Hey there. So I'm stuck on my other Jisbon fic. The thin red lines but in the mean time I came up with the idea for a sequel to my song fic. Regrets and Cocoons. You don't have to read that to get the gist of what happened but it's only two chapters long and it would make me happy if you did. I already have this all down but I'll be uploading it in installments. Please read and review and if you've read The thin red lines and have any ideas or suggestions for it I'd really appreciate it if you'd let me know.
Disclaimer: I don't own the Mentalist or its characters I'm just borrowing them please don't sue me I don't have any money.
Questions and Answers
It was almost noon when Jane drove up to the CBI offices. From what he could tell not much had changed, his usual parking spot was even sitting empty. As if waiting for him to return from a weekend off instead of the four months he'd been gone. He turned off the Citroen and sighed, "Had it really been that long?" It felt simultaneously like less and more time than that, both a lifetime and the blink of an eye.
He'd left exactly two weeks after the night he'd spent with Lisbon. A night he'd been drunk enough to indulge in but not too drunk to black out and god knows (if he'd believed in one) he'd tried to forget. He'd left her apartment at dawn and gone to the beach and spent the rest of weekend there, going to his apartment briefly to shower and change, trying to forget.
Come that Monday Jane could honestly say he'd had no idea what to expect. He'd said once that she was transparent to him and that was mostly true but knowing what someone wants and what they'll do are two very different things. He remembered she'd wondered once after a case how someone could do what their suspect had done, he'd replied, "the heart wants what it wants." But while Teresa Lisbon's heart might want something (and he might be flattering himself but he was fairly sure he was one of the things she wanted) it was her conscience and sense of justice that dictated what she actually tried to get. "Saint Teresa" the nickname she'd been given at SFPD was an apt one, he'd never met anyone so willing to subvert their desires, sacrifice their happiness, for others. It was something someone as self involved and impulse driven as Jane had never been able to understand.
So he'd walked into the bull pen that Monday not sure what to expect and he'd gotten….nothing. It had been a typical Monday there was no Lisbon waiting to "talk" to him, no strange looks from the three others in the bull pen. He hadn't exactly expected a ticker tape parade or congratulatory handshakes from Cho and Rigsby but he'd expected something to be different after doing something so earth shattering as having sex for the first time in over six years with his boss. He'd gotten nothing but murmured good mornings and a head tilt from Cho and when Lisbon had finally come out of her office for a coffee refill he'd gotten more of the same, just a "Morning Jane, how was your weekend?", she hadn't even stuck around to hear his reply, instead strolling over to the kitchen for her coffee, like she didn't have a care in the world. He'd gotten up and followed her, ostensibly to make himself some tea but really to check on her see if she was as okay as she was acting. He'd fixed his tea and sidled up next to her, answering "It was okay. How was yours? Do anything exciting?" He'd expected a frown, anger, maybe even tears, he certainly hadn't expected her to look him in the eye and say "Oh, not really, went for a run, caught up on my Tivo, ate some ice cream, you know, the usual." Then she'd turned and walked back to her office, Jane had stood for a moment longer trying to gather his thoughts before he'd wandered back to his couch.
He'd laid there pretending sleep but really thinking. He supposed he should be relieved he'd gotten off easy, no anger for leaving her without saying anything, no demands for explanations or talk of where their "relationship" was going. It had been there in her eyes, no anger, no sadness or hope just nothing. He understood if you have no expectations you can't be disappointed but part of him was angry, that she held herself so cheaply, that she believed she was entitled to so little from him or anyone else. She'd given him so much, her trust, her affection, her body and deserved just as much in return. She deserved more than he could give her but she asked for and expected nothing. He knew it was completely irrational but it pissed him off. Aside from his anger his pride was also hurt. That she could act like it had never happened, like she'd completely forgotten what they had done when all he could think of was what it felt like to have her beneath him, above him, surrounding him. He could still taste her on his lips, he hadn't washed the shirt he wore that night, he didn't want it to lose the smell of her and he was going to go insane if her whispered pleas of "yes, more, please, Jane" didn't stop echoing in his head.
They got a case and he'd pushed aside his thoughts to concentrate on it. After that case, came another and he tried to keep his focus on the job but thoughts of that night kept intruding. It was starting to wear on his patience, he was more sarcastic than usual, his jibes a little crueler, he snapped at Lisbon and through it all she acted like nothing was wrong. Then one Thursday almost two weeks after that night he'd gotten some information, on the whereabouts of Kristina Frye. She been gone for months, the case had been handed over to missing persons but Jane had continued digging on his own. Partly out of guilt for dragging her into the whole Red John mess, though he had warned her and partly because it might lead him another step closer to the Killer. He hadn't mentioned it to Lisbon or anyone else; she would just tell him to let the missing person's team handle it, besides he still hadn't been entirely sure of the nature of the "psychics" disappearance. "Had she made a run for it, scared of what Red John would do to her? Was she a victim, Red John waiting for just the right moment to reveal her dead body? Or was she working with him, one of his seemingly endless supply of accomplices?" Jane just couldn't be sure and maybe he wanted an excuse for some time away, some time to think about life and what he wanted from it.
That Friday he'd gone to Hightower and requested some leave. She'd been concerned but he'd told her not to worry it was nothing work related just some personal business he needed time to handle. Hightower was curious but knew she wouldn't get more from him and she'd seen him lately, watched him and Lisbon interact. She'd mentioned before that they were to close, maybe some time apart would do them (and the unit as a whole) some good, so she'd okayed it. He'd gone back to the bullpen, not mentioning anything. At the end of the day the other three had packed up their stuff and said their good nights, Jane had told each to have a good weekend, still not mentioning his plans. As soon as they'd all left he gotten up and walked over to Lisbon's office, he'd been, unusually for him, avoiding spending time in there with her. He'd watched her closely as he'd said "I'm heading out." She hadn't even looked up from her paperwork as she replied "Good night. See you Monday." He'd lingered for a second then saying "Goodbye, Lisbon" he'd walked out the door.
A week later he'd called Cho, asked about the others. They were fine Cho said but worried about him wondering when he'd be back. "I'm fine," Jane had answered and swearing him to secrecy had told him about his lead into Kristina's disappearance. He might need some help if he found himself in a scrape and Cho was loyal and didn't ask questions. As for his return he'd told him the truth, he wasn't sure when he was coming back. So it had gone, once a week for fifteen weeks he'd called one of the team, first Cho then Grace, then Rigsby, told them he was okay asked how the rest of the team was but not Lisbon. In four months he never called her or asked to talk to her or even how she was directly, although his "How is everyone?" was always implied to include her.
Now here he was after four months on the road, tracing connections and staying in seedy motels. Jane's information had led him to Kristina's family address; a smallish town in New Mexico called Las Cruses. Kristina's or Margaret Katherine as she'd been then, parents had owned a small farm and while they hadn't lived in poverty, it was far from luxurious. As Kristina's father Ambrose had told Jane she'd always wanted more, more than the small farm and the small town could offer. She'd dreamed of fame and fortune, of going to Hollywood and being an actress. Her parents humble and pious had disagreed. When she turned eighteen she'd left and they hadn't seen her since. Her father hadn't seen her in over twenty years, had last spoken on the phone to her fifteen years before. "Her mother, Mary Katherine, passed away five years ago, Maggie doesn't even know," the old man had said with tears in his eyes. Jane should have felt vindicated, to be proved right about her, she'd just been after money and notoriety just like the thousands of other people who headed to Hollywood every year, just like he'd been. Instead he'd felt sad and angry. Sad for her father, left alone with his regrets, for her mother who'd died waiting for her daughter to come home, never getting to say goodbye. Angry at Kristina for abandoning a family that loved her, when so many others had no family to love and angry at himself "This is who I've left my friends, my job, left Lisbon for?" But when he'd gotten up to leave and the old man had put a shaky hand on his shoulder saying "When you find her, will you tell her, please tell her that her mother and I, we never stopped loving her and.. and I miss her." Jane had looked at the tearful old eyes and found himself saying "Yes sir, I'll tell her."
So he'd continued looking. He found out she was travelling under her given name and it had taken him months of backtracking but he found out she'd gone from Sacramento to San Jose to Monterey to Ventura and then to L.A. where she'd met up with some old client and traveled with her to Chatham on Cape Cod in Massachusetts. A day later he'd hopped on a flight going to Logan Airport, Boston; from there he'd rented a car and made the two hour drive to Chatham. By then it was spring and he'd found Kristina sitting on the back deck of a spacious bungalow with a beautiful view of Nantucket Sound. She smiled looking unsurprised to see him "I had a vision you'd come Patrick," she'd said.
"I doubt it, or you wouldn't still be here," he'd replied.
They'd talked for a while or Jane interrogated, Kristina talked. She was fine, yes she'd left because she was scared, she'd run into an old ailing client, the woman was sick and lonely. When she died she left Kristina the house as well as a cottage in France, she was flying to Paris the next day. She would stay until they caught Red John, she would be safe there. She'd asked if he would like to come with her, he'd declined politely but with a cynical smile. He'd told her about her mother's death, her father's words and his tears then he'd stood and saying "Bon Voyage Kristina," had walked out the door.
He'd spent a few days there by the sea with the gulls crying it sounded like home. But the red clay cliffs and the fog that rolled in every morning were nothing like the sunny gold sand beaches of California. He missed the warmth, his friends and Lisbon. All theses months away and he still didn't know what he wanted but he knew running wouldn't give him an answer. And there was still Red John. Maybe once Jane took care of him and if he lived and didn't go to jail for life, he'd be able to unravel his feelings for Lisbon and figure out what he wanted to do with whatever was left of his life. He'd boarded the first flight he could get out of Logan and Landed in L.A. then driven straight to his house in Malibu making sure everything was as he'd left it, like someone would sneak in while he was gone and paint over the rust colored smiley face on his bedroom wall. He'd stayed long enough to shower and change before heading out again, this time not stopping until he got to the CBI offices.
Hope you liked it. Please review :P