. Tears were forming in her eyes as she just sat there and thought about the case that had ended. She could still see her name stenciled onto the glass door, backwards to hide it from the ordinary passerby. She could still hear the cries of the curly-haired woman as the man held the gun at her temple. She could still remember the rush of adrenaline, still feel the pounding of her heart as she had stepped into that scene. She had her gun trained on the man – Eric Plummer – he had his gun trained on the woman. He said his weapon wasn't loaded, but Olivia didn't believe him. How could she? He'd been stalking her, threatening her by hurting the people she had tried to help. When she saw him with the gun, the only thing she could think was to shoot him. She finally did. And then it turned out the gun really wasn't loaded.

She had killed a suspect – a suspect with an unloaded gun.

I know you feel like the walls are closing in on you
It's hard to find relief and people can be so cold

After that, everything seemed to move in slow motion. She remembered Elliot lowering her arms slowly, cautiously, as though afraid she would shoot again. He took the gun from her and handed it off. She practically fled the scene after that.

A knock on the door jerked her from her thoughts, but Olivia still didn't move. She didn't really care who was on the other side of that door. She only wanted to be alone, to shut the world out from around her.

The knocking stopped. It was her telephone that rang next. Olivia jolted when she heard the sound, but didn't make an effort to pick it up. She decided just to let it go. She figured it was Elliot, trying to make nice with her. He was one of the last people she wanted to see now.

When darkness is upon your door and you feel like you can't take anymore

Elliot waited outside the apartment door, trying to get Olivia to let him in. When knocking didn't work, he took out his phone and called her. She still didn't pick up, or come to the door. He sighed at her stubbornness. He wanted so much to help her, but she wasn't letting him in.

Elliot shook his head slowly as he heard his call go to her answering machine. He turned away from the door and began to walk back down the dark hall, closing his phone. It wasn't worth his time…

…Or was it? Elliot had just reached the end of her apartment floor and was at the top of the stairs when he decided to try again. Again, he listened, waiting for her to pick up. When the call again went to her answering machine, Elliot knew what he had to do.

Let me be the one you call
If you jump I'll break your fall
Lift you up and fly away with you into the night
If you need to fall apart
I can mend a broken heart
If you need to crash then crash and burn
You're not alone

Olivia had let the first call go to her answering machine, but she was surprised when, a minute or two later, she heard her phone ring again. She waited for the ringing to end, her head on her knees. This time, a voice came over her answering machine.

"Hey Liv…" Olivia frowned; it was Elliot. "I know you're in there listening to this message…It's okay if you don't feel like talking now, but I just want to let you know that…I'm here for you whenever you're ready." Olivia heard Elliot sigh and there was a slight hesitation. "I – I know that you're mad at me, Olivia, and I know you don't like what I did, but…I just – I just wanted you to be safe." Elliot sighed again, and there was a longer pause this time. "So…call me if you want to talk, okay? Please – please don't hate me for caring, Liv." The message ended.

Olivia frowned still trying to process everything she had just heard. Please don't hate me for caring, Liv? Olivia was sure that she didn't hate Elliot for what he had done…she had been annoyed, yes. She had felt he was being overprotective, not being able to trust her, but now she could see that he just wanted to keep her safe. Olivia sighed. She was still frustrated with Elliot for not asking her before ordering a protective detail for her, but she couldn't help feeling safer that she had someone out there who wanted to watch out for her.

When you feel all alone
And a loyal friend is hard to find
You're caught in a one way street
With the monsters in your head
When hopes and dreams are far away and
You feel like you can't face the day

Elliot ended his message and hung up the phone slowly. He sighed and put in back in his pocket. Olivia had been so angry with him when he had sent the protective detail out to watch her, but he felt he could take her anger over seeing Plummer kill her. Now that Plummer was dead, Elliot just wanted to clear things up with her. He wanted to help her. He could just picture her, sitting alone in her apartment, crying silently to herself. No one to comfort her, to hold her, to tell her what she had done was not her fault; no one to tell her everything would all turn out okay. Elliot so wanted to be that person.

The sound of the door opening made Elliot turn around. There stood Olivia, dressed in a simple tank top and pajama bottoms, her eyes red from crying, her cheeks stained with tears. Elliot, who had been about to walk down the stairs, turned around and began to walk slowly towards her. She didn't say a word, or move at all, but simply watched him as he came near her. Elliot hesitated when he reached her door and stood in front of the opening.

"Hi," he said tentatively.

Olivia swallowed. "Hi."

"I got your message," Olivia said softly, moving aside to let Elliot in. He entered her apartment slowly. "And…I hope you know I don't hate you,' she said, with a brave attempt at a small smile.

Elliot just looked at her. "You're angry with me, though." It was not a question.

Olivia sighed. "I – At the time, yes, I was angry. But now…"

Elliot understood. "It doesn't really matter that much now anyway," he said softly.

"I'm sorry for being such an ass," Olivia muttered.

Elliot chuckled sadly. It hurt him to see Olivia in so much pain. "Don't worry about it." Olivia smiled sadly at him.

"So we're good, then?"

"Absolutely," Elliot assured her. Olivia sighed and sat down on the couch. "Now it's time to talk, Liv."

"There's nothing to talk-"

"Don't give me that, Olivia," Elliot told her. "You called me back here for a reason, I know you did." Olivia didn't say anything, but Elliot could tell she was listening intently to him. "I can see that you're hurting, Olivia. And it pains me to see you hurt so much. I know you need to talk, so when you're ready, I'm here to listen."

'Cause there has always been heartache and pain
And when it's over you'll breathe again
You'll breath again

Olivia looked up at Elliot. His blue eyes were clouded in concern and eagerness to listen. She sighed.

"I made a mistake, Elliot," she began. "I let my emotions take over; I couldn't think straight. Plummer told me that the gun wasn't loaded – he told me. I killed him, Elliot, and his damn gun wasn't even loaded!"

Elliot pulled Olivia into a hug as her tears began to come again. "Shh," he comforted her as she began to sob. He slowly rocked her back and forth. "Olivia," he said. "How could you have trusted him? You saw it the way any cop would've seen it: a suspect holding a gun to someone's head. You did the only thing you could. You shot him to protect the woman, and that's the only thing that matters."

Olivia let Elliot's words wash over her as he held her protectively in his arms. For the first time that week, she finally felt safe. She let the tears continue to fall as all the memories from the past week were washed away from her: the threats, her name stenciled in the door, Plummer, the empty gun…

When you feel all alone
And the world has turned its back on you
Give me a moment please
To tame your wild, wild heart

As reluctant as she had been to let Elliot in, she felt better in his presence. She closed her eyes as he continued to hold her, allowing the last of her memories to finally leave her.

"It's not your fault, Liv," he whispered to her. "You know that, don't you?"

Olivia turned around and looked at Elliot in the eye. She smiled. "I do now."

Elliot smiled back at her. "I'm glad." They continued to sit in each others' arms in silence.

"Thanks for being here, Elliot," Olivia murmured as she felt herself relax in his arms.

"Anytime, Liv," he said. "Anytime."

"Hey Liv," Elliot murmured as he felt her drifting off in his arms.

"Yeah?" she mumbled back.

"Did you ever wonder why I cared so much?"

Olivia sat up a little straighter in Elliot's arms. "Why?" she asked him.

Elliot leaned in and kissed her on the lips. His kiss took her breath away as she finally felt the last of her guilt leave her.

"Oh," she said breathlessly as they pulled away. "That's why."

A/N: Please review; I'd love to know what you guys think. I am going to try to update My Heart Will Go On soon, but, truth be told, I haven't actually started writing the next chapter yet. Better get on that soon...LOL