Chapter One
ᴜɴᴡᴀɴᴛᴇᴅ ғᴇᴇʟɪɴɢs
I had awaken from my slumber with a gasp, my eyes shot open at the loud echoing sound of my alarm clock. Yawning softly, I came to the realization I had fallen asleep at my desk, again. I stared at all the homework that had kept me up all night to finish then I slowly started stacking all the papers together. Even though it was getting closer to the end of my senior year in High School, I still had as much homework as if it was the beginning of the year. I didn't mind all the homework, since it was preparing me for the all-nighters I would be doing when I get into college, it was tiring never-the-less. I glanced over at the small clock to my left; It read: 7:00 am then glanced back at my messy desk. Using my palms to rub my eyes, I yawned once more. My hands fell to my sides when I leaned back in my seat.
I stared up at the ceiling, I caught myself beginning to fall into a daydream. My mind began to ponder onto many things, I thought of school and how close I was to graduating, my after school club I was the leader in, and my friends. I began to wonder if I would be able to keep in contact with them when I went to College. I knew Kenny and Cartman would bug me any change they got, though I worried if Stan would try and keep in contact with me. Even though he was my closest friend, he and I had grown distant since the beginning of our senior year. He had gotten more serious about his girlfriend, Wendy and when he wasn't with her, he was balancing being the star of our High School's football team. We hangout together occasionally after school when he and I weren't busy, but we never hung out like he did when we were younger. Anyone could blame the curse of growing up on why he and I couldn't hangout much. I grew to accept everything how it was.
As my mind began to circle around Stan, a heaviness began to weigh in my chest when I reminded myself that he will one day make a life with his childhood crush, Wendy. I couldn't lie to myself, I was jealous of her. I was jealous that she was able to see him more than I did, that she was able to hold him and he would hold her like she was the only person on this earth. There wasn't a competition between she and I. She had everything that I didn't. In my earlier years of high school, I was bitter toward their relationship but I grew accept the fact that Stan wasn't mine nor would he ever be. I was soft hearted at a point but years later I grew a thicker skin. I could recall nights, crying myself to sleep to only dream of Stan's embrace.
I never realized how quickly my High School years had past me by. I was quickly taken from my thoughts of nostalgia when I heard a loud knock at my door. I jumped in my seat then turned my head in the direction of my bedroom door. I quickly sat upright, "Come in!" I called out to the person on the other side of the door. The door swung open to reveal it was Stan. If it wouldn't haven't been him, I would have curse at the person for stopping by my house so early in the morning. Stan and I usually drove to school together. We would switch off each week on who's car we used; This week was Stan's turn. Whenever it was his turn to drive, he always came at the earliest hours in the morning.
He was wearing his green and white football jacket with his last name written in the back along with his number, 27. It was unbutton to show off his white rockband v-neck shirt and his legs were hugged tightly in his favorite faded blue skinny jeans with a small tear in his left knee. He had his hands stuff into his pockets and a half grin across his lips. His raven hair was in a perfect mess under his blue and red beanie and I absolutely adored it. God, he had a way to make anything so simple look so incredible. He always left me starstruck.
"Good morning, sleeping beauty." Stan snickered. I rolled my eyes as I folded my arms across my chest.
"Good morning." I responded with slight irritation.
He leaned against the ledge of the doorway. "You don't seem too happy to see me. I'm hurt." The raven haired male remarked. I shook my head while raising up from my desk.
"Well, I just woke up right now so I'm not in the best of moods." I explained, stretching out my arms. His blue eyes wonder up and down at me, "I can tell. You look like you just rolled out of bed." Stan teased as he took a couple of steps toward me. I flashed the other male a dark glare.
"Well, some of us, like to study all night." I replied with a hint of sarcasm in my tone. He folded his arms across his chest, letting out a laugh. If there was anything in particular that liked about him, it was his laugh. His laugh made my heart feel like it traveled to the sun and back.
"Speaking of studying—"
He began his sentence but paused half way through. Stan folded his arms across his chest while wearing a soft expression. "Would you help me study for the test in Trigonometry?" He finished his sentence. I arched a brow, my line of sight locking on the male in front of me. An instant of skepticism shot through my mind the moment he mentioned about helping him study. I had no actual reason to spark skepticism within my best friend but there was something within his excuse for the extra help that almost seemed out of character for him. Stan was never one that asked for help with his mathematics, a subject that he usually scored high in. He scored even higher than myself so I couldn't understand why he would want my help!
"I guess I can help you. Though, I have a club meeting after school, so it will have to be after that." I explained. " It shouldn't take too long. Maybe 20 at most." He nodded, still wearing that goofy half grin.
"Sweet! I'll hang around the school till you're done. " He replied. I nodded in agreement then stood up from my seat to stretch. The raven haired male walked toward me and wrapped his arms around my shoulder,
"For helping me out, I'll treat you to something!" He said, glancing over at me. I arched a brow while my line of sight rolled up and down at him. "Oh? You don't have to." I responded, averting my eyes away for a couple of moments before they return to him. Stan chuckled.
"But, what if I want to?"
Stan questioned, his tone had a hint of seriousness. I blinked twice as I felt my face heat up with blush.
"Do whatever you want, I guess."
I mumbled under my breath.
"Rad!"
Since I took a shower last night, I just tossed on a fresh pair of clothing then went downstairs with Stan to join my family for Breakfast. I wore a strip long sleeve v-neck shirt and a pair of black skinny jeans. Before I left my room, I grabbed my gray favorite hoody and slipped into my red conversers. As we walked downstairs, Stan was on one of his rants about his distaste for his teammate, Clyde. For as long as I could remember, he was never fond of Clyde and seem to increase when they both were on the football team. Since their girlfriends, Bebe and Wendy were close friends, they had to see each other more than Stan would wish for. I could never understand why he only ever complained about Clyde being an asshole when his entire team was filled with stuck up guys. I couldn't point out the worse one out of the team. Stan was completely different from everyone on his team, he was a tender hearted person. Being the head quarterback, he never once bragged about his skills. He was very modest with his position.
When we got downstairs, my father was already heading toward the door to leave to work. When I looked over into the dinning room, my mother was setting our full plates on the table and Ike was sitting back in his seat, his face buried in the screen of his phone. "Good morning." I greeted, smiling. Ike glanced away from his phone to flash me a smile of acknowledgment then went back to whatever he was doing on his phone.
As Stan and I walked to the table, my mother set down a plate of scrambled eggs and sausage in front of Ike. She gave him a dark glare as she placed her hand on her hip, "You better get off your phone now, young man." She growled, pointing her index finger at him. He sighed heavily then set his phone down on the table without saying a word. When Stan and I found our seats beside each other, my mother finally took a seat beside Ike.
"Thanks for breakfast, Mrs. Broflovski." Stan said using a rather cheerful tone. She smiled brightly, "You're very welcome, Stanley."
My eyes flickered from my mother to Stan as they made mindless conversation across the table. I took a small bite from the rectangular cut jelly covered toast,
"Mom, is it okay if I go to Stan's house to help him study?" I asked her. Her green eyes flickered over at me and nodded.
"Of course. Just make sure to come home at a decent time. I don't want you staying up late another night. You need your sleep!" She explained. I nodded in agreement, "No worries! I should be home around 9 or so." I went on. Stan pecked over at me as he took a bite of his eggs.
"Good! I don't need you dying from exhaustion."
"Mom, I have only stayed up all night once this week—" I rolled my eyes.
"But what about last week? You didn't get much sleep than either." She reminded me.
Stan snickered under his breath, "I can see it now— Kyle Broflovski, death by studying too much."
I snapped over at Stan, my eyebrows pulled together to form an anger expression.
"Such a nerdy way to die." He added, nudging me in the shoulder with his elbow. I felt my entire face heat up with embarrassment. I took another bite of my toast, averting my eyes away. "Shut up." I mumbled under my breath. Stan chuckled again.
While I ate my breakfast, Stan and my mother went on with their conversation. She asked him about Wendy to talking about the Football team. Whenever they bring up sports together, they always tried to drag me into. Reminding me on my talents in Basketball and never joining our high school team. No matter how many times I explained why I never joined, they were never satisfied with the response, my mother mostly. I enjoyed basketball but I refused to make it more than a hobby. I chose to be in the math league with mostly decent people than to be mixed with a team of shallow idiots. I preferred for my peers to see myself as a nerd than a shallow jock.
Once we finished our breakfast, we made our way to school. I grabbed my backpack from my bedroom, waved goodbye to my mother and Ike then made our way out the door. Stan and I walked to his black Nisan in silence. When I glanced over at him, he just wore a stressed expression and his hands shoved in his pockets. It wasn't difficult to see that he had something on his mind and I knew his expressions. He was wearing 'Wendy upset me again' expression. So, now, I could only wonder what Wendy did this time. Stan never left me wondering for long. He usually talked about everything and anything when we were alone together. He usually was one to share what he was feeling with me. He never was shy about details with me, he told me everything. Whenever he and Wendy would get into an argument or would go through small breakups, he went straight to me and I always tried my best to comfort him in ways that would seem fit.
When we got into the car, he started up the car, in silence. I stared at him for a short moment then glanced away. As I looked away, I noticed a box of cigarettes in his cup holder. "You're started smoking again?" I questioned him as I picked up the box to show him.
"Nah. I took them from Wendy. I don't like her smoking." He explained, keeping his eyes on the road. "She doesn't need to mess up her lung when she's as active as she is." He added.
"Ah," I replied,
"You can have them. I was gonna throw them away but I forgot." He added.
"Sweet."
I pulled out cigarette from the box then shoved the box in my backpack. I twirled the cancer stick in-between my index and middle finger as I looked through my bag for my lighter. When I found my lighter, Stan called out my name. My green eyes flickered over at him as I lit the cigarette in between my lips. I leaned back in my seat, taking a small puff,
"What's up?" I answered, taking the cigarette stick from my lips to blow the smoke out the open car window. He glanced over at me for a split moment then looked away,
"Well—" He began but paused. I took another puff of the cancer stick then blew the smoke away from Stan.
"Just spit it out. What's wrong?"
"Wendy told me something yesterday and it's been bugging me."
Stan finally spoke up.
I arched a brow, "Oh? What did she say?"
He chewed on his lower lip.
"She told me I don't make enough time for her. She says that Clyde makes more time for Bebe so why can I do the same for her?" He went further into his explanation.
I told another puff of my cigarette then flicked it out the widow. I carefully thought of what to response with. Which was never easy to do so.
"But you make as much time for her as you can. She should understand that you have responsibilities and your life can't completely revolve around her."
I explained, using a stern tone.
"I know— She just makes me feel like I can't do enough her or anyone."
He breathed out heavily.
"I hardly hangout with you because she's on my ass for not spending that free time with her. There's days I wanna spend time with you guilt free."
He added, glancing at the picture of he and Wendy by his steering wheel with a sadden grimace. I pressed my lips together, averting my eyes away for a moment. I tapped my fingers against my thighs, thinking of something to respond with. I wanted to lash out and call Wendy out for being unreasonable but I knew I couldn't. It wasn't my place to even put my nose in his relationship even though he was hinting around for advice.
"You should worry about hanging out with me if it causes problems between you and your girlfriend. I don't want that." I explained, my eyes wondering back at him.
"I know you don't and it's not you. I just wanna spend time with you. You're my best friend." He responded.
I turned to gaze at him then gave him a reassuring smile, "You stress too much, dude! I'll still be your best friend even if we don't hangout too often." I spoke with a lighter tone.
His light blue eyes flickered over at me for a long moment before turning back to the road. His gaze appeared almost dissatisfied but he took my response as it was. "If you say so." He replied, simply.
The rest of the way to school, we sat in silence. There was many things I wanted to say instead of my original response. I yearned to tell him how much I cared for him, that I hated how Wendy treated him, how he was unappreciated by the girl he "loved" and how I would never treat him that way if he gave me a chance to be with him but I couldn't. I knew that if I would even tell him my true feelings because he wouldn't return the feelings. I couldn't live with myself if I jeopardize our friendship over unrequited love, Stan's friendship meant more to me than anything. I chose to be heartbroken then to lose Stan as a friend.
When we got to school, Stan parked a couple of cars away from Wendy's car. She was leaning against her pink Volkswagen with Bebe and Heidi. Stan took a deep breath before he shut off the car. I grabbed my backpack, "See ya after school." I smiled over at him. His light blue eyes wondered over to him then returned the smile,
"See ya later."
As we got out of the car, the small group of girls approached us. They were wearing their cheerleader outfits, Wendy has her raven black hair was tied up in a ponytail, Bebe had her long curly blonde hair in two messy buns on each side of her head while Heidi had her hair down with a small ribbon, clipping her bangs back. Wendy had her hand on hip, "Hey, babe." She smirked as she approached Stan.
"Hey baby." He greeted then wrapped his arm around her neck, pulling her close. I averted my eyes away from the couple to see Bebe, smiling over at me. Heidi was holding her binder close to her chest, her cheeks were redden and her line of sight was averted away. I blinked twice in slight confusion.
"Wanna hang with us till class starts, Kyle?"
Bebe asked, humming.
"Uh— I actually have to go to the office. Maybe next time." I explained, rubbing the back of my neck.
Bebe sighed heavily, rolling her round brown eyes, "Awh, lame! Now who's Heidi gonna hang with?"
Both Stan and Wendy glanced over at us, a devious grin grew across Wendy's full lips. Stan's line of sight locked on Heidi, studying every inch of her. Heidi jumped at the sudden attention on her. She dropped the binder she was holding while blushing a darker shade of red. Papers scattered on the ground. She flashed her friend a piercing glare before she bent over to pick up the mess her binder had made. I leaned down to help her pick up the things she had dropped. I handed Heidi a small stack of papers, wearing a smile. She wore an embarrassed expression as she reached out for the paper work. "We can hangout tomorrow at lunch? I'm free then." I explained.
Heidi's round brown eyes widen, "Sure! Sounds cool." She agreed while tucking a couple of strands of hair brunette behind her ear. I gave her a warm smile while standing upright.
"Sweet! See ya around."
I waved goodbye then walked in the direction to the main office. As I walked away, I could hear the fading voices Bebe's loud giggling and Wendy congratulating Heidi as if eating lunch with me was eating lunch with an attractive celebrity. I was an 18 year teen and I still didn't understand Heidi or Bebe or any women in general.
School was long and boring as usual. The only I think was looking forward to was studying with Stan after my club meeting. Even though it was just studying, it meant the world to me. Just being alone with him, having his attention solely on me, thrilled me to my core. I never wanted anyone like I wanted Stan. My heart ached for him, my soul yearned for his love and my stomach had butterflies. Not only did I want him to embrace me, but I wanted to embrace him. I wanted him to know someone loved him so greatly, that someone would give him every star in the universe if they could.
But, I couldn't.
All I could do was dream of a place where I can be something more to my best friend.