July 24, 1991
Summer break began this week, and while I am utilizing the extra practice time, I always feel a little lost without the daily structure of school. I am not idle; I spend my time swimming, practicing, and completing my homework for the next trimester, but as the work is hardly difficult I find myself with little to do sometimes. Yuki spends all his time at the baseball field, and Papa is working hard as usual. Mama and I seem to have less to talk about the older I get. She has decided that we will work more on my cooking skills during this summer break. I am not at all against learning the skill... but I am still uncomfortable, knowing that the purpose of it all is to make me a good wife. I really am still not sure if this makes me uncomfortable because I'm young, or I really just don't like the idea of spending my life doting on a faceless husband. I suppose I won't know until I'm older. Yesterday, after several hours playing my instrument, my father made a joke about how I didn't really need to be quite so good at violin when I was so well-suited to being a good housewife, and I felt myself panicking. But... how do I explain to him that the violin is my dream, more than a husband ever could be?
Mother is primarily concerned with my lack of friends. The thing that concerns me the most is how unconcerned I am about it. Everything I see around me tells me that that must be abnormal, but I don't feel lonely. I don't think anyone at school dislikes me, and I enjoy being around other people as long as the crowd isn't too large, but I can't think of anyone I want to spend extra time with, so why bother? I spend most of my extra time in the pool or the practice room, and I prefer it that way. Yuki has more than enough friends for the two of us. I am grateful I am not the prodigal son, and I will never have to inherit grandfather's company.
I've had the oddest urge to be by the ocean recently. The more time that goes by, the more strongly I feel. It's only a few miles southeast from this house and yet it feels so far away. I have no explanation for this, and it's beginning to alarm me. The weather's been so warm recently that I was hoping Mama or Papa might suggest we go to the beach, but so far nothing, and for some reason I am afraid to mention it. I feel as though seeing the ocean in person might change me forever right now. I can't explain it. It sounds crazy.
I have the unshakable feeling that my life is going to change soon. Is it because I am 13 now, or is something else happening? I really don't know, and I'm trying not to let it bother me too much. Writing it down helps, as always. It's hard to get these things off my mind when I suddenly have so much free time, but at least this weekend we're going to the race track. I've never seen a race, but Papa decided that the company should sponsor some young racers. I'm excited to see something new. It's only been a few days, but I need to spend less time in this house feeling as though my whole future is decided for me.
A/N: The next few entries are written and will be updated quickly. I do not have a beta reader for this, so please forgive any mistakes (and please, kindly let me know in a review – I will fix them!). Thank you for reading, and please review!