A/N: Hello all! Hope this gets you in the holiday spirit!
Disclaimer: I don't own Pirates of the Caribbean or Jack Sparrow.
The rash was probably the least festive one Jack Sparrow had ever seen in his life—and he'd seen quite a few.
Jack didn't want to find out exactly how much of her body was covered in it.
He slipped his silver coins back into his pocket and his silver tongue back into his mouth and tried his best to veer off into the other direction.
But the slap found him, sending his head in a thousand pieces, each shouting with displeasure.
"How you expect me to get customers now? An' it's Christmas!" She huffed and rearranged her skirts.
"Scarlet, Scarlet, Scarlet," Jack said. "It can hardly be helped now that what was once taken for mistletoe was actually ivy." He paused. "The poisonous variety, from the looks of things."
He took a festive swig of whatever the bartender had shoved in his hand. "Besides," he continued, "Didn't you ask me for a present?"