Dreaming With A Broken Heart
"I'm Sorry Edward."
I hung up the phone and it clattered to the floor as the device that had condemned me slipped through my fingers.
I backed into the wall and slid down to the floor. I couldn't bear it.
She's gone. Really, truly, always and forever…gone.
And it is all my fault.
0o0o0o0o0o0
I awoke with a start. There was cold sweat sliding down my face, making my hair stick to my forehead.
When you're dreaming with a broken heart
The waking up is the hardest part
For a moment, I was completely at peace. I got out of bed, ready to clean off in the bathroom. It was all just a nightmare.
Then it registered. It all came back.
The empty scrapbook. The empty rocking chair. The voice. The cliff dive.
Edward was gone.
And he was never coming back.
You roll out of bed, and down on your knees
And for a moment you can hardly breathe
My eyes clouded with tears, and I collapsed onto the floor. I couldn't breathe. I couldn't breathe without him here.
There was no point to life if I could never hear his melodic voice again, never hear him lulling me to sleep, never see him smile after a sweet, safe, silent kiss.
I would take a thousand safe kisses over this. I would take no more kisses over this.
I felt like a part of me had died. That the rest of me was being forced to relive that moment in the forest over and over again in a continuous loop.
I fought back the sobs that built in my throat. For Charlie.
He could never see me like this. He already thought I was insane. There's no need to convince him that I should go to an asylum.
Wondering is he really here?
Is he standing in my room?
I heard a noise and my heart soared.
He's here! He came back! That was all I could think.
But when I turned towards the rocking chair, there was no one there.
And I fell back to the floor. The tears I had been fighting broke free and slid down my face.
Back into misery.
No he's not
Because he's gone, gone, gone, gone, gone.
He's never coming back. Never.
Because he doesn't love me. He hates me. And he has taken everything away. Everything I've ever needed.
And now I can't breathe. I can't make myself move. It hurts.
Everything just hurts so much that I can't bring myself to move.
I think I'll just lay down and die now…
EPOV
When you're dreaming with a broken heart
The giving up is the hardest part
If I could cry, I would. If I could die right now, I would.
If only it would bring her back to me. If only I weren't damned to hell for all eternity, while my angel was sent to heaven.
All because of me.
She's not dead. She's not gone forever. She's happy. Smiling and happy.
She takes you in with your crying eyes
Then all at once you have to say goodbye
Who am I kidding?
It's all my fault. If only I had changed her when James bit her.
If only I hadn't given in to her and become her friend.
If only I had never gone to Forks.
I should have been with her. I was always going to be with her when she passed on. Always.
I wanted to be the last face she saw.
I wanted to say goodbye, my Love. Goodbye, my Bella.
Wondering could you stay my love?
Will you wake up by my side?
Stay Bella, stay with me.
Every memory of every moment I'd ever had with my Angel flashed through my head in perfect clarity.
The first time I saw her…
The day in the meadow…
Port Angeles…
Meeting the Family…
The Ballet studio…
It was torturous. I was being forced to relive a life I hadn't even deserved, but gotten anyway.
And in a flash, it was taken away again.
Did Bella know to go humanely? Or did she slit her wrists? Did she shoot herself?
These new, imagined images flashed through my mind and tortured me even more.
Bella jumping off a bridge, Bella taking pills, Bella lying bleeding on the floor.
I couldn't take it anymore. A sound so strangled, so inhumane that it probably woke up police ten miles away.
No she can't, 'cause she's gone, gone, gone, gone, gone....
I continued to dry sob all through the night.
My angel is gone. My Love is gone.
I am gone.
Now do I have to fall asleep with roses in my hand?
Do I have to fall asleep with roses in my hand?
Do I have to fall asleep with roses in my hand?
Would you get them if I did?
Edward, come back.
Please come back.
Even if you don't love me.
Even if it's only for a day
Only for a minute
Only for a second.
Please.
Because I'm dying without you here.
And I know you want me to, but I have to live for Charlie and Renee and Jacob.
Please come back.
My God.
No you won't, because you're gone, gone, gone, gone, gone.
She's gone.
I stood slowly and walked over to the bed. I sat down and leaned my head against the headrest.
Gone.
When you're dreaming with a broken heart
The waking up is the hardest part
I sat up slowly and climbed back into bed, silencing my wails and covering myself up with the blankets.
I cried myself to sleep.
When I woke up the next morning, I knew I would never waken from this nightmare.
That's what scared me the most.
Until Alice came.