Breakdown
There's a war going on inside Sam.
It starts like any other day, and if there was something different hanging in the air, something different about his brother, he didn't notice. The second he gets the call from the school he's out the door and in the Impala before they even finish telling him what's happened, because all he can think is Sam and something wasn't right. He must have missed something.
There's no stopping his stomach from dropping the moment he gets to his little brother, sees him lying on his back, skin much paler than it was when he left this morning and his whole body shaking violently.
This is the worst he's seen him.
"Mr. Pierson."
Dean jumps at the voice, turning his attention to the school's nurse, Mrs. Mercer. She's an older woman with grey streaked brown hair and thick glasses that rest on the tip of her nose.
"How long has he been like this?" he asks as he goes to kneel by Sam's side, places a hand on his forehead. Sam groans, fists his hands in his hair and twists his body in agony.
The nurse walks over to them. "He came down almost two hours ago, said he was getting one of his headaches and asked if he could lay down here and wait it out." She pushes her glasses up on her nose. "It didn't pass this time. I tried to get him to take some of his medicine for the pain but he was too out of it by then."
Dean nods, turns back to Sam and pushes the bangs out of his eyes. "I'm here, Sam. It's okay."
"He's been saying this nonsense about demons and a man with yellow eyes again." She softens her voice. "I think you should take him to the hospital. He's altered and obviously in a lot of pain."
"I know he's in pain," Dean snaps.
"I just think his illness is getting worse. I can give you a list of psychiatric—"
"No." His tone was short, final.
She sighs. "At least take him to the Emergency Room. They'll be able to help, make sure he doesn't hurt anyone while he's coming out of it, give him a sedative so his body can rest."
Dean stands. "Thanks, Mrs. Mercer, but we really can't afford an E.R. visit. I'm just going to take him home."
The nurse nods, disapproval lining her face. She's met Sam's brother enough times to know there's no arguing with him when he's made up his mind. He's head strong and stubborn, but she knows that's probably the only he's been able to keep his head above the water this long. She remembers all the newspaper articles about the Pierson family when their father went missing without a trace a few years back. They were left to take care of themselves, Dean stepping into the father role for his brother's sake. It must be so hard, supporting them they way he does off his small salary and with Sam's illness getting worse like this.
"I'll let the attendance clerk know," she says softly before turning and heading towards the front desk.
The moment she's out of the room Sam's body goes stock-still, his eyes flying open as he bolts upright. Dean doesn't waste any time. He reaches out, puts his hands on either side of Sam's face and turns it so he's facing him. "Sam?"
Sam doesn't respond, just moans through teeth chattering with the force of the tremors traveling through his body.
"Come on, Sam. Look at me."
"I'm not going to do it. I don't want to."
"Shh, Sam. It's okay. Just focus on me."
"It wants me to kill – to kill those people. I don't want to, Dean. I don't want to kill anyone." He closes his eyes, hits at his head with the palm of his hand. "Get out of my head. I said no."
"Hey." Dean grabs at Sam's hand. "Hey, stop it, Sam. Stop."
Sam's crying, the fight going on inside him almost unbearable to watch. "Get out of my head. Please, I don't want to," he whispers. "Get out of my head."
Dean feels his chest tighten. "Just focus on my voice -- no one else's. You're not going to hurt anyone. I won't let you."
He watches Sam's body sag, his head dipping almost to his chest. He's exhausted. This fight is going to kill him.
"Just hold on, okay? There's pills in the car." Sam swallows thickly, nods ever so slightly and he knows Dean shouldn't but he lets himself breathe a little easier. Sam's still here and he's still fighting and it's not enough but at least for now it's something. It isn't over. He hasn't given up yet.
"Okay," he says. "Let's get you home."
-END
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