Groudon stomped his way onto the battlefield.
"I'M READY TO BATTLE! ROAAARRRRRRRRRR—"
"Shut up! Argh!" cried Rayquaza. "Why do you have to yell all the time?"
"IS THIS YELLING I ONLY KNOW TALKING AND I'M PRETTY SURE THIS IS TALKING—"
"Okay okay okay," Rayquaza sighed. "There's no hope for you, is there?" He pulled out an index card and read from it. "Ahem… you have made it to the summit of my Sky Pillar. Congratulations. Only one more obstacle stands between you and the EMERALD BADGE." Rayquaza showed Groudon the luminous green badge tied around one of his ear… fin things. "If you wish to—"
"I KNOW! I'M ALREADY HERE, MAN!"
"…How did you get up here? Please don't tell me you destroyed all the stairs on the way up."
Groudon held up a mangled, pulverized Mach Bike.
"Oh for crying out loud…"
"LET'S GO ALREADY! I DON'T HAVE ALL DAY!" Groudon roared, tossing his bike to the side.
"Yes—let the battle begin! Go, Rayquaza!" Rayquaza hovered onto the field. "Be careful!"
"I CHOOSE ME ROAARRRR!"
"Use Hyper Beam, Rayquaza!" ordered Rayquaza. His Pokémon obeyed, blasting a powerful beam of energy at Groudon's Groudon.
"NICE TRY!" yelled Groudon. "I'M EEVEE TRAINED!" He pulled an Eevee from nowhere, using it to deflect the beam.
"WHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY?!" it screamed.
"Salut! C'est maintenant un conte de sixième génération!" cheered Yveltal from the sidelines. "Vous voulez entendre de nombreux spoilers?"
"What?! No!" huffed Rayquaza. His Pokémon was still exhausted from the Hyper Beam attack. "And stop using Google Translate!"
"Hey, now! Y not?" countered Yveltal.
"This is officially a third-generation fanfic again," noted a Wynaut on the other sideline.
"ENOUGH!" roared Groudon. "FISSURE!"
As soon as Groudon gave the command, his Groudon roared and used some sort of brutal terrestrial power—the Sky Pillar began to vibrate and fall apart.
"You oaf!" cried Rayquaza. "Who uses Fissure on a tower?!"
"We get that sometimes," said Scott from the sidelines. "Let me introduce myself. I'm Scott." He walked past giant chasms in the floor, up to Rayquaza, and shook the sky dragon's clawed hand. "You seem to be quite the skilled Pokémon Trainer."
"Now is not the time, human," Rayquaza growled.
As Scott was tossed into the sea he added, "I'm in charge of a tower, too, you know. Not as… historic… as this one, but—shoot, I forgot to bring my swimwear."
"NOOOO!" bellowed Groudon as he lost his footing. His Pokémon was equally distraught. "THIS WILL DISQUALIFY ME FOREVER! I—"
"No, you're doing it all wrong," said Bowser from the apparently magical sidelines. "Let me show you how it's done—I've made a career of falling dramatically in defeat. Into lava pools, black holes… you name it." He stood at the edge of the collapsing tower and let himself fall. "Raaawwwwwrrrrrrrr…!" he roared, with an exquisite combination of frustration and resignation, clawing up at the sky fruitlessly.
Groudon tried to imitate his artistry, but then he landed in the sea.
"ROAAARRRRBLUBLUBLUBLUBLUBLUBLUBLUB…"
"Je suppose que vous gagnez," said Yveltal quietly. He and Rayquaza looked down at the sea, which was where most of Rayquaza's Sky Pillar had ended up. "Qu'est-ce qui se passe maintenant?"
"I've preordered you," Rayquaza murmured. "Go away."
"Tu ne vas pas à le sauver?"
Rayquaza sighed and flew away into the sky, in search of a new tower. He had had enough of that dusty old pillar anyway. "Unbelievable." No one was getting his EMERALD BADGE any time soon.
"BLUB… BLUB…"
Groudon is out of usable POKéMON!
Groudon whited out!